Sept 5
Attended the Tamil initiation today. It wasn't as powerful as the previous initiation. It was more of an acceptance, I was dancing, singing and laughing. Towards the end was just silence and peace.
But the amazing part was the mother session in tamil. Despite the difference in language, I was receptive, I cried loads, followed by laughter.
Father, I have accepted myself. I am back to my natural self. Today dinner with brother and I can see him for what he is. He no longer affects me, his criticism no longer sting, it just dropped. Amen.
I finally did it. I regained my Power, just like the inner child card say I would.
Frankly both d guys also not up to what I want. The IE teacher is so lovely. So strong and yet soft. So focused and yet humorous. So much power and yet unassuming. He is intelligent and spiritual. You can just sense the loving compassion that is emitted. We haved the most relaxed IE ever.
Yeap, could say that I fell in love :). But he is such a lovely guy. He has such a lovely smile, so loving.
That's what I want to be. That's the type of guy I want. Not someone rich in wealth but someone rich in their beingness. Comfortable in their own skin, don't have to assert their valuation. They just be.
Mmm, that's what I want to be too.
He joined Isha since 15 years ago. Mmm, me just 2 years, something to look forward to, the next 13 years.
(Sept 27 - of cos, am back to the mundane world. I can't say I will let go of the richness, but at least I know I can be loving myself. Like my friend P says, once you can see, you have it inside you. I have the loving compassion inside me...it just need me to release it)
Osho - Nanak
Power is the expression in the Realm of Grace
He who attains his grace attains this intense magnetism. You are drawn towards him. You try to stop urself but cannot, for some magnificent attraction bind u to him in spite of all ur efforts.
We have only to step aside and give way to the energy.
Soul
Perhaps that explaing why we all are drawn to the Tamil IE teacher.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
My mirror on authority with S, same as my brother with me
Sept 4
Father, just like my brother loves me by criticising me. Asking me to be more than I am now.
I just realised I am doing the same to S. I care about him and expect more cos I see the potential in him. I was wondering and feeling guilty why I gave him a hard time when he did good in so many other areas. I didn't like myself for my negative and harsh statements to him. I tot it was him and I did wonder if it was me. But when I asked P and W (of cos they are coloured), they say its him. But I have been asking why??
When he made mistake or miss my expectation, I reacted cos I tot I didn't guide him enough. Couldn't help him to be the great person that he could be. Among all my current staff, I care for him the most. I think he has the greatest potential.
Father, I too showed my love the wrong way.
I take back my power and will show my love in a positive instead of negative way. I recalled S said to stop thinking he can be great cos he doesn't feel so and also I would be disappointed.
Father, is the same I told my brother. I told him this is what I am and I don't care to be more.
Heal Ur Life
Pay attention to what u say. The word u say is reflective of what u feel. And ur feeling is ur vibration. And the Universe picks up ur vibration as ur Point of Attraction. Universe respond to ur vibration.
Soul
Thanks for sending S. I will love him right. My brother's way of loving is not mine. I am a sweet and innocent person and I would never hurt people consciously.
I will guide myself lovingly.
Affirmation
I accept and guide myself lovingly.
I love and approve of myself.
I am my Natural Self.
I do work that I like.
I worked with people that I like
I am earning good money for doing what I like.
Soul
When I was napping for 3.5 hours today. I dream of d person and I was with him. For the first time, I dream of being together. A great turn-around that I am ready to be in a rship.
Louis hay
- a 12 page pamphlet.
- 5000 copies
- sold within 2 years later.
(Sept 27 - Father, I am starting out an ebook comprising 10 articles, target 5,000 readers on a monthly basis.)
Father, now I know why I don't like criticism of others and myself. Its because I have been criticising myself unconsciously. I have not been loving myself.
I now lift out the criticism.
Father, such irony.
Alas I discover the root of my RA, which inner-self criticism. The beauty is u brought S into my life so that I can see what my brother did to me, I am doing to S and myself. Amen.
Father, S must be feeling that I am hard on him. The more I am hard on him, the more he thinks is the others influencing me. But that's not true. Its me.
Father, I never realised he is a real blessing to me.
Father, no wonder Teacher says anything also good for me. She said I am very receptive. I am receptive cos I am open. I am open because I am willing. I am willing because I am determined to be back in Power of myself. My aim is Self-mastery.
Father, my Insight - Lifting the veil of illusion, either self-created or people-created.
(Sept 27 - I finally take charge. S is not me and not good at strategising. Infact his strategy is to hire his strength and he worked on improving his weakness. I told him that is not right, I aim to have easy life, not difficult life. I finally pull the plug and we will hire his weakness instead. He would then worked on his managing skills)
Eczema
Antagonism - an active hostility or opposition
The inhibition of the growth of one type of organism by a different type of organsim that is competing for the same ecological niche.
Not being able to release anger and not being able to forgive.
Soul - yeap, I was guiding S harshly, the way my brother was guiding him. Instead of accepting and acknowleding his strength. I was critical of his weakness and forever asking him to approve. I forgot to let him know his strength is more important than his weakness. We r each different.
Father, I got back my Power. And mine is an Innocent Loving Power and not a harsh criticising power.
Father, Amen.
Sept 4 Eve
Father, U r really great. Whatever I need will be brought to me. Anything at all.
I never knew S is my mirror. And it is timely becos its after I learned about me learning from my brother loving criticisingly instead of loving acceptingly. I have been doing it to myself unconsciously all these years. And for the first time, I did it to my staff, S. He was the first one that I tot was my equal and hence I measured and expect him to deliver as per me.
All in its right place.
Father, its worth it, all the joints pain that I faced these last 3 months. Never once I blamed u, I knew its me. And here followed with Soul Sisters today and my brother came back yday, Sadhguru's birthday yesterday and tomorrow IE initiation. Everything happening right on. One after another.
I found my Natural Innocent Self. Tomorrow IE is to cement it.
Osho - Nanak
As soon as the rays of his compassion descend on you, u attain infinite power.
You become capable of untold power; u touch mud and it becomes gold.
Now wherever u look, u see heaven.
Now u r no more and everything is possible.
Wherever ur eyes look, the gates of heaven will open. Wherever u go, whatever u do, the very air in that place will change. The people who gather around u will be affected by ur glory, it will permeate them.
Energy or power is active and infectious. Well-being and health are equally infectious. Not only does evil enter u through others, but also goodness enters u and flows to others.
From within we are all connected and flow onto each other.
Father, just like my brother loves me by criticising me. Asking me to be more than I am now.
I just realised I am doing the same to S. I care about him and expect more cos I see the potential in him. I was wondering and feeling guilty why I gave him a hard time when he did good in so many other areas. I didn't like myself for my negative and harsh statements to him. I tot it was him and I did wonder if it was me. But when I asked P and W (of cos they are coloured), they say its him. But I have been asking why??
When he made mistake or miss my expectation, I reacted cos I tot I didn't guide him enough. Couldn't help him to be the great person that he could be. Among all my current staff, I care for him the most. I think he has the greatest potential.
Father, I too showed my love the wrong way.
I take back my power and will show my love in a positive instead of negative way. I recalled S said to stop thinking he can be great cos he doesn't feel so and also I would be disappointed.
Father, is the same I told my brother. I told him this is what I am and I don't care to be more.
Heal Ur Life
Pay attention to what u say. The word u say is reflective of what u feel. And ur feeling is ur vibration. And the Universe picks up ur vibration as ur Point of Attraction. Universe respond to ur vibration.
Soul
Thanks for sending S. I will love him right. My brother's way of loving is not mine. I am a sweet and innocent person and I would never hurt people consciously.
I will guide myself lovingly.
Affirmation
I accept and guide myself lovingly.
I love and approve of myself.
I am my Natural Self.
I do work that I like.
I worked with people that I like
I am earning good money for doing what I like.
Soul
When I was napping for 3.5 hours today. I dream of d person and I was with him. For the first time, I dream of being together. A great turn-around that I am ready to be in a rship.
Louis hay
- a 12 page pamphlet.
- 5000 copies
- sold within 2 years later.
(Sept 27 - Father, I am starting out an ebook comprising 10 articles, target 5,000 readers on a monthly basis.)
Father, now I know why I don't like criticism of others and myself. Its because I have been criticising myself unconsciously. I have not been loving myself.
I now lift out the criticism.
Father, such irony.
Alas I discover the root of my RA, which inner-self criticism. The beauty is u brought S into my life so that I can see what my brother did to me, I am doing to S and myself. Amen.
Father, S must be feeling that I am hard on him. The more I am hard on him, the more he thinks is the others influencing me. But that's not true. Its me.
Father, I never realised he is a real blessing to me.
Father, no wonder Teacher says anything also good for me. She said I am very receptive. I am receptive cos I am open. I am open because I am willing. I am willing because I am determined to be back in Power of myself. My aim is Self-mastery.
Father, my Insight - Lifting the veil of illusion, either self-created or people-created.
(Sept 27 - I finally take charge. S is not me and not good at strategising. Infact his strategy is to hire his strength and he worked on improving his weakness. I told him that is not right, I aim to have easy life, not difficult life. I finally pull the plug and we will hire his weakness instead. He would then worked on his managing skills)
Eczema
Antagonism - an active hostility or opposition
The inhibition of the growth of one type of organism by a different type of organsim that is competing for the same ecological niche.
Not being able to release anger and not being able to forgive.
Soul - yeap, I was guiding S harshly, the way my brother was guiding him. Instead of accepting and acknowleding his strength. I was critical of his weakness and forever asking him to approve. I forgot to let him know his strength is more important than his weakness. We r each different.
Father, I got back my Power. And mine is an Innocent Loving Power and not a harsh criticising power.
Father, Amen.
Sept 4 Eve
Father, U r really great. Whatever I need will be brought to me. Anything at all.
I never knew S is my mirror. And it is timely becos its after I learned about me learning from my brother loving criticisingly instead of loving acceptingly. I have been doing it to myself unconsciously all these years. And for the first time, I did it to my staff, S. He was the first one that I tot was my equal and hence I measured and expect him to deliver as per me.
All in its right place.
Father, its worth it, all the joints pain that I faced these last 3 months. Never once I blamed u, I knew its me. And here followed with Soul Sisters today and my brother came back yday, Sadhguru's birthday yesterday and tomorrow IE initiation. Everything happening right on. One after another.
I found my Natural Innocent Self. Tomorrow IE is to cement it.
Osho - Nanak
As soon as the rays of his compassion descend on you, u attain infinite power.
You become capable of untold power; u touch mud and it becomes gold.
Now wherever u look, u see heaven.
Now u r no more and everything is possible.
Wherever ur eyes look, the gates of heaven will open. Wherever u go, whatever u do, the very air in that place will change. The people who gather around u will be affected by ur glory, it will permeate them.
Energy or power is active and infectious. Well-being and health are equally infectious. Not only does evil enter u through others, but also goodness enters u and flows to others.
From within we are all connected and flow onto each other.
Memory is not intelligence
Sept 3 Aft
Father, thank u for sending Sadhguru.
I really needed a special meditation to ground my latest Revelation about my Self-criticising and here I am given a chance to do so.
Father, I know whatever I need will be given to me. Amen.
Spoke to GM and I am glad we shared. She knows I meant well. Early I was criticising myself up till yesterday and I told myself GM also plays a meditator role between PD and CEO. So, nothing to feel guilty about. Because of that, I was able to talk to her. Amen.
Also I asked GM about my issue about staff claiming advance. She says that it is common that staff does so. They think why should they use their own money to spend for company matters. So, it is my issue. Father, tell me.
Evening
Attended the special sathsang for Sadhguru. I cried during guru pooja and then laugh loads during the special meditation.
Father, thank U for everything. I also made my peace with C. On the website, V has given me good input, so that's great too.
Tomorrow going for workshop and on Sunday will go for the initiation.
Osho - Nanak
Wise men are intelligent, like pundits; holy men have recollection and remembrance and have some powerful memories. Even if they have no intelligence, their remembrance is very strong.
It often happens that very intelligent people have hopeless memories; and many whose memories are strong are not intelligent.
This because the function of memory is different: to store whatever it comes across and recall it.
The function of intelligence is different: to make way through the unknown, with which it is unacquainted.
Both are oriented differently; remembrance focuses on the past, and intelligence looks toward the future.
Scientist believe that if memory is very strong, intelligence gets locked up in it, thereby preventing intelligence from working freely.
Most educational institutions lay stress on memory, so it is no wonder that the world is full of dull people.
Genius mean the natural ability to know life and recognise it. It is a capacity to know and understand in a flash the answer to any question of life.
Mmm, I could be a genius even. Amen
Father, thank u for sending Sadhguru.
I really needed a special meditation to ground my latest Revelation about my Self-criticising and here I am given a chance to do so.
Father, I know whatever I need will be given to me. Amen.
Spoke to GM and I am glad we shared. She knows I meant well. Early I was criticising myself up till yesterday and I told myself GM also plays a meditator role between PD and CEO. So, nothing to feel guilty about. Because of that, I was able to talk to her. Amen.
Also I asked GM about my issue about staff claiming advance. She says that it is common that staff does so. They think why should they use their own money to spend for company matters. So, it is my issue. Father, tell me.
Evening
Attended the special sathsang for Sadhguru. I cried during guru pooja and then laugh loads during the special meditation.
Father, thank U for everything. I also made my peace with C. On the website, V has given me good input, so that's great too.
Tomorrow going for workshop and on Sunday will go for the initiation.
Osho - Nanak
Wise men are intelligent, like pundits; holy men have recollection and remembrance and have some powerful memories. Even if they have no intelligence, their remembrance is very strong.
It often happens that very intelligent people have hopeless memories; and many whose memories are strong are not intelligent.
This because the function of memory is different: to store whatever it comes across and recall it.
The function of intelligence is different: to make way through the unknown, with which it is unacquainted.
Both are oriented differently; remembrance focuses on the past, and intelligence looks toward the future.
Scientist believe that if memory is very strong, intelligence gets locked up in it, thereby preventing intelligence from working freely.
Most educational institutions lay stress on memory, so it is no wonder that the world is full of dull people.
Genius mean the natural ability to know life and recognise it. It is a capacity to know and understand in a flash the answer to any question of life.
Mmm, I could be a genius even. Amen
Breakthru on control/valuation
Sept 3
Father, asanas were effortless even though I was distracted. My right elbow has almost recovered.
Was thinking of my issue with authority. Alas, it was my brother. The timing is great. He is coming back tonight. Also tomorrow is Soul Sisters workshop and Sunday is IE initiation.
Really didn't expect this breakthrough and perhaps that's what it meant, my chain and bracelet broke. And I have mended it and now wearing.
Heal Ur life
The more u dwell on what u don't want, the more of it u create.
Soul
Father, I want to do Humanmetrics, 7thunder cards, Osho and also Radical Forgiveness.
For years, I tot the incident was the one that make me a control freak. Alas, it was not. It was my wrong interpretation and wrong solution.
And I never knew where my authority issue arise as both parents gave us absolute freedom except for emotional outburst among siblings.
Perhaps that's where my anger lies. My anger at brother for always restraining me was suppressed and also my sadness at brother also suppressed.
Alas, d incident. Now I think back, I played with others and tot I can played with him too. But I didn't enjoy it and then don't know how to stop it as I was embarassed that I let it go so far. I was in control of my emotion. Alas, its not becos I lost control that I let it continue. Its becos I was in control that I let it continue.
Father, I always have the power of control since I was a child. Despite so much criticism by my brother. Actually, now looking back, he just want to protect me from being hurt. Telling me all my weakness so I could defend myself. Who knows, maybe that's why I am a strategist. The thing I hated most was him asking me to do housework. Until now I don't know why I dislike housework, it can move me to tears.
Aiyah, I know now. Its becos of my valuation. I perceived housework as low value and doing it would reduce my valuation. We r already poor and I don't want to lower my valuation any further.
I am not lazy, I just don't like to do anything that can lower my valuation. I recalled that I told my mom that I will earn enough money and hired a maid to do all the houseworks as it is not meant for me to do. I use my brain and not my hands.
All these years, I tot I was lazy and would never tot I am disciplined or hardworking. I dislike when people says m hardworking, disciplined and etc. I couldn't take it cos I tot it was not me.
Only now after doing meditation, that I know m disciplined and hardworking.
Mmm, this is similar to CEO. Its not that she like shopping, its just that she cannot have any possession that can lower her valuation.
Father, such a big big circle. All these years, I tot control issue was my weakness and something that need to be handled. I try ways and means to lose it. The last 2 years of eating double and sleeping double release it.
I tot I have wrongly exerted controls over myself.
The real truth is not the control but its the self-criticism I have for myself.
Now I know its my Control, my Self-Mastery that's is inherent in me.
Father, I love U. Thanks for being with me throughout my journey. You led me safely and patiently. Alas, I am at home. Alas, I know I create my world. Alas, I love my Control. I love myself.
And on my husband, I now know why I wanted money, intelligence. Becos this are things that will increase his valuation and mine too. So, I don't have to criticise myself.
Alas, ... It all boils down to my valuation.
Suddenly tot of C. Now I know why I was disappointed and want to end the rship. Its becos I wrongly perceived her value. And I now viewed her as someone that can lower my valuation.
Why do I give power to others that they are able to lower my valuation, my worth.
Becos, I gave the power to my brother to lower my valuation.
Father, I am going in deeper. The self-criticism is not the root. The root is me valuing myself in relation to my output (job, work, task, housework, emotion) and my input (friends, boyfriends, husband, food, books, family, boss and colleagues)
A tot came, I think I am god (as mentioned by LY). Nope, I think I valued myself as if I am the Ultimate Judge, ie god. What if my valuation mode is flawed, extreme, then I die standing cos anything I do will not be valuable enough.
Father, this valuation mode exist since I was young.
My constant questions to God 1. Why U so hard on me and so easy on others?
2. Why do I always need to prove my worth?
3. Why u give me knowledge and want me to share. Why so hard on me?
My answer was God doesn't love m and hence give me a challenging life.
This is actually me thinking that my brother doesn't love me, always criticising me on my deficiencies and always give me challenging time, ie to do housework. Forcing me to do something I hated.
My brother is not hard on me. Now I recalled his advice and his love for me.
Father, U r not hard on me. My brother is not hard on me. I am hard on myself.
I don't have to judge myself. I am not God. I don't know the values of things.
I don't have to value myself and hence I don't have to value others too.
Perhaps that's why I don't validate people cos I have extreme high standard. I also don't validate myself. I validate myself only when I prove myself worthy of it, same like others.
Since I validate and approve myself only when I achieve, I keep on seeking challenges.
And perhaps this Self-Mastery path is just another challenge that I sought so ask to validate myself.
Who am I to judge others?
Who am I to judge myself?
Now I realise what LY meant by me playing God. Yeap, I played the role of God with myself.
I released my role as the Judge. I I released my valuation mode as I no longer need to value myself, just like I don't need to weigh myself, just like I don't need to time my sleeping hours. I need not put any measurement, any parameters.
I am priceless. Everyone is priceless.
Father, my anger on C is gone. I want to thank her. Now this is it.
Osho
The Issue - Slowing down
The essence is at ease. Each moment one can be at ease with oneself - not trying to improve, not cultivating anything, not practising anything.
It is time when u r ready to let go of any expectations u have had about yourself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying.
There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who r r right now. If desires, dreams and hopes are fading away. Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and u r able to welcome this development in a way you have never been able to before.
Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest, and recognising that u r already home.
Soul
Alas, I experience the meaning of the card.
2. Internal - Abundance
When u become existential, u become whole.
Soul - I feel fulfilled now. Need not create anymore value for myself. Need not judge myself anymore. I am existence. I am complete. I am whole.
3. External influence -Schizophrenia (split mind)
You cannot do pro and con to find the answer. Just jump - your heart will start beating so fast that there will be no mistake about where it is
Soul
Yeap, I jumped in deep.
For years, the answer delude me and now I got it.
4. What is needed for resolution - Sorrow
Times of sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But u need to go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity
Soul
I now experience the card. No wonder elbow pain is nearly gone.
5. Resolution - Miser.
Things are not the target. Ur innermost being, is the target, not a beautiful u, a valuable u, not many things, but an open being, available to millions of things.
Soul
I was always afraid to lose, to be rejected as I couldn't afford my valuation to go down.
Now I know no one and no thing can affect me. Infact, I need not be valued. I cannot be valued as GoD doesn't do valuation, only human does.
Yeap, I am open already and ready to experience whatever comes my way.
Father, asanas were effortless even though I was distracted. My right elbow has almost recovered.
Was thinking of my issue with authority. Alas, it was my brother. The timing is great. He is coming back tonight. Also tomorrow is Soul Sisters workshop and Sunday is IE initiation.
Really didn't expect this breakthrough and perhaps that's what it meant, my chain and bracelet broke. And I have mended it and now wearing.
Heal Ur life
The more u dwell on what u don't want, the more of it u create.
Soul
Father, I want to do Humanmetrics, 7thunder cards, Osho and also Radical Forgiveness.
For years, I tot the incident was the one that make me a control freak. Alas, it was not. It was my wrong interpretation and wrong solution.
And I never knew where my authority issue arise as both parents gave us absolute freedom except for emotional outburst among siblings.
Perhaps that's where my anger lies. My anger at brother for always restraining me was suppressed and also my sadness at brother also suppressed.
Alas, d incident. Now I think back, I played with others and tot I can played with him too. But I didn't enjoy it and then don't know how to stop it as I was embarassed that I let it go so far. I was in control of my emotion. Alas, its not becos I lost control that I let it continue. Its becos I was in control that I let it continue.
Father, I always have the power of control since I was a child. Despite so much criticism by my brother. Actually, now looking back, he just want to protect me from being hurt. Telling me all my weakness so I could defend myself. Who knows, maybe that's why I am a strategist. The thing I hated most was him asking me to do housework. Until now I don't know why I dislike housework, it can move me to tears.
Aiyah, I know now. Its becos of my valuation. I perceived housework as low value and doing it would reduce my valuation. We r already poor and I don't want to lower my valuation any further.
I am not lazy, I just don't like to do anything that can lower my valuation. I recalled that I told my mom that I will earn enough money and hired a maid to do all the houseworks as it is not meant for me to do. I use my brain and not my hands.
All these years, I tot I was lazy and would never tot I am disciplined or hardworking. I dislike when people says m hardworking, disciplined and etc. I couldn't take it cos I tot it was not me.
Only now after doing meditation, that I know m disciplined and hardworking.
Mmm, this is similar to CEO. Its not that she like shopping, its just that she cannot have any possession that can lower her valuation.
Father, such a big big circle. All these years, I tot control issue was my weakness and something that need to be handled. I try ways and means to lose it. The last 2 years of eating double and sleeping double release it.
I tot I have wrongly exerted controls over myself.
The real truth is not the control but its the self-criticism I have for myself.
Now I know its my Control, my Self-Mastery that's is inherent in me.
Father, I love U. Thanks for being with me throughout my journey. You led me safely and patiently. Alas, I am at home. Alas, I know I create my world. Alas, I love my Control. I love myself.
And on my husband, I now know why I wanted money, intelligence. Becos this are things that will increase his valuation and mine too. So, I don't have to criticise myself.
Alas, ... It all boils down to my valuation.
Suddenly tot of C. Now I know why I was disappointed and want to end the rship. Its becos I wrongly perceived her value. And I now viewed her as someone that can lower my valuation.
Why do I give power to others that they are able to lower my valuation, my worth.
Becos, I gave the power to my brother to lower my valuation.
Father, I am going in deeper. The self-criticism is not the root. The root is me valuing myself in relation to my output (job, work, task, housework, emotion) and my input (friends, boyfriends, husband, food, books, family, boss and colleagues)
A tot came, I think I am god (as mentioned by LY). Nope, I think I valued myself as if I am the Ultimate Judge, ie god. What if my valuation mode is flawed, extreme, then I die standing cos anything I do will not be valuable enough.
Father, this valuation mode exist since I was young.
My constant questions to God 1. Why U so hard on me and so easy on others?
2. Why do I always need to prove my worth?
3. Why u give me knowledge and want me to share. Why so hard on me?
My answer was God doesn't love m and hence give me a challenging life.
This is actually me thinking that my brother doesn't love me, always criticising me on my deficiencies and always give me challenging time, ie to do housework. Forcing me to do something I hated.
My brother is not hard on me. Now I recalled his advice and his love for me.
Father, U r not hard on me. My brother is not hard on me. I am hard on myself.
I don't have to judge myself. I am not God. I don't know the values of things.
I don't have to value myself and hence I don't have to value others too.
Perhaps that's why I don't validate people cos I have extreme high standard. I also don't validate myself. I validate myself only when I prove myself worthy of it, same like others.
Since I validate and approve myself only when I achieve, I keep on seeking challenges.
And perhaps this Self-Mastery path is just another challenge that I sought so ask to validate myself.
Who am I to judge others?
Who am I to judge myself?
Now I realise what LY meant by me playing God. Yeap, I played the role of God with myself.
I released my role as the Judge. I I released my valuation mode as I no longer need to value myself, just like I don't need to weigh myself, just like I don't need to time my sleeping hours. I need not put any measurement, any parameters.
I am priceless. Everyone is priceless.
Father, my anger on C is gone. I want to thank her. Now this is it.
Osho
The Issue - Slowing down
The essence is at ease. Each moment one can be at ease with oneself - not trying to improve, not cultivating anything, not practising anything.
It is time when u r ready to let go of any expectations u have had about yourself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying.
There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who r r right now. If desires, dreams and hopes are fading away. Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and u r able to welcome this development in a way you have never been able to before.
Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest, and recognising that u r already home.
Soul
Alas, I experience the meaning of the card.
2. Internal - Abundance
When u become existential, u become whole.
Soul - I feel fulfilled now. Need not create anymore value for myself. Need not judge myself anymore. I am existence. I am complete. I am whole.
3. External influence -Schizophrenia (split mind)
You cannot do pro and con to find the answer. Just jump - your heart will start beating so fast that there will be no mistake about where it is
Soul
Yeap, I jumped in deep.
For years, the answer delude me and now I got it.
4. What is needed for resolution - Sorrow
Times of sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But u need to go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity
Soul
I now experience the card. No wonder elbow pain is nearly gone.
5. Resolution - Miser.
Things are not the target. Ur innermost being, is the target, not a beautiful u, a valuable u, not many things, but an open being, available to millions of things.
Soul
I was always afraid to lose, to be rejected as I couldn't afford my valuation to go down.
Now I know no one and no thing can affect me. Infact, I need not be valued. I cannot be valued as GoD doesn't do valuation, only human does.
Yeap, I am open already and ready to experience whatever comes my way.
7thunder interpretation for my rship with authority
Sept 2 Eve
Father, just now when a colleague criticised me for talking with mouth full. I didn't like it.
Now I know why, its because my brother used to criticise me a lots, telling me that I didn't do things correctly.
I hate it when people criticised me for not following society's norm such as manners, etiquette and etc.
My issue with authority stems from my brother. Our parents basically let us be independent.
That's why I hated most going to school, has to follow rulings and etc. I only enjoyed studying when I was in college when I attend class on free will.
Thank God, my brother left us to work elsewhere (9 of Hearts).
Nine of Hearts and Queen of Diamonds
Attraction - neg 2
Intensity - pos 3
Compatibility - neg 1
JUR to Queen - like to give me advice, money and etc.
Soul - agreed. He gave me car to use, gave me credit card and gave me load of advice/criticism which I don't like nor appreciate.
SAF and SAFS to Queen (Compatibility - neg 9, Intensity - 9, attraction - neg 5 )- I am his Saturn in Life and Spiritual - his teacher. It is a karmic rship. I present a challenge to him. And becos I was much younger, he used his authority to manage me instead so to avoid his lesson.
JUMS to Queen - We r Jupiter to each other in spiritual spread. We have a past life connection. It is a blessing.
Soul - Slowly I come to realise that.
MAR to Queen - He excites me and make me angry. He reminds me of things I don't like about myself.
Soul - true. I recalled its a hate/love rship. I recalled he teach me a lot but I hate it when he criticise me and used his authority to ask me to do things I don't like to. Always telling me that I need to improve in order to be competitive.
Queen of Diamond to 9 of Hearts
(Attraction - pos 1; Intensity - 1; compatibility - pos 1)
Yeap, I always keep my peace and at time avoid him cos he aggravates me. Push me. I affects him more than he affect me. But becos he is the elder, he used his authority to assert on me.
Father, now I understand.
Father, just now when a colleague criticised me for talking with mouth full. I didn't like it.
Now I know why, its because my brother used to criticise me a lots, telling me that I didn't do things correctly.
I hate it when people criticised me for not following society's norm such as manners, etiquette and etc.
My issue with authority stems from my brother. Our parents basically let us be independent.
That's why I hated most going to school, has to follow rulings and etc. I only enjoyed studying when I was in college when I attend class on free will.
Thank God, my brother left us to work elsewhere (9 of Hearts).
Nine of Hearts and Queen of Diamonds
Attraction - neg 2
Intensity - pos 3
Compatibility - neg 1
JUR to Queen - like to give me advice, money and etc.
Soul - agreed. He gave me car to use, gave me credit card and gave me load of advice/criticism which I don't like nor appreciate.
SAF and SAFS to Queen (Compatibility - neg 9, Intensity - 9, attraction - neg 5 )- I am his Saturn in Life and Spiritual - his teacher. It is a karmic rship. I present a challenge to him. And becos I was much younger, he used his authority to manage me instead so to avoid his lesson.
JUMS to Queen - We r Jupiter to each other in spiritual spread. We have a past life connection. It is a blessing.
Soul - Slowly I come to realise that.
MAR to Queen - He excites me and make me angry. He reminds me of things I don't like about myself.
Soul - true. I recalled its a hate/love rship. I recalled he teach me a lot but I hate it when he criticise me and used his authority to ask me to do things I don't like to. Always telling me that I need to improve in order to be competitive.
Queen of Diamond to 9 of Hearts
(Attraction - pos 1; Intensity - 1; compatibility - pos 1)
Yeap, I always keep my peace and at time avoid him cos he aggravates me. Push me. I affects him more than he affect me. But becos he is the elder, he used his authority to assert on me.
Father, now I understand.
Lifting veil on authority, which is cause of RA
Sept 2 Aft
Father, glad V is participative and asked me to change the site template.
As for CEO, she did a great job in opening up conversation with GM. Only thing is that she shared about 'me' telling her abt GM. Well, when GM asked me I would say CEO is baffled and has been asking me. I did share that GM is unhappy and I suggested a talk with her.
It is time for GM to open up before she explode.
On the biggest client, glad CEO took my input to pursue for the consolidation proposal asap as this is a great chance for us.
Looks like my wish of having big money is coming.
Father, today I was getting exasperated with S. Looks like he and W not patch up yet. Since W is my second in command, I will get S to report to her on Human Resource. W will give him the detailed orientation and she too can learn.
Was checking for brother in law
Arthritis
Cause
Feeling unloved.
Criticism, resentment.
Affirmation
I am love. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love.
Then tot of checking mine
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.
Yeap, I have judged God wrongly. I judged him becos my authority was my brother, always telling me that I born with so many deficiencies and I have to work harder than the rest in order to be recognised. Always telling me that I had to strategise, has to be in control of situation since I am handicapped.
Always says m not beautiful, m not smart and infact slow, m physically challenged, m lazy in housework.
Always force me to do housework. When I ignored him, he tries to use his authority as an elder to me.
And his subsequent action further reinforce my perception that he didn't love me. I tot I was not lovable.
Surprisingly a few years ago, his wife says that my brother loves me the most. I was shocked cos how can he say that. He gave me the most difficult time, always criticising me, always says m handicapped, always need me to prove myself.
And coincidentally he is back this weekend, and I now see the way he treat his daughter and wife the same way too.
Now, slowly but surely I realised its becos he love me, he want to protect me, always reminding me of my handicap, but do tell me how to overcome and etc.
I recalled I just want him to pay me less attention, preferably ignored me. But he is always there poking his face into my life, asserting his authority and etc.
I was so thankful he left us. And I can grow independently without him always highlighting my deficiency.
He is the one that led me to believe that if anyone were to get to know me better, they won't like me cos I got so many deficiencies. He led me to believe that I need to set a distance away from people, I cannot let people comes too near or else they reject me. Just like my brother did.
Alas, I have discovered my belief system that runs my life and resulted in RA.
My brother criticised me for my good, but his delivery is harsh becos I don't want to listen, always challenging him. (I am his Pluto card). He really love me. He does.
And when my brother left us. I took on him and later I put the authority as God and thinks God, my brother wants me to suffer, to overcome challenge in order to prove that I am worthy.
I have misplaced my authority to my Past. I have been seeking approval from my Past.
I finally got to the root of my Belief and cause of RA.
Amen
Father, my affirmation.
I am my own authority.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.
Father , me facing the sorrow card is now clear and the result
Is me opening up to sharing.
The issue is I want to share as I love to explore and exchange ideas but I also felt that it is forced upon me cos power is responsibility. That's why the Yes has been fluctuating.
Now alas, I know firstly the sharing is to complete, to enable me to fulfill my destiny. Secondly, it is not forced upon me.
Father, glad V is participative and asked me to change the site template.
As for CEO, she did a great job in opening up conversation with GM. Only thing is that she shared about 'me' telling her abt GM. Well, when GM asked me I would say CEO is baffled and has been asking me. I did share that GM is unhappy and I suggested a talk with her.
It is time for GM to open up before she explode.
On the biggest client, glad CEO took my input to pursue for the consolidation proposal asap as this is a great chance for us.
Looks like my wish of having big money is coming.
Father, today I was getting exasperated with S. Looks like he and W not patch up yet. Since W is my second in command, I will get S to report to her on Human Resource. W will give him the detailed orientation and she too can learn.
Was checking for brother in law
Arthritis
Cause
Feeling unloved.
Criticism, resentment.
Affirmation
I am love. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love.
Then tot of checking mine
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.
Yeap, I have judged God wrongly. I judged him becos my authority was my brother, always telling me that I born with so many deficiencies and I have to work harder than the rest in order to be recognised. Always telling me that I had to strategise, has to be in control of situation since I am handicapped.
Always says m not beautiful, m not smart and infact slow, m physically challenged, m lazy in housework.
Always force me to do housework. When I ignored him, he tries to use his authority as an elder to me.
And his subsequent action further reinforce my perception that he didn't love me. I tot I was not lovable.
Surprisingly a few years ago, his wife says that my brother loves me the most. I was shocked cos how can he say that. He gave me the most difficult time, always criticising me, always says m handicapped, always need me to prove myself.
And coincidentally he is back this weekend, and I now see the way he treat his daughter and wife the same way too.
Now, slowly but surely I realised its becos he love me, he want to protect me, always reminding me of my handicap, but do tell me how to overcome and etc.
I recalled I just want him to pay me less attention, preferably ignored me. But he is always there poking his face into my life, asserting his authority and etc.
I was so thankful he left us. And I can grow independently without him always highlighting my deficiency.
He is the one that led me to believe that if anyone were to get to know me better, they won't like me cos I got so many deficiencies. He led me to believe that I need to set a distance away from people, I cannot let people comes too near or else they reject me. Just like my brother did.
Alas, I have discovered my belief system that runs my life and resulted in RA.
My brother criticised me for my good, but his delivery is harsh becos I don't want to listen, always challenging him. (I am his Pluto card). He really love me. He does.
And when my brother left us. I took on him and later I put the authority as God and thinks God, my brother wants me to suffer, to overcome challenge in order to prove that I am worthy.
I have misplaced my authority to my Past. I have been seeking approval from my Past.
I finally got to the root of my Belief and cause of RA.
Amen
Father, my affirmation.
I am my own authority.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.
Father , me facing the sorrow card is now clear and the result
Is me opening up to sharing.
The issue is I want to share as I love to explore and exchange ideas but I also felt that it is forced upon me cos power is responsibility. That's why the Yes has been fluctuating.
Now alas, I know firstly the sharing is to complete, to enable me to fulfill my destiny. Secondly, it is not forced upon me.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Uncertainty due to drop in valuation (2)
Sept 2
Father, today suria was effortless. My right elbow pain has reduced so much. Thank U.
I am feeling bit sleepy today. Tot of d Initiation day, will go.
Osho
1. The Issue - Slowing down
Each moment one has to be at ease with oneself - not trying to improve, not cultivating anything, not practicing anything.
The essence is as ease.
Do whatever u r doing, but at the deepest core remain at ease, cool, calm and detached.
Let go of any expectations u hav had about urself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusion u might have been carrying.
Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognising that u r already at home.
Soul
The thing with GM/CEO seems to be working out. GM can't leave and CEO can't let her go. So, its staying intact, only thing is more openness.
What am I worried abt? Yea, my 3 years retirement. What if I don't have a career in writing by then. Also, not sure on d website progress as V is also busy with his new biz.
Aiyah, just relax.
Now I know why am worried, its the valuation after retirement. What is my valuation now? Father, my self esteem is really low. Keep on seeking to reinstate my valuation by doing something or overcoming challenges... Same as CEO need to hold on to position and money for her valuation.
I deserved a break, no need to prove my worthiness again and again. Remember its just me, not God who is pushing me. And RA is a result of me pushing myself.
I will work towards being a Catalyst Writer and Counselor as it is my Destiny and I enjoyed it and as for retirement, need not set deadline. Just focus on my Destiny as Catalyst.
2. Internal Influence that u r unable to see
Abundance
Zorba the Buddha who hold a lotus, showing he respects and contain himself the grace of feminine. He exposed belly and chest show that he is at home with his masculinity as well, utterly self-contained.
If u r a woman, the King of Rainbows brings the support of your own male energies into ur life, a union with the soul mate within.
3. External influence of which u r aware - Schizophrenia.
Man is split. If u want to say 'yes', immediately the "no" is there. You cannot even utter a simple word "yes" with totality.
The whole purpose of Zen is to drop the division of mind, how to be undivided, integrated, centred.
Soul
Guess while I know my destiny is to be a Catalyst Writer, am not sure if I can be successful one. Or perhaps valuation mode is questioning whether this will give me the valuation I need.
Mmm, just like CEO incurring huge debt to retain her valuation, I am incurring huge energy to retain my valuation too. Me, pushing myself constantly resulting in RA.
What is needed for resolution? Sorrow
This pain is not to make u sad, remember. This pain is just to make u alert - because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wound them.
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make u more aware! And when u r aware, misery disappears.
Time of great sorrow has the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self pity.
Soul
Tot of my RA pain.
RA is holding me in place of my Destiny as I want to heal myself.
I now acknowledge RA is from pushing too much. Will be aware whenever I push myself out of need to retain valuation.
5. Resolution
The Miser
The moment u become miserly u r closed to the basic phenomenon of life; expansion, sharing.
The moment u start clinging to things, u have missed ur target. Because things are not the target, ur innermost being, is the target, an open being available to millions of things.
Soul
Father, You have given me the Knowledge and I have It. I am worried if I share the Knowledge, it may be perceive as less valuable than I know it is. Why waste it or perhaps why do I need to be rejected.
Sharing is putting me out on a limb. What if its just me who thinks is Knowledge worth sharing and there is no recipient. Wouldn't that be loss of valuation.
I already have lost valuation in work and don't want to reduce it further by exposing my Knowledge. People may judge me as not knowing enough.
I don't want to prove my worthiness to them.
Aiyah, now I know why resentment towards opening up my knowledge.
Anger - why can't people learn on their own. Why God love others more than me.
Hurt - why God must have me teach them. Why he need to make me payback for the Knowledge.
Guilt - Knowledge is responsibility.
Fear - I am not sure I am good enough. I am not sure if I have enough Knowledge to share.
Love - when I give, I receive. the Sharing is for me too. To complete my Being.
Father, today suria was effortless. My right elbow pain has reduced so much. Thank U.
I am feeling bit sleepy today. Tot of d Initiation day, will go.
Osho
1. The Issue - Slowing down
Each moment one has to be at ease with oneself - not trying to improve, not cultivating anything, not practicing anything.
The essence is as ease.
Do whatever u r doing, but at the deepest core remain at ease, cool, calm and detached.
Let go of any expectations u hav had about urself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusion u might have been carrying.
Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognising that u r already at home.
Soul
The thing with GM/CEO seems to be working out. GM can't leave and CEO can't let her go. So, its staying intact, only thing is more openness.
What am I worried abt? Yea, my 3 years retirement. What if I don't have a career in writing by then. Also, not sure on d website progress as V is also busy with his new biz.
Aiyah, just relax.
Now I know why am worried, its the valuation after retirement. What is my valuation now? Father, my self esteem is really low. Keep on seeking to reinstate my valuation by doing something or overcoming challenges... Same as CEO need to hold on to position and money for her valuation.
I deserved a break, no need to prove my worthiness again and again. Remember its just me, not God who is pushing me. And RA is a result of me pushing myself.
I will work towards being a Catalyst Writer and Counselor as it is my Destiny and I enjoyed it and as for retirement, need not set deadline. Just focus on my Destiny as Catalyst.
2. Internal Influence that u r unable to see
Abundance
Zorba the Buddha who hold a lotus, showing he respects and contain himself the grace of feminine. He exposed belly and chest show that he is at home with his masculinity as well, utterly self-contained.
If u r a woman, the King of Rainbows brings the support of your own male energies into ur life, a union with the soul mate within.
3. External influence of which u r aware - Schizophrenia.
Man is split. If u want to say 'yes', immediately the "no" is there. You cannot even utter a simple word "yes" with totality.
The whole purpose of Zen is to drop the division of mind, how to be undivided, integrated, centred.
Soul
Guess while I know my destiny is to be a Catalyst Writer, am not sure if I can be successful one. Or perhaps valuation mode is questioning whether this will give me the valuation I need.
Mmm, just like CEO incurring huge debt to retain her valuation, I am incurring huge energy to retain my valuation too. Me, pushing myself constantly resulting in RA.
What is needed for resolution? Sorrow
This pain is not to make u sad, remember. This pain is just to make u alert - because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wound them.
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make u more aware! And when u r aware, misery disappears.
Time of great sorrow has the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self pity.
Soul
Tot of my RA pain.
RA is holding me in place of my Destiny as I want to heal myself.
I now acknowledge RA is from pushing too much. Will be aware whenever I push myself out of need to retain valuation.
5. Resolution
The Miser
The moment u become miserly u r closed to the basic phenomenon of life; expansion, sharing.
The moment u start clinging to things, u have missed ur target. Because things are not the target, ur innermost being, is the target, an open being available to millions of things.
Soul
Father, You have given me the Knowledge and I have It. I am worried if I share the Knowledge, it may be perceive as less valuable than I know it is. Why waste it or perhaps why do I need to be rejected.
Sharing is putting me out on a limb. What if its just me who thinks is Knowledge worth sharing and there is no recipient. Wouldn't that be loss of valuation.
I already have lost valuation in work and don't want to reduce it further by exposing my Knowledge. People may judge me as not knowing enough.
I don't want to prove my worthiness to them.
Aiyah, now I know why resentment towards opening up my knowledge.
Anger - why can't people learn on their own. Why God love others more than me.
Hurt - why God must have me teach them. Why he need to make me payback for the Knowledge.
Guilt - Knowledge is responsibility.
Fear - I am not sure I am good enough. I am not sure if I have enough Knowledge to share.
Love - when I give, I receive. the Sharing is for me too. To complete my Being.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Let life be a joyous laughter, a playfulness
Sep 1 Even
Father, I have received the cds. I am angry at C cos the so called menu/notes are few pages notes that can just be photocopied, nothing to it. She gave me the impression that there is little notes that require typing or writing and hence took so long.
Father, my judgement is correct, really no border. Well, I have border.
I am surprised that I don't even feel any sympathy for her. At the moment, what I can think of is the few months that she has procrastinated and also she jeopardise our friendship. Firstly, didn't rec my call, secondly didn't want to meet up, follow up by delays after delay and the main thing is not feeling apologeatic and not even bother to share and after all this fiasco the so-called notes can be photocopied straight off. I am pissed off at her for allowing the drama to continue. I am also angry at myself for not seeing that her 'sacrificial' mode is 2-way.
My principle is I don't sacrifice for people and I don't expect them to sacrifice for me. I expect basic decency and communication of expectations.
Osho - Nanak
The first experience of the Realm of Knowledge is nada, music.
The second is mirth, merry-making. Mirth means that life I no longer grim but pleasant; it means life becomes sweet, light, joyful and not burdensome.
He who has heard the nada can't be sad and despondent, but filled with mirth and laughter. He can laugh. Infact, only he can laugh in the true sense, his life energy is filled with joy.
There is no grimness, no gravity in his life; u will find him authentic, genuine.
His life is filled with joy and cheer; there are no dark circles of suffering under his eyes, only celebration.
The third is frolic, play. Such a person finds wonder in his life. He is thrilled at everything he see, at everything he feels and hears - just like a little child. He has no answer for anything and other's answers no longer concern him.
The final is bliss. Mirth is like bliss; bliss is deep mirth. Mirth is the top layer, likes the waves in the ocean, while bliss is the ocean depths.
Smiles and cheerfulness are the thrills of bliss that come to the lips. You can laugh only if there is bliss within u.
So mirth is on the surface; bliss is the depth.
Soul
I have been called authentic, genuine many times over.
I have experienced all this. Amen
Father, I have received the cds. I am angry at C cos the so called menu/notes are few pages notes that can just be photocopied, nothing to it. She gave me the impression that there is little notes that require typing or writing and hence took so long.
Father, my judgement is correct, really no border. Well, I have border.
I am surprised that I don't even feel any sympathy for her. At the moment, what I can think of is the few months that she has procrastinated and also she jeopardise our friendship. Firstly, didn't rec my call, secondly didn't want to meet up, follow up by delays after delay and the main thing is not feeling apologeatic and not even bother to share and after all this fiasco the so-called notes can be photocopied straight off. I am pissed off at her for allowing the drama to continue. I am also angry at myself for not seeing that her 'sacrificial' mode is 2-way.
My principle is I don't sacrifice for people and I don't expect them to sacrifice for me. I expect basic decency and communication of expectations.
Osho - Nanak
The first experience of the Realm of Knowledge is nada, music.
The second is mirth, merry-making. Mirth means that life I no longer grim but pleasant; it means life becomes sweet, light, joyful and not burdensome.
He who has heard the nada can't be sad and despondent, but filled with mirth and laughter. He can laugh. Infact, only he can laugh in the true sense, his life energy is filled with joy.
There is no grimness, no gravity in his life; u will find him authentic, genuine.
His life is filled with joy and cheer; there are no dark circles of suffering under his eyes, only celebration.
The third is frolic, play. Such a person finds wonder in his life. He is thrilled at everything he see, at everything he feels and hears - just like a little child. He has no answer for anything and other's answers no longer concern him.
The final is bliss. Mirth is like bliss; bliss is deep mirth. Mirth is the top layer, likes the waves in the ocean, while bliss is the ocean depths.
Smiles and cheerfulness are the thrills of bliss that come to the lips. You can laugh only if there is bliss within u.
So mirth is on the surface; bliss is the depth.
Soul
I have been called authentic, genuine many times over.
I have experienced all this. Amen
Control results in stress (3)
Sept 1 Afternoon
Wow, amazingly CEO is going forward with her awareness. I told her to focus on the destination instead of getting side tracked by GM. She says that her destination is to ensure GM stays as she thinks GM is good in her role. I told her that GM feel insecure too and is basically unhappy. CEO shared that perhaps her own ego has unconsciously stifle GM's growth and she suggested that to use Evaluation Form so that can have objective and open discussion. I told her that's great. I am so proud of her. I also told her that I felt bit guilty for sharing and causing her unnecessary burden. She says that she is glad I shared and she see the change as positive. Amen.
Father, U really showed me. I would never have dreamt this is possible.
Father, reading topic of forgiveness. Tot of my brother. I recalled during BSP, I reacted strongly when asked to scream. I just couldn't and then later I realised why. I blamed myself for not putting a stop to it. Why did I allow it?
Now I realise its becos I am a thinker and a delayed action. I recall now I was pondering what is happening and hence didn't react. So, its not a case of allowing. My thinking mode was operating, its not a case of me losing control. Infact it is a case of my mind having too much control that my body didn't react immediately.
Finally, a turn-around perspective.
Even me enduring friendship for food. It is because of my mind controlling my emotion. Not a case, of me wanting just pleasure of food.
Alas, I already have inherent control since I am very young, and a few incidents wrongly perceived resulted in me further enhancing my inherent control.
I forgive myself for over-enhancing my control causing me to unconsciously disconnected with my body, resulting in RA.
Father, also tot of me being a toucher. My mother is a service person but she is not a toucher. My dad is but he is seldom at home. Perhaps that's why I indulged in 'games' when I was a child. That's why I tot it was a touch of love and was controlling my reaction, wondering where it would lead to. And I was apprehensive but my control is very strong. Now alas, a new perspective.
Father, release my mind from my body. Let my body speaks.
I want my arm to go back to normal size. I want my RA to reduce below 30 as it is 52 now.
I want my right elbow to be fine, no more inflamation.
Evenin
FM asked for advance just for 1 day trip. I said nope and she says she don't want to use her credit card to make hotel payment. I told her nope, to use her card.
Father, just the other day she asked for mileage claim instead of air fare. How do I explain that? If throughout, she use car instead of air, then I can let her claim mileage for both ways. And here one side air and the other side mileage, how to explain.
Anyway, I guess I m resentful that I have to be a bad guy to says no. Why can't this things are basic, why can't they be mature.
Wow, amazingly CEO is going forward with her awareness. I told her to focus on the destination instead of getting side tracked by GM. She says that her destination is to ensure GM stays as she thinks GM is good in her role. I told her that GM feel insecure too and is basically unhappy. CEO shared that perhaps her own ego has unconsciously stifle GM's growth and she suggested that to use Evaluation Form so that can have objective and open discussion. I told her that's great. I am so proud of her. I also told her that I felt bit guilty for sharing and causing her unnecessary burden. She says that she is glad I shared and she see the change as positive. Amen.
Father, U really showed me. I would never have dreamt this is possible.
Father, reading topic of forgiveness. Tot of my brother. I recalled during BSP, I reacted strongly when asked to scream. I just couldn't and then later I realised why. I blamed myself for not putting a stop to it. Why did I allow it?
Now I realise its becos I am a thinker and a delayed action. I recall now I was pondering what is happening and hence didn't react. So, its not a case of allowing. My thinking mode was operating, its not a case of me losing control. Infact it is a case of my mind having too much control that my body didn't react immediately.
Finally, a turn-around perspective.
Even me enduring friendship for food. It is because of my mind controlling my emotion. Not a case, of me wanting just pleasure of food.
Alas, I already have inherent control since I am very young, and a few incidents wrongly perceived resulted in me further enhancing my inherent control.
I forgive myself for over-enhancing my control causing me to unconsciously disconnected with my body, resulting in RA.
Father, also tot of me being a toucher. My mother is a service person but she is not a toucher. My dad is but he is seldom at home. Perhaps that's why I indulged in 'games' when I was a child. That's why I tot it was a touch of love and was controlling my reaction, wondering where it would lead to. And I was apprehensive but my control is very strong. Now alas, a new perspective.
Father, release my mind from my body. Let my body speaks.
I want my arm to go back to normal size. I want my RA to reduce below 30 as it is 52 now.
I want my right elbow to be fine, no more inflamation.
Evenin
FM asked for advance just for 1 day trip. I said nope and she says she don't want to use her credit card to make hotel payment. I told her nope, to use her card.
Father, just the other day she asked for mileage claim instead of air fare. How do I explain that? If throughout, she use car instead of air, then I can let her claim mileage for both ways. And here one side air and the other side mileage, how to explain.
Anyway, I guess I m resentful that I have to be a bad guy to says no. Why can't this things are basic, why can't they be mature.
Control results in stress (2)
Sept 1
Father, asanas were good. Was bit distracted by tots. But overall ok.
Has put on a bit of weight from so much eating but I know it will be off in a week or two.
Found out about brother in law's arthritis and I am not surprised as he is quite critical of people, fixated and operate on a narrow principle.
Shared this with my sis in law and she says she has a friend who got arthritis when she was 30 plus and she is also very critical and choosy.
So, Louise Hay's prescription is correct.
Tot of d Acct Asst and also d current issue between GM/CEO. Guess I reacted cos they invaded my parameters of control. My world has been mapped out and now shaken again. But at least I am aware and hence won't project my fear out.
And it is confirmed my body system has accepted the 4 hours sleep and I wake up before alarm despite sleeping around 12.30 pm. Father, thank u for the daily laughter before sleep. Somehow it releases the tension of d day. Yday, was havin tot of d guy, key word is intensity.
Father, coincidentally my chain broke 2 weeks back and my bracelet broke 1 week back. Why??
Heal Ur life
When we are asked to release old patterns, we are afraid to commit because we don't know all the answers. This is just resistance, just pass through it.
One of the great things is that we do not have to know how to release the old patterns. The Universal Intelligence or ur subsconscious mind will figure out the how's.
The tots u r thinking and the words u r declaring at this moment are creating ur future. Remember the point of power is now.
Your mind is a tool that u can untrain and retrain. Your mind is a tool for u to use in any way u wish.
The tots u choose to think create the experiences u have.
Soul
Yday when I have tot of d guy intensity and I couldn't sleep. I just told myself release it and I slept immediately. I am slowly but surely coming to the point that happy and unhappy tots is the same. Both disrupt the peace and contentment.
Heal Ur life
Your old tots are gone, there is nothing u can do about them except live out the experiences they caused.
Your current tots, the one u r thinking right now, is totally under ur control.
Soul
Father, when my world is not in control, I am afraid. I felt unsafe as if anything can happen next. There is so much uncertainty and I felt afraid.
I now realised the thing I fear most is uncertainty.
I wants certainty. That's why I am attracted to intense guy as they are more certain and their feeling won't wane.
Funny, I who seem to be easy, actually need to be in control as I don't like uncertainty and beneath it I am afraid. I don't feel safe.
Where did I get this belief that when things are not in place, I am not safe. I don't have certainty.
Father, asanas were good. Was bit distracted by tots. But overall ok.
Has put on a bit of weight from so much eating but I know it will be off in a week or two.
Found out about brother in law's arthritis and I am not surprised as he is quite critical of people, fixated and operate on a narrow principle.
Shared this with my sis in law and she says she has a friend who got arthritis when she was 30 plus and she is also very critical and choosy.
So, Louise Hay's prescription is correct.
Tot of d Acct Asst and also d current issue between GM/CEO. Guess I reacted cos they invaded my parameters of control. My world has been mapped out and now shaken again. But at least I am aware and hence won't project my fear out.
And it is confirmed my body system has accepted the 4 hours sleep and I wake up before alarm despite sleeping around 12.30 pm. Father, thank u for the daily laughter before sleep. Somehow it releases the tension of d day. Yday, was havin tot of d guy, key word is intensity.
Father, coincidentally my chain broke 2 weeks back and my bracelet broke 1 week back. Why??
Heal Ur life
When we are asked to release old patterns, we are afraid to commit because we don't know all the answers. This is just resistance, just pass through it.
One of the great things is that we do not have to know how to release the old patterns. The Universal Intelligence or ur subsconscious mind will figure out the how's.
The tots u r thinking and the words u r declaring at this moment are creating ur future. Remember the point of power is now.
Your mind is a tool that u can untrain and retrain. Your mind is a tool for u to use in any way u wish.
The tots u choose to think create the experiences u have.
Soul
Yday when I have tot of d guy intensity and I couldn't sleep. I just told myself release it and I slept immediately. I am slowly but surely coming to the point that happy and unhappy tots is the same. Both disrupt the peace and contentment.
Heal Ur life
Your old tots are gone, there is nothing u can do about them except live out the experiences they caused.
Your current tots, the one u r thinking right now, is totally under ur control.
Soul
Father, when my world is not in control, I am afraid. I felt unsafe as if anything can happen next. There is so much uncertainty and I felt afraid.
I now realised the thing I fear most is uncertainty.
I wants certainty. That's why I am attracted to intense guy as they are more certain and their feeling won't wane.
Funny, I who seem to be easy, actually need to be in control as I don't like uncertainty and beneath it I am afraid. I don't feel safe.
Where did I get this belief that when things are not in place, I am not safe. I don't have certainty.
Aug 31
7thunder
Beliefs are very powerful things.
They influence our lives in countless ways, especially our feelings. They act like filters through which we see life.
But did u know that our beliefs are also very transitory things? Beliefs are influenced to a great extent by our values. To put it simply, what we want is more powerful than what we believe.
When we want something, we create reasons for having it, we can justify it. This process of justification is belief-making in action. So, do u really know why u like the things that u like??
We often acquire beliefs that will go along with the things we are creating in our life.
Hence beliefs are tools of a sort that we use to accomplish things that we desire. They are like suits of clothing that we wear for different occasions. When we are done with a certain occasion, we just take them off and put on something else.
Desires
No matter what we feel, thing or want, in the end, it will meet conflict and problems if it is out of sync with universal will, the Will of God.
When we are in sync with universal will, we are flowing with things, and everything proceeds smoothly and successfully. Regardless of what we want, it seem to harmonise with the rest of our life, and it meshes in nicely, a part of our unique expression. When we are out of zone, we have one failure after another, in spite of our best efforts. This is where the Spades come in.
Spades
Many of their battle occur with others and themselves in the area of their will, which usually translates to work and health issues.
They appreciate others who have experience in something more than those who just have a feeling of or a desire about something.
Soul
So my diamond is about values or desires. Is about what I want to ensure my self-worth. In the end, everything is about my self-worth. Just like my dream for Self-Mastery. Am I beyond myself?? It is just desires to be the Catalyst Writer.. Can I make it? Do I have the will!! I never tot of me having high will power and hence discipline is not a word I associate with myself.
I have discipline in hatha yoga becos its good for my joints. I have discipline in meditation becos its good for my soul.
7thunders
Experience is a key word for Spades. Wisdom is too, and wisdom comes to us only through experience. It is by trial and error that we learn about the Will of God. It is by going through our mistakes and feeling the pain and paying the prices for them that we really learn about life on its deepest level.
We may have dreams, desires, feelings and ideas about things, but if they are out of sync with reality, they will not manifest.
It is when we have become totally aligned with the Universal Will that we find peace and enlightenment.
Soul
Today, after 3 days, went to exchange a purchase of clothes made earlier. I wish for a quick exchange and I also want a short way to go to the adjoining mall. In the end, I got what I want, firstly, enter into right car park, and same spot for the shopping centre, got the exchange made effortlessly, without any explanation as the sales lady recognised me. Then found the nearest adjoining way. My wishes were granted. Thanks.
Now as for my desire of becoming a famous Catalyst Writer and Counselor. Can I do it? Am I aligned??
7thunders
So, our path on the road to life begins with the Hearts and ends with the Spades.
By aligning ourselves with the Divine Will, we get in sync with the universe that gives us the desires (Diamonds) that are fruitful and for which we provide justification (Clubs) that also works well and gives us a sense of self-esteem (Hearts).
Soul
Spades - Will (ours versus the Divine) - last years of life
Diamonds - Values, Desires (self-worth) - adulthood/money making years
Clubs - Truth, Beliefs, Attitudes (self-truth) - adolescence school years.
Hearts - Feelings, Emotion (self-love) - childhood.
Spades has the most power and Hearts are the least powerful.
7thunders
What the cards meant and how it will actually show up in someone's life is completely dependent on their personal intention and the ways they are currently using their personal power.
The cards and astrology for that matter, are guideposts for us. Each year there are challenging influences and beneficial influences.
A person who is conscious of their internal state can always get the very best from every card they have. All that it takes is self-awareness.
Use the cards to plan ur future, knowing ur own limitations, and being aware of ur own inner conflicts at the same time. Know that nothing will manifest itself in ur life if part of u is rejecting it.
Continuously strive to pay attention to ur feelings and ur fears in particular.
It is the fears, by and large, that represents the often subsconscious elements that affect ur destiny.
If one does not know their own fears and internal conflicts, little is possible in terms of having the power to shape their destiny.
The question is not "How good are my cards this year?" But "How much good can I allow to manifest in my life this year?".
Once we become aware of how powerful we really are, we will be able to use the cards to write our own success story.
Only you hold the key.
Aug 31 Even
Father, the more I read 7thunder. The more I think Planetary ruling is d outward key.
Osho - Nanak
The person who has seen himself correctly, never praises anyone nor expects praise from others.
The ego creates memory. All remembrances are the ego, which remembers everything and keeps account of every moment of ur life.
For the first 3 years, u r so innocent, u do no know who u r, ur ego is not formed.
(Sept 24 - Mmm, seem contradict Louis Hay's version
7thunder
Beliefs are very powerful things.
They influence our lives in countless ways, especially our feelings. They act like filters through which we see life.
But did u know that our beliefs are also very transitory things? Beliefs are influenced to a great extent by our values. To put it simply, what we want is more powerful than what we believe.
When we want something, we create reasons for having it, we can justify it. This process of justification is belief-making in action. So, do u really know why u like the things that u like??
We often acquire beliefs that will go along with the things we are creating in our life.
Hence beliefs are tools of a sort that we use to accomplish things that we desire. They are like suits of clothing that we wear for different occasions. When we are done with a certain occasion, we just take them off and put on something else.
Desires
No matter what we feel, thing or want, in the end, it will meet conflict and problems if it is out of sync with universal will, the Will of God.
When we are in sync with universal will, we are flowing with things, and everything proceeds smoothly and successfully. Regardless of what we want, it seem to harmonise with the rest of our life, and it meshes in nicely, a part of our unique expression. When we are out of zone, we have one failure after another, in spite of our best efforts. This is where the Spades come in.
Spades
Many of their battle occur with others and themselves in the area of their will, which usually translates to work and health issues.
They appreciate others who have experience in something more than those who just have a feeling of or a desire about something.
Soul
So my diamond is about values or desires. Is about what I want to ensure my self-worth. In the end, everything is about my self-worth. Just like my dream for Self-Mastery. Am I beyond myself?? It is just desires to be the Catalyst Writer.. Can I make it? Do I have the will!! I never tot of me having high will power and hence discipline is not a word I associate with myself.
I have discipline in hatha yoga becos its good for my joints. I have discipline in meditation becos its good for my soul.
7thunders
Experience is a key word for Spades. Wisdom is too, and wisdom comes to us only through experience. It is by trial and error that we learn about the Will of God. It is by going through our mistakes and feeling the pain and paying the prices for them that we really learn about life on its deepest level.
We may have dreams, desires, feelings and ideas about things, but if they are out of sync with reality, they will not manifest.
It is when we have become totally aligned with the Universal Will that we find peace and enlightenment.
Soul
Today, after 3 days, went to exchange a purchase of clothes made earlier. I wish for a quick exchange and I also want a short way to go to the adjoining mall. In the end, I got what I want, firstly, enter into right car park, and same spot for the shopping centre, got the exchange made effortlessly, without any explanation as the sales lady recognised me. Then found the nearest adjoining way. My wishes were granted. Thanks.
Now as for my desire of becoming a famous Catalyst Writer and Counselor. Can I do it? Am I aligned??
7thunders
So, our path on the road to life begins with the Hearts and ends with the Spades.
By aligning ourselves with the Divine Will, we get in sync with the universe that gives us the desires (Diamonds) that are fruitful and for which we provide justification (Clubs) that also works well and gives us a sense of self-esteem (Hearts).
Soul
Spades - Will (ours versus the Divine) - last years of life
Diamonds - Values, Desires (self-worth) - adulthood/money making years
Clubs - Truth, Beliefs, Attitudes (self-truth) - adolescence school years.
Hearts - Feelings, Emotion (self-love) - childhood.
Spades has the most power and Hearts are the least powerful.
7thunders
What the cards meant and how it will actually show up in someone's life is completely dependent on their personal intention and the ways they are currently using their personal power.
The cards and astrology for that matter, are guideposts for us. Each year there are challenging influences and beneficial influences.
A person who is conscious of their internal state can always get the very best from every card they have. All that it takes is self-awareness.
Use the cards to plan ur future, knowing ur own limitations, and being aware of ur own inner conflicts at the same time. Know that nothing will manifest itself in ur life if part of u is rejecting it.
Continuously strive to pay attention to ur feelings and ur fears in particular.
It is the fears, by and large, that represents the often subsconscious elements that affect ur destiny.
If one does not know their own fears and internal conflicts, little is possible in terms of having the power to shape their destiny.
The question is not "How good are my cards this year?" But "How much good can I allow to manifest in my life this year?".
Once we become aware of how powerful we really are, we will be able to use the cards to write our own success story.
Only you hold the key.
Aug 31 Even
Father, the more I read 7thunder. The more I think Planetary ruling is d outward key.
Osho - Nanak
The person who has seen himself correctly, never praises anyone nor expects praise from others.
The ego creates memory. All remembrances are the ego, which remembers everything and keeps account of every moment of ur life.
For the first 3 years, u r so innocent, u do no know who u r, ur ego is not formed.
(Sept 24 - Mmm, seem contradict Louis Hay's version
Suffering is blessing (2)
Aug 30 even
Father, right elbow still have bit of pain.
Today received sms from C on the add and I revert back. But no other msg. Somehow, I just don't want to do it. Alas, know how the Sacrifice Card works, cos it also has to be fed too, by others. Well, I am not going to be anyone set. I don't sacrifice for others and I don't expect others to sacrifice for me too.
Today the Acct Asst resigned, I was bit suspicious that it won't last and ask them to take care. I even asked FM to ensure proper workload but she said the Acct Asst needs time, looks like that is not happening. Again, when u don't know urself, u don't know others too. Anyway, she will need to find another one. I have given her the headcount.
Osho - Nanak
Suffering means just one thing; you have wavered in religion somewhere, somehow. Do not blame others, nor ur fortune, nor be angry with God. Take it as a hint, a warning, and try to find out where u have slipped. Where u have gone against nature? Then try to fall in line with nature - for that is religion
Soul
Yeap, suffering is blessing.
Father, still don't understand on my RA. What's still left? Not sure on my cosmic lesson card, to be physically ill and yet to stay positive. Why??
Answer came; even where u have released all the pattern, u don't heal becos u r meant to carry a message.
Osho - Nanak
To come back, to return and retrace ur steps, is called Knowledge. Every man will have to come back. Man is capable of going far. The animals, plants and birds have no religion, for they do not have the ability to go outside of nature. Whatever they do is within nature's law. They do not have the sense even to wander.
Wandering requires a little intelligence. You need at least a little courage to go wrong, and u need some awareness to step off the path. This much man has, but then to come back to the path you need more awareness.
In a way, animals and plants are helpless. The average man has a little intelligence. He can wander, therefore he has gone astray. Then only those who has the highest awareness at their command, can come back.
What the animals have naturally, u have to attain through your sadhana, through ur spiritual practice.
Buddha is completely aware of the bliss that rains on him, whereas the plant has no awareness of the bliss that rains on it.
If u do not become what u could become, u will suffer; if u become what u should have become, ur life will be filled with bliss.
Bliss means fulfillment - the attainment of that which u had the power to attain. If u die without singing the song u were born to sing, u will die in sorrow.
Father, right elbow still have bit of pain.
Today received sms from C on the add and I revert back. But no other msg. Somehow, I just don't want to do it. Alas, know how the Sacrifice Card works, cos it also has to be fed too, by others. Well, I am not going to be anyone set. I don't sacrifice for others and I don't expect others to sacrifice for me too.
Today the Acct Asst resigned, I was bit suspicious that it won't last and ask them to take care. I even asked FM to ensure proper workload but she said the Acct Asst needs time, looks like that is not happening. Again, when u don't know urself, u don't know others too. Anyway, she will need to find another one. I have given her the headcount.
Osho - Nanak
Suffering means just one thing; you have wavered in religion somewhere, somehow. Do not blame others, nor ur fortune, nor be angry with God. Take it as a hint, a warning, and try to find out where u have slipped. Where u have gone against nature? Then try to fall in line with nature - for that is religion
Soul
Yeap, suffering is blessing.
Father, still don't understand on my RA. What's still left? Not sure on my cosmic lesson card, to be physically ill and yet to stay positive. Why??
Answer came; even where u have released all the pattern, u don't heal becos u r meant to carry a message.
Osho - Nanak
To come back, to return and retrace ur steps, is called Knowledge. Every man will have to come back. Man is capable of going far. The animals, plants and birds have no religion, for they do not have the ability to go outside of nature. Whatever they do is within nature's law. They do not have the sense even to wander.
Wandering requires a little intelligence. You need at least a little courage to go wrong, and u need some awareness to step off the path. This much man has, but then to come back to the path you need more awareness.
In a way, animals and plants are helpless. The average man has a little intelligence. He can wander, therefore he has gone astray. Then only those who has the highest awareness at their command, can come back.
What the animals have naturally, u have to attain through your sadhana, through ur spiritual practice.
Buddha is completely aware of the bliss that rains on him, whereas the plant has no awareness of the bliss that rains on it.
If u do not become what u could become, u will suffer; if u become what u should have become, ur life will be filled with bliss.
Bliss means fulfillment - the attainment of that which u had the power to attain. If u die without singing the song u were born to sing, u will die in sorrow.
Change your mind, change your situation
Aug 30
Father, m glad I did my practices as per norm. Felt refreshed. Suria is effortless, there was just a bit of pain in 1st cycle. Nowadays like to do ploughback after shambavi too. Felt great.
Heal Ur life
When we want to change a condition, we need to say so.
"I am willing to release the pattern within me that is creating this condition".
You can say the above over and over everytime u think of ur illness or problem. The minute u say it, u r stepping out of the victim class. You are no longer helpless, beginning to understand that u created this. You take ur own power back. You going to release this old idea and let it go.
Soul
Will do that for RA.
Heal ur life
Almost all of our programming, both positive and negative, was accepted by us by the time we were three years old. Our experiences since then are based upon what we accepted and believed about ourselves and our life at that time. The way we were treated when we were very little is usually the way we treat ourselves now.
Be kind to yourself. Begin to love and approve of yourself. That what that little child needs in order to express itself at its highest potential.
Father, m glad I did my practices as per norm. Felt refreshed. Suria is effortless, there was just a bit of pain in 1st cycle. Nowadays like to do ploughback after shambavi too. Felt great.
Heal Ur life
When we want to change a condition, we need to say so.
"I am willing to release the pattern within me that is creating this condition".
You can say the above over and over everytime u think of ur illness or problem. The minute u say it, u r stepping out of the victim class. You are no longer helpless, beginning to understand that u created this. You take ur own power back. You going to release this old idea and let it go.
Soul
Will do that for RA.
Heal ur life
Almost all of our programming, both positive and negative, was accepted by us by the time we were three years old. Our experiences since then are based upon what we accepted and believed about ourselves and our life at that time. The way we were treated when we were very little is usually the way we treat ourselves now.
Be kind to yourself. Begin to love and approve of yourself. That what that little child needs in order to express itself at its highest potential.
Suffering is blessing
Aug 29
Osho - Nanak
It is so easy to fill up our head, but difficult to empty it. Ask those who meditate. When they try to remove those tots, they cannot do so easily; they have firmly struck root.
Each action of yours set the pattern of ur life, so think a great deal before each act.
As truth begins to enter ur life, u will find proof of his benevolent eye.
As u ripen, the music of ur life begins to change so that u can hear the internal sound. Its indications are; you become more peaceful, u r happier, u find urself filled with joy. A profound contentment envelops u from all sides and u feel grateful, for no apparent reason. Bliss dances softly in u.
As u begin to ripen more and more, as u get more and more established, rainwater will fill u. His Bliss is pouring, the showers fall every moment. Now what seems a curse before is clearly seen as a blessing in disguise.
Soul
That's where I am now. I am keeping my blog; sufferingisblessing.
Osho - Nanak
Don't look as suffering as a punishment, but rather as the outcome of wrong action.
No one is punishing u; u r reaping your own harvest. Illness is a warning, a hint to u, as such it is helpful and for ur own good. If there were no illness, u would never know when u have gone against eternal arrangement of life. Then u will keep wandering wit no way for u to come back.
Suffering and sorrow turns u back to God. This is why u remember him when u r in pain and sorrow.
Osho - Nanak
It is so easy to fill up our head, but difficult to empty it. Ask those who meditate. When they try to remove those tots, they cannot do so easily; they have firmly struck root.
Each action of yours set the pattern of ur life, so think a great deal before each act.
As truth begins to enter ur life, u will find proof of his benevolent eye.
As u ripen, the music of ur life begins to change so that u can hear the internal sound. Its indications are; you become more peaceful, u r happier, u find urself filled with joy. A profound contentment envelops u from all sides and u feel grateful, for no apparent reason. Bliss dances softly in u.
As u begin to ripen more and more, as u get more and more established, rainwater will fill u. His Bliss is pouring, the showers fall every moment. Now what seems a curse before is clearly seen as a blessing in disguise.
Soul
That's where I am now. I am keeping my blog; sufferingisblessing.
Osho - Nanak
Don't look as suffering as a punishment, but rather as the outcome of wrong action.
No one is punishing u; u r reaping your own harvest. Illness is a warning, a hint to u, as such it is helpful and for ur own good. If there were no illness, u would never know when u have gone against eternal arrangement of life. Then u will keep wandering wit no way for u to come back.
Suffering and sorrow turns u back to God. This is why u remember him when u r in pain and sorrow.
Destiny determined by our actions, not our tots
Aug 28
Osho - Nanak
All that u do in ur state of wandering, gathers around u. The collection of these actions determines ur future ... every day.
If u get up in the morning and u r angry, an impression, an imprint is created and if it happen again, the impression become more pronounced. So, all ur actions create ur habits.
The doctrine of karma is that whatever u do and keep on doing, increasing ur tendency to do the same thing, again and again.
When u do not do a thing, the possibility of ur not doing it increases accordingly.
Your actions are the only possession you take along with u after death.
If u do wrong, u give a wrong direction to ur future; if u act right, u give a right direction to ur future.
And if u live in full awareness, u r preparing for liberation. For the more a person develops his awareness, the more his habits break. Then he does not live by habit but by awareness.
In every situation he makes decisions in full consciousness and not by sheer past habits.
Soul
Tot of C. I don't wan to act on it becos I still don't think she will send the cd. She is 'unaware' that she is asking me to sacrifice for her, which I am not willing to do so. If I now write back, I could do in anger the other day but I didn't want to.
And now if I reply, most likely I go on neutral mode, but that won't help the situation of her being unaware that she is asking me to sacrifice for her.
Mmm, also no response frm V. Most likely has not done anything for my site. So, guilty and hence no response. He too is indirect.
Osho - Nanak
When u become aware, that each one is playing his own game, and u r bound to bump into one another at times, ur anger will disappear, and will ur hatred, jealousy, envy _ and all the actions that spring from them.
The day such actions disappear, u will feel pity for people, for each man is in a state of unconsciousness. The day before, anger invaded u, and on this day, it is replaced by pity and kindness. It is nobody's fault that they are asleep.
When u begin to feel pity for others ur actions will change accordingly. When ur deeds were evil, they will now be good; where u planned and contrived to harm others, u will go all out to help them. You won't even hesitate to help those who revile u, for u will be filled with compassion for them.
Soul
Yeap, my Insight on "This is not about you". And now the drama of C and also small incident with V no longer affects me like previously. Also, am willing to help CEO cos she is asking me to.
Osho - Nanak
What is critical here is the relationship between knowledge and compassion.
Knowledge means awakening.
Compassion means the qualitative change in ur actions due to this awakening.
When there is ignorance within, there is violence without;
When there is knowledge within, compassion is without.
They are associated with one another, but knowledge, discernment and intelligence not be based on actions.
What u think is of no account; only your actions will be ur testimony, ur measure.
Your destiny is determined by your actions and not your thoughts.
Soul
Tot of my Destiny to be a Catalyst Writer. I can have all the tots and write the Articles, but I still need to publish it, online at least.
Only my actions will ensure I become my Destiny
(Sep 24 - yday met V and he asked me to do ebook using my 10 articles, now need to do a summary. JoyRide Vol.1)
Osho - Nanak
Whenever u r angry, u r angry because what someone has told u strike a note of truth. Have u ever thought about this?
Soul
No wonder CEO so upset when I says she only does building relationship.
Osho - Nanak
Stop the evil and don't defer the good and ur life will change for the better.
Soul
Today when I was in mall where there were physically beautiful people, I was surprised I am able to hold my head high and look at people and hold their gaze. I am now confident of myself.
Osho - Nanak
Remember, only if u r true, u can gain entry to His court. False eyes cannot see God. True eyes are needed to see God. A true heart is required to experience truth; for only the like can recognise the like.
You have to be authentic to see him. Life will be difficult in the beginning if u r authentic.
Soul
Tell me about. I have always be authentic and it is not easy cos I would step on loads of toes.
Over the years, I learned to keep quiet if I have nothing good to say.
Not sure if I am authentic, but I always felt that if I give or say what I don't mean or cannot accept it myself, then my internal value drops and I will be sad and may regret. So, in order to live with no regret, I continue quietly.
For the first time, my authenticity, a personal hindrance in the world has now become the key in spiritual world. God works really great. Amen.
Osho - Nanak
All that u do in ur state of wandering, gathers around u. The collection of these actions determines ur future ... every day.
If u get up in the morning and u r angry, an impression, an imprint is created and if it happen again, the impression become more pronounced. So, all ur actions create ur habits.
The doctrine of karma is that whatever u do and keep on doing, increasing ur tendency to do the same thing, again and again.
When u do not do a thing, the possibility of ur not doing it increases accordingly.
Your actions are the only possession you take along with u after death.
If u do wrong, u give a wrong direction to ur future; if u act right, u give a right direction to ur future.
And if u live in full awareness, u r preparing for liberation. For the more a person develops his awareness, the more his habits break. Then he does not live by habit but by awareness.
In every situation he makes decisions in full consciousness and not by sheer past habits.
Soul
Tot of C. I don't wan to act on it becos I still don't think she will send the cd. She is 'unaware' that she is asking me to sacrifice for her, which I am not willing to do so. If I now write back, I could do in anger the other day but I didn't want to.
And now if I reply, most likely I go on neutral mode, but that won't help the situation of her being unaware that she is asking me to sacrifice for her.
Mmm, also no response frm V. Most likely has not done anything for my site. So, guilty and hence no response. He too is indirect.
Osho - Nanak
When u become aware, that each one is playing his own game, and u r bound to bump into one another at times, ur anger will disappear, and will ur hatred, jealousy, envy _ and all the actions that spring from them.
The day such actions disappear, u will feel pity for people, for each man is in a state of unconsciousness. The day before, anger invaded u, and on this day, it is replaced by pity and kindness. It is nobody's fault that they are asleep.
When u begin to feel pity for others ur actions will change accordingly. When ur deeds were evil, they will now be good; where u planned and contrived to harm others, u will go all out to help them. You won't even hesitate to help those who revile u, for u will be filled with compassion for them.
Soul
Yeap, my Insight on "This is not about you". And now the drama of C and also small incident with V no longer affects me like previously. Also, am willing to help CEO cos she is asking me to.
Osho - Nanak
What is critical here is the relationship between knowledge and compassion.
Knowledge means awakening.
Compassion means the qualitative change in ur actions due to this awakening.
When there is ignorance within, there is violence without;
When there is knowledge within, compassion is without.
They are associated with one another, but knowledge, discernment and intelligence not be based on actions.
What u think is of no account; only your actions will be ur testimony, ur measure.
Your destiny is determined by your actions and not your thoughts.
Soul
Tot of my Destiny to be a Catalyst Writer. I can have all the tots and write the Articles, but I still need to publish it, online at least.
Only my actions will ensure I become my Destiny
(Sep 24 - yday met V and he asked me to do ebook using my 10 articles, now need to do a summary. JoyRide Vol.1)
Osho - Nanak
Whenever u r angry, u r angry because what someone has told u strike a note of truth. Have u ever thought about this?
Soul
No wonder CEO so upset when I says she only does building relationship.
Osho - Nanak
Stop the evil and don't defer the good and ur life will change for the better.
Soul
Today when I was in mall where there were physically beautiful people, I was surprised I am able to hold my head high and look at people and hold their gaze. I am now confident of myself.
Osho - Nanak
Remember, only if u r true, u can gain entry to His court. False eyes cannot see God. True eyes are needed to see God. A true heart is required to experience truth; for only the like can recognise the like.
You have to be authentic to see him. Life will be difficult in the beginning if u r authentic.
Soul
Tell me about. I have always be authentic and it is not easy cos I would step on loads of toes.
Over the years, I learned to keep quiet if I have nothing good to say.
Not sure if I am authentic, but I always felt that if I give or say what I don't mean or cannot accept it myself, then my internal value drops and I will be sad and may regret. So, in order to live with no regret, I continue quietly.
For the first time, my authenticity, a personal hindrance in the world has now become the key in spiritual world. God works really great. Amen.
Self Mastery - lifting the veil of illussion
Aug 27
Father, good practice. Suria was effortless and I was laughing throughout the cycles. I was thinking that for me 'physical' is the last one.
So, perhaps all my joints issue is a 'release' and instead of feeling despair and aim for social contribution payout. I want to be healthy and able to work.
So, I aimed to be healed. I will heal myself and I am getting there.
Mmm, I was just thinking of how to use the increment money. Was thinking of investment plan with a limited time frame of 3 years payout as I will retire by 45.
And here my cousin came with such a plan. So, I will use my annual increment to pay this. No change to my current savings.
And coincidentally, I wanted to buy a good bed and here his wife has a friend that can get me Dunlopillo at staff price. Lovely.
I really gets what I want. Life is good. Thanks.
Afternoon
Mmm, just send 12 articles to V to upload into sites.
Did run thru one or two articles and noted that they are about the Truth that I have discovered, my Insight of life experiences and its real meaning to ourselves.
So, I am not the chicken soup but something else.
Something about Light comes to my mind .... Not sure what though.
Would like to name my sections in the site
Journals - Suffering is Blessing
Articles - My Insight; My Light.
(Sept 24 - now decide to publish ebook from every 10 articles instead - JoyRide)
7thunder
The true master of life is the person who can see through the veil of illusion into the heart of each matter that crosses their path.
When we look at a certain person and see them doing the things they do in their life, is there any way for us to know their true reason for doing what they are doing? Is there any way we can know if what they are doing is making them happy or not? I say that most of us draw quick conclusions about other people and other things in life but that in the majority of cases, we are wrong, and in some cases, seriously wrong.
Soul
Father, I was looking into a heading for my articles section. And also what is my writings for?
I may be bit arrogant, but I found my calling;
The true master of life is the person who can see through the veil of illusion into the heart of each matter that crosses their path.
I am definitely a master in my ability of being open, willing to see the hidden reasons for anything that crosses my path.
So, I am a master of life. Amen
7thunder
Only someone who knows their own weaknesses can see the weaknesses of others. Only someone who is courageous enough to look at their own faults, errors and mistakes can see those of others without judgements.
And this is just what it takes to see through the veil of illusion. What is really going on around us in reality much different than most of us perceive.
Soul
I have gone inward and seen all my fear and I know my weakness well, so I can see thru others without judgement.
This is exactly what my writings is about. Bringing a Light to shine away the veil of illusion.
Father, what I want come so fast. My vibration with Universe is great. Thank U. Love u.
Aug 27 Eve
Father, I found my calling. My dream is to have Self-Mastery. My creative source led me to my Destiny and to be truly at peace, I will share.
The true master of life is the person who can see through the veil of illusion into the heart of each matter that crosses their path.
So, this matter on C. Firstly, is to push me forward towards my Destiny on my own. Secondly is for me to see the veil on Jack of Hearts, H, C and B and even D's husband A.
Yeap, they are loving and sacrificial to their family or friends. But they expect others to give and sacrifice to them also.
So, if u r not on the receiving end, its not easy to be with them.
I faced it with B, but I tot she gave all to family so need to replenish.
I faced it a bit with H.
As for C, I haven't really experience it until now. Guess this situation is just for me to see the veil of illusion.
Now I know why B faces her Saturn boss, who is asking her for her contribution towards work.
Lesson for Jack of Heart - to balance their need to sacrifice to seek approval from the recipients vs expect others (non-recipient) to sacrifice for them.
Amen.
Friend's sacrificial card
Aug 26 Even
Father, she was someone I trusted to be responsible and efficient and powerful. So, how can a cd courier be dragged for more than 4 mths, and that's after dragging the purchase for 1 month plus. She was the one insisted to purchase.
She now claimed that I am not understanding.
How can a 'wrong' be consider as right. I was already giving her ample breather.
Just now doing meditation, a tot came.
Jack of Heart - Sacrificial card. I used to think that they are so loving and can sacrifice so much for others. They have little parameters and allowed others to run over them.
Now I realised that the parameters works both way, they also run over others.
Its because she has no parameters and she expect that I will wait forever like she does.
Now I understand, this is not about me, this is her own parameters being set on me and I don't allow it as we have different parameters.
I may not sacrifice for others but I also don't want others to sacrifice for me. At the end, I expect a fair exchange. Amen.
Guess, this is just a bigger version of S's lack of parameters.
Father, she was someone I trusted to be responsible and efficient and powerful. So, how can a cd courier be dragged for more than 4 mths, and that's after dragging the purchase for 1 month plus. She was the one insisted to purchase.
She now claimed that I am not understanding.
How can a 'wrong' be consider as right. I was already giving her ample breather.
Just now doing meditation, a tot came.
Jack of Heart - Sacrificial card. I used to think that they are so loving and can sacrifice so much for others. They have little parameters and allowed others to run over them.
Now I realised that the parameters works both way, they also run over others.
Its because she has no parameters and she expect that I will wait forever like she does.
Now I understand, this is not about me, this is her own parameters being set on me and I don't allow it as we have different parameters.
I may not sacrifice for others but I also don't want others to sacrifice for me. At the end, I expect a fair exchange. Amen.
Guess, this is just a bigger version of S's lack of parameters.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Accept and feel my emotion
Aug 26
Father, thank U. My right elbow and shoulder is less painful now. The left knee has recovered. True, doing yoga when in pain is not easy but the results is that the pain will be gone after a few cycles.
Tot of H and her socso claim. While I don't mind resign and get 50 percent salary, I don't relish the tot of being ill to the extent of having to eat steroid and etc.
So, I tot let's heal myself instead. Instead of looking at worse off situation, reclaimed back my power.
Yday reading about Here and Now is the power of change. I admit I couldn't see it yet but yday CEO proves it to me. For all these years up till a week ago, her ego was at max, only tot of herself, couldn't take any guilt at all. Now she is able to be calm abt the situation with GM, able to keep it confidential and didn't share with her husband. She even asked me if she is preventing people from growth, about her always thinking of herself and perhaps her husband has his own issue and she doesn't want to trouble. Major turnaround. So, her 7 card is confirmed a spiritual number.
Heal Ur life
There is the spiritual approach, mental approach and the physical approach. Holistic healing includes body, mind and spirit. You can begin in any one of these areas as long as u eventually include all these areas.
Mental approach - workshop or therapy
Spiritual approach - meditation or prayer
When u begin to clean ur 'house'. It doesn't really matter where u start in. Just begin in the area that appeals to u most. The others will happen almost by itself.
Soul
I begin with mental, striving till the very end, and then started on spiritual and fell straight in effortlessly, the physical happens by itself.
I took most time in mental, spiritual and physical was effortless.
Father, these 2 months, my knee, elbow, feet, wrist all have undergone crisis. Wonder why. Anyway, will do the drainage system.
Received a reply from C.
To my surprise and disappointment, she now claimed that I didn't understand her situation and I threatened her.
Threaten a bit, yep. Cos I have waited too long and I need to put a stop to it. Like CEO says we r no pushover.
She said she has higher expectation of me. Well, in my previous self, I would have already threaten her 2 months ago. So, a breather of 2 months is great already. More puzzling is that until now she can still claim innocence, eventhough she delayed it for 4 months not including delay prior to purchase, May, June, July Aug. That's the most surprising.
Anyway, hope to receive the cd by next Tue. She has agreed few times already but never deliver.
Father, I didn't even wan to reply her mail. This is the end of a rship. We haven't connect since late last year. Anyway, she hasn't call me this year too, except for the purchase of cd.
Just now tot of brother, my Authority. Realised he also 'say down" to her daughter, telling her 'weakness'. So, she has to more careful and need to overcome it. Perhaps, this is a case of Not Good Enough.
Father, thank U. My right elbow and shoulder is less painful now. The left knee has recovered. True, doing yoga when in pain is not easy but the results is that the pain will be gone after a few cycles.
Tot of H and her socso claim. While I don't mind resign and get 50 percent salary, I don't relish the tot of being ill to the extent of having to eat steroid and etc.
So, I tot let's heal myself instead. Instead of looking at worse off situation, reclaimed back my power.
Yday reading about Here and Now is the power of change. I admit I couldn't see it yet but yday CEO proves it to me. For all these years up till a week ago, her ego was at max, only tot of herself, couldn't take any guilt at all. Now she is able to be calm abt the situation with GM, able to keep it confidential and didn't share with her husband. She even asked me if she is preventing people from growth, about her always thinking of herself and perhaps her husband has his own issue and she doesn't want to trouble. Major turnaround. So, her 7 card is confirmed a spiritual number.
Heal Ur life
There is the spiritual approach, mental approach and the physical approach. Holistic healing includes body, mind and spirit. You can begin in any one of these areas as long as u eventually include all these areas.
Mental approach - workshop or therapy
Spiritual approach - meditation or prayer
When u begin to clean ur 'house'. It doesn't really matter where u start in. Just begin in the area that appeals to u most. The others will happen almost by itself.
Soul
I begin with mental, striving till the very end, and then started on spiritual and fell straight in effortlessly, the physical happens by itself.
I took most time in mental, spiritual and physical was effortless.
Father, these 2 months, my knee, elbow, feet, wrist all have undergone crisis. Wonder why. Anyway, will do the drainage system.
Received a reply from C.
To my surprise and disappointment, she now claimed that I didn't understand her situation and I threatened her.
Threaten a bit, yep. Cos I have waited too long and I need to put a stop to it. Like CEO says we r no pushover.
She said she has higher expectation of me. Well, in my previous self, I would have already threaten her 2 months ago. So, a breather of 2 months is great already. More puzzling is that until now she can still claim innocence, eventhough she delayed it for 4 months not including delay prior to purchase, May, June, July Aug. That's the most surprising.
Anyway, hope to receive the cd by next Tue. She has agreed few times already but never deliver.
Father, I didn't even wan to reply her mail. This is the end of a rship. We haven't connect since late last year. Anyway, she hasn't call me this year too, except for the purchase of cd.
Just now tot of brother, my Authority. Realised he also 'say down" to her daughter, telling her 'weakness'. So, she has to more careful and need to overcome it. Perhaps, this is a case of Not Good Enough.
My authority issue revealed (2)
Aug 25 Evenin
My brother always say I am not born with good things
1. Not beautiful (Sept 17 - I look great, 10 years younger from my age)
2. Not smart (Sept 17 - While I dont have photographic memory. I am very intelligent. Able to grasp abstract accurately.)
3. Can't play sport as my brain connectivity is poor (Sept 17 - Still dont like sport, but I can now do yoga effortlessly)
4. Lazy, don't want to do housework. (Sept 17 - I am lazy when I dont like the task. On work, I am committed and in my spiritual path, I am disciplined)
5. Cannot sing (Sept 17 - can now sing during meditation)
6. Cannot dance. (Sept 17 - can now sing during meditation)
(Sept 17 - God, so much handicapped. No wonder I tot I was unworthy to be loved. No wonder I am so judgemental of myself inwardly and dislike any form of authority. Well, I am correcting all my chilhood beliefs.)
Net net, I need to work hard cos I am handicapped (God doesn't love me to provide me with the goodies) I need to prove my worth.
I remember I was playful all the way until the incident happen. He was my 'parent' and he broke my playfulness. Its only now I can feel my playfulness is back. Nevermind I am stronger now.
Father, want to read M ok, U ok again. Something here. Now will go back to undo the Belief that I am not lovable.
Teenage years
No one has say any good thing about me except I m emotionally well balanced. I can be counted on to be sensible as I don't let my emotion get in the way. I am mature.
Osho
Each person has to find his own way to God.
The way I reached will be of no use to u; it was my special way. You will have to find urs.
My understanding can be of use to u but not my path. My Insight can help u find ur way but ur way will be entirely ur own personal way. It shall bear ur imprint just as ur thumbprint can be only urs.
Soul
Exactly. That's why I am doing a site to express my way and to share that they can do it too, their way.
Osho
When u create something that is not a copy, not an imitation, there is no prayer that is greater. For u r nearest to God; in fact, in the moment of creation u r like him! You too are a creator. Creativity gives so much joy. How happy and satisfied u feel when u create something, however small, however significant.
My brother always say I am not born with good things
1. Not beautiful (Sept 17 - I look great, 10 years younger from my age)
2. Not smart (Sept 17 - While I dont have photographic memory. I am very intelligent. Able to grasp abstract accurately.)
3. Can't play sport as my brain connectivity is poor (Sept 17 - Still dont like sport, but I can now do yoga effortlessly)
4. Lazy, don't want to do housework. (Sept 17 - I am lazy when I dont like the task. On work, I am committed and in my spiritual path, I am disciplined)
5. Cannot sing (Sept 17 - can now sing during meditation)
6. Cannot dance. (Sept 17 - can now sing during meditation)
(Sept 17 - God, so much handicapped. No wonder I tot I was unworthy to be loved. No wonder I am so judgemental of myself inwardly and dislike any form of authority. Well, I am correcting all my chilhood beliefs.)
Net net, I need to work hard cos I am handicapped (God doesn't love me to provide me with the goodies) I need to prove my worth.
I remember I was playful all the way until the incident happen. He was my 'parent' and he broke my playfulness. Its only now I can feel my playfulness is back. Nevermind I am stronger now.
Father, want to read M ok, U ok again. Something here. Now will go back to undo the Belief that I am not lovable.
Teenage years
No one has say any good thing about me except I m emotionally well balanced. I can be counted on to be sensible as I don't let my emotion get in the way. I am mature.
Osho
Each person has to find his own way to God.
The way I reached will be of no use to u; it was my special way. You will have to find urs.
My understanding can be of use to u but not my path. My Insight can help u find ur way but ur way will be entirely ur own personal way. It shall bear ur imprint just as ur thumbprint can be only urs.
Soul
Exactly. That's why I am doing a site to express my way and to share that they can do it too, their way.
Osho
When u create something that is not a copy, not an imitation, there is no prayer that is greater. For u r nearest to God; in fact, in the moment of creation u r like him! You too are a creator. Creativity gives so much joy. How happy and satisfied u feel when u create something, however small, however significant.
My authority issue revealed
Aug 25
Father, yday just a slight tweak and now my knee swell and in pain. This morning I woke up and I asked U to let me do suria. Luckily the right elbow has recovered from saturday and now little pain. The first 3 cycles was not easy due to the leg but I was doing it very slow so the benefits is much more. So, blessing in disguise. And by fifth cycles, my left knee was fine. Today at the finale, just wan to do plough back and finished my practices at 6.56 am. So, today nearly 2.5 hour and I think I did longer in breathing meditation.
Father, I know I am not my physical body.
Now awake, pain is back. Father, thank u. Whenever m bit down, I will remember this is my cosmic lesson; have Fate despite the pain. Father, I want to work towards retirement from corporate at age 45.
Mmm, now know why GM's anger never got back to CEO. For the rest, GM is friendly and helpful, so don't wan to get her in trouble. Also if GM leaves, then people has to contend with dealing with CEO themselves. So, it not a case they 100 percent for GM, but they want to avoid CEO.
Anyway, I think GM is unconsciously working towards termination. Like ex-PA, she too cannot walk out on her own and also perhaps she hope for some termination benefits.
You are what u think; shld be changed to Your experiences are what u think.
Heal ur Life
Good teachers do not come from joyful households where all was easy. They come from a place of much pain and suffering, and they've worked through the layers to reach the place where they can now help others to become free.
Most good teachers are continually working to release even more, to remove ever-deeper layers of limitation. This become a lifetime occupation.
Soul
My childhood
My father was absent, working for money. I seldom speak to him.
My mother is there but also absent except always asking us what to eat, cook for us, allow us to do whatever we want, sew for us, do white lies to us. Love us
My brother always criticised me. He said m stupid, physically challenged, low IQ, cannot sing, cannot dance, lazy.
He was the Authority figure to me.
I have always been playful but he was also the one who make me terminated my playfulness and created my controlness.
Whenever he criticised me, I hold myself in check, not letting him see that he affects me cos I dont want to give him the satisfaction. Also I believed that if I did, he would teased me even more. I used to hate him inwardly, wish that he would go away, dread him coming back as he will criticised me, forced me to do housework or etc.
It got better when I become an adult and told him off. I took back my Power when I bought the house from him. From thereafter our position of power changes and we become equal. And now I am fine with him, even welcomed him back.
Father, my brother is the one that shaped my belief of not being enough, of being physically challenged. Perhaps that's why with all the joints pain, I could take it cos I tot I am physically challenged.
Father, I have a new belief now. I can do plough back, do 12 cycles of suria. I am physically strong.
Guess the 'test' would be Himalaya. I am not going becos of the mystic, but possible becos I wan to remove the old belief "physically challenged".
Just send email to C, giving her an ultimatum. She either send the cd to me or tell me to buy another sets. I also told her that she is jeapordising our friendship. After this mail, not sure how we can pick up. Besides, friendship cannot be one-sided. Not sure what happen. Perhaps I am growing and yet she is still 'stuck' and by not sending me the cd, she can prevent me from growing further.
(Sept 17 - expressed my anger and not afraid of the outcome. Alas, I got the result. The cd now with me.)
Nine of Heart
Card of emotional disappointment and personal losses on the affectional level. Ending of one or more jey relationships that is no longer doing u any good. It is time for them to end, whether u realise or not.
Soul
Yeap, I have given her enough time. Its time for it to end.
Father, yday just a slight tweak and now my knee swell and in pain. This morning I woke up and I asked U to let me do suria. Luckily the right elbow has recovered from saturday and now little pain. The first 3 cycles was not easy due to the leg but I was doing it very slow so the benefits is much more. So, blessing in disguise. And by fifth cycles, my left knee was fine. Today at the finale, just wan to do plough back and finished my practices at 6.56 am. So, today nearly 2.5 hour and I think I did longer in breathing meditation.
Father, I know I am not my physical body.
Now awake, pain is back. Father, thank u. Whenever m bit down, I will remember this is my cosmic lesson; have Fate despite the pain. Father, I want to work towards retirement from corporate at age 45.
Mmm, now know why GM's anger never got back to CEO. For the rest, GM is friendly and helpful, so don't wan to get her in trouble. Also if GM leaves, then people has to contend with dealing with CEO themselves. So, it not a case they 100 percent for GM, but they want to avoid CEO.
Anyway, I think GM is unconsciously working towards termination. Like ex-PA, she too cannot walk out on her own and also perhaps she hope for some termination benefits.
You are what u think; shld be changed to Your experiences are what u think.
Heal ur Life
Good teachers do not come from joyful households where all was easy. They come from a place of much pain and suffering, and they've worked through the layers to reach the place where they can now help others to become free.
Most good teachers are continually working to release even more, to remove ever-deeper layers of limitation. This become a lifetime occupation.
Soul
My childhood
My father was absent, working for money. I seldom speak to him.
My mother is there but also absent except always asking us what to eat, cook for us, allow us to do whatever we want, sew for us, do white lies to us. Love us
My brother always criticised me. He said m stupid, physically challenged, low IQ, cannot sing, cannot dance, lazy.
He was the Authority figure to me.
I have always been playful but he was also the one who make me terminated my playfulness and created my controlness.
Whenever he criticised me, I hold myself in check, not letting him see that he affects me cos I dont want to give him the satisfaction. Also I believed that if I did, he would teased me even more. I used to hate him inwardly, wish that he would go away, dread him coming back as he will criticised me, forced me to do housework or etc.
It got better when I become an adult and told him off. I took back my Power when I bought the house from him. From thereafter our position of power changes and we become equal. And now I am fine with him, even welcomed him back.
Father, my brother is the one that shaped my belief of not being enough, of being physically challenged. Perhaps that's why with all the joints pain, I could take it cos I tot I am physically challenged.
Father, I have a new belief now. I can do plough back, do 12 cycles of suria. I am physically strong.
Guess the 'test' would be Himalaya. I am not going becos of the mystic, but possible becos I wan to remove the old belief "physically challenged".
Just send email to C, giving her an ultimatum. She either send the cd to me or tell me to buy another sets. I also told her that she is jeapordising our friendship. After this mail, not sure how we can pick up. Besides, friendship cannot be one-sided. Not sure what happen. Perhaps I am growing and yet she is still 'stuck' and by not sending me the cd, she can prevent me from growing further.
(Sept 17 - expressed my anger and not afraid of the outcome. Alas, I got the result. The cd now with me.)
Nine of Heart
Card of emotional disappointment and personal losses on the affectional level. Ending of one or more jey relationships that is no longer doing u any good. It is time for them to end, whether u realise or not.
Soul
Yeap, I have given her enough time. Its time for it to end.
Positivity arise out of Purpose (4)
Aug 24 Even
Father, I m less stressed with regards to CEO and GM drama. Like PD said GM is asking for trouble and the whole company knows that GM and CEO is on bad term. While the GM is upset with CEO and complain/seek sympathy profusely, CEO is blissfully ignorant. I told him that I do have a rship with CEO and not with GM and I dislike GM keep on asking for update. He said he too received the same queries but he didn't reply.
He replied then I should tell the CEO that GM is doing all those things behind her back. He said GM is asking to be fired. The whole thing is in limbo. Like PD and CEO said GM won't leave. He and I also agree that its because both CEO and GM couldn't handle their portfolio that we got dragged into so many management meeting and taking our time away from our functional role.
I m glad that CEO has taken a turn and I say while its true GM badmouth, but she reinforce GM's gossip by reacting in anger and have such high 'threatening energy level. Previously she tot anger serve her well, but this is the outcome. Becos of her anger, her reputation is shredded to tread. Now its up to select which way she move and act. Its her choice to use anger or not.
Osho - Nanak
You are what your destination is; where u go, that itself is you.
You are not where u physically are, u r where ur mind is.
A religious person is contented with God and discontented with himself. A religious person is critical of his own self. Gradually a moment comes when he evolves to such a degree, he has cleansed himself sufficiently, that he becomes a throne for the Lord. God is bound to knock at his door - if not today, then tomorrow.
The delay lasts only as long as u r not prepared to receive him. Preparation means transformation. You will need to change yourself in many many ways. If u search within urself, u will find that not only God but u yourself would not be prepared
To attain God means that the most profound peak of existence enters into u; but then u have to create a space for him within urself.
(Sept 17 - I don't know how much more I need to clean. I would say that I have cleaned up around 70 percent. Main issue left is the romantic relationship. My inability to connect and express my feeling. But on the other hand, the Soul Sister workshop and IE has helped me to reach a space of such deep contentment during breathing meditation. It is even deeper than Shoonya. And now I know that Samyama meditation is just similar to Shoonya but with added breath awarenes. I realised I am doing it already. Will try that tonight.)
Father, I m less stressed with regards to CEO and GM drama. Like PD said GM is asking for trouble and the whole company knows that GM and CEO is on bad term. While the GM is upset with CEO and complain/seek sympathy profusely, CEO is blissfully ignorant. I told him that I do have a rship with CEO and not with GM and I dislike GM keep on asking for update. He said he too received the same queries but he didn't reply.
He replied then I should tell the CEO that GM is doing all those things behind her back. He said GM is asking to be fired. The whole thing is in limbo. Like PD and CEO said GM won't leave. He and I also agree that its because both CEO and GM couldn't handle their portfolio that we got dragged into so many management meeting and taking our time away from our functional role.
I m glad that CEO has taken a turn and I say while its true GM badmouth, but she reinforce GM's gossip by reacting in anger and have such high 'threatening energy level. Previously she tot anger serve her well, but this is the outcome. Becos of her anger, her reputation is shredded to tread. Now its up to select which way she move and act. Its her choice to use anger or not.
Osho - Nanak
You are what your destination is; where u go, that itself is you.
You are not where u physically are, u r where ur mind is.
A religious person is contented with God and discontented with himself. A religious person is critical of his own self. Gradually a moment comes when he evolves to such a degree, he has cleansed himself sufficiently, that he becomes a throne for the Lord. God is bound to knock at his door - if not today, then tomorrow.
The delay lasts only as long as u r not prepared to receive him. Preparation means transformation. You will need to change yourself in many many ways. If u search within urself, u will find that not only God but u yourself would not be prepared
To attain God means that the most profound peak of existence enters into u; but then u have to create a space for him within urself.
(Sept 17 - I don't know how much more I need to clean. I would say that I have cleaned up around 70 percent. Main issue left is the romantic relationship. My inability to connect and express my feeling. But on the other hand, the Soul Sister workshop and IE has helped me to reach a space of such deep contentment during breathing meditation. It is even deeper than Shoonya. And now I know that Samyama meditation is just similar to Shoonya but with added breath awarenes. I realised I am doing it already. Will try that tonight.)
Fear of losing control of easy work life
Aug 24
This morning, I got clearance that I did the right thing with the disclosure as it was a deadlock with GM and the CEO was ignorant about the whole affair and of oeople's insecurities.
Father, I don't want to be in the playing group. I want out from their dynamic interplay. I no longer want to be at the helm. I just want to do my finance job and go back early.
I am clear of what makes me happy and it is not the work. The work is a means of income. I don't want to be caught in the office drama.
This morning will tell CEO that I should not be in the front scene. She should not be seen to overly rely on one persons or the others.
Mmm, why did my perception on GM changed? Guess, triggered by her attitude on SY, her lack of thinking creating problem for us. Her stabbing me, understandable, she was only defending herself. But her giving different version of story to me and PD does annoy me.
I guess I wanted to set thing straight.
I also angry at her for not acknowledging her weakness, trying to cover up and create problems for us.
Her bad hiring resulting in us having to spend so much time in brainstorming
Her lack of 'defense' and also knowing of staff's forte, instead of writing them off.
Her not seeing her own issue instead ignore the issue.
Her not protecting her staff.
Her not able to take care of the company. I was putting my bet wrongly.
And if she is not good, she will cause bad result to company and affect my easy life now.
So, I was having the control mode in place; is a risk to have her at the top level. 1st she is stupid or 2nd she is being vindictive; all cause trouble to the Company and cause me have to work hard. We were supposed to have easy period and her bad hiring will trigger us.
Anyway, m glad I took charge and ask CEO to speak to the staff and she is excited abt the new client.
Is there any projection here? Am I truly helping her by projecting? Its not projecting but I was afraid of her lack of leadership and thinking skills, her refusal to see her weakness led us to our slow death. And I don't want to go back.
(Sept 17 - It was just my fear of not being in control that make me attack GM. Frankly she has not changed per se. But I guess its because I now have an easy life and I dont like anyone to shake it. Also, she has crossed her parameter by asking me to do her job.)
Projectuons
Mind is the projector. The only way to reach to truth is to learn how to be immediate in ur vision, how to drop the help of the mind because the mind can create any drama.
Each person's mind is projecting an image that they have constructed in their minds, covering the real face of the person they are looking at.
All of us can get caught up in projecting movies of our own making onto the situations and people surrounding us.
A projection can be devilish or divine, disturbing or comforting, but it is a projection nonetheless -- a cloud that prevents us from seeing reality as it is. The only way out is to recognise the game.
When u find a judgement arising about another, turn it around: does what u see in others really belong to u? Is ur vision clear or clouded by what u see?
Heal Ur life
Whatever I choose to believe becomes true for me. Whatever u choose to believe becomes true for u. Our tots can be totally different. Our lives and experiences are totally different.
Whatever we believe becomes true for us
If u seem unable to attract a rship, u may believe that "nobody loves me" or "I am unlovable" or "fear being dominared as ur mother was" or etc.
If u have poor health, "I was just born to suffer" or "its one thing after another" or "illness runs in our family".
Most people are not aware of their belief. They just see the outer circumstances as being the way the cookie crumbles. Until someone can show u the connection between the outer experiences and the inner tots, u remain a victim in life.
No matter how difficult an issue we are dealing with. It is only an outer result or the effect of an inner tot pattern.
Ask urself "What kind of tots am I having that create this?".
If we want a joyous life, we must think joyous tot. If we want a prosperous life, we must think propserous tots. If we want a loving life, we must think loving tots. Whatever we send out mentally or verbally will come back to us in like form.
Ace of Spade
Card of death, change and transformation. Also represent the truth that lies behind the veil of illusion.
Father, yes. Today I decided out from the office drama. I no longer want or need to be in the Loop of favour.
Also, now realised why I turned against GM. Not becos of me wanting CEO's recognition but because I was afraid of GM's incapability.
This morning, I got clearance that I did the right thing with the disclosure as it was a deadlock with GM and the CEO was ignorant about the whole affair and of oeople's insecurities.
Father, I don't want to be in the playing group. I want out from their dynamic interplay. I no longer want to be at the helm. I just want to do my finance job and go back early.
I am clear of what makes me happy and it is not the work. The work is a means of income. I don't want to be caught in the office drama.
This morning will tell CEO that I should not be in the front scene. She should not be seen to overly rely on one persons or the others.
Mmm, why did my perception on GM changed? Guess, triggered by her attitude on SY, her lack of thinking creating problem for us. Her stabbing me, understandable, she was only defending herself. But her giving different version of story to me and PD does annoy me.
I guess I wanted to set thing straight.
I also angry at her for not acknowledging her weakness, trying to cover up and create problems for us.
Her bad hiring resulting in us having to spend so much time in brainstorming
Her lack of 'defense' and also knowing of staff's forte, instead of writing them off.
Her not seeing her own issue instead ignore the issue.
Her not protecting her staff.
Her not able to take care of the company. I was putting my bet wrongly.
And if she is not good, she will cause bad result to company and affect my easy life now.
So, I was having the control mode in place; is a risk to have her at the top level. 1st she is stupid or 2nd she is being vindictive; all cause trouble to the Company and cause me have to work hard. We were supposed to have easy period and her bad hiring will trigger us.
Anyway, m glad I took charge and ask CEO to speak to the staff and she is excited abt the new client.
Is there any projection here? Am I truly helping her by projecting? Its not projecting but I was afraid of her lack of leadership and thinking skills, her refusal to see her weakness led us to our slow death. And I don't want to go back.
(Sept 17 - It was just my fear of not being in control that make me attack GM. Frankly she has not changed per se. But I guess its because I now have an easy life and I dont like anyone to shake it. Also, she has crossed her parameter by asking me to do her job.)
Projectuons
Mind is the projector. The only way to reach to truth is to learn how to be immediate in ur vision, how to drop the help of the mind because the mind can create any drama.
Each person's mind is projecting an image that they have constructed in their minds, covering the real face of the person they are looking at.
All of us can get caught up in projecting movies of our own making onto the situations and people surrounding us.
A projection can be devilish or divine, disturbing or comforting, but it is a projection nonetheless -- a cloud that prevents us from seeing reality as it is. The only way out is to recognise the game.
When u find a judgement arising about another, turn it around: does what u see in others really belong to u? Is ur vision clear or clouded by what u see?
Heal Ur life
Whatever I choose to believe becomes true for me. Whatever u choose to believe becomes true for u. Our tots can be totally different. Our lives and experiences are totally different.
Whatever we believe becomes true for us
If u seem unable to attract a rship, u may believe that "nobody loves me" or "I am unlovable" or "fear being dominared as ur mother was" or etc.
If u have poor health, "I was just born to suffer" or "its one thing after another" or "illness runs in our family".
Most people are not aware of their belief. They just see the outer circumstances as being the way the cookie crumbles. Until someone can show u the connection between the outer experiences and the inner tots, u remain a victim in life.
No matter how difficult an issue we are dealing with. It is only an outer result or the effect of an inner tot pattern.
Ask urself "What kind of tots am I having that create this?".
If we want a joyous life, we must think joyous tot. If we want a prosperous life, we must think propserous tots. If we want a loving life, we must think loving tots. Whatever we send out mentally or verbally will come back to us in like form.
Ace of Spade
Card of death, change and transformation. Also represent the truth that lies behind the veil of illusion.
Father, yes. Today I decided out from the office drama. I no longer want or need to be in the Loop of favour.
Also, now realised why I turned against GM. Not becos of me wanting CEO's recognition but because I was afraid of GM's incapability.
Positivity arise out of Purpose (3)
Aug 23 after
Father, me and CEO rship has gone another level.
Alas, if Regional were to ask me who do I wan to keep. Personally, easier to manage GM, but for the Company, I still choose CEO cos intention in the right place.
The Soul Sister, 2 person has shared and m happy for them. I also shared my realisation. When I shared, I finally realised I am Writer, not a Counselor per se. With this insight, I felt at ease. Honestly, am not a people person. I guess it took so long for me to realise I am Writer cos I don't think m good enough to write. But the few articles I did, and wit V's feedback. I think I got potential. Also, now I really felt my Soul quiet down.
Osho
1. The Issue - The Master
Once u r aware, u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom.
The Master in Zen is not a master over others, but a master of himself. He is not a teacher with a doctrine to impart, nor a supernatural messenger wit a direct line to God, but simply one who has become a living example of the highest potential that lies within each and every human being.
The community of seekers that arises around a Master becomes an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light. Once that light is found, the disciple comes to understand that the outer Master was just a catalyst, a device to provoke the awakening of the inner.
Soul
Yeap, that's what I think of my role - a Catalyst and I in no way want to dictate the path. I just wan to show that there are tools out there and we can do it too.
Father, alas that's my purpose for the Community.
As for the world, the community will each light their own sphere.
2. Internal influence I can't see
Awareness
Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of the future, u go on living - at the minimum. You don't live at the maximum. Your flame remains dim.
Once u start dropping tots, ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is. The veils is now dropping and as it burns, the face of a very delicate and childlike buddha becomes visible.
Soul
Father, I am now sure of my Destiny as a Catalyst Writer.
Father, yeap m lifting the black veil and letting my Inner Sun shines out.
3. External influence - Trust
Trust life. If u trust, only then u can drop ur knowledge, and put ur mind aside. With trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing.
Just jump with hardly a tot for what happens next.
Soul
Yeap, the website is. And now I am disciplined about my Writings.
4. What is needed for Resolution
Moment to moment.
The past is no more and the future is not yet.
You can only be in the present only if u r not ambitious, no desire to achieve power, money prestige or even enlightenment, because all ambition leads u into the future.
A man who wants to be in the present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gae. Experience will come, but experience has not to be premeditated.
Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
At first I was bit apprehensive on the situation between CEO and GM. But after reading CEO's Ace of Spade, unveiling the veil of Illusion, I now know its meant to happen. And the loss of rship relates to her and GM and also the change in my rship with CEO.
As for me, the workshop is just at the right time and now I know I am Catalyst Writer.
5. Resolutions - Projections.
Agency of the mind is the problem. Drop the mind and learn how to be immediate inr ur vision.
Soul
Just now when CEO asked me, I defended GM's position and I told CEO that like her, GM is also the breadwinner like her. She too cannot quit if she wants to. And her resentment was boiled up becos she is afraid of CEO's reaction.
I also told her that PD and I have both advised GM to quit so she has to prepare but we doubt she would quit cos she invested a lot.
What's my take in this???
Father, I told CEO that m stupid for declaring. I know abt GM's backstabbing 2 years ago. She replied that I didn't tell her and its her that prod it from me. So, everything happens. M not sure what's next but will see I told the CEO that I have confidence she will know what to do. Just now I told CEO to see GM with compassion. She has to stayed becos of money and it is not easy. Perhaps this 2 years, she is just feeling insecure.
Father, I know GM leaving is the best for the Company but I guess m feeling bit guilty cos I make her situation more precarious. Guess that's my Pluto with both 10 of Club.
Aiyah, m just a tool in the bigger event of life. Need not criticise myself. I can't go back.
Father, me and CEO rship has gone another level.
Alas, if Regional were to ask me who do I wan to keep. Personally, easier to manage GM, but for the Company, I still choose CEO cos intention in the right place.
The Soul Sister, 2 person has shared and m happy for them. I also shared my realisation. When I shared, I finally realised I am Writer, not a Counselor per se. With this insight, I felt at ease. Honestly, am not a people person. I guess it took so long for me to realise I am Writer cos I don't think m good enough to write. But the few articles I did, and wit V's feedback. I think I got potential. Also, now I really felt my Soul quiet down.
Osho
1. The Issue - The Master
Once u r aware, u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom.
The Master in Zen is not a master over others, but a master of himself. He is not a teacher with a doctrine to impart, nor a supernatural messenger wit a direct line to God, but simply one who has become a living example of the highest potential that lies within each and every human being.
The community of seekers that arises around a Master becomes an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light. Once that light is found, the disciple comes to understand that the outer Master was just a catalyst, a device to provoke the awakening of the inner.
Soul
Yeap, that's what I think of my role - a Catalyst and I in no way want to dictate the path. I just wan to show that there are tools out there and we can do it too.
Father, alas that's my purpose for the Community.
As for the world, the community will each light their own sphere.
2. Internal influence I can't see
Awareness
Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of the future, u go on living - at the minimum. You don't live at the maximum. Your flame remains dim.
Once u start dropping tots, ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is. The veils is now dropping and as it burns, the face of a very delicate and childlike buddha becomes visible.
Soul
Father, I am now sure of my Destiny as a Catalyst Writer.
Father, yeap m lifting the black veil and letting my Inner Sun shines out.
3. External influence - Trust
Trust life. If u trust, only then u can drop ur knowledge, and put ur mind aside. With trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing.
Just jump with hardly a tot for what happens next.
Soul
Yeap, the website is. And now I am disciplined about my Writings.
4. What is needed for Resolution
Moment to moment.
The past is no more and the future is not yet.
You can only be in the present only if u r not ambitious, no desire to achieve power, money prestige or even enlightenment, because all ambition leads u into the future.
A man who wants to be in the present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gae. Experience will come, but experience has not to be premeditated.
Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
At first I was bit apprehensive on the situation between CEO and GM. But after reading CEO's Ace of Spade, unveiling the veil of Illusion, I now know its meant to happen. And the loss of rship relates to her and GM and also the change in my rship with CEO.
As for me, the workshop is just at the right time and now I know I am Catalyst Writer.
5. Resolutions - Projections.
Agency of the mind is the problem. Drop the mind and learn how to be immediate inr ur vision.
Soul
Just now when CEO asked me, I defended GM's position and I told CEO that like her, GM is also the breadwinner like her. She too cannot quit if she wants to. And her resentment was boiled up becos she is afraid of CEO's reaction.
I also told her that PD and I have both advised GM to quit so she has to prepare but we doubt she would quit cos she invested a lot.
What's my take in this???
Father, I told CEO that m stupid for declaring. I know abt GM's backstabbing 2 years ago. She replied that I didn't tell her and its her that prod it from me. So, everything happens. M not sure what's next but will see I told the CEO that I have confidence she will know what to do. Just now I told CEO to see GM with compassion. She has to stayed becos of money and it is not easy. Perhaps this 2 years, she is just feeling insecure.
Father, I know GM leaving is the best for the Company but I guess m feeling bit guilty cos I make her situation more precarious. Guess that's my Pluto with both 10 of Club.
Aiyah, m just a tool in the bigger event of life. Need not criticise myself. I can't go back.
Positivity arise out of Purpose (2)
Aug 23
Father, this morning woke up. Was havin a dream but I was fresh. Did suria, the right elbow pained due to drawing last Sat. I know I was aware and move my hand down but alas even half an hour stationery also hav impact. Yday, checked my Vision Book and noted that I wrote retirement from Corporate at 45. Means I am aiming together with CEO. She is 10 years older than me.
Yday, while reading Destiny Card, it talked about Ace of Spade - lifting veil of illusion, that is exactly what CEO is now experiencing. That she is not a nice person, people close to her doesn't like but stayed for their own agenda, she is easily influenced and manipulated due to her reactiveness, her GM is against her all these while.
Father, just last week I was thinking od drainage pgm as I felt I need a clean up. Was thinking of CEO's pgm but too expensive and u got me Aspen's pgm instead and at 70 percent disc due to my bday last mth. If I had ordered last mth, I wouldn't have chosen the drainage pgm. What I need and want, comes to me.
(Soul - at first didn't feel anything. But not long thereafter, had my first discovery into my brother as my authority issue and the one who has taught me to have Inner self-criticism.)
As for the Why on d website. It is for Me. I need to express myself and along the way if people are led to it, I will be willing to guide them. I prefer writing to face-to-face counseling. But since it maybe unavoidable I would equipped myself with the counseling course.
Of course, I now know that the benefits is mutual. I helped them. I will be helping myself. There are just 'vehicle' for me to open up and allow my Inner Sun to shine through.
(Soul - decided against counseling as my forte is not grieve counseling. my forte is in coaching with my experience and like V says anyone who is top in their career.)
How
Not sure. But I think website is start. Counseling is 2nd.
Third writing. Fourth is public speaking.
What
Since my RA doesn't support too much stress, Yeap, job is fine, my RA is the push factor.
I want to do full time something that I enjoy and am good at - finding the Truth and bring it to laymen.
I like to explore, experience and find how ideas tick together.
I want to have a career in writing, some counseling and public speaking in future.
Yea, I a Light/Truth/Understanding Bringer. I want people to know everyone can help themselves. That the Light is within. Everyone's path is unique. They can set and create their own. Our Soul know best. But before that we must face our fear and clean them.
I don't think my forte is people or even transforming them cos firstly I am not keen, secondly I do have communication problem, I am impatient, I find them draining.
Soul Sister pgm - actually I can facilitate them. I noticed I even say that on Ishs teacher. Why I always think m better??? Cld this be ego. I always think m better than the Facilitators or Teachers but then I think m not good enough.
Father, am not a Counselor. I am a Catalyst. I am a Writer.
Why did it took me so long to know this? Becos its easier to be 'small' and be a Counselor, a Writer is an even bigger dream. Now I know why there was resistance on me being a Counselor.
I don't mind being part time Counselor, help people when asked to do so. But my preference is just to be left alone, search for Truth, filter it and write about my Insight.
Yeap, dream bigger
Father, this morning woke up. Was havin a dream but I was fresh. Did suria, the right elbow pained due to drawing last Sat. I know I was aware and move my hand down but alas even half an hour stationery also hav impact. Yday, checked my Vision Book and noted that I wrote retirement from Corporate at 45. Means I am aiming together with CEO. She is 10 years older than me.
Yday, while reading Destiny Card, it talked about Ace of Spade - lifting veil of illusion, that is exactly what CEO is now experiencing. That she is not a nice person, people close to her doesn't like but stayed for their own agenda, she is easily influenced and manipulated due to her reactiveness, her GM is against her all these while.
Father, just last week I was thinking od drainage pgm as I felt I need a clean up. Was thinking of CEO's pgm but too expensive and u got me Aspen's pgm instead and at 70 percent disc due to my bday last mth. If I had ordered last mth, I wouldn't have chosen the drainage pgm. What I need and want, comes to me.
(Soul - at first didn't feel anything. But not long thereafter, had my first discovery into my brother as my authority issue and the one who has taught me to have Inner self-criticism.)
As for the Why on d website. It is for Me. I need to express myself and along the way if people are led to it, I will be willing to guide them. I prefer writing to face-to-face counseling. But since it maybe unavoidable I would equipped myself with the counseling course.
Of course, I now know that the benefits is mutual. I helped them. I will be helping myself. There are just 'vehicle' for me to open up and allow my Inner Sun to shine through.
(Soul - decided against counseling as my forte is not grieve counseling. my forte is in coaching with my experience and like V says anyone who is top in their career.)
How
Not sure. But I think website is start. Counseling is 2nd.
Third writing. Fourth is public speaking.
What
Since my RA doesn't support too much stress, Yeap, job is fine, my RA is the push factor.
I want to do full time something that I enjoy and am good at - finding the Truth and bring it to laymen.
I like to explore, experience and find how ideas tick together.
I want to have a career in writing, some counseling and public speaking in future.
Yea, I a Light/Truth/Understanding Bringer. I want people to know everyone can help themselves. That the Light is within. Everyone's path is unique. They can set and create their own. Our Soul know best. But before that we must face our fear and clean them.
I don't think my forte is people or even transforming them cos firstly I am not keen, secondly I do have communication problem, I am impatient, I find them draining.
Soul Sister pgm - actually I can facilitate them. I noticed I even say that on Ishs teacher. Why I always think m better??? Cld this be ego. I always think m better than the Facilitators or Teachers but then I think m not good enough.
Father, am not a Counselor. I am a Catalyst. I am a Writer.
Why did it took me so long to know this? Becos its easier to be 'small' and be a Counselor, a Writer is an even bigger dream. Now I know why there was resistance on me being a Counselor.
I don't mind being part time Counselor, help people when asked to do so. But my preference is just to be left alone, search for Truth, filter it and write about my Insight.
Yeap, dream bigger
Positivity arise out of Purpose
Aug 22 Even
I was in facial, sleeping and dream start to come in. I recall I knew I was dreaming and I said I don't want it and the dream is gone.
V just came back from Nepal and his msg as follows;
Before you embark on your venture, define the 'why', 'how' and 'what'. In that order. The why is the most important and what will drive everything you do. It is a belief, cause or purpose.
This is the same msg on Positivity
Decide on ur personal goal and ur vision for ur community and the world.
Then focus wholeheartedly on it. Your life must inevitably accelerate, so expect to move forward now.
Success awaits u.
Why am I starting the site?
Personal
Because I need to do it. I have so much knowledge that I need to share, otherwise I will explode. I can't keep them all in. I have inherent strength and it is effortless.
At the moment, I don't care if others get it, I just know I need to release it. Just like my blog. I did it for 1 year and I did it diligently despite no takers.
I am doing the domain cos I now want to add in the Tools that I have learned, the Articles that is expressing out of me. Again, the site is for me. I need to keep all my expression of knowledge in one place. Its like an Art. The site represent my inner space that led me to what I am in the outer space.
So, I am drawing my Life.
Just like meditation, is an outlet of emotion for me. The domain is an outlet of knowledge for me. I cannot keep it inside me any longer.
Eventhough I can't contain it, I am still developing myself becos my aim is to be Queen of Spade - Self Mastery. Hence, all the more I need to 'release' and share. I need to help people as much as they need me to help them.
For Others
If its meant to, they will find me and together we will help each other. They need me to help them see their Light and I need them to let my Light shines through.
For Community
We are all fundamentally good people and we are meant to be happy. Being happy is just to be yourself, don't have to follow anyone. There is no villain or victim and all of us are actors in the drama that we have to play.
When we can see beyond our fear, we can be happy. Happiness is not something elusive, it is our birthright.
We are our own Creator and not God. God will reach out to us only when we called out to Him as he believes in freedom.
I was in facial, sleeping and dream start to come in. I recall I knew I was dreaming and I said I don't want it and the dream is gone.
V just came back from Nepal and his msg as follows;
Before you embark on your venture, define the 'why', 'how' and 'what'. In that order. The why is the most important and what will drive everything you do. It is a belief, cause or purpose.
This is the same msg on Positivity
Decide on ur personal goal and ur vision for ur community and the world.
Then focus wholeheartedly on it. Your life must inevitably accelerate, so expect to move forward now.
Success awaits u.
Why am I starting the site?
Personal
Because I need to do it. I have so much knowledge that I need to share, otherwise I will explode. I can't keep them all in. I have inherent strength and it is effortless.
At the moment, I don't care if others get it, I just know I need to release it. Just like my blog. I did it for 1 year and I did it diligently despite no takers.
I am doing the domain cos I now want to add in the Tools that I have learned, the Articles that is expressing out of me. Again, the site is for me. I need to keep all my expression of knowledge in one place. Its like an Art. The site represent my inner space that led me to what I am in the outer space.
So, I am drawing my Life.
Just like meditation, is an outlet of emotion for me. The domain is an outlet of knowledge for me. I cannot keep it inside me any longer.
Eventhough I can't contain it, I am still developing myself becos my aim is to be Queen of Spade - Self Mastery. Hence, all the more I need to 'release' and share. I need to help people as much as they need me to help them.
For Others
If its meant to, they will find me and together we will help each other. They need me to help them see their Light and I need them to let my Light shines through.
For Community
We are all fundamentally good people and we are meant to be happy. Being happy is just to be yourself, don't have to follow anyone. There is no villain or victim and all of us are actors in the drama that we have to play.
When we can see beyond our fear, we can be happy. Happiness is not something elusive, it is our birthright.
We are our own Creator and not God. God will reach out to us only when we called out to Him as he believes in freedom.
Uncertainty due to drop in valuation
Aug 22
When I talked abt power comes with responsibility. My resentment at having so many people to help. LY says why I think I need to help them, perhaps they don't need to. Its me playing God.
The Psychic said that my family (need not be my paternal family) really need my help and support. Its not me who are having illusion or trying to play God, they really need me.
Father, as I was walking, I was thinking of LY's statement about my anger/resentment. I know its about all the people I need to help, all the Plutos connection out there. I was thinking again why God gives me such challenge. Why have to make me prove myself?
Then the mandala pix of great Inner Soul is shinning thru and its at the brim, but I am closing it with a black veil so that the shines cannot come out cos I don't want to help people.
I started to journey to help myself, not to help others. I just want to be contented alone.
Then a tot came in Osho; Knowledge within, Compassion without.
Its about having the knowledge but must spread it in order to be enlightened and not to be egoic. If only knowledge within but no sharing then its self-centred.
Father, my destiny is Self-Mastery. Self mastery is not just about myself but also about others.
All the while I say they need me. And now I know I need them too to complete my Destiny. Thanks to all my Pluto card.
I got this ephiphany about half way thru and I continue my walk humming and dancing. Amen. I finally see it.
Father, thanks. Drawing the mandala really helps me to see the injustice to myself. God were only trying to help me to realise my dream, he is not asking me to prove my worthiness for receiving the knowledge.
(Soul - Father, still a tinge of resentment here and there. But I realised I open up more in IE pgm and do my sharing of my meditation trial and error experiences.)
Afternoon
Now I know why I am afraid to embark on my Passion. I am afraid of failure or rather not able to gain any valuation points from this. It is not so much the money. That's the results. It becos I am not sure whether I will be great or not in my Passion being a Transformation Leader; ie. my valuation
Since I am not sure about that, why release my current valuation as FD.
My 7thunder card for today
Queen of Spade
We r given special opportunity to achieve much success in our external lif by mastering ourselves within.
This means creating more success in our external life by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter the circumstances.
Great! Amen
When I talked abt power comes with responsibility. My resentment at having so many people to help. LY says why I think I need to help them, perhaps they don't need to. Its me playing God.
The Psychic said that my family (need not be my paternal family) really need my help and support. Its not me who are having illusion or trying to play God, they really need me.
Father, as I was walking, I was thinking of LY's statement about my anger/resentment. I know its about all the people I need to help, all the Plutos connection out there. I was thinking again why God gives me such challenge. Why have to make me prove myself?
Then the mandala pix of great Inner Soul is shinning thru and its at the brim, but I am closing it with a black veil so that the shines cannot come out cos I don't want to help people.
I started to journey to help myself, not to help others. I just want to be contented alone.
Then a tot came in Osho; Knowledge within, Compassion without.
Its about having the knowledge but must spread it in order to be enlightened and not to be egoic. If only knowledge within but no sharing then its self-centred.
Father, my destiny is Self-Mastery. Self mastery is not just about myself but also about others.
All the while I say they need me. And now I know I need them too to complete my Destiny. Thanks to all my Pluto card.
I got this ephiphany about half way thru and I continue my walk humming and dancing. Amen. I finally see it.
Father, thanks. Drawing the mandala really helps me to see the injustice to myself. God were only trying to help me to realise my dream, he is not asking me to prove my worthiness for receiving the knowledge.
(Soul - Father, still a tinge of resentment here and there. But I realised I open up more in IE pgm and do my sharing of my meditation trial and error experiences.)
Afternoon
Now I know why I am afraid to embark on my Passion. I am afraid of failure or rather not able to gain any valuation points from this. It is not so much the money. That's the results. It becos I am not sure whether I will be great or not in my Passion being a Transformation Leader; ie. my valuation
Since I am not sure about that, why release my current valuation as FD.
My 7thunder card for today
Queen of Spade
We r given special opportunity to achieve much success in our external lif by mastering ourselves within.
This means creating more success in our external life by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter the circumstances.
Great! Amen
Uncertainty
Aug 21 Even
Father, just got back from P's house. We have a lovely time. She is going for Joshua's channeling. Shared with her on C's peculiar behaviour, she too was puzzled. I told her only thing I tot of is that I am to start my website on my own.
I can now open up to her on my experiences.
She says the reason why m unsure of pursuing my Passion wholeheartedly is becos m not sure if it would generate money. Possible. 2nd issue is less time for myself. 3rd issue is loss of energy. 4th is not sure if I can gain respect and become good like I am in my career.
Father, so loss of money, loss of valuation, energy, time.
Again, that's why we don't change even if we knows its good. We r avoiding loss of security instead of pursuing our Passion. Avoiding unhappiness instead of pursuing happiness.
Father, to make my career stagnant, I have done. But to make my career nil and to exchange it with another career that I have no idea of success and if success, not sure got time for myself and etc.
Guess the Positivity card is the answer.
Osho - Nanak
Nothing causes as much pain and suffering as the ego. Increase ego, u increase ur suffering. You can contain the whole of hell within ur fist.
The more u desire joy, happiness, the less ur ego will have to be. The day ur ego is no more, the whole of heaven will be in ur grasp. It will follow u like ur own shadow.
Happiness and unhappiness are not connected with situations but with the twenty-one within u - whether it is true or false.
Father, just got back from P's house. We have a lovely time. She is going for Joshua's channeling. Shared with her on C's peculiar behaviour, she too was puzzled. I told her only thing I tot of is that I am to start my website on my own.
I can now open up to her on my experiences.
She says the reason why m unsure of pursuing my Passion wholeheartedly is becos m not sure if it would generate money. Possible. 2nd issue is less time for myself. 3rd issue is loss of energy. 4th is not sure if I can gain respect and become good like I am in my career.
Father, so loss of money, loss of valuation, energy, time.
Again, that's why we don't change even if we knows its good. We r avoiding loss of security instead of pursuing our Passion. Avoiding unhappiness instead of pursuing happiness.
Father, to make my career stagnant, I have done. But to make my career nil and to exchange it with another career that I have no idea of success and if success, not sure got time for myself and etc.
Guess the Positivity card is the answer.
Osho - Nanak
Nothing causes as much pain and suffering as the ego. Increase ego, u increase ur suffering. You can contain the whole of hell within ur fist.
The more u desire joy, happiness, the less ur ego will have to be. The day ur ego is no more, the whole of heaven will be in ur grasp. It will follow u like ur own shadow.
Happiness and unhappiness are not connected with situations but with the twenty-one within u - whether it is true or false.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Be the Fool (innocent and free from Past) - 2
Aug 20 Even
Father, now I understand the Osho card.
1. Internal Influence - Burning Tower
2. External - Rebel
3. Resolution. The Fool
The Fool
This card indicate that if u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of the 'rightness' of things, u cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear foolish to others, or even to urself, if u try to analyse them wit the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experiences.
Soul
Father, I finally broke down and told CEO that GM is manipulating her and is the master mind behind all the peoples that leaves.
I broke down cos GM keeps on tracking me as if I am her informer. At the end of the day, I am not that. I want to tell the truth. Guess, that's where my pressure with CEO. I told her its stressful to be close to her cos people always monitor me. Internally, stressful cos worried I cannot hide and speak the truth. Alas, it is all out.
Just now I cried, why am Pluto card to so many people. People don't like Pluto people. Then the answer came, u r a counselor and the Pluto cards are those that u have to help to transform.
Father, now m really experiencing Nine of Heart. Rationally, like PD said don't get involved. But it is difficult cos CEO is seeking my counsel and she is being real and here GM is back to her manipulative self. I guess that's becos GM is even more insecure than CEO since she now know Regional supports CEO and not her.
I broke down and share with CEO. After that I felt much better cos I m being truthful, I can't continue to lie. I have to speak the truth. I even told CEO she is not a nice person and that's why GM doesn't like her, but she is suppressing it. CEO is puzzled on why GM still stay on.
Fundamentally everyone is good, its just the extent of fear. I really seems to be a Fool. But I do feel better after sharing.
Now after seeing GM's performance, I know sharing is correct. We need to address the negativity that has boiled. It is not good for the Company, the Mgm and staff, for her and GM.
I told my staff. I don't measure myself according to other people's standard. I measure it on myself.
Father, now I understand the Osho card.
1. Internal Influence - Burning Tower
2. External - Rebel
3. Resolution. The Fool
The Fool
This card indicate that if u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of the 'rightness' of things, u cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear foolish to others, or even to urself, if u try to analyse them wit the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experiences.
Soul
Father, I finally broke down and told CEO that GM is manipulating her and is the master mind behind all the peoples that leaves.
I broke down cos GM keeps on tracking me as if I am her informer. At the end of the day, I am not that. I want to tell the truth. Guess, that's where my pressure with CEO. I told her its stressful to be close to her cos people always monitor me. Internally, stressful cos worried I cannot hide and speak the truth. Alas, it is all out.
Just now I cried, why am Pluto card to so many people. People don't like Pluto people. Then the answer came, u r a counselor and the Pluto cards are those that u have to help to transform.
Father, now m really experiencing Nine of Heart. Rationally, like PD said don't get involved. But it is difficult cos CEO is seeking my counsel and she is being real and here GM is back to her manipulative self. I guess that's becos GM is even more insecure than CEO since she now know Regional supports CEO and not her.
I broke down and share with CEO. After that I felt much better cos I m being truthful, I can't continue to lie. I have to speak the truth. I even told CEO she is not a nice person and that's why GM doesn't like her, but she is suppressing it. CEO is puzzled on why GM still stay on.
Fundamentally everyone is good, its just the extent of fear. I really seems to be a Fool. But I do feel better after sharing.
Now after seeing GM's performance, I know sharing is correct. We need to address the negativity that has boiled. It is not good for the Company, the Mgm and staff, for her and GM.
I told my staff. I don't measure myself according to other people's standard. I measure it on myself.
Inner Self-Criticism (1)
Aug 20
Father, I will straighten the rship. Now I know why GM is feeling so insecure cos Regional doesn't act on her SOS. This confirms that Regional chose CEO over GM, as mentioned by V previously.
We'll, at least GM knows for sure. She now got 2 choice to go or stay, knowing her position is status quo, no growth prospect. I will tell her she is like Anne now and its not good for her and the company.
If she say to stay for increment, I will say then it make her harder to go. Shld not wait for increment. At first she says wait for reinstatement and then later partial restoration and now increment. Looks like she doesn't want to leave.
If she has to stay, work as usual, don't ask me what is CEO thinkin or etc cos it won't help her and also it makes me feel very uncomfortable, as if I am like her mole or something, then we can be consider as conspiring like what CEO accused us of. I don't want to go there and neither does she. Besides all her old team has left except for her. Don't think she need to owe responsibility to the new team, she doesn't have to carry them. Besides their interaction with CEO may be different from hers.
Life is not easy, let's not make it difficult. I have to remember m her Pluto Card and to help her to make the change that she wanted. Just like I helped ex-PA.
Father, my mind continuosly working on d guy. Amazing. I admit I have slight attraction but I m not keen to act on it cos I m not sure he is my type. Also knowing abt his 8 of Club, same like D, a semi-fixed card and I am their Pluto, only serves to shy me away.
Aiyah, don't judge first. Just see how it flow. Also remember, my ideal partner is a thinker and is also as powerful like me.
Soul
Limiting belief - m not good enough
Where it comes from
- frm my brother who says m slow minded, can't think on my feet, cannot do sport, not clever, cannot sing, cannot dance, stupid to choose beautiful gals to be my friend.
- frm my 'foster' friends who hold me back due to my love for food. I compromised due to food.
_ frm my mother cos I was taken care by others.
- frm my mother cos I wasn't allow to grieve over the childhood incident.
- frm the ever-changing neighbour/friends (caretakers). I tot they left me bcos m not good enough.
Father, I will straighten the rship. Now I know why GM is feeling so insecure cos Regional doesn't act on her SOS. This confirms that Regional chose CEO over GM, as mentioned by V previously.
We'll, at least GM knows for sure. She now got 2 choice to go or stay, knowing her position is status quo, no growth prospect. I will tell her she is like Anne now and its not good for her and the company.
If she say to stay for increment, I will say then it make her harder to go. Shld not wait for increment. At first she says wait for reinstatement and then later partial restoration and now increment. Looks like she doesn't want to leave.
If she has to stay, work as usual, don't ask me what is CEO thinkin or etc cos it won't help her and also it makes me feel very uncomfortable, as if I am like her mole or something, then we can be consider as conspiring like what CEO accused us of. I don't want to go there and neither does she. Besides all her old team has left except for her. Don't think she need to owe responsibility to the new team, she doesn't have to carry them. Besides their interaction with CEO may be different from hers.
Life is not easy, let's not make it difficult. I have to remember m her Pluto Card and to help her to make the change that she wanted. Just like I helped ex-PA.
Father, my mind continuosly working on d guy. Amazing. I admit I have slight attraction but I m not keen to act on it cos I m not sure he is my type. Also knowing abt his 8 of Club, same like D, a semi-fixed card and I am their Pluto, only serves to shy me away.
Aiyah, don't judge first. Just see how it flow. Also remember, my ideal partner is a thinker and is also as powerful like me.
Soul
Limiting belief - m not good enough
Where it comes from
- frm my brother who says m slow minded, can't think on my feet, cannot do sport, not clever, cannot sing, cannot dance, stupid to choose beautiful gals to be my friend.
- frm my 'foster' friends who hold me back due to my love for food. I compromised due to food.
_ frm my mother cos I was taken care by others.
- frm my mother cos I wasn't allow to grieve over the childhood incident.
- frm the ever-changing neighbour/friends (caretakers). I tot they left me bcos m not good enough.
When you give up, Help comes (3)
Aug 19 Even
Father, the GM is getting more on my nerve, rather than CEO. I don't like people to ask me for behind the scene info. I am not her confidante. Actually, doesn't she realised I am closer to CEO rather than her. Its true CEO can be tiring and explosive, but I know she has a good heart, whereas m not sure on the GM. I have already told CEO that GM is the last person I trust.
Also, just now PD sharing abt the 'infamous email' to GM, a complete opposite version from her story to me. Which one is real.
She has continuously 2 days 'checked' on her status with CEO. Yday, I told her 20 percent and today I told her 0 percent. I am not a 'Teller'. While CEO may be suspicious, she asked there and then, but GM is asking for 'forward" info.
Like PD says, the middleman is in very difficult situation.
My white gold chain broke suddenly yday and I asked why yday. Just now, when I was meditating, suddenly tot of d brown stone brooch that I wanted to turned into a pendant. Was still thinking who can do and here I got my answer.
Osho - Nanak
Those who wish to seek must first explore thoroughly and entirely; then they have to let go of all searching. Only when they have tried totally, should the search be given up, not before that, or else all goes in vain.
When the search is complete, when u have staked ur all without holding back a single thing, only then does the search slip from the conscious to the unconscious; for there u r not, ur ego is no more.
When u r exhausted, the ego dissolved. As ego dissolved, the door to the unconscious opens. As the door of the unconscious is the entrance to God.
It is His grace alone that few attained. But it is thru ur own efforts alone u become worthy of his compassion.
His grace showers on all, but some are not fit for it because their lack of self efforts.
No one is worthy, no one is unworthy. He gives, he showers on all alike. But if u r not ready to take, u will keep on missing cos. You are not ready to take his grace.
(Sept 8 - I am a seeker that has given up on myself (mind) and now just experiencing (flowering)
Father, the GM is getting more on my nerve, rather than CEO. I don't like people to ask me for behind the scene info. I am not her confidante. Actually, doesn't she realised I am closer to CEO rather than her. Its true CEO can be tiring and explosive, but I know she has a good heart, whereas m not sure on the GM. I have already told CEO that GM is the last person I trust.
Also, just now PD sharing abt the 'infamous email' to GM, a complete opposite version from her story to me. Which one is real.
She has continuously 2 days 'checked' on her status with CEO. Yday, I told her 20 percent and today I told her 0 percent. I am not a 'Teller'. While CEO may be suspicious, she asked there and then, but GM is asking for 'forward" info.
Like PD says, the middleman is in very difficult situation.
My white gold chain broke suddenly yday and I asked why yday. Just now, when I was meditating, suddenly tot of d brown stone brooch that I wanted to turned into a pendant. Was still thinking who can do and here I got my answer.
Osho - Nanak
Those who wish to seek must first explore thoroughly and entirely; then they have to let go of all searching. Only when they have tried totally, should the search be given up, not before that, or else all goes in vain.
When the search is complete, when u have staked ur all without holding back a single thing, only then does the search slip from the conscious to the unconscious; for there u r not, ur ego is no more.
When u r exhausted, the ego dissolved. As ego dissolved, the door to the unconscious opens. As the door of the unconscious is the entrance to God.
It is His grace alone that few attained. But it is thru ur own efforts alone u become worthy of his compassion.
His grace showers on all, but some are not fit for it because their lack of self efforts.
No one is worthy, no one is unworthy. He gives, he showers on all alike. But if u r not ready to take, u will keep on missing cos. You are not ready to take his grace.
(Sept 8 - I am a seeker that has given up on myself (mind) and now just experiencing (flowering)
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