Gain awareness in suffering

Sept 13 Even

Father, I know what it was. The gap between my department and the operations has both reversed and increased.
Previously under D, operations more in control than mine, that's why D was frustrated.
Now my department has improved so much and Operations worse off than previously and so it is now my turn to be frustrated especially since I am taking a pay cut.
I guess I have to do my part to talk to GM about my frustration and her action plan to pull up her department to speed.

(Oct 15 - finally told her about my edginess in her not fulfilling her role. But alas, that is because I too am not fulfiling my role in my Destiny)

This mornin when I read Osho - Internal - politics. I said cannot be. Well, its there now. Thank U.
Tot of GM; she says she is tired of doing the same thing. She is no longer enthusiastic.

Tot of CEO; she says she is tired of doing the same thing. She finds her job a drudgery now. It was amazing that CEO admitted she is fearful that she is no longer use, no longer contributing to the Company (no wonder she was so angry at me when I told her that she only does rship building and nothing else). It took guts for her to tell me. Amen.

Mmm, both of them facing the same thing. Actually I too now question the role of GM. She is not maintaining and controlling her team and processes, she is not bringing in new biz.

I guess for me is the fear that they will jeopardise my valuation. When the team member doesn't perform, it affects us. Also, now I no longer willing to do other dept's work unlike previously. I no longer want to carry other people burden. So, now need to learn to express myself. Will do that. Thanks to PD's advice.

Mmm, I have met my Saturn (MF) and Pluto (A and conman). I m fine. Now is Jupiter/Cosmic Result and Cosmic Lesson.

Evenin
Father, did my shoonya, a little samyama and shakti. Didn't focus that well, but my deep breathing was good. Guess its all the expectation, wanting to recapture. Is good for me.

Also, amazingly that I accepted 40 days vegetarian without much fuss and here am granted reprieve, only 30 days required and I need only to stay 1 day before and after. Definitely easier than last time. Well, not seeking enlightenment (no more such foolish hope ... Not so nice; just say high hope); I just want to deepen my meditation. I know I can go even deeper, just need Sadhguru's help to propel me.

Osho - Nanak
Self-restraint is a furnace where the goal is purified. But u must be prepared to pass through the fire. Only by going through the difficulties and troubles does a person attain supreme happiness.
When u pass through suffering in full awareness, when u accept the anguish and pain it brings, and when u look upon it as the path, the inevitable furnace of life through which u must pass in order to be purified, then the whole alchemy of suffering changes.

Soul
Is this my 40 days to 30 days veg and the 4 days to 2 days extra days.

Osho - Nanak
Everyone passes through pain and sorrow, be he in the world or a sannyasin. He who passes through suffering with full awareness, with the attitude of acceptance, makes his suffering a stepping stone and goes beyond suffering.
To practice restraint is to accept the suffering as the spiritual path.
One should not be vanquished by it, but on the contrary, make it a stepping stone and rise above it. Therefore, it is like a furnace.