Cosmic Reward - benefits from ending (16) - North/South Nodes

Jul 3
Father, today is my birthday. I am now 44 and proud to be so.
This morning I had a dream and I remember it and wrote it down. Alas, I can now remember my dream.

I recalled I used to ignore my emotion and tot I was disconnected from them. The truth is I have loads of emotion that I was afraid to let open. Anyway, it is out and I finally acknowledge I am emotional too. It is because I was afraid. Well I am not. I just signed up for authorship. I put up my blog and website.

North node in Taurus
Over reliance on the resources and value of others. Driven by an intense desire to bond and merge with a partner, Taurus north node individuals sacrificed their own needs and value systems as a means of empowering their partner and thereby receiving validation in return.

Soul
This morning I watched the korean drama and saw how the gal walked out on the guy. She tot the guy liked her and want to woo her but instead he wanted to bed her. Reminds me of Z, but in my case I relented and gave in to the arrangement. While I can say I did it because I wanted the experience and I knew he is my cosmic lesson and also cosmic reward but I also know I went in because I really like him. And I did check on our relationship cards and it looks great, which is true.

Not sure if this is a lack of self respect, taking remnants. Anyway, few months later, thanks to his constant reminders of our non-commitment rship, I walked out of it too. But in my case, Z is still in my daily prayer as he opened me up physically and for that I thank him and he has been a true gentleman.

I who tots I was strong is actually weak when it comes to partner. The first time when I was conned and now I changed my value or rather subdued what I want instead. Anyway, I am glad I did walked out, but it wasn't a conscious decision. I broke down. And while ego is dented that Z can let go of me easily, I also appreciate it.

North node in Taurus
In order to heal this energy imbalance of the soul, these individuals is to learn to empower themselves. They need to shift their focus from defining their self worth via validation from others to discovering and living in accordance with their own true needs, comfort zones and value system.

Soul
It was after the break up that I realised my level of lovability is a measure of how much I love myself and not how much others love me. Amen.

North Node in Taurus
There is an unconscious need for intense, high adrenaline crisis situations in their lives.

Soul
True, I used to attract challenging job situations. And I decided to say No a year ago and now my job is effortless. Then recently I found myself spare time at office. First tot I was scared cos I wasn't filling in the hours but now I just accept it and be happy. They didn't pay me to fill the hours, they pay me for my leadership and strategy.
Even now with a potential loss of major client, I am not even worried. To me, its not my Top 5 and I no longer take the loss personally.
Oh ya, I tot I am bad luck cos always have challenging situations. Now I knew its not bad luck, its my unconscious need for valuation whenever I overcome challenges.

North node in Taurus
To let go of past behavioral patterns of exchange rships. The stronger Taurus North node individuals become in supporting themselves and defining their self worth via their own value system, the more likely they are to attract a spiritually fulfilling partnership with someone who is also self-empowered.

Taurus - stability and self reliance.
Scorpio - transformation and synergistic partnership.

(Jul 29 - I know I deserved to be loved and cherished by my partner. I know he will be with me.)

Soul
At least I have Moon in Taurus. And with grounding from meditation, I am now calm.

Father, I knew rship is one of my Top 5. And I will have the rship when I fortify myself, love myself, validate myself.

North Node in Taurus
Tendency to depend too much on both the resources and values of others. There is also a subconscious need to attract instability and upheavals
Instead of falling back on the remains of Scorpio still within yourself, u must build, through Taurus, a new set of substantial value to live by. You are here to concentrate on regeneration, not the downsizing, to build ur own resources and even more important, to develop ur own value system.

Soul
No wonder my Cosmic Reward is Nine of Diamond - death of old values.

(Jul 19 - I am getting the relationship that I wanted and I believe I can have. I come a long way, paid some prices and it is time to get the results)

North node Taurus in Sixth House, South Node Scorpio in Twelfth House
Things to be
1. Getting attached to a steady routine. Becoming dependable and reliable on the job
2. Developing a calm and serene attitude toward work.
3. Working at ur own pace.
4. Injecting some artistry into ur work environment. Acknowledging ur need for beauty in the work place.
5. Feeling OK with a 9 to 5 job, Monday through Friday type of job
6. Spiritual transformation is not the answer to everything.
7. Paying attention to ur health
8. Developing a more relaxed daily routine. Eating at ur leisure.
9. No longer sacrificing reality in the name of obsession. Sticking to a system.
10. Refusing to let people pressure u into changing jobs.
11. Being ok with a steady paycheck. Feeling content to be employed.
12. Learning to enjoy body therapies.
13. Learning to value ur health.