Going with the flow - still learning

Feb 24
Woke up at 4.25 am upon alarm. Was in a dream with my sisters sharing insights I have gained. Took a short breathe before I got out of bed.

Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. My right elbow joints are inflamed, feel very tight. Surya Kriya was okay. 61 points awareness meditation is good.
Shakti was just okay as right feet front sole is inflamed, it was painful to sit.
Shambavi was good. Abruptly awaken by alarm at 7.05 am. Couldn't stop and sat awhile longer.

Had tot of the 2 other contractors that I wanted to see my house. Alas, a tot came. Both contractors seems difficult to engage. Can't even arrange for meet. It's like it's not meant to be. Don't want to fight it. Perhaps best I stick to old contractor. For long term I still need him for odd jobs. With that I m now much better.

Yesterday Sannidhi pooja I cried a bit cos finally open the door of the past, approached Z's wife. On the surface I seems fine but I was scared inside, scared of memories of the past. Scared that I be sad again when envious feeling arise when I saw them together.
But surprisingly after the insight that Z was not meant for me and Z and wife perfect for each other.

During Linga chant I cried. Cried cos will be going to Z's house to view Linga yantra. Only Linga can make me open the door of past so I can have final closure. Perhaps this door I need to close before I can be ready and open for new beginnings.
That too I m settled.

Guess the Breakthrough card also apply to this.