Input more than output

May 11

Father, I am sleepy. Noticed that I have been sleep for past 2 weeks. This 2 days, I have to take a 5 min doze in the car.

Father, I have gained weight. I guess this show that my work stress level has reduced and yet I have been eating double since I started meditation. These 2 days didn't finish my breakfast cos the amount is bigger than my pre-meditation and stress period.

I will eat according to what my body need. The hatha yoga, swim and walk has helped me loads but its time to do my part to eat consciously as I am no longer facing stress at work. Input is more than output. Stop when I am full.

This mornin woke up, the motivation to do meditation is back, thanks to Cloud of Unknowing.

Osho
1. Issue - Silence
It will be easy for u to rest inside, to plumb the depths of your own inner silence to the point where it meets the silence of the universe.
Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of ur life.

Soul
Yeap, I am encountering it. This morning was a nice one, I just go into silence.
Of cos, part of me says why no outer impact. Perhaps this card tell me jus the savour the silence and be patient.
This few days in my awareness - the conflicting thoughts I have of my partner. Me, wanting and not wanting, such confusion, no wonder such manifestation of rship that I don't want.

Jus looked at my face. It looks nice and firm and little lines and not puff up like previously. So, there is benefits.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see - Flowering
Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to the friends but to the strangers too. Not bothered whether it is accepted or not.
You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere.
Spread your joy around for all to share.

Soul
Coincidentally I changed my blog name to Joy.

3. External influence of which you are aware - Consciousness
This flower that has become aware of itself need not come back to life because life is nothing but a school in which to learn. He has learned the lesson, he is now beyond delusions. He will move from the known for the first time not into the unknown, but into the unknowable.

The influence of mind is generally either ridiculous or oppressive and need to be mastered.
There is a deep clarity, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of ur being.
There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding you have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself.
Accept this great gift, and share it.

Soul
I am slowly but surely seeing the mechanics of my mind.
I used to be proud of my mind and then 2 years back, was sad about the shittiness of my mind. After meditation, I start to see that it does has strength and weakness too.
And now, I am seeing the mechanics of mind. The contradictary thoughts that causes confusion and resulted in manifestation that we don't want.
Today tot of d partnership in d drama. I tot, while its pleasurable tot, it is not correct timing as I wan to focus on hatha, moments later the tot just flew cos I didn't hold on to it. Mmmm, this is similar to my training for samyama meditation.
Looks like there is benefits.

4. What is needed for resolution - Existence

You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Once u r clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.

We forgot that we are part of Existence as we pursue our own private agenda and believe we must fight to get what we want.
Now is the time to look at whether u r allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at home" wherever u r.
If u r at home, savour it.
If u r not, its time to ake a break.

5. Resolution; The understanding - Politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds. In fact the mind is political.

Soul
I am now looking at my own political mind especially with regards to partner.