I am changing

Apr 13

Father, I guess I haven't earn my staff's trust for her to go behind my back, to defend herself. She is doing what I asked her not to do, don't develop rship wit CEO. I told her that CEO is too volatile, so don't go near. Jus do her duty and be professional, smile and don't make the CEO felt guilty.
She did say that it be difficult cos she do develop rship with the boss. I told her that she must not do it.
Anyway, looks like she did, in time of fear, u go back to ur defense mechanism. Reading d 10 Heart card, I never read hers cos I only read those I have an issue with.
Looks like I am real challenge to her and she was supposed to say No to me. I am Saturn card to her and she is Pluto to me, at the end card. This is something that I am facing now.

I am totally surprised, the old me, would have been defensive and attack her. I would have feel anomisity towards her, after CEO's feedback. But somehow, I am not. Firstly, I don't think she did it as CEO tends to bull shit if it suit her convenience, secondly no reason for her to do it. Even if she did it, is to elevate herself. To protect herself. So, its not about me.

I am amazed at myself. Why so much compassion? I have every justification to attack her and yet not only am not attacking, I felt sad that she has to resort to such stories telling.
(Her destiny card did say that she is capable of weaving stories after stories).
I am also concerned for my other staff, now that he is geared up to take Admin and now its no longer his.
Why am I not concerned about myself?
Yday, at d presentation, I wasn't prepared to handle the bonus issue and was bombarded. But m fine.
What's happening? Am I changing?

Osho Weekly
1. The Issue - Rebirth
As a lion, we move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth. But this is not the end.
Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.
This is a time of growth and change.

Soul
My phase of lion seems to be over. This new me, still uncertain but the defensivenss of ego has reduced so much, that there is little ego reaction even for matters that seem to be fully justified.
Yea, after effects of samyama.

2. Internal influence that you are unable to see
Sharing
The third center has created the abundance of love. By reaching to the third centre in meditation, you have become so overflowing with love, with compassion and you want to share. It happens at the fourth center, the heart.
The meditator reached to the center of his being - the third center - suddenly an explosion of love and compassion and joy and blissfulness and benediction has arisen in him with such a force that it hits his heart and open the heart.
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give.
When u draw this card, it suggest you too are in a situation where you have an opportunity to share ur love, ur joy and ur laughter. And in sharing, you find that you feel even more full.
Everything around you seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground yourself in it and let the abundance in you and around you overflow.

Soul
My staff's pluto challenge for me is to be compassionate despite the circumstances.
10 of heart - full of love within; that's me now.

3. External influence of which u r aware + Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad, the pain is just to make you more alert.
We must go deep, to the very root of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.

Soul
My feet is swelling, fingers also. I was judging myself this week. Why d pain? Haven't I come so far? I am experiencing such joy, why still can be pain? I already overcome my reporting issue and infact can submit much earlier, I don't feel the stress, why stil can be pain?
Only thing is I haven't started on my Passion List. I am contented now, don't really want to expand. Is that why d pain?

4. What is needed for resolution?
Possibilities
Existence cannot have boundary. Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small, small are their joys, small are their ecstasies, small are their silences, small is their being. But there is no need!
The smallness is your own imposition upon ur freedom, upon ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlinited potential.

This card indicates that you are at a point where a world of possibilities aries. Becos u have grown more loving towards urself, more self-contained, u can work easily with others. Because u r in tune with ur own nature, u understand that existence is providing u with exactly what u need.
Enjoy the flight!

Soul
Yean, I m contented. Last Sunday, when we start the Vision and Creative meditation, I didn't wan to do cos I don't wan to have anything more. I just wan to be as I am now. Then I forced myself to look and the vision came:
1. Isha promotion
2. Transformation book writer
3. My husband

Again, tot of d book. But I need inspiration and Befriender is a good place to start, I would have case study there. I write to help myself or others.

5. Resolution
The Creator
The mystic, creates himself. He works on himself, his own being. And he is the real creator, the real poet, because he makes himself into a masterpiece.
You are carrying a masterpiece hidden within u, but u r standing in the way. Jus move aside and let the masterpiece be revealed.
You cannot be improved, u have only to come to it, to know it, to realise it.

The Zen master in this card has harnessed the energy of fire and is able to use it for creation rather than destruction.
He is so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is in the world outside. He offers this gift of understanding and integration to all of those who come to him, the gift of creative light that comes from the center of his being.

This King of Fire tells us that everything that we undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enrichment to our own lives and to the lives of others.
Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from ur own life experiencen, it is time to express urself.

Soul
My forte - jus to be your Self that God has made u to be.
I am ready.