Thursday, August 12, 2010

Our fragile peace is easily triggered by hidden fear (3)

Jul 27 Even
Father, I still have tot of me being valueless. Yeap, CEO's valuation mode is triggered by anything perceived to threaten her valuation. She now use office admin to attack me.

Father, a tot came to me. Same here. My valuation mode also triggered, mine hits me whereas hers hit others.

Ok, my value has dropped. I am fearful of confrontation or rather has to swallow it. Despite my fear, I saw her on the carpet. I get it done despite my fear. So, ego said next week, she will attack me too. But I will be more prepared. Father, let me learn this asap. Just as she is easily triggered, I am also.

A small incident, and d scolding was minimal and I managed to bring down her anger. Her words again, I am too big for my head. I don't have respect for her.

Father, help me to learn asap. Her triggering mode will continue so my triggering mode has to stop. Otherwise, it will be never ending. Of cos, I tot of quitting but how to find 4 days job. And I am not yet established as counselor.

Father, will get thru this. The scolding was much lesser when I triggered her on the leave issue. Since I survived that, I can survived this too. I guess part of it I was judging myself for being affected still. Just focus on seeing my triggering mode and work on it.

At least be happy that I did see thru P's issue with S - envious that he goes all the way out to do his best. P's is on the lazy side and lacked initiative. As for her mirror with CEO, she has power leakages. That's the friction between her and CEO.

Also glad that I handled the cd issue with C. She hasn't done anything yet as not only was she renovating her house, also office and other things. I guess she worries that I judged her.

Osho - Nanak
Socrates
When the sage attains the supreme knowledge, he finds that there is only one thing that remains to be known - I know nothing.

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