Lifting veil on authority, which is cause of RA

Sept 2 Aft

Father, glad V is participative and asked me to change the site template.

As for CEO, she did a great job in opening up conversation with GM. Only thing is that she shared about 'me' telling her abt GM. Well, when GM asked me I would say CEO is baffled and has been asking me. I did share that GM is unhappy and I suggested a talk with her.
It is time for GM to open up before she explode.

On the biggest client, glad CEO took my input to pursue for the consolidation proposal asap as this is a great chance for us.
Looks like my wish of having big money is coming.

Father, today I was getting exasperated with S. Looks like he and W not patch up yet. Since W is my second in command, I will get S to report to her on Human Resource. W will give him the detailed orientation and she too can learn.

Was checking for brother in law
Arthritis
Cause
Feeling unloved.
Criticism, resentment.

Affirmation
I am love. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love.

Then tot of checking mine
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.

Yeap, I have judged God wrongly. I judged him becos my authority was my brother, always telling me that I born with so many deficiencies and I have to work harder than the rest in order to be recognised. Always telling me that I had to strategise, has to be in control of situation since I am handicapped.
Always says m not beautiful, m not smart and infact slow, m physically challenged, m lazy in housework.
Always force me to do housework. When I ignored him, he tries to use his authority as an elder to me.

And his subsequent action further reinforce my perception that he didn't love me. I tot I was not lovable.

Surprisingly a few years ago, his wife says that my brother loves me the most. I was shocked cos how can he say that. He gave me the most difficult time, always criticising me, always says m handicapped, always need me to prove myself.

And coincidentally he is back this weekend, and I now see the way he treat his daughter and wife the same way too.
Now, slowly but surely I realised its becos he love me, he want to protect me, always reminding me of my handicap, but do tell me how to overcome and etc.
I recalled I just want him to pay me less attention, preferably ignored me. But he is always there poking his face into my life, asserting his authority and etc.

I was so thankful he left us. And I can grow independently without him always highlighting my deficiency.
He is the one that led me to believe that if anyone were to get to know me better, they won't like me cos I got so many deficiencies. He led me to believe that I need to set a distance away from people, I cannot let people comes too near or else they reject me. Just like my brother did.

Alas, I have discovered my belief system that runs my life and resulted in RA.

My brother criticised me for my good, but his delivery is harsh becos I don't want to listen, always challenging him. (I am his Pluto card). He really love me. He does.

And when my brother left us. I took on him and later I put the authority as God and thinks God, my brother wants me to suffer, to overcome challenge in order to prove that I am worthy.
I have misplaced my authority to my Past. I have been seeking approval from my Past.
I finally got to the root of my Belief and cause of RA.
Amen


Father, my affirmation.
I am my own authority.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.

Father , me facing the sorrow card is now clear and the result
Is me opening up to sharing.

The issue is I want to share as I love to explore and exchange ideas but I also felt that it is forced upon me cos power is responsibility. That's why the Yes has been fluctuating.

Now alas, I know firstly the sharing is to complete, to enable me to fulfill my destiny. Secondly, it is not forced upon me.