Our fragile peace is easily triggered by hidden fear

Jul 26 Even

Today saw Osho card on Sadness as internal issue. I wonder why the card? I am not sad.
Alas, today small scolding from the CEO and I was affected. Father, why I am still affected. What happened to my peace of mind, that so little can trigger it.
I tot, it wasn't necessary for her to take such a harsh tone. No one is judging her, why is she defending herself. Why does she always play the victim mode, like the world force it on her. Why made her life difficult.

Alas, mirror on me. Why I tot the world force me to justify my existence, when it was me who pushed myself. I made my life difficult. Just now, was bit disturbed with the scolding and then small tat with GM cos I need to assert the payment policy. Start to think people doesn't want me, start to think negatively. I know this has to do with the valuation mode.
Father, guide me. I affirm that I am lovable and attract only loving people and loving circumstances.
　
(Aug 13 - I realised my root sadness is the feeling of being unwanted, rejected. Anyway, now that it is no longer hidden, I can see the present situation more objectively, rather than being carried away by my past. Amen. Thanks for sending CEO as my mirror)

Osho - Nanak
Nanak -Through contemplation, you cease to bear the brunt of Life.
Buddha - If the lamp is burning within and if awareness stand guard in the house, no obstacles or hindrance dare enter within you.
One single lamp illuminates the whole interior and all fears flee. Once the house is lighted, u can see whatever danger there is, u can always find ways to deal with it.
Now you are as changeable as the seasons. There is nothing stable within you, nothing crystallised, so u have to bear a slap in the face every moment.

Soul
Tell me about it. I felt like back to square one. A tot came - Nope. Okie, at least I am aware. Even my response to GM was on the valuation mode for compliance to Regional policy.
But these seem never-ending. When will I be lifted up from these mundane and insignificant matters?

Osho
If there were only one hindrance, u could get rid of it, but they are infinite. Destroy one, ten more take its place. If u keep grappling with each, hoping to eradicate them one by one, u will never succeed.
A method is needed to finish it once and for all. And he who shows u this method, the gur, is the guru.

(Aug 13 - I was laughing when I read this. Tell me about it, never-ending stories. But now I know at least I can shorten the lenght of the stories..)

Osho - Nanak
Continue with the repetition of Omkar and let it reach the non-repeating state, then u find ur eyes opened. Then there are no obstructions, for these are but ur creations. There is no outside enemy to be vanquished.
You are ur own enemy. Your insensitivity is ur enemy and because of it u r emeshed in endless entanglements. No matter how cautious u r, u keep adding fresh hindrances at every step.
There are people who regulate their lives with control and restraint. They must take each step carefully so as not to go astray. But restraint is not the end; awareness is the ultimate goal.
The invitation to wander is always beckoning inside. A person who practices self-denial and controls his every action must always be afraid, for within him, the imprisoned passion continue boiling.

(Aug 13 - all the 3 bosses from hell are also very passionate. I gues I am also passionate inwardly.)

Soul
My wandering mind. And also today my Osho card talk about letting go of my control strategy. Also, perhaps I do have suppressed anger for not defending myself.

Osho
The gateway is within u, the wandering is within u, the obstructions are within u, the paths are within u.
When once the lamp is lit, you can see in both directions; what is truth and what is untruth.
Under the light of the lamp, all desire is seen as untruth and to follow desire is the mundane world. As the light burns within u, u will see that desirelessness (neither expectations nor attachments) is truth and also the gateway to liberation.

What is the mundane world but an eternal round of begging for alms? Just observe urself. What r u doing in ur neediness? All 24 hours, u r wanting, ur arms stretched out in desire.
Through contemplation, ur begging ceases. Rememberance makes a king of u, an emperor; it releases u from begging. Contemplation gives all and moves u beyond desire.

Soul
Very timely msg for me.