Samyama Refresher (9)

Nov 1
Father, two things Sadhguru mentioned during samyama:
1. The stronger ur personality, the more stronger ur likes and dislikes, the more tyrant u become.
2. Our minds busy itself over endless, useless, little decision making. Eg. The tot is not between omnivore or herbivore, its just between raw peanuts and the carrots dish. So much mind activity over nothing. Wasting energy and time.

I can't say my personality is strong cos I have good tolerance for most things, but when it comes to food, I am sticky. I would prefer not to eat rather than have food not to my par. I can be called a gourmet eater and I am extravagant when it comes to food. So, I would say I can be a 'tyrant' in the sense that people generally wouldn't want to recommend food to me cos afraid can't meet my standard.

However, this stickiness is somewhat reduced by Isha. I can now eat their vadai in whole, rather than just the outer layer. I can now eat at Biksha hall. I no longer show my displeasure having to eat food not to my standard. Like yday, the veg briyani rice is quite fragrant but some parts are slightly uncooked. Usually I would just say as it is. This time, my first tot was people volunteered to prepare food. So, be grateful instead of judging it as the environment is different.

Did my morning practice today. Didn't switch on my alarm cos I slept about 1.30 am yesterday and I want to give myself a break. Let my body decide what time. I think I woke up around 5.45 am, about 4 hours. First tot is watch my breathe. Then mind was mulling m tired but a tot came, I won't be doing tomorrow, so better do today.
I did 3 rounds of suria namaskara followed by asanas. This time I only did 1 cycle of preparatory steps instead of 3 cycles for the lying down positions. I think I will do this approach from now onwards.
The breathing meditation was lovely. Shakti was fine and Shambavi is great. I finished up by singing and dancing.
There were still unnecessary compulsive tot of d beautiful gal who is married to a business man, I counter it by this is not my business, don't have to think about it. Then when it came, yea, I want a rich partner and perhaps be beautiful, but do I want to be a teacher in ashram. Answer is no. I am meant to create my own money. So, don't compare.
Then there were tots of the teacher and I even have mental conversation with him. I just counter 'compulsion". He is just being a nice teacher. Get over it. So, mind is still running but this time I am catching it and countering, but it does come up with many means to pull me back in the loop.
So, I was thinking to do samyama everyday. It is important to me. I cannot let my compulsive behaviour to control me. This thing about love/beauty/money is something I would have to face this year.

Evenin
I am going back shortly. Its been a great trip. Firstly, becos I was staying in the cottage, so have a cosy place and time alone for myself. Secondly, its cooling. Thirdly, unexpectedly, I got the samyama process.
Its true, I am meant to go another level - no mind. I am prepared to go there and will commit to samyama especially now I can see the flying compulsive tots, something I couldn't see previously. I guess all the shambavi, shakti and shoonya has slowed down the flying tots and breathing and samyama process has made me more aware.
So, perhaps awareness is breathing.
Even earlier, I didn't want to do shoonya cos tot I was late and I wasn't keen. But since I couldn't get the ticket, I just sat and do my shoonya. Then in Theetakhoon, that place I have no flying compulsive tots. The water is clear and there is only me and surprisingly I can walked confidently to the mercury globe. When I hug it, immediately laughter exploded from me. Since I was alone and there is no guard, I just continue laughing, shortly I was singing and feet start to dance. All in all, I was just about 7 min. So, Theetakhoon is really explosive.

(Dec 10 - nowadays I too start to sign in the pool)


Evening

Osho
To be totally free one needs to be totally aware, because our bondage is rooted in our unconsciousness; it does not come from the outside.
One who is ready to accept the responsibility of being oneself with all its beauties, bitterness, its joy and agonies, can be free. Live it in all its agony and all its ecstasy - both are yours. In that acceptance, a transcendence happens and one becomes free.