Self judgment leads to self attack, which is similar to auto immune disease

Jan 23

Father, woke up at 5.30 am and did my practice. Finished about 8 am, 2.5 hours.
Suddenly recalled G in ashram and can help to buy Ishoppe goods. Also tot of why I felt so suffering when I had to lead Isha. I can now see the similarity with my case of being taken care by neighbours.

Mom said I was the best choice cos I was cute, cheery and don't cry with strangers. So what if I have the attributes, that doesn't mean I have to be sacrificed. Just like in Isha, just because I have the attributes of leadership and is receptive to Sadhguru's grace, why I have to sacrifice myself. I remembered teacher's words; No one wants to do the dirty job. So, I had to take it up.

Father, knowing about the similarity clears all the self-guilt I was feeling. Now I know why. Let's me focus on being me.

I also noticed that I start to volunteer in my house, preparing gingko nuts and cutting dried meats without any funfair. Just doing it cos it needs to be done and my family will enjoy it. Even my family noticed it and they said they never seen me so hard working before.

Soul without shame
You do not like to experience these old self-images, so when u r in touch with feelings connected to those self-images, u want to distance urself from the feelings by either denying them, trying to change them, ignoring them or withdrawing from them. The problem is that u also move away from any awareness that ur judge provoked this self-rejection and the diminishment, disorientation and paralysis that go with it.

When u recognise the input of the other person or ur own judge as an attack, u naturally stay focused on how it is affecting u and how to stop it.

In other words, the judgement stirs up a feeling in u of wrongness, which takes u into the past and away from ur experience in the moment. Thus, u cannot appropriately respond to the implicit attack.

Judgement attack u specifically by generating certain emotions that will arouse self-beliefs that disarm u.

Soul
Yea, that's what happen when I was push to lead Isha. Again, because I have the attribute and there is no one more suitable. This time it was me pushing myself and not my mother. Well, I am no longer pushing myself to do anything just because I have the attributes. Its ironic, I tot I could say No externally, and here I couldn't say No internally. Lopsided.

Soul without shame
A judgement is the same as an attack as far as the health of ur being is concerned. One could even consider self-judgement the original psychic auto-immune disease. Because judgement causes u to reject urself, the basic health of ur soul is at risk.

The more familiar u become with how judgement works, the more it actually feels like a self-destructive disease. The goal is to re-establish a vital survival energy and a healthy immune system that will respond to both attacks and judgements with awareness, alertness, energy, capacity and appropriateness.

Soul
Father, there is a hint here. Judgement is auto-immune disease.

Soul without shame
The key factor is not whether a judgement is true but whether u believe that it is. The tricky part is that ur belief in the truth of the judgement may be completely unconscious and may even be opposite of what u think u believe.

Because u believe there is some truth in a judgement, it generates self-rejection rather than self-defense.

Soul
I who always takes pride in self-acceptance, ability to say no, has actually been pushing myself to deliver my own inner judgement. The fact that I could do it, makes me unaware that I didn't like it. The same as others tot I like it too.

Yea, just because I am receptive and thankful to Sadhguru for the grace I have received, doesn't mean I am bad for not leading isha.

Soul without shame
An attack is any comment or statement that triggers an internal state of diminishment - feeling smaller, less than or devalued.
No one, especially ur judge, has the right to provoke u in ur painful or deficient feelings that cause u to reject urself or take u away from ur present experience unless u ask for it.