Taking charge despite my fear

Mar 1 aft

This week Osho tarot card. Early this week, I wonder why..alas it has materialised.

The Issue - Integration
The conflict is in man. Unless it is resolved there, it cannot be resolved anywhere else. The politics is within you; it is between the two parts of the mind. A very small bridge exists. If that bridge is broken through some accident, through some physiological defect or something else, the person becomes split, the person becomes two persons and the phenomenon of schizophrenia or split personality happens.

The eagle and the swan are both beings of flight and majesty. The eagle is the embodiment of power and aloneness. The swan is the embodiment of space and purity, gently floating and diving, upon and within the element of the emotions, entirely content and complete within her perfection and beauty. 

We are the union of eagle and swan: male and female, fire and water, life and death. The card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life, and mystical union; otherwise known as alchemy.

Soul
I have been on a calm mode except for the issue on money in the purchase of the new condo.
Also on the investment and rental of my rental apartment.
Anyway, that is also settling down once I let the Universe decide.
Just a few days back suddenly emails on the sister company, my ex-boss is now looking for more revenue.
The company currently under investigation..
My old mind screams defense..
My new self said peace comes first..no one and nothing is worth the trouble to affecting my peace.


2. Internal influences that you are unable to see

Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.

Soul

I tot I make my peace with him..no more conflict.
Alas..it is coming back...
Guess that Six of Diamond..it was just suspended.

This period Saturn in Jack of Diamond is true.
He is Ten of Diamond, younger than me and in conflict due to work.

Just another 20 days to go.

3. External influences that you are aware

Schizophrenia
Man is split. Schizophrenia is a normal condition of man--at least now. It may not have been so in the primitive world, but centuries of conditioning, civilization, culture and religion have made man a crowd--divided, split, contradictory....

The person on this card brings a new twist to the old idea of "getting stuck between a rock and a hard place"! But we are in precisely this sort of situation when we get stuck in the indecisive and dualistic aspect of the mind. Should I let my arms go and fall head-first, or let my legs go and fall feet-first? Should I go here or there? Should I say yes or no? And whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately, to let go of both at once. You can't work your way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons, or in any way working it out with your mind. Better to follow your heart, if you can find it. If you can't find it, just jump--your heart will start beating so fast there will be no mistake about where it is!


Soul
Exactly, I tot the sister company was past and infact when the auditors called me I try to give him a good opinion. I want to be in peace.
But now my ex-boss is going too far, trying to make mockery of the books.
Somehow..this happens and it forces me to reevaluate.
Looks I can't avoid this.

But after talking to my ex-staff, she too confirm my suspicion that he has been inflating the revenue and have been covering the shortage from another source. Now that he is under investigation, he is trying to dig for other sources.
And now to face it and yet to maintain my peace,...double challenge.
Told myself to go for win win situation.
But truly someone got to stop him. Guess I may be the one..but I truly don't want to disturb my peace.
Anyway, already send out mail to ask for a chat with the investigator.
Need to do this once and for all.
I remembered I used to wish for an investigator.
Now that I got it, I must said what I know.
While I prefer to have no conflict..but it can't be helped.
At least I must ensure that the issues are open up to others.
Whether they act on it, not my concern.
Main thing is that my team have resisted but was ignored.
Hence I am not out to 'hunt' him but I must highlight we cannot continue to do the wrong thing.

4. Whats needed for resolution?

Sorrow
This pain is not to make you sad, remember. That's where people go on missing.... This pain is just to make you more alert--because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wounds them.

Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.

Soul
Instead of feeling like a victim..why I have to be in a conflict with ex-boss.
Why can't I close my eyes..and pretend that everything is alright.
I have already washed my 'hands' but now it comes back again.

S said earlier she was sympathetic on ex-boss cos she felt that everyone had bad judgment against him. To her she was very smart...but after one year..she know him also to be a crook. And when she want to dig deeper and even refused to follow his instructions, thats when ex-boss attacked her.

5. Resolution

Thunderbolt

The card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness. 

You might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever you can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if you allow it, you will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. 

After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.

Soul
Yes..I have jumped.
I have asked for a chat with the investigator.
I have also now focused on the gaps in my mind instead of having defensive tots.