Without inner judge, we automatically become more open

Jan 11 Aft

Soul without shame
Disengaging from the judge thus serves two functions: to free u from the confinement of old, limiting patterns and beliefs and, at the same time, to demand that u actively participate living in a way that eliminates the need for the judge.

U cannot simply throw off a structure that has defined and supported u unless u have something more effective with which to replace it. U need to create a living conscience that is not based on rules, that will allow ur soul to express itself. This happens when u have transformed the self centredness of instinctual impulses, the self-distruction of compulsive patterns and the rigidity of internalised authority.
Disengaging from the judge helps free u from the harsh oppression of the judge and also accelerates ur movement into experiencing the aliveness of the soul.
Aliveness means the presence of passion and spontaneity, two qualities noticeably absent in the world of judgement. It also means the experience of urself as a life source. Life flows from and through u, taking on both familiar and unfamiliar forms.

As u learn to know urself each moment with curiosity and openness, u allow the process of self-discovery to open new doors. U find ur own natural resources that have gone unrecognised because of the judge's controlling influence.

Soul
Just now I ended my mail to Z by 'love'. To others, this meant little but to me, it meant a lot. I am careful with my words.


Soul
Father, this morning a tot occurred to me that the 2nd child may not be his. I try to dismiss it as I don't want to think badly of her but now the tot arise again without any prod from me.
Perhaps that's why the other guy is willing to marry her and take over children without alimony. That could also be the reason why she didn't want to grant him access. The fact that she made police reports after a slap shows her intention to ensure no access right by Z. She also waives right to the house. Waiving to company is understandable.

Logically she was in the wrong and there is no reason for putting Z off especially when Z been so nice. To smear Z with him being aggressive is laughable as Z always puts my interest first as his self-control is great.
Even M case, a full blown love affair with a bitter divorce and she was granted access to children.
Father, this is scary. I can't imagine someone that cruel and manipulative.

I informed Z of my tots and he thinks I am on the right track too. This is so sad for him.

Soul without shame
A good practice to support being with ur own aliveness as u function is to follow ur breath. Actively attending to ur inhalation and exhalation will keep ur attention and energy from becoming fixed, shut down or frozen.

The courtroom of life.
U can't relax and enjoy ur own life.
The common theme in the daily scenario is a particular kind of relationship between u and ur experience. This relationship involves expectation, standards, evaluations, judgements and consequences.
How much is ur response to ur experience and ur experience itself - determined by what u expect to happen?
How much time to do u spend evaluating ur performance, ur appearance, ur capacity, ur history?
How difficult is it to live up to the standards u use to judge urself.
How often is ur underlying sense of self determined by ur notions of right and wrong.
This is the courtroom of life and u r the one who is on trial.

In addition to setting standards, another activity integral to the judgement process is comparison. Ur judge doesn't only evaluate u according to its standards, it also constantly compares u with other people to evaluate ur worth. Comparison is a very close cousin of self-judgement. Comparison becomes self-destructive when it becomes the lens through which u experience yourself.

Self blame can be transformed only by coming to understand how ur sense of who u r and the options open to u is determined by ur past experiences and beliefs.
Relief from ur suffering is not a matter of getting better at what u think u need to do. It is about finding out how u ended up where u are in the first place.

By paying attention to ur self-judgement, u will recognise that ur standards are learned from others and they can run counter to what u urself want, feel or know to be true. If u see this, u will realise that the voice u hear is not urs. If belongs to a familiar companion who lives inside u, someone u have brought along on this journey of life.
And yet even when u realise the voice is not urs, u can't separate from it. It seems to live under ur skin, and etc.

The judge overrides ur inherent intelligence and ur direct response to life by superimposing its beliefs about what is real. It is a warped lens that distorts reality. Because of this distorted perception, u have come to distrust ur intuitive contact with life.

You are damned if u do and damned if u don't. The more u recognised and feel trapped by this situation, the more a natural response arises:"I want out. I want space from this taskmaster I carry around inside". And even as u suffer and crave relief, u find it hard not to believe what it is telling u. Recognition of the judge just makes u more aware of ur own helplessness.

The judge is the force in u that constantly evaluates and assesses ur worth as a human being and thus limits ur capacity to be fully alive in the present moment.

Awareness begins the process of disentangling ur worth from the facts of life. It is true that u have skills and capacities to develop as u grow and that u must learn from ur experience in order to make sensible and informed choices. But ur value is not dependent on achievement or approval. The judge lead u to believe that u r subject to evaluation and improvement rather than having inherent value and worth. Implicit in this belief is the judge's assumption that ur value is conditional, that u r worthless on ur own: u need to accomplish, u need to change, u need correction, u need to be watched and etc.

The only real alternative to self-judgement is knowing the truth about who u r. If u have a deep belief that u r worthless, u must discover who you are.