Letting go of compulsive defenses

Nov 9
This morning woke up tot of A.
I have hurt his feeling. Always relegating him to others cos I now have a capable. He took it personally. But of cos, I also look down on him. He tried his best to establish rship with me and I shot it down. Partly cos I knew his style and partly cos I am now confident of my power.
Anyway, in a nutshell, it is caused by me. Can I ratify it? Yes.

This morning, woke up at 4 am. Tot, do I have to wake up so early, is this my life??. Answer came, nothing is certain. Yea, who knows, I may not have to work and need only to wake up 6.30 am.
My left hand is fine and only right elbow remain stiff. Did my asanas. Breathing meditation is delightful. I just wan to stay there. Of cos, best with chair. Shambavi was fine. Towards the end, seem to want to sleep. Finished by 6.46 am.
Mmm, tot of R. Why didn't reply email.

Osho
1. Issue
Letting go
The innocence person is one who has renounced fighting; who is no interested in being higher, who is no longer interested in performing, in proving himself.
To choose this card, something is finished. It is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold it. Something greater is awaiting u, new dimensions are there to be discovered. You are past the point of no return now and gravity is doing its work. Go with it

Soul
Yday incident of 'attack' by A and then reprimand by CEO. First tot is to defend, but I hold myself back, cos I don't want to go into the fray. I noted the attack cos they wan me to feel as down as they have. It is natural. Also, I reminded myself I wanted to be a famous published author. With that, I try to cheer myself with a good lunch. First tot was d pastry cafe, but then tot of difficult parking and opted for noodle restaurant. When I drove, I turn into the pastry cafe, so just proceed. Little did I know that I met my counterpart in food. And she is a baker with a visual website and me a writer with a word website. So, we complement and can help each other. Hurray.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
The Source.
Within us is a pure energy, pulsaring and ready to give us anything we need to accomplish something and ready to welcome us back home when we want to rest. So, whether u r beginning something new and need inspiration right now or you have just finished something and want to rest, go to the Source.

Soul
Yeap. Samyama meditation is good and Breathing meditation is delightful.

3. External influence of which u r aware
Experiencing.
Experiencing is the feeling of wonder itself, the thrill of communion, the gentle touch of connectedness with all that surrounds us.
Nature doesn't bang any drums when it burst forth into flowers, nor play any dinges when the trees let go of their leaves in the fall.
When we approach nature in the right spirit, she has many secret to share.

Soul
Yea, now this law of uncertainty is keeping me occupiled and yet liberates me cos it freed me from my certain sets of belief I set upon myself.
Second msg is also telling me that even if I am flowering, there is no thunder drum. Perhaps me not wanting to play office politic is another flowering sign.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Exhaustion
This is a potrait of one whose whole life energy depleted in his efforts to keep fueling the enormous and ridiculous machine of self-importance and productivity. Is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural routines for ourselves and, by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our doors.
Life isn't a business to be managed, it's a mystery to be lived. Its time to tear up the time-card, break out of the factory and take a little trip into the unchartered. Your work can flow more smoothly from a relaxed state of mind.

Soul
True, I have always managed my life.
Not sure if I m being spontaneous but at least the Uncertainty possibility is in my mind.

5. Resolution
Rebirth.
Your consciousness is only a mirror. Neither do u come nor do u go. Things come and go.
First, u r a camel, and then u become a lion and alas the Child.
The child - neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.