Finally being at home with myself

Jan 9 aft

This week is nearly ending. Osho tarot really true.
The Issue - Innocence.
Zen says that if you drop knowledge - and within knowledge everything is included; your name, your identity, everything, because this has been given to you by others - if you drop all that has been given by others, you will have a totally different quality to your being: innocence. This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality, and there will be a resurrection of your innocence. You will become a child again, reborn.


The innocence that comes from a deep experience of life is childlike, but not childish. The innocence of children is beautiful, but ignorant. It will be replaced by mistrust and doubt as the child grows and learns that the world can be a dangerous and threatening place. But the innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.


Soul
I am feeling blessed. The stint with local Isha truly ended. I am now free and easy, just a meditator.
At times, fear of losing myself came....and I want to climb back into the familiar local Isha but I remind myself thats the same anxiousness I had when I first become free of my validation from work. When i first become 'free' with less work...I was anxious..on the lookout for job..thats what led me into the second company, which I promptly hated after 3 months.
The tot of going back to the former second company gives me the chill...the same as the tot of going back to local Isha.
I don't know whats next..


2. Internal influence that you are unaware of
Maturity
The distinction between the grasses and the blossoms is the same as between you not knowing that you are a buddha, and the moment you know that you are a buddha. In fact, there is no way to be otherwise.

This figure stands alone, silent and yet alert. The inner being is filled with flowers--that carry the quality of springtime and regenerate wherever he goes. This inner flowering and the wholeness that he feels affords the possibility of unlimited movement. He can move in any direction--within and without it makes no difference as his joy and and maturity cannot be diminished by externals. He has come to a time of centeredness and expansiveness--the white glow around the figure is his protection and his light. All of life's experiences have brought him to this time of perfection. When you draw this card, know well this moment carries a gift--for hard work well done. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are the outcome of what has already been experienced within.

Soul
I just want to savour the empty me..the valueless me..
What I know now is that my sadhana is important, my shrine is important, my family and close friend is important..my job provides me the financial base for my freedom. Amen
I am truly blessed to have all these in my life. I am already fulfilled..


3. External influence of which you are aware
Existence
You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That's what gives you dignity, that the whole existence will miss you.
Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at "home" wherever you are. If you are, be sure to take time to savor it so it can deepen and remain with you.


4. Whats needed for resolution?
Silence

The energy of the whole has taken possession of you. You are possessed, you are no more, the whole is. 

This moment, as the silence penetrates in you, you can understand the significance of it, because it is the same silence that Gautam Buddha experienced. It is the same silence that Chuang Tzu or Bodhidharma or Nansen.... The taste of the silence is the same. 

Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing you can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that you can call your very being.
It will be easy for you to rest inside, to plumb the depths of your own inner silence to the point where it meets the silence of the universe. There's nothing to do, nowhere to go, and the quality of your inner silence permeates everything you do. 

It might make some people uncomfortable, accustomed as they are to all the noise and activity of the world. Never mind; seek out those who can resonate with your silence - or enjoy your aloneness. Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life.Soul

Amen

5. Resolution
Ice-olation
We are miserable because we are too much in the self. What does it mean when I say we are too much in the self? And what exactly happens when we are too much in the self? Either you can be in existence or you can be in the self--both are not possible together. To be in the self means to be apart, to be separate.
If our pain is particularly deep, we might even try to hide it from ourselves. This can make us frozen, rigid, because deep down we know that one small break in the ice will free the hurt to start circulating through us again. The rainbow-colored tears on this person's face hold the key to breaking out of this 'ice-olation'. The tears, and only the tears, have the power to melt the ice. It's okay to cry, and there is no reason to feel ashamed of your tears. Crying helps us to let go of pain, allows us to be gentle with ourselves, and finally helps us to heal.

Soul
I can now cry with my shrine.
Cry with  Linga Bhairavi and cry with Sadhguru's sannidhi.
I am released..
Amen.
My shrine and sadhana is my beloved that I can now take on my journey.