I created my own world of unlovability (2)

Jul 14 Afternoon

Cheerful
Having or showing good spirits or joy; contented; happy; joyful; lively; animated; willing

Father, again comment that the carpet is not nice. It reflect my opinion too. Could be a wrong buy. Felt bad
I know its the lovability of delivering not valuable item.
I just delivered one not so nice carpet but I am still lovable
Even I m worthless, am lovable.
So difficult to be worthless, especially faced with CEO who insist on valuable.
Doubly hard. Fighting myself and CEO.

Spoke to SY and she says mine is triple hard. For them, they get value from outside, if outside is ok, inside follow suit. Mine is, even if outside is ok, inside may not be ok, 2 levels and mine is added with valuation CEO, that's 3 levels.
Admit my mistake and get refund for carpet. Fear gone. But this is done for CEO and not me.

Shoulders
Cause - Represent our ability to carry out experiences in life joyously. We make life a burden by our attitude.
Affirmation - I choose to allow all my experiences to be joyous and loving.

Fat Arms
Cause - Anger at being denied love
Affirmation - It is safe for me to create all the love I want.

(Aug 8 - not sure, after the 'clearing', my arms look less bloated.)

Just now cried during guru pooja, during shoonya and during shakti. During shoonya and guru pooja, I asked for forgiveness for denying love for myself. During shakti I start to massage my upper and lower stomach and tears fell like never before. I have a good release.