Crtical perception tears me down (pessimistic) - 3

Nov 23 Aft
Osho
1. The Issue
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly _ unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.

Soul
Has been eating with worry for past few days. It has been awhile since I experienced such guilt.
Why such guilt?
A tot came, in the past u acted without conscience and now u have accumulated guilt from the past and it is easily triggered.
RA is triggered with worry. Worry is triggered by guilt. Guilt is triggered by conscience. Conscience is triggered by high parameters.

Transformation game
5. You use ur critical perception to draw forth perfection, not to tear it down.

Looks like I used my critical perception to tear me down and others too. Because I have critical perception, I don't acknowledge my good and always acknowledged my bad. Father, I can see the pattern.

(Dec 16 - suddenly tot, no wonder it was so difficult for me to acknowledge people's achievement,as I don't appreciate mine either)

2. Internal influence - Postponement
Make up ur mind. Don't go on postponing indefinitely. The one and only result of postponing things is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and "stuck-ness" today. The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering thoughts that r preventing u from acting now.

Soul
What's this? Is this about my website.
Perhaps abt my talking to CEO on retirement. I felt such relieve talking to her.

3. External influence
Laziness
When u r lazy, it is a negative taste, u simply feel that u have no energy, u simply feel dull, u simply feel sleepy, feel dead.
When u r in a state of non-doing, then u r full of energy, bubbly - it is a positive taste.
The journey isn't over yet. It is now time to move on. No matter how fuzzy the slippers, how tasty the pina colada, there are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.

Soul
Tot of the latest fiasco. I tot why it occur. Why? Anyway, now I know why. I am now exploring root of RA's cause.

4. What is needed for resoluton?
Guilt
Forget all about sin and forget all about saintliness, both are stupid. Both together have destroyed all the joys of humanity.
Guilt is one of the most destructive emotions in which we can get caught. If we have wronged another or gone against our own truth, then of cos we will feel bad. But to let ourselves overwhelmed with guilt is to invite migraine. We end up surrounded by nagging clouds of self-doubt and feeling of worthlessness to the point where we cannot see any of the beauty and joy that life is trying to offer us.
We all long to be better people - more loving, more aware, more true to ourselves. But when we punish ourselves for our failute by feeling guilty, we can get locked into a cycle of despair and hopelessness that robs us of all clarity about ourselves and the situations we encounter.
U r absolutely okay as u r, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Learn from it, move on and use the lesson.

5. The resolution
Ordinariness
You are facing a time now when the easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or otherwise extraordinary. Forget all about making headlines. The special gift u have to offer now is just by taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.

Five of Spades
It could indicate change in ur health and business. At the most basic level, a change in ur life style or the things u do day in and day out.

Soul
I am changing my conscience level. I no longer want to feel gulity and worry unnecessarily. I will use awareness instead of conscience to lead my life.

Father, is hard to believe that me, who is self-centred has such a high conscience especially at work. No wonder others cannot believe that I do worry.