Non resistance allows ur experience to flow and transform more easily

Jan 27
Father, did my practice. Suria was not effortless but towards third cycle I was laughing. I was laughing despite myself.
Shakti and shambavi was ok. No laughter during aum chanting.

There was no reply from Z. Was bit disappointed. Of course, the mind said here goes, he didn't want u and u should ask him for ultimatum. I just waived it. I remembered I am in his next year's Result and Environment card this coming year, another 2 months to go and it will be April. The next 2 months I will focus on new job.

Me and Z, closer and drift, then closer and drift. Two steps forward one step backward. I must remember that alas he is changing his mind about marriage, something I tot could never happen. I just recalled that Five of Clubs was his displacement.
For me Ace of Heart and Nine of Diamond is my displacements.

On Isha, I know my decision is correct cos I only encountered fear of losing friendship, but not fear in losing Isha.

Soul without shame
As u begin to be more aware of ur inner process, u realise that u r constantly evaluating, assessing, reacting to and commenting on ur experience.
What if u did not take a position on whether ur experience was good or bad? What if u could just let ur experience be what it is without needing to change it.
For the judge, this is inconceivable, but there is an aspect of ur true nature that supports such a possibility. This is the quality of acceptance.

Soul
Good. Just take all in. Then there be no avoidance nor attachment.

Soul without shame
True acceptance means stepping out of the world of assessment altogether. It is exactly the experience of neither rejecting nor approving. It is non-action; a state of being without attitude, simply allowing experience to be as it is.
There is no justification or effort to defend, deny, protect or promote what is there. Acceptance means u get out of the way and stop taking a position. U don't approve nor reject; u don't push away ur experience, u don't try to hold on to it. If u like it, that's accepted; if u dislike it; that's accepted. Whatever it is, ur soul is simply there with the experience.

Soul
Tot of me easing out from Isha leadership role ... another Nine of Diamond. It was difficult but I started the ending. I recalled that when Z told me to end it since I am not happy, I told him I can't. Well, now I can.

Soul without shame.
Ur soul spontaneously relaxes as it senses the arising of acceptance. There is release and letting go throughout the body as the experience of inner rejection drops away.
When true acceptance is felt for whatever is arising internally, a natural flow of transformation in the soul becomes apparent. It will unfold in its own natural cycle and pass away as something new takes its place. The spontaneous, non-defensive functioning of inner life is the gift that acceptance offers to ur soul. Some called it the state of grace.

Soul
My case is outer rejection but no inner rejection. I push away all inner rejection. Father, things are really not what they seems.

Soul without shame
U take every opportunity to maintain some control over ur world. In particular, u have learned that at least u can always control ur inner experience.
If u don't like something that happens and u can't change it, u can pretend it doesn't matter, withdraw and stop caring, or decide u really do like it after all.
If u want something and can't have it, u can shift to wanting something else, resent the world for denying u or decide never to want anything again. The irony is that the biggest barrier to a smoothly functioning life is this constant effort to manipulate ur inner experience.

Soul
Yes. In my case, I limit my wants and increase my money so I can have fulfill my limited wants.

Soul without shame
As often occurred, when mother and the environment were not attuned to ur needs, frustration would build and if it cannot be released, ur soul responded by shutting down ur sensitivity to the frustration or charge. Whatever the intolerable feeling, u would numb urself to it in order to carry on. Instead of a real discharge, a freezing of the charge in the physical, energetic and psychic system occurred. From then on, the cycling of tension and relaxation happened in a more limited field, trapped within the bounds of the frozen energy. Deep down, u believed that rejecting ur immediate experience was fundamental to survival.
Now as an adult, u continue to reject ur experience through judgement and manipulation, believing that u must still control urself. U feel compelled to take action, figure out what to do, or at least feel bad about urself. If all else fails, u can always eat something and numb out again.

Soul
No wonder. I numb myself by reading and eating.

Soul without shame
Acceptance can only arise when u recognise the extent of ur own distrust and self-rejection. U must see the judge's constant fostering of self-doubt. Eventually u must uncover the way ur present experience is completely coloured by what happened to u in those first few months of life. This makes it possible to recognise that u r not that infant and u no longer need ur mother or the physical environment to provide self-regulation.

Soul
Yea. I took charge.

Soul without shame
U don't have to like ur experience; u simply don't resist it. Resisting ur experience is the same as not trusting the movement of true nature - believing u must control things to ensure movement because u do not experience the larger flow of reality.
By not resisting, u don't get stuck or fixed on a particular feeling or concern, so ur experience is able to flow and transform more easily and naturally.

Acceptance means relaxing into ur own experience so that a natural process of unfolding can occur. It simply allows reality to be more apparent because it is not clouded by judgement. Then reality can support action through u.
Becoming familiar with the many elements of true nature support this transformation. As u r aware and stand up for the truth of ur experience, the inner frozenness of self-rejection is melted bit by bit. And through these moment of letting go, the flow of acceptance arises as a natural balm to soothe the aching harshness in ur soul.

Soul
I no longer need to act big and strong. I no longer need to be the lead nor the best in everthing. I no longer need to drive myself to be the best. I don't need to be the best to obtain self-approval nor friends/relatives' approval.
I no longer need to stand out. I no longer need to explain my stand. Amen.