Projection is on-going till I m conscious

Feb 23

Slept after 2 am yesterday.
Spent a short 15 minutes with the Shrine..lovely. Just going into deep silence.
My sacred space.

Woke up at around 6 plus and then slept back upon alarm at 8 am.
But body still feeling lazy and mind saying today last day of holiday. So, I slept again and woke up around 8.40 am.

Too late for Bhuta Shuddhi.
Sang guru pooja followed by preparatory for Surya Kriya.
Lovely one cycle of Surya Kriya..
The 61 point awareness meditation is lovely...so pleasurable, just feeling all my points.
Shakti was okay but with many tots of the condo and of the money for renovation.
Today I tot of L and her taking care of her family needs...I recalled I asked her to let go.
But now I can see that it kept her going, taking care of the family, it makes her happy.
Maybe, its because I too am doing that..ie keeping the family house..and hence project it into her.
Also remembering that she is a Spades and I am a Diamonds...
Everyone is different...
Just as Z being a Seven of Spades can work till 70 years old..me kept on thinking of retirement.

Surprisingly ended with a song...
At least my right feet front sole no longer hurt as much.
Shambavi was good.
So nice..just sat in contented silence...


Mmm, another episode from mom.
She said my sister gave her so much money. I said well, she is paying for a family of 4, whereas I am only one.
She countered by saying that she has to feed her family. I retorted by saying that she has a husband to share the responsibility. This time I no longer feel defensive..I pay when I want to.
Then mom said it is okay cos I always pay for family dinner.

Later we start to chat about the family. I said second brother in law will take care of the family gathering as he is now the chef when we shift over to the condominium.
Mom immediately becomes defensive and said she will only shift if we can get a good rental for the house.
Otherwise she wants to stay in old house or rather she wants to stay in both place, the condo and current house.
Guess thats because she thinks that brother won't come back to KL as elder brother and sis in law doesn't like second sister. Infact she thinks that they left because they don't want to go to second sis in law for dinner.
So much drama..
Anyway, I am sure I can get a good rental.
Meanwhile just work on getting the S & P signed next week.
Planning for renovation in March and actual renovation work in April and shift in by May or June.

Anyway, have shared this with the sisters.
So much drama at our home.
This is the other shake up.
Anyway, long time coming.
I truly want a place of my own...not a family place, keeping everyone...

But I can see my mom, hovering over her responsibility, defending her position as the chef, ensuring brother have a place, looking after younger brother and etc...
In a way, reminds me of my issue when I had to let go of Isha..it took me so long..so much dilemma.
So, will let her be.

Then tot of why no one said impressed with the condo. Now I know they said it is 'old', whereas I like the 'old' feel. Thats the reason I buy the condo. I like the old feel, besides planning to renovate it mid-century style.

For me now, just focus on getting the condo ready.
I can leave mom be...she has her own battle to fight...