Alternative tot on Power

Sept 21

Another tot of Power.
Just becos people didn't think of protecting me, doesn't mean they don't love me.
They just tot that I am fine and they don't need to worry about me.
I equate power with self-protect, which power = no love.
That's why I don't wan too much power. Becos if I am too powerful, how and where to find someone more powerful than me who will want to worry or take care of me.
Man - take care of me, especially physically. And if they want to take care emotionally, even better.

My parents didn't protect me. They says I can protect myself and let me be taken care by others. They only worry about my physical safety as I can be quite absent minded and not aware of my surrounding.
My brother hurt me instead.
My bosses said I self-protect
My close friend says that she is not worry about me as I can fight my own battle.

This is not about me
The tamil teacher were worried about a guy who was 'overdosed' with Isha and hence didn't see me saying goodbye to him.
As for the email, it didn't even reach him.
Ironically, I got all these info after I let go and no longer bother by it.

Father, how to change my belief of Power is no love to Power is love.
Or rather the 1st step is how to change the belief that just becos I can take care of myself mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically, doesn't mean that I don't want to be care for.
How can I stop asking for love.
Father, second time today that I exceeded the time for practices. Was only done by 7 am, took me 2.5 hours. During my asana, my left leg (masculine) was able to up straight and my face nearly touches my knee on the one leg asana. Looks like, m getting more flexible, the flower essence of Going with the Flow seems to be working.
Tomorrow will wake up 4.20 am.
The samyama meditation is deep, like there is no time. There was just nothing but my breathe. Of all the meditation, samyama is the one that takes all.
　
Osho Transformation
1. My question
The Quest - searching for the house of God
Gather all courage and take a jump. You will still exist, but in such a new way that u cannot connect it with the old. It will be a discontinuity. But it will not be a loss as u will be oceanic. The oceanic of existence is unlimited.
Blissfulness does not allow u to exist; u have to disappear. That why u don't see many blissful people in the world. Misery nourishes ur ego, that's why u see so many miserable people in the world.
For the realisation of ultimate truth, u have to pay the price and the price is nothing but dropping the ego. So, when such a moment comes, don't hesitate. Dancingly disappear ..with a great laughter; with songs on ur lips, disappear.

Soul
Yea, the oceanic power instead of my limited self power or even other people's power.
Father, Power is Love.
Yea, recently GM, the loss of 2 new staff, the continuous fight between W and S would have agitated me. Even tots r running but somehow its not connected to me and hence reaction not there yet.
My mind is screaming insecurity, red light. But part of me doesn't wan to react to it. Taking a wait and see attitude. This is not just me, its also them.

2. External influences u r aware of
Transmutation - Atisha's heart meditation.
Pain is natural; it has to be understood, it has to be accepted. Because naturally we avoid it. Hence many people avoided the heart and are hung up in the head, they live in the head.
The heart gives pain, but only because it can give pleasure - that's why it gives pain.
Pain is the way that pleasure arrives;
Agony, the door that ecstasy enters.
If one is aware of it, one accept the pain as a blessing. Then suddenly the quality of the pain immediately starts changing. You are no longer antagonistic to it and it has become a friend.
Pain is a fire that is going to cleanse u. It is a transmutation, a process in which the old will go and the new arrive, in which the mind will disappear and the heart will function in its totality. Then life is a benediction.
Atisha meditation - breathe in all the miseries of past, present and future and breathe out all the joy, blissfulness and benediction u have.
Drink in all the suffering and pour out all the blessings.
You will be surprised that the moment u take all the suffering of the world inside u, they are no longer suffering.
The heart is a transforming force: drink in misery and it is transformed to blissfulness.

Soul
That's it the answer. I tot by meeing my destiny, I have to give out love and with no one loving me, then I be totally wiped out.
With Universe unlimited power, all the misery I take will be transformed to joy. There is no loss and there is only abundance.
So, I need not be afraid of the Power. I need not be afraid that I be out of Love.

3. Inner influence u r not aware /seed of transformation
Dropping knowledge
Truth is a vision. One has to see it.
You have to become aware that knowledge is a false coin - it is not knowing, it is not understanding. At the most is intellectual - the word has been understood but the sense lost.

Soul
yeap.

4. New level of understanding /direction of growth
The gates of hell
Heaven and hell are not geographical, they are psychological, they are ur psychology. Heaven and hell are not at the end of ur life, they are here and now.
Every moment, the door opens; every moment u go on wavering between heaven and hell. It is a moment-to-moment question, it is urgent; in a single moment, u can move from hell to heaven, from heaven to hell.
Whenever u act unconsciously, without awareness, u r in hell, whenever u r conscious, you act with full awareness, u r in heaven.
Silence is the door. Inner peace is the door. Love and compassion are the doors.

Soul
I know why. I can see my negative tots of insecurity. I can decide whether I wan to be triggered or not. I chose not to be.
I will continue samyama meditation, the most important one.
　
5. Key to integration
The journey
Sorrow and suffering and misery - everything has to be taken nonseriously, because the more seriouslt u take them, the more difficult it is to get out of them.
The more nonserious u r, u can pass through suffering, through the dark night, singing a song.
So, why unnecessarily torture yourself? Make this whole journey from here to here just a beautiful laughing matter.
Become religious of out joy, out of the experience of beauty that surrounds u, out of the immense gift of life that God has given to u. Become religious out of gratitude, thankfulness.
When something comes from ur own inner being, it is never broken. But then, it is never a vow, it is a simple phenomenon like breathing.