Reinitiated by Dhynalinga (Pancha Butha)

Dec 11
Father, unbelievable pancha butha.

I had no expectations. I just want to feel balanced. Instead I got reinitiated by Dhynalinga. For the first time I am finally comfortable with Dhynalinga. It was Sadhguru 100%, a concentrate version. The energy is consistent. I love it. In the beginning, giggle escaped from my mouth, then I start to sing or rather hummed. They allowed me to giggle. I just savour the energy. I m so happy that I finally connect with Dhynalinga.

During the process of offering 5 elements to Dhynalinga, I felt surface fire on my chest, as if burning something inside me. I was crying and laughing loads n body dancing. Not sure if this is initiation or the balancing of 5 elements in my body.

I guess this is a logical follow thru from my acceptance of Sadhguru a few months back. I felt this is a celebration.

I came out feeling refreshed. Didn't want to take shower. For the first time I understand what Z meant when he said he didn't want to shower after sathsang. For me, I normally wanted to shower after sathsang. I wish Z is here with me. I wonder why I had no tots of Z in prior visits. Then I realised that we got together after my Samyama sadhana in 2010. There were no Samyama sadhana in 2011  Then I didn't come to ashram till August 2012 n that time I was nursing our break up.

He didn't reply my message last Saturday, not sure of him. Let him be. Meanwhile, I just go with the flow.

Mmm, today I went voluntarily to Ashram's bakhsi hall. And I finished whatever food I asked for. This is a real breakthru. I finally can eat indian food.  Amen.

Father, when I go back, I will ask Z whether him telling me that he is financially settled, is a message that he can now have a committed rship with me. If not, I will move on. Don't want to hope and stuck in a cycle again.