Shift of perception

Mar 4 eve

What an awesome surprising pooja. Cried so much. From start to end. Caught me by surprise. Feel Sadhguru hug.

Must be the breakthrough. Yesterday just decided I shift to condo on my own. Keeping the current house for family.  Not worrying about the costs about keeping 2 places.

With my own place. We can have our little gathering with Sannidhi. Amen.

So instead of thinking I m a victim. My brother and mom for making me feel guilty on the shift and loss of family house. I can now see that they helped me to come to this shift. This independence.

I can now lead the life that I want. I can get teacher to stay in my place. I can do Sannidhi gathering. Can watch Sadhguru video on television. I can invite my close friends for dinner and etc. I can be open with my spiritual practices instead of hiding in my room.

Such freedom now to live on my own. Actually I m into western food. Alas my true values is now open.

I am finally myself.

For a long time I tot I can only live the way I want when I get married. I can only leave my family house when I get married. I have been denying myself what I want. I didn't even dare to think about it. For such a fearless person at work I m a so fearful at home. Such irony. Truly a crab.

Glad a few months ago I said the buck stop here. There is no one to rescue me. No one to give me the life style I want.

Buying the condo was the first step. Alas my accumulation of money tot to be my security is actually binding me.

I truly can give myself what I want. Alas I m growing up.