Accept my role (11)

Apr 15

Father, this week felt sleepy. Didn't want to wake up but I disciplined myself cos RA. Yday, I read Sadhguru and he says whenever we do things that we don't like, eg
this mornin when I was meditating, I tot of me and partner. I guess deep within, I still have not resolved my need. When I am up and running, I am fine. But when am down, I still wan my partner. Perhaps its becos I tot d partner would give me something n lift me up. Alas, I already know that its no so. Part of me judging myself, why still have not transcend. Aiyah, nevermind lah. Jus be here. If I want, I want lah.

Jus now also judging myself for not resolving issue on my staff earlier. Then I tot I was bz wit reporting and d matter on HR jus came up. So, never mind lah.

Everything is goin in place at office. I was also judging myself for not starting on my writing. Aiyah, m now doing isha pr, so don't be hard on myself.
Or I lost my confidence lah, how can I write. Who will read? Why am I procastinating? I am afraid that the effort will be wasted, better don't start something that can fail.
I tot just promote Isha, I can lah. But writing. How? But if I don't start, how to be a Transformational leader in 2 to 3 years time - 2013.
But can I do it? Father, I really don't know if I am ahead of myself.



Checked my Osho card.
What is needed for resolution?
Possibilities.
Mind can accept boundary anywhere. But the reality is that, by its very nature, existence cannot have any boundary, because what will be beyond the boundary - again another sky.

Don't be content easily. Those who remain content remain small: small are their joys, small are their ecstasies, small are their silences, small is their being.

This smallness is ur own imposition upon ur freedom, ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlimited potential.


Soul
Now I know why, this week has been incredible, I have shared compassion beyond my normal level, beyond what I tot is possible for me.
These 4 days week is already a reality and I got nothing to show for it. No initiatives at all for becoming a Transformational leader.
Can u imagine, how fearful I be if I am on 3 days week.
In the end, I am procastinating becos I don't wan to know that my dream won't be fulfilled, that perhaps I don't have what it takes. Who am I, to think I can write better than most of the self help book?
In d weekend, actually got time, but I jus slouch on d couch for tv.


Osho
Possibilities
This card indicates a world of possibilities is open to u cos u have grown more loving, more self-contained and can work easily with others.

Soul
That is true but I was jus contented wit what I have now. Do I hav to follow my passion? Can I follow? Will I succeed? Will these be wasted?

Suddenly tot of Sadhguru words - it doesn't matter if u won't succeed in this lifetime or even next lifetimes. The point is to work towards your greatest possibilites, whatever that may be.

Guess that's why I was thinking of partner again, using it as an excuse so that I can delay towards my Passion. Avoiding what I need to do.
Yeap, this it is. I can feel a sense of relief.
So, like Sadhguru says, perhaps not this lifetime, but next one.

I will be sad if my teachings are rejected :(

But Sadhguru says that acceptance of teaching/guidance depend on the other person trust in us. And how much they can trust us is also their own karmic issue.
So, again - if no one accept my teaching. It is not about me.
Perhaps I write for myself, a reminder of all the experience/insights I have uncovered. Do it for to fulfill my Soul's purpose.
Not for the world's purpose.

(Soul - Started with 1st article on 18 April. As at 8 May, already did 3 articles already. Showed the 1st one to my close friend. He love it and now practising the message " This is not about you" and find it very effective.)


Osho card - resolution
The creator
He work on himself, his own being. He makes himself into a masterpiece. Jus move aside and let the masterpiece be revealed.

Zen master. He is so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is in the world outside. He offers this gift of understanding and integration to all those who come to him.

This King of fire tells us that anything that we undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enrichment to our own lives and to the lives of others.
Using whatever skills you have, whatever you have learned from your own life experience, it is time to express yourself.

Soul - I tot I am this Zen master. I am integrated, d only thing is masterpiece not out yet.

7thunder card for today
Six of club
Indicate a time when we can become aware of a special purpose in our life, something to do with sharing higher knowledge with others. It has also been called "John the Baptist Card" and the "Way-Shower's Card". Thus it can be a harbinger of an important mission for you, one which will lead you to a higher purpose and lifestyle in the spiritual spread.