Fear of ending is fear of losing the past

Jan 9 aft 1
Fear of ending is due to fear of losing the past, the known.

Suddenly it occur to me..

The ending at corporate work....my career
The ending with my ex-staff S
Then the ending with my lover, Z....and now
The ending with P (a realisation that she is not my close friend, so no need to expect anything from her)
The ending with local Isha..

All of them I know I can't go on...feeling resentful...and initiated a few endings but never did final cut. Always going back cos feeling anxious I lost them despite knowing its over. Always going back. Going into the never ending cycle.

I truly have difficulty in going with the Flow, eventhough I know the endings are meant for my ultimate happiness.

Amen..finally see this..

All my anxiousness to go back in the past, to cling back is not because I want them...is because I am afraid to be alone..I am afraid to lose my value..I can see that now.

Osho tarot
Innocence
Zen says that if you drop knowledge - and within knowledge everything is included; your name, your identity, everything, because this has been given to you by others - if you drop all that has been given by others, you will have a totally different quality to your being: innocence. This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality, and there will be a resurrection of your innocence. You will become a child again, reborn.
The innocence that comes from a deep experience of life is childlike, but not childish. The innocence of children is beautiful, but ignorant. It will be replaced by mistrust and doubt as the child grows and learns that the world can be a dangerous and threatening place. But the innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.

Soul
This morning while doing the Shakti suddenly had insight that if we lost the major client, then a good time to reshuffle my dept. Will let go of two of the oldest team. Will let go of L as she can't improve further. I can get a lower salary and yet more qualified person to do her role. The retrenchment sums will be a good payout for her. Will also outsource the credit control.

Mmm, at work..I am not afraid of ending..I always see the opportunity of change.

Why at my personal life, I cling on..so afraid of ending even when ending is what I truly want.
So ironic..