With presence, negativity becomes a helpful wake up call (2)

Aug 3 Even

This evening received an email offer from 2 candidates asking for sky high demands. Amazingly their 2 bosses says ok. I was angry. At first I tot it was becos I have to say yes to something I don't believe in. But when I arrive home, I still have tots of d mail. So, I know it has to be more and I asked for help.

Later, when I was meditating, I realised it feeling of envy. I who never make any demand and just says or perhaps didn't say the right things got scolded and here the asking for sky high demand, they were not scolded and better still demands granted.

Father, my unlovability has risen to the surface. I am so easily triggered. How empty my well of love is vs others. Loads of tear as feeling of unlovability comes in waves and then followed by loads of laughter. I told Him that I know He loves me.
I am fine now as I remembered I am loved by Him. I judged CEO for being so easily triggered. I am also. Nevermind, need to experience before I can transcend. Amen.

My wrist hasn't really recover and now my elbow has slight pain too. Due to the pain, m not looking forward to the suria namaskara. But I know d pain will on be for 2 cycles, after that I be fine. Tot of the socso payout again. Is this really end of my career?? Father, guide me. I am afraid.


(Aug 27 - after discovering my envious issue, the resentment died down. Infact, when I called up the candidates, I told them that I am envious of them, never dare nor have the opportunity to issue such demands. Then I found out, they really having a bad deal at current place and hence just asking for bit more. And they are truly nice gals. No wonder K didnt react to the email cos he knows them.)

Osho - Nanak
Fools always think themselves great; wise men are aware of their smallness.
As understanding increases the feeling of being too small, too insignificant, parallels the sense of His vastness and all pervading presence.