Control results in stress (3)

Sept 1 Afternoon

Wow, amazingly CEO is going forward with her awareness. I told her to focus on the destination instead of getting side tracked by GM. She says that her destination is to ensure GM stays as she thinks GM is good in her role. I told her that GM feel insecure too and is basically unhappy. CEO shared that perhaps her own ego has unconsciously stifle GM's growth and she suggested that to use Evaluation Form so that can have objective and open discussion. I told her that's great. I am so proud of her. I also told her that I felt bit guilty for sharing and causing her unnecessary burden. She says that she is glad I shared and she see the change as positive. Amen.
Father, U really showed me. I would never have dreamt this is possible.

Father, reading topic of forgiveness. Tot of my brother. I recalled during BSP, I reacted strongly when asked to scream. I just couldn't and then later I realised why. I blamed myself for not putting a stop to it. Why did I allow it?
Now I realise its becos I am a thinker and a delayed action. I recall now I was pondering what is happening and hence didn't react. So, its not a case of allowing. My thinking mode was operating, its not a case of me losing control. Infact it is a case of my mind having too much control that my body didn't react immediately.
Finally, a turn-around perspective.

Even me enduring friendship for food. It is because of my mind controlling my emotion. Not a case, of me wanting just pleasure of food.

Alas, I already have inherent control since I am very young, and a few incidents wrongly perceived resulted in me further enhancing my inherent control.

I forgive myself for over-enhancing my control causing me to unconsciously disconnected with my body, resulting in RA.

Father, also tot of me being a toucher. My mother is a service person but she is not a toucher. My dad is but he is seldom at home. Perhaps that's why I indulged in 'games' when I was a child. That's why I tot it was a touch of love and was controlling my reaction, wondering where it would lead to. And I was apprehensive but my control is very strong. Now alas, a new perspective.

Father, release my mind from my body. Let my body speaks.
I want my arm to go back to normal size. I want my RA to reduce below 30 as it is 52 now.
I want my right elbow to be fine, no more inflamation.

Evenin
FM asked for advance just for 1 day trip. I said nope and she says she don't want to use her credit card to make hotel payment. I told her nope, to use her card.

Father, just the other day she asked for mileage claim instead of air fare. How do I explain that? If throughout, she use car instead of air, then I can let her claim mileage for both ways. And here one side air and the other side mileage, how to explain.
Anyway, I guess I m resentful that I have to be a bad guy to says no. Why can't this things are basic, why can't they be mature.