Our fragile peace is easily triggered by hidden fear (2)

Jul 27
Father, today I had a dream, but I woke up fresh around 4.20 am. Father, I think my system finally accepted that I need only 4 hours sleep. Amen.
Yday, when I was meditating, I cried that I don't want to be like CEO, holding on to her valuation and attacking anyone that she perceives to trigger her valuation.
Father, how do I attack myself?
Anyway, yday read about attention, where we give our focus, that's what we will perceive. So, I am going to perceive I am lovable and well loved instead of unlovable due to recent 'attacks'. They helped me to see that the my belief of unlovability is still there. So, will work on this.

Osho
1. Creativity
It is an attitude, an inner approach - how u look at things. If u have something growing out of it within u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, its is creative.
Be open to what wants to be expressed through u. Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.

Soul
Not sure. Only thing I can think of its counseling. Yday, I managed to map it out for WY and even inform her that her perception for her second son and S is the same. They have big parameter and she has small parameter. They are generalist and she is specialist. Both supposed to learn from each other.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see - Sorrow
Pain is not to make u sad, is just to make u more alert and aware. When u r aware, misery disappears.
Meditate deeply and feel ur pain and sorrow. Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. Go deep into the very roots of our pain and experience it as it is, without blame or self pity.

Soul
Wheneve I perceived attack, I wld feel hurt, unwanted. That's when I know I need to love myself. Don't search for love in the wrong places.

3. External influence of which u are aware - Patience.
The whole Existence waits for the right moment. The tree waiting for the new foliage with a great trust that the old has gone, and the new will soon be coming, and the new leaves will start growing.
This card reminds us to be simply alert, patient, waiting, let nature takes its course.

Soul
Yeap, I know the Light of Love has been lit within and I am working on my unlovability issue. Thanks to CEO, I will have the opportunity to experience and cleanse it.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Existence.
You are not accidental. Existence need u.
Once u r clean and clear, u can see tremendous love falling on u from all dimensions.
Home is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation.
Now is the time to look at whether u r allowing urself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at home" wherever u r. If u r, be sure to savour it so it can deepen.
If on the other hand, u've been feeling like the world is out to get u. Its time to take a break. Go outside and look at the stars.

Soul
Yday mornin, jus like Sorrow card, I tot I was fine. I don't feel attack. Then 2 incident happens and I felt it. So vulnerable, so shaky my hard-earned peace.
　
5. The understanding - Control.
Controlled person are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden.
If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous. Whatsoever happens, happens.
Take a deep breathe, loosen our neckties. If mistakes happen, its okay. If things get a little out of hand, its probably just what the doctor ordered.
There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things".

Soul
I can now act spontaneously. As for nervousness, still
Father, guess when CEO attack me. Its no so much love per se. But I guess when she dare to attack me, I perceive that she thinks m not useful or valuable to her. Because, she can control her emotion. She only explode whenever she felt she can get away with it.
So, this is my valueless mode that was triggered.