Samyama Refresher (6)

Oct 31

Slept at 10 pm, woke up around 3 am and a tot came of me and a partner. I told myself, is ok if no one wants me cos I am happy by myself. Father, part of me still yearn. I do want, but I am worried cos I now can see that it is compulsive behaviour.
I start to have mental rship with guy that I am not even attracted to per se. Anyway, having me the French guy, I now know what fits me, so at least that stop my compulsive mental rship. In normal circumstances, my mind would activate the compulsion mental rship with the guy from Ireland (I met him 3 times in Ashram). But now, I knew I don't find him mentally stimulating and the fact that he is so fervent in Isha and is now a vegetarian also puts me off. So, I don't have to put in the attraction mode.

Father, did my six cycles of suria (now can do the back stretch by sliding it and also now resting at the head bend towards the knee, thanks to teaching of samyama). As for shakti, can now do slow breathing during the 4 cycles of breathing. When I did my shambavi, it was powerful, finale even ended with singing guru pooja.

My mind was in havoc, so many tots passed through. Even the situation of me going for the mahasathsang. So relentless. At first I tot, why after samyama also so many tots. Then an alternative tot came, its because I m now more aware, every tot that run thru my mind I can now see.

It is scary, I already know the mind is shitty. What happen after all the practices is reduction in worrying tots per se. I have not yet cultivate awareness. Even when I did shoonya, a sense of calmness, I can't say I watch every tot and now after samyama, I can see the tots fly here and there furiously. Real scary, this is the motivation for samyama.

Met a lady, who did BSP with me and now samyama. This is her fourth one. She says she only got it now. She too missed her family last Friday, like me. I told her I was angry at Sadhguru for giving us samyama pgm and have decided to give it up totally and she was so frustrated that she wanted to break her silence.

We both came to the realisation on Friday, that it is the process that matters and one need to be in shoonya mode, and bring in the breathe awareness. The gazing of the eyes is the finale. But the process is the key and not the eye gazing.
Father, again I compared, I second time and she fourth time.

Light on Yoga by Iyengar (borrowed from a friend)
There are different paths (margas) by which a man travels to his Maker.
1. The active man finds realisation through Karma Marga, in which a man realises his own divinity through work and duty.
2. The emotional man finds it through Bhakti Marga, where there is realisation through devotion to and love of a personal God.
3. The intellectual man pursues Jnana Marga, where realisation comes through knowledge.
4. The meditative or reflective man follows Yoga Marga, and realises his own divinity through control of the mind.

Happy is the man who knows how to distinguish the real from the unreal, the eternal from the transient and the good from the pleasant by his discrimination and wisdom.
Twice blessed is he who knows true love and can love all God's creatures.
He who works selflessly for the welfare of others with love in his heart is thrice blessed.
But the man who combines within his mortal frame knowledge, love and selfless service is holy and becomes a place of prilgrimage, like the confluence of the rivers Ganga, Saraswati and Jamuna. Those who meet him become calm and purified.