Crtical perception tears me down (pessimistic)

Nov 22 Eve

Father, me just recovered from the retirement incident. And now the incident from sis which is frankly a small incident. The only mistake I did was forget about the addn bed. But how come I felt guilty and is running in our mind.

Just spoke the my younger sis, she was laughing about this when my elder sis called her. And now she also laughing. Becos she was laughing, I admitted that I didn't like to cramp also.

Father, why do I have loads of guilt? Anything that happen, I tend to take it. Even the CEO's retirement issue cos me problem and today she even said that I have to think of an extension for her. Well, firstly tell her. She has to retire. Any extension will be on new contract. I don't have to be made responsible for her. She has a bad way of making people responsible for her. Aiyah, let me take this as another of her got to find means of getting a 'royal title' for her.

Transformation game
5. You use ur critical perception to draw forth perfection, not to tear it down.

The thing is when something happen, I can see the whole thing and somehow I will also see how I contributed to it in a way or another and felt guilty. Mmm, tot of me tearing myself down. So, what if I don't want to cramp. So what if I didn't recall the extra bed. So what if I think elder sis need to pay. Why feel guilty when she didn't like it? Its true I wanted it but is also true she is unhappy becos of her own issue. Yeap.

Father, something here. Tell me more. I just know there is loads of guilt in me.

Just now the korean drama, the guy hold on to her despite her fear of her past. Gave her courage to feel. I like that. I hope to be protected like that too. A guy who is more courageous than me.


Transformation game
5. You use ur critical perception to draw forth perfection, not to tear it down.

Soul, I have always take pride on my critical perception. But perception may be coloured. And the thing is this critical perception generally leads to me being apologetic cos felt guilty, no matter how small. Father, there is something here. Tell me. Like today, CEO's charge on me 'not caring' and not taking responsibility for her contract is way offline, and telling me I must remember I don't just worked for the company. I got off tangent. Luckily spoke to the lawyer and she reminds me on the conflict of interest of advising both company and staff.

I am glad I am back. Father, guide me to calm her down and yet achieve my corporate role. Let me not be swarmed in by her veiled threats. Actually the fiasco this afternoon makes me determine that she be off.