Insight into my Osho Outsider Card

Dec 12 eve
Darshan with Sadhguru
There was a question on hata yoga. He said 80% of hospitals and pharmaceutical in this world can be closed if people practice hata yoga daily in its right classical form.

He said that both genetic and karmic issues can be addressed by proper hata yoga.


Soul
Good motivation for me tomorrow.

Father, when I was meditating this morning, I tot I was replaying my 'exclusion' cycle with Z. I broke off with him because I felt excluded. When he hides our relationship from his family and friends, that means he excluded me. The day I broke off with him back on mid Sept is when he wanted some time off from us to go to his business partner's son birthday. He was nice enough to have dinner with me before he goes, but I flare up.

Father, I am replaying my childhood's cycle. When my mom send me to be taken care by neighbours, it was a case of her excluding me from my family. And since I was excluded from my own family, I had to 'manufacture' myself to be a happy go lucky child in order to be accepted by my neighbours. So, I learned emotional control from a very young age, at 2 to be exact.

This replay with Z, now I m not sure which direction to take. There is so many pros and cons in my mind. I really need guidance.
Father, a tot came. Friendliness card. Yes, I will ask him again whether we r going to be a real couple, now that he is financially settled.

I must remembered my mom send me to neighbours out of 'love" for me cos she can't take care of so many children. She wanted to send second sister, age 4 instead of me, age 2 but my sister was a cry baby and she took me instead, a happy baby.

Father, I don't want to pretend I m happy if I go back to Z without a change. So, just ask. I need to ask cos there may be hope and I don't want to regret. I only lose bit of my pride for asking again, after numerous rejection.