Losing approval in work and seeking approval in love

Dec 1
Father, just finished my practices.  Quite good but have tots of S and Z. On Z is a happy tot.
I was feeling judged by S. Then I said I m not a good manager but I am a good leader. I found myself going at ease. Then I knew it was my ego that is dented. I then said I m nothing. Now I knew the healing card is true.

S and I are different. I don't admire her, so I should also expect the same from her. As long as I still can't see her worth beyond a work horse, a manager, the same goes for me too.

I will get a Temp for 3 months, while waiting for handover. Cannot let the team suffer. father, I m fine now. All disturbance gone.

Father, I couldn't get hold of Z. Memories of past came in. I don't just want a lover, I want a partner that I can reached out to, I m now willing to do the same. Don't go back to the past.


Dec 1 eve
Father, I m sure I want a full time partner, so Z will not do. I love him but I can do without him. I want more.

J said I have done the best for S, including rescuing her from her ex-boss. It is time for me to move on with my life. Looks like completion card is correct.

 But I want her to know that she is truly ungrateful, disrespectful, unkind if she ever contacts me again. She is not a good friend nor a good colleague, and definitely not a good boss. I have not been truthful to her. I let her continues to rant and rave.

(Dec 19 - she called and there is no anger within me. Infact, I symphatised with her as she is sick)