Settling down with going into new job

Jan 17
Father, today asanas were great. I was laughing throughout the lifting leg asanas. The rest just flow through. Today, I took bit of rest and ended practice just before 7 am. I could have go on.

On the water heater, actually it is fine. I now realised the water from the main source is cold unlike the one from the tank. Of course, mind keep on disturbing during practice. When I took my rain shower, it was warmer than previously. This time I elt the water run a bit. But no harm asking the guy to check.

Yday, Z and I reached a disagreement which we both agree to let go. Z wanted me to give some jobs to the companies intro by him. I told him nope. I also said that 50% of his sharing is on his debt settlement. At first, he feel rejected and said he was only sharing and he will stop to do so.

This morning, mind is still running but I asked myself this, do I love him? Yes. Is he a good man? Yes. Do I still want to be with him even if he is with debt? Yes. So, I msg him and said that I like his sharing but I am afraid of his accumulation of debt. For my case is accumulation of money and I will balance by sponsoring our meetup. He replied that his debt is nearly over. I counter by saying he keep on accumulating new debt. He replied that - what remain is common normal debt.

Honestly I was bit worried he will tell me off for asking since we said to be commitment free. I am glad he realised my concern and wanted to comfort me. However, I have to accept that his lifestyle will be imbalanced and I will be the one financially caring for our hygiene factors while his money is mainly for his car/house loan payout.
I felt we have moved closer than before. Z also said I am now in his circle list. He also takes every opportunity to highlight that we are a good match.

Looks like its my mom's karma to have all son in law that is not financially well off. But no worries, we are getting benefits in other forms.

1. The Issue
Politics.
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds. In fact, the mind is political.

Soul
True. It is playing on me and Z when things are going well. It plays on the new job. I am now also doubtful if I get increased pay but I feel I should.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Past lives
The real point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives, and their roots in endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour.

Soul
I aim only for my happiness. I won't let my fear of pain prevents me from growth. I know I found goodness in Z and we r right for each other.

3. External influence
New Vision
When u open up to the ultimate, immediately it pours into u. U have transcended. U r no longer separate, u have found ur roots.
U r now presented to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Experiencing.
Experiencing is the feeling of wonder itself, the thrill of communion, the gentle touch of our connectedness with all that surrounds us.
Nature doesn't bang any drums when it burst forth into flower, nor play any dirges when the trees let go of their leaves in the fall.
Just give nature an opportunity to whisper to u.

5. Resolution
Rebirth
In Zen, u r coming from nowhere and u r going to nowhere. U r just now, here, neither coming nor going. Everything passes by u; ur consciousness reflects it but it does not get identified.
It is a time for growth and change.

Soul
Very apt. I am no longer fighting against growth. I will move to new company next month.