Facing my 1st day of final break up with Z

Dec 26
Father, woke up before 4 am but I slept back and wake up when alarm rang at 4.30 am. Wash my hair and shower. I found not only I feel refreshed and can do my practices better, not taking immediate shower also prolong my energy. So, a good change since I come back from ashram. During the practices, there were some tots of Z. Me judging myself on timing, but I waived it off. Me, thinking of defensive tots on Z and I waived it off. I love Z and he has never lied. There are no regrets and he is worth the pain.

When I m done, I msg him about his pluto challenge of change of mind, result Queen of Diamond, that's me. But looks like he is fixed on his plan. I put a sad face. That is my last msg. 

Alas, our spiritual development is different or rather our dreams are different. His is for a happy family with children. Me, self mastery with a husband who preferably into same spiritual practices, sharing our journey.


Osho
The whole effort - whether of relationships or remaining busy in a thousand and one things - is just to escape from the idea that u r lonely.

And I want to be emphatically clear to u, that this is where the meditator and the ordinary man part. The ordinary man goes on trying to forget his loneliness and the meditator starts getting more and more acquainted with his aloneness. And those who knows their aloneness have known the greatest blissfulness possible to human beings - because ur very being is blissful.

After being in tune with ur aloneness, u can relate; then ur relationship will bring great joy to u, because it is not out of fear.

Soul
When I was driving, I tot I found uncut diamond in Z, so perhaps I can find a cut diamond next time.
At first I wasn't sure of going back to Z, a rship without commitment but I was so happy in Dhynalinga and all fears gone, and I was willing to give it a go. Just when I finally accepted Z's request for time, he decided time up and he doesn't want me anymore. Looks like my Cosmic lesson is over. Even now, there is still a small hope. Let it be. 

Osho
Finding ur aloneness, u can create, u can be involved in as many things as u want, because this involvement will not be running away from urself anymore. Now it will be your expression; now it will be the manifestation of all that is your potential. 

Soul
Now that Z and I are over, easier for me to open my blog. Very timely. Amen.

Osho
Only such a man - whether he lives alone or lives in the society, whether he marries or lives unmarried makes no difference - is always blissful, peaceful and silent. His life is a dance, a song, is a flowering, is a fragrance. Whatever he does, he brings a fragrance to it.

Soul
Yea, my name Joy Ong is very appropriate. Amen. 

Osho
Once u have entered ur innermost core of ur being, u cannot believe ur own eyes: u were carrying so much joy, so much blessings, so much love ... And u were escaping ur own treasures.
Knowing these treasures and their inexhaustibility, you can move now into relationships, into creativity.