Seeking to reunite with Z

Dec 17
Father, just spoke to Z. We had a short chat. He again reiterated that his financial commitment is now settled and he now wants to focus on growing his business. He also shared with me that he wanted to place some money in fixed deposit. Hmm, perhaps he wants me to feel secure with him.  I hold back my question on us. 

I love him and the same tot arise even when I was in Dhynalinga yesterday. I just know I want to be with him.  Somehow it doesn't matter as much on our possible future. I know I wish for him to be my husband but I m not sure of him yet. Mmm, just let it be. Will cross the bridge when I have to.

Mmm, an alternative tot came. Perhaps Z tot I can't accept him truly without his financial security, that he is holding back.

Father, I m experiencing a silence within. I m not sure but I felt something changed in me.

I just msg him that I bought many Sadhguru's dvd and we can watch them together. I guess that my way of opening an invite to him. Actually I did think of watching the dvd with him when I purchased them. But there was no reply from him...

Sadhguru
A Guru is not a person. A Guru is a certain space, a certain energy; it can only happen to u. It is not somebody you meet. It is not somebody u shake hands or bow down to. When the space or that energy which u refers to as Guru happens to u, it will overwhelm u. It will destroy u the way you are, so that u will become unbounded. U will become the way the Creator intended u to be.

Soul
Yea,  I just send the invite to Z. I love him and I want to be with him. I will face my past, The Outsider card, but now that I see it, I can now choose on managing it. Z is the tool.