Tamil IE (5) - samyama

Sept 7 Aft

Father, why I find it so difficult to volunteer?

I don't mind doing the marketing side. But that's all.

Just now they call me to for Volunteer meeting - core team. Immediately I tensed up and I can find my resistance.
Actually, I don't like to volunteer and I don't get anything out of it per se. I am volunteering because I want to keep it going, that's all.

Aiyah. Don't resist.

Take this as a Lesson to learn so I can promote my own website.

Some more, I core team aiyoh.

Father, with budget delayed. I can now go for the Satir counseling course. But now looking at their website and also tot of mine. Doesn't seem to jive. 3500 - perhaps shld go for coaching course instead.

Today, I actually wan to ask Tamil teacher on samyama and breathing meditation. Just now did my shoonya with focus, it has more depth. I tot I can now learn to do samyama cos now I can focus and contain the energy. I wanted to tell the Tamil teacher abt my 8 days of laughing, singing and dancing. I was disappointed with my expectation of samyama. I tot it will help me to transform, alas it just a happy meditation trip. Also I now lost the samyama meditation. Tot of re-starting with new guidance since I can now focus.

Now just received email from isha about samyama on 26 to 30 oct - perfect timing for me. I would not hesitate at all if there is no 40 days veg. And now I have to start on 15 Sept and m going to my sister's place outstation.

Father, how?? Its like u asking me to go. I tot samyama was over in aug. And now staring at my face.
Father, guide me.


Evening
My tot was have an intense Shambavi and then do my own samyama.
Anyway, I didn't focus well. So, the session was like my normal one albeit 10 percent hike. I tot perfect, that teach me a lesson. Sadhguru saying not so easy. Have to do samyama refresh.

When I was going back, I didn't wan to ask teacher already. I want to decide on my own. Anyway, how can he help me? It has to be me lah.
I jus wan to say short goodbye but he seems inviting and I told him that I lost samyama meditation. I realised that he laughed a lot with me or rather he is also joyful like me and tend to laugh easily. Guess, just like local teacher, they can relax and be their joyful self with me

Surprisingly, he told me to come on 15 Sept and he will see if he can help me on the samyama meditation. He asked me how many years has lapsed and said its good to do a refresher. I told him only this year lah and he says perhaps he can see what we can do on 15 Sept. Meanwhile he asked me to do the breathing awareness. I said I m fine with that and now he tot me to focus, its even deeper than ever.
He says that samyama is not the last. There are other advance program that I can join, like 3 mths and 6 mths. After that is life. I told him that I am Seeker.
Mmmm, Father. Sadhguru has send him to help me. Who knows, perhaps this is my Past life karma, I got help now.

Father, both the 2 meditators says I go in very fast. I told them I didn't take any effort. He replied that its must have been my Past Life efforts. I agree.
Tot I should not let my Past Life goes to waste. I only need to do food thingy.

Osho
The cycle of death and birth is God's request for u to sing properly. It is part of ur training and u have to pass through it. He who understands this breaks his identity with death.