Projection of past pain

May 4

Father, I couldn't immediately switched my mind off when I go to bed yesterday. It is one of those rare occassion that I didn't sleep within 5 min. I was lazing at least half an hour and then I told my mind to switch off and it finally did after 15 min.

I was still thinking of how to resolve d matter. While Sadhguru's msg that peer jealousy will always happen with our downline help assuage my guilt but it did not give me answer in resolving it. Of cos, both gurus resolved it by proving to all the reasons why their fav disciple is selected but not sure if it be taken positively cos it will only make their defense mechanism increase.

Father, I guess while I can understand P for creating d conflict, I still cannot understand W's resentment. Part of me is angry at her. I expect her to be more considerate knowing S's background. I never hear her complain abt S, until the promotion. She was even ok with the confirmation increment.

Osho
The issue
Fighting
One moment it was there, another moment, another moment it is gone. And for this simple moment, how much fuss we make! How much ambition, struggle, conflict, anger, just for this small moment. We create so much fuss; fighting, hurting each other, trying to possess, trying to boss, trying to dominate - all that politics.

Wearing an armour, ready detonate if anybody so much as brushes up against them. In the background we see the shadowy movie that plays in this man"s mind - two figures fighting for a castle.
An explosive temper or a smouldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more.

Soul
The pain I also felt on behalf of S is my pain. I have encountered his situation before. While I did fight back, the pain of rejection, the pain that I have to prove myself, and etc got to me. Perhaps the tail end pain and I am projecting it on P and W as I see them as the one who hurt me previously. I was so misunderstood. I suffer in silence and keep to myself. Of cos, in d end, they know what I am but that's after I am gone. I felt d hurt that simmer inside.
I was going to hide, even tot of not joining my staff for lunch. I open up and here they hurt me. I just want to crawl back to my shell.

The Issue
Infact, hjust the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armour, we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others, we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need.
Stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself. You are worth it.

Soul
Father, thank u. At least I understand why I m emotionally involved with situation surrounding S. Apart from being hurt from my past. I am also hurt that my Team could be that nasty too. I couldn't believe it. I guess it happen cos they were fighting for my attention, for my recognition.
They couldn't help being nasty. Their defense mechanism is high. Even me, alas a time to see my past hurt. I guess I was judging myself too for feeling disturbed and fearing that I may not resolve it. Perhaps I shouldn't judge myself even if I cannot resolve it. Like Sadhguru says its a daily affair. The thing is not to be afraid to live life and be myself. Life is not equal for all. If I can teach them this, I can teach myself.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Ripeness
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death not be a death to u but a door to the divine. You just need to gather courage to enter into ur inner forest
U r ready to share ur inner riches, ur juice in ur work, ur rships. It is simply the right time.

Soul
Yday, despite being disturbed and sad and angry, I could still laugh and that's something I find amazing. My laughter is beyond me. Somehow I have connected to the other side.
I was lamenting yday. Why now? Why stil want to give me challenges? Haven't I prove myself? Why U don't love me? Why u make me suffer?
Guess I was feeling resentful. Instead, this is just for me to learn, to share.
Perhaps I can share how the other side receive it. Instead of attacking, use their guilt. Make them be aware of the pain they cause others. Yea, used me as an example. Yeap, I got it. Even if they can't feel the pain at least they know that I don't condone attack to any of my staff.
Question to W
1. Why do u want me to be informed of his mistakes?
2. How do you expect me to react?
3. What do u think will be S's experience from people highlighting his mistakes among his peers and his boss?

3. External influence
Creativity
It is the quality that u bring to the activity that u r doing.
Whatever u do, do it joyfully and lovingly. If u have something growing out of u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual.
Techniques, expertise and knowledge are just tools. The key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things. This energy makes no difference what particular form ur creativity takes. The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through you. Remember we don't possess our creations, they don't belong to us. True creativity arise from a union with the divine. Both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.

Soul
Understood.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Consciousness
No mind represent the consciousness that is available to all who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be.
When u choose this card, it means that there is a crystal clarity available right now, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of your being.
There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding u have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself.
Accept this great gift, and share it.

5. Resolution: The understanding
Politics
Politician don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at yourself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours.

Soul
Yeap.