Trying to ignore my inner judge

Jan 11

Father, today suria was not great but ok. My body was quite agile. Shakti and Shambavi was fine but I doze off at the end and didn't do plough back.

Father, I admit there is some apprehension in joining the new division. Not sure if I can cope with the dynamics especially since I saw the Reporting Analyst JD and also J's comments that E said he wanted to break down her easy relaxed composure. Mmm, now at least can admit I am not as confident. Aiyah, the rship card said I am a challenge to E rather than he is my challenge. Of course, since we are karma cousin, there will be fireworks just like me and S.

V reaffirm H's comment that my writings are insightful and will help a lot of people.

Osho
1. The Issue
The Source
We tap into our Source of energy not by thinking or planning but by getting grounded, centered and silent enough to be in contact with the Source.
Learn how to be at the Source and it will decide where your potential is. It can take u to ur very potential.

Soul
Yea.

2. Internal Influence that u r unable to see
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make u more aware! And when u r aware, misery disappears.

Time of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is.

Soul
The old me who have reacted by now. 2 msg and call not returned for 2 days. I now know it is just me. Besides reacting would only reinforce the defense mechanism. I realise it is more me who is afraid to experience sadness.
Anyway, I am not as sad as before. I will be fine.

3. External Influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man.

Now u can do and act only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty. But this is possible only if the master in u is awake. Right now the mind, the servant is playing the role of master. The servant is created by the outside world, it follows the outside world and its law. Once ur awareness has becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created.
There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, then being a master of ur own destiny.

Soul
Yea.

4. What is needed for resolution
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake. To be simple is arduous because to be simple costs everything that u have. U have to lose all to be simple.

Let urself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for u just around the corner.

Soul
I love and want Z. We makes each other happy. I follow my heart.

Soul
To my surprise he called me this morning. He was travelling outstation and his batt was flat. He shared with me his problems. He is now fighting for his right for access to his kids. He is opening up on how much his ex-wife has taken from him. He now realised his goodness was misplaced. Now the Nine of Spades is confirmed.
Father, I am glad I trust my experience.
I told him about his Nine of Spades and that I will support him. I am even willing to help him financially on legal fees.

5. Resolution
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality, u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by the society.

Soul
Alas, I finally breakthru my own sadness with Z. I just need to ride it and I no longer believe the auto-rejection mode. No one is out to reject me. I created my own sadness.
I am also willing to invest in the rship with Z.
Coincidentally, bedroom renovation is completed and I just started to sleep in this Monday.