Nov 23
Father, today I woke up with joints feeling good. It has been a long time I felt such ease with my joints. Last few days I was worried about CEO's retirement and am relieved I told her yday.
Father, this morning I tot of CEO's demand that I gave her a proposal on asking for extension of retirement date. I suddenly felt pissed off as she is asking for something beyond my capacity and role. I recalled I kept quiet when she was shouting, somehow I was thinking of a plan too. Now
How come CEO doesn't take responsibility for anything that happen in her life, don't talk about others? Here, I felt I am responsible for everything and everyone. The things she demand is so tyrannical. Answer came, she has no conscience. No sense of fair play. She thinks everyone is to bow to her demands, basically she is a King. She think she is the ultimate authority
Me, always in conscience mode. Come to think of it, my worry has always been due to conscience, guilty every thing. Always trying to be number one goody.
Hey, suddenly tot that I have told my mom that her conscience level is too high, always taking in other people's responsibility as her own and now m like that too.
Suddenly tot of my RA.
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.
Affirmation
I am my own authority.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.
Father, great lesson. Now I know why I meet Al, M and current CEO. All of them act like King, thinks they command the world. They never have conscience attack.
Me, the opposite, act like the world command me. Always having conscience attack and hence worrry loads. Feel guilty whenever I perceived that somehow or somewhere I have short deliver. No wonder I felt very put upon cos conscience and guilt is too much.
(Dec 16 - suddenly tot that I internalise my quilt, whereas CEO projects her guilt)
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