I created my own world of unlovability (3)

Jul 15

Father, yday abt 3 am, suddenly want to pass motion and also want to vomit. I realised that I have purged in my sleep. Quickly went to toilet and continue purging. Surprisingly, there were no pain at all and after purging for 15 min, I went back to sleep.

I woke up at 4.30 am to do my practices. Of cos, mind says to drop practice since I was purging in the early moring. I ignored my mind and continued.

The breathing meditation is good and I went in deep and was even laughing, the first time. Then after practice, continue purging until now.
This is a real clearing. No pain, just purging. Amen.


Radical Forgiveness
If u want to know what u dislike about yourself and have likely disowned, simply look at what annoys you about the people who come into your life. Look at the mirror they provide.
If u seem to attract a lot of angry people into ur life, u probably have not dealt with some anger of ur own.
If people seem to withhold love from you, some part of u is unwilling to give love.
If people seem to steal things from you, part of u behaves dishonestly or feels dishonest.
If people betray u, maybe u have betrayed someone in the past.
Look at the issues that upset u too.
If abortion really makes u mad, maybe a part of u shows little reverence for life in other ways, or part of u knows it could abuse a child.
If u r passionately against homosexuality, maybe u cannot accept the part of u that sometimes feels homosexually inclined.
The reflection does not always appear so readily or as simply. For eg, sometimes we do not identify with the specific behaviour as much as we do with the underlying meaning it holds for us.
A man who gets angry with overeating wife. He might be resonating with her use of food to avoid dealing with emotional problems becos it mirrors his tendency to run away from his own emotional problem.

The beauty of RF lies in the fact that it does not require us to recognise what we project. We simply forgive the person for what is happening at the time. In doing so, we automatically undo the projection, no matter how complicated the situation.
The reason for this is simple, in that the person represents the original pain that caused us to project in the first place. As we forgive him or her, we clear the original pain.


Soul
Same like ACIM. Father, is this the sign to go back. I tot this time I am ready to do Teacher's manual.
Yday, when I cried on my valuation mode, I saw the face of Ku Cheh, one of my childhood"s friend mother. I remember she look down at me for having clothes that are not 'clean" to wear.
I recalled I was very upset with her and infact I want to leave her house the same night and i vowed that I will be valuable.

I only endured her becos of the good food and toys to play. I didn't even like the friend. I guess I used her. I recall when she was nasty and the mom condemned my clothes, I cried and wanted to walk out that night and told them I wanted to go home.
Even my best friend throughout primary to secondary and college, we don't have things in common. She doesn't excite, she makes me feel 'bad' cos she is beautiful. I stayed becos of the food.
Father, looks like I never really care much for people.

Not true, I now have close friends that have common interest. We helped each other to grow. I helped my staff to grow. (Aug 8 - actually, I am alone in this.)

Radical Forgiveness
Ironically, the people who seem to upset us the most are those who, at the soul level, love and support us the most. They are often souls we made contracts with prior to our incarnation to do certain things with us during our lifetime. Infact most time, our personalities clash terribly.
Almost always, and often at great expense to themselves in terms of their own discomfort, these individuals try to teach us something about ourselves and encourage us to move torward our awakening.

Soul
Amen.

Radical Forgiveness
When we see ourselves as victims, we think only about killing the messenger. We miss the message.
It doesn't occur to us that we might have (at the soul level) attracted the person and the situation to ourselves for a reason and that had it not been this person it simply would have been someone else.

Soul
Yea, my 3 bosses with valuation issue. They came continuously without break.
Mmm, tot of S. He need this for his sake.