Still visualising my Top 5

Nov 8 evening
Today sathsang was more experiential than norm. During the finale aum chanting, my head can't stop shaking.
I did share abt hatha yoga.

I open up n chatted wit d people there. A gal said I inspired her to do guru pooja and hatha yoga.

What a tot - I am inspiring :)

Father, recently my finger swell loads. Can't say m not worried but I m confident I will sail thru. Perhaps this is bcos, I didn't hav any medication for past 1 mth.

Today wore my maroon tshirt n I was surprised the bottom part is not tight. Looks like I have really slim down a bit,like what my friend said.

Morning
When I was doing meditation, suddenly occur to me to drop all leaflets into the Building mailbox instead. So, did jus tat.

Don't feel so good cos didn't take shower. Me, who don't shower in d mornin, now wan to. Shower mean, clearing and new beginning. Feeling fresh - that's same feeling I expressed in Top 5. So will shower every Mon to Fri, not because I hav to but because I wan to.
Me who don't like to shower n now wan to. Amazing.

Jus looking at my Top 5, I now saw that I has stop working n was doing volunteering work while writing, my husband support me.

So, d to get my passion realised is still to hav my Rich, smart, loving and spiritual husband. The timing is right this year.
So now need to act on my 2 action plan - adv n housing loan settlement.

The Passion Test
Jay Abraham
Passion needs to be balanced, passion needs to be universal in ur life. If u can't be passionate, if you can't really fall in love wit what u r doing, who u r doing it for or with, and the result of it, shame on you. Do it full out.

It isn't about you, its about everyone else, and when you made everyone else life's better, ur life automatically expands monstrously.
Its about falling in love with other people, what u r doing for them and getting clear on what ur life is all about.

Soul - yday at first tot don't hav to share but fellow meditator prod me. So I shared abt hatha yoga n got them all excited. Later a gal told me I inspired her. She said I m lucky as I got the experience straight off, whereas they r slow burner. I told her its becos I don't hav expectation. On BSP, I told her its not the place, its how open ur in letting ur personality be dissolved. I told her even in India, some of the people jus be observer, they didn't participate. So, perhaps timely for me to lead sathsang. Share n inspire them to proceed. Guide them on how to approach it.

The Passion Test
The most unexpected and wonderful things can happen when u r able to let go of ur ideas of what u can do.
The speed you travel on the road of life is determined by the beliefs and concepts u hold.
How long it takes to fulfill your dreams is directly related to your beliefs.

Soul - yea, I m sure what I wan for now. I don't wan to work. I wan to be married to a rich supportive husband. I jus wan to do volunteering work n writing n along d way find my own inspiration. In order to find husband, jus adv n to stop work, jus settle my housing loan.
My 6 mths gap, to end in April stil hold, that means I hv to give notice by end Jan. That plan was whn I found a new job. So, since my Top 5 doesn include new job, but stop working, I will extend it to end July instead. By that time, I am most likely be getting marry. So, I will jus take off to prepare for d wedding, to enjoy my wedding bliss, to write. My life - eat, pray and love. The eating goes on for 40 years n stil contine, the praying start from a year back n will continue and the love start from now and will continue. All 3 continues. Unlike d gal who wrote the book, my life will be a balance of food, spirit and husband.


The Passion Test
Your life is created first in your mind then in the world.

As long as you believe you can't, you won't be able to. As long as you believe its not possible, it won't be possible for you. As long as you believe its too hard, it will be too hard.

Soul - I already reversed d negativ perception I hav of myself. I already anle to express my feelin n jus need to know m worth of a rich, smart, loving and spiritual partner.
I put spiritual last cos I be the one to inspire him spiritually. For now, as long as he fulfill the first 3 criterias and support me in my spiritual endeavours, m appreciative.

Jus now I asked if my ex-staff wit lip cut can hav a loving partner, so can I.

The Passion Test
Katie Byron - when you question your thinking, and find what is really true for you, you have the clarity to do something about a problem, if yoi choose to, rather than making yourself miserable thinking abt it.
The volunteer - angry at the world for not helping starving children. Suddenly realised her anger was at herself, she was starving herself.

Soul - suddenly I tot of me not havin love, that I don't give love. I hav joy, m afraid to share too. Even in my anguish, after I cried, I will laugh

Katie Byron
We take our stressful tots and project them out onto the world. When u investigate ur thinking, you will discover that its not about anyone else. Its all abt you. If you hav judgement abt someone else, then write them down, question them and turn them around. Be your own teacher. Do what it is you want them to do. If you want the world to be fed, begin by feeding yourself.
The Work require courage, to question what we so firmly believe is true.

Soul - a tot occur to me. I always wan the Leader to leave cos they not contributing to the company. They r not helping the company. They making people more stressed. People has to take care of him/her instead of doing what is d real thing to be done.

Wanting GM to leave. Wanting PA to leave since they hate the job, they r not real n if they leave d energy wil be better for them n for the Company. Also if they leave perhaps CEO will also leave earlier.

I am the Leader n I am meant to leave. I m stressing myself out for staying. By staying, I avoid finding my passion n living my destiny. Suddenly I tot I wan to attend Samyama in mid Feb 2010, to see if I m over reacting. Cos this is d year to make the change, year of transformation.
Its so ironic, I did hatha yoga now. If I had waited d hatha, wld be end Mar n I think Samyama wld be mid Jun or something n d transformation year will pass. Father, thank you. I wil chk.

Now I knew why I m stil stressed cos I forgot abt the plan to quit the job in 6 mths. That's why m stressed despite no work stress. Today when I look at my Top 5, I suddenly realised I wasn't workin. I wil leave by end of next birthday - July. Hav to give notice by end March 2010.

Jus checked my Osho transformation cards. To laugh n not be afraid of death. Death is new beginning. To have courage n take a jump cos the old me cannot fit the new Me. To be not afraid of d results.

All message point to it.

7thunder card - Ace of spade
Card of death, change and transformation. You will go thru death n rebirth.
Truth behind d veils.
New beginning when we r preparing to launch a new occupation.


So action plan have 3
1. Adv
2. Housing loan settlement
3. Quit the job.