Ending my dream of having a Prince Charming

Jan 20
Body woke up at 3 plus am, feeling cold. Just realised the fan was too fast. Nose was blocked. Slept back and woke up at 3.48 am. Body was okay but mind was acting up and sat on the toilet bowl pondering for a few minutes.
Close the lights and did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch
Did Angamardhana and it was good. Spend more time on the Dhyna time. Surya Kriya alignment not okay cos right elbow bit strained.
No time for breathing meditation. I must have spent more time on Cat stretch and Dhyna.
Shakti was okay but my right feet was so numb that I had to take a little rest.
Shambavi was good but alas no much time for silent contentment cos alarm ringing.

Yesterday pooja without light was awesome. But I was lost in my retirement home. Tot of my new house with shrine room, possibly with Linga yantra too. Tot of management of the community's facilities. Doing Isha Kriya and yoga. Baking and selling brownies and lemon bars and bread.
Tot of walking in the park, swimming, going out to Wetmarket.

Cried a bit during Brahmanda and spent more time on silent moment.

Did 3 cycle of Linga Struthi. Later cry for a long while. Looks like my subsconcious plan for Prince Charming coming for me has ended. No one is coming and I have to save myself. I have to buy my own dream house. I can give myself the house that I want.

Part of me still feeling scared. I haven't told family that it was my retirement home. Also worried of money inflow after retirement. Looking at my retirement plan, I be fine cos I won't be spending much except for annual trip to ashram.