Completion - 2

Dec 27
Father, slept late yday, about
11.30 pm and so I woke up later and skip hata. I had a flu attacks, some green phelgm but I want to be healthy. Looking forward to my swim.

When I was meditating, tots of Z moved on came, but there were no sad tots.  But there were some guilty tots on sathsang in chennai. Hope T don't cause too much trouble. Again, guilt is the outcome cos fear of losing approval.

Father, I enjoyed my silence during meditation. I had a lovely surka kriya this morning. Despite the blocked nose, I was able to focus on my breathe and violet flame emerge.

Osho
1. Issue - schizophrenic
2. Internal influence - possibilities.
3. External - guilt
4. What to do -  Ice-olation
5. Resolution - Aloneness

Ice-olation.
We are miserable because we are too much in the self. Either u can be in existence or u can be in the self - both are not possible together.
To be in the self, means to be apart, to be separate. To be an island. To make a distinction between 'this I am' and "this I am not'. The boundary between "I" and "not I" is what the self is - the self isolates.

Soul
I now take this to mean going within and enjoyed my silence. A tot came, I recalled I make a promise to love Z when he shared his anguish on his divorce. Yea, I have fulfilled my promise made by me. He is loved, and now healed. He had already moved on and now ready to embark on another marriage.

I also recalled that I said my cosmic lesson in Z is both love and money. I commit not to leave the lesson and to leave when I graduate instead. Z had moved on and so I deemed graduated. I have done well. It was a great challenge but there were pleasures and self knowledge and self growth. I have grown up. My lesson on love and money is over. Z is healed and I too can be healed. Amen.


Your body speak your mind - Deb Shapiro
H2O exists as water, steam, rain, sea, cloud or ice, yet it is still H2O. In the same way, your feelings are experienced through your behaviour and actions, ur voice, or through different chemicals and physical systems within ur body.

Tots have energy; emotions have energy. They make u do or say things or act in certain way. They determine what u eat and who u love. The energy behind what u think and feel does not just disappear if it is held back or repressed. When u cannot or do not express what is happening on an emotional or psychological level, that feelings become embodied until it manifests through ur physical body.
The emotion most often repressed is rage, as that is the most inappropriate or difficult to express.
Invariably, this rage is connected to a  loss control, which is also the most prevalent problem in stress producing circumstances.

Soul
As I was driving, suddenly felt like giving a strong shout, so I shouted. After two long shouts, laughter erupted and I laughed for quite some time.

I guess angry at myself for coming back to Z and got myself rejected. Angry at myself for hoping he will change, for hoping he will love me.

Today King of Spades card in Jupiter. Not sure how this goes. But I want to find the root cause of RA and cured it.

Mmm, was updating blog and saw that I made a commitment to contact Z to confirm on us. If he said no, I moved on. So,.I am on the right track. I took charge instead of waiting blindly. That took courage.

Yeap, another update that I have to ask Z. Just a loss of pride if he says no but main thing is no regrets.