Sept 14 Eve
Composite North Node in Pisces
This relationship can help you both learn how to "let go and let God".
Creating a pathway that is in alignment with events as they are unfolding can help both of u to become less judgemental, more flexible and help u surrender to the flow of unconditional love.
Aim for: Understanding and forgiveness; trusting that a Higher Power is in charge; experiencing joy and bliss; letting other people be themselves, accepting that which u cannot change.
Soul
I am learning all that....
Composite North Node in Pisces
The key to maximising the potential in this partnership is to recognise and remain aware that it offers the special opportunity to experience the joys and benefits of a relationship with someone who can also be ur best friend.
U create plenty of energy to work together toward humanitarian goals. The shared dream of benefiting others energises u both.
If a conflict should arise, treat each other as an equal and ask for their input as a friend. Brainstorm with them in order to see the situation more objectively.
Be interested in what is best for them, and encourage them in realising their own life dreams.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Meditation - raise your vibration positively
Sept 14 Aft
Father, I can quit from corporate world when I have 500k in cash, that will take me another 5 years. When I make a windfall from stock market, may reduce it to 4 years. But on the other hand, I am not sure what to do after got freedom. Never mind, just focus on having financial abundance.
I am now at ease with my trip to India. According to M, in Pancha Bhuta Aradhana, they will give us a thread bracelet that has been initiated to remove fear and doubt. Coincidentally, I have been looking to replace my bracelet.
Pancha Bhuta Aradhana
To purify the five elements within the human system. It stabilises body and mind and is particularly beneficial for those suffering from physical ailment, psychological instabilities, a constant state of fear and etc. It is also supportive for the fulfillment of one's ambitions.
Soul
Exactly right for me. Father, U have always delivered tools that I asked for. As for the Pancha, Sadhguru's tools are always effective and it works. So, I will go. Amen.
(Sept 30 - didn't go as the timing is not right. Anyway, I already got my 'outlet', Isha here..need not go to ashram.
Ask and It is Given
If u r really out of sync; in other words, if u can really feel that u r not in a good-feeling place, then a more soothing process that we would recommend would be that of Meditation. Because when u quiet ur mind, u stop tot, and when u stop tot, ur vibration automatically rises.
Father, I can quit from corporate world when I have 500k in cash, that will take me another 5 years. When I make a windfall from stock market, may reduce it to 4 years. But on the other hand, I am not sure what to do after got freedom. Never mind, just focus on having financial abundance.
I am now at ease with my trip to India. According to M, in Pancha Bhuta Aradhana, they will give us a thread bracelet that has been initiated to remove fear and doubt. Coincidentally, I have been looking to replace my bracelet.
Pancha Bhuta Aradhana
To purify the five elements within the human system. It stabilises body and mind and is particularly beneficial for those suffering from physical ailment, psychological instabilities, a constant state of fear and etc. It is also supportive for the fulfillment of one's ambitions.
Soul
Exactly right for me. Father, U have always delivered tools that I asked for. As for the Pancha, Sadhguru's tools are always effective and it works. So, I will go. Amen.
(Sept 30 - didn't go as the timing is not right. Anyway, I already got my 'outlet', Isha here..need not go to ashram.
Ask and It is Given
If u r really out of sync; in other words, if u can really feel that u r not in a good-feeling place, then a more soothing process that we would recommend would be that of Meditation. Because when u quiet ur mind, u stop tot, and when u stop tot, ur vibration automatically rises.
Seven of Spades - trust
Sept 14
Father, everytime I talked to SL, I become appreciative of Z. I have always lamented that it is so suffering that I love a man that doesn't love me. Now I know its worse loving a man that is only using u. Now I know why she is my Environment supporting me in facing my Pluto, Seven of Spades.
1. The Issue
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority, disappears. Then u r, u r simply there.
There will always be somebody who is better than u, or apparently happier than u. And conversely, there will always be those who are less than u in all these ways.
The way to find out who u r, is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
Soul
Reading the cards tells me that I am on the right track with Z.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experiences.
Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past so u remain in the present, here now, as if just born, just a babe.
If u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of 'rightness' of things, u cannot go wrong. Ur actions may appear 'foolish' to others, or even to urself if u try to analyse them with the rational mind.
But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
I want to bond with him. It is just time. I want to bond even when he told me it would end. I just want to be here Now and enjoy myself.
And I knew he is my Moon.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Adventure
Truth has nothing to do with the past. Truth is radical, personal realisation. U have to come to it. Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.
When we move into the new and unknown with the trusting spirit of a child, innocent and open and vulnerable, even the smallest things of life can become the greatest adventures.
4. What is needed for resolution
Playfulness
The moment u start seeing life as non-serious, a playfulness, all the burden on ur heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love - everything disappears.
One start living with a very light weight or almost no weight.
When the page of fire enters ur life, u r ready for the fresh and the new. Something wonderful is just on the horizon, and u have just the right quality of playful innocence and clarity to welcome it with open arms.
5. Resolution
Politics
Father, everytime I talked to SL, I become appreciative of Z. I have always lamented that it is so suffering that I love a man that doesn't love me. Now I know its worse loving a man that is only using u. Now I know why she is my Environment supporting me in facing my Pluto, Seven of Spades.
1. The Issue
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority, disappears. Then u r, u r simply there.
There will always be somebody who is better than u, or apparently happier than u. And conversely, there will always be those who are less than u in all these ways.
The way to find out who u r, is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
Soul
Reading the cards tells me that I am on the right track with Z.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experiences.
Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past so u remain in the present, here now, as if just born, just a babe.
If u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of 'rightness' of things, u cannot go wrong. Ur actions may appear 'foolish' to others, or even to urself if u try to analyse them with the rational mind.
But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
I want to bond with him. It is just time. I want to bond even when he told me it would end. I just want to be here Now and enjoy myself.
And I knew he is my Moon.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Adventure
Truth has nothing to do with the past. Truth is radical, personal realisation. U have to come to it. Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.
When we move into the new and unknown with the trusting spirit of a child, innocent and open and vulnerable, even the smallest things of life can become the greatest adventures.
4. What is needed for resolution
Playfulness
The moment u start seeing life as non-serious, a playfulness, all the burden on ur heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love - everything disappears.
One start living with a very light weight or almost no weight.
When the page of fire enters ur life, u r ready for the fresh and the new. Something wonderful is just on the horizon, and u have just the right quality of playful innocence and clarity to welcome it with open arms.
5. Resolution
Politics
North Node - Lesson from Z - soul mate relationship
Sept 13 Aft
Father, all the drama in my mind over new division is nothing. Once I decided I don't need E's validation, I calmed down. Now, I realised there is no revert from him after I told him that we cannot cope.
Sept 13 Eve
Cosmic Love
Z is in my 8th house
Soul Mate Relationship - bring an increased awareness of the value and needs of others into ur personality.
When this is a union between mates, the sexual aspect is always blessed with a depth of emotion that makes the relationship a source of well-being on all levels. They are bringing u the gift of understanding that sex can be a pathway to deep emotional bonding and mutual nurturing.
They won't let u get away with old self-defeating behaviours u may have around relationships. They see past any unconscious blocks and will not acknowledge any barriers to joining with u - they just keep moving forward.
T and M.
This person may give u their gift in a backhanded way - ie they may teach u how to bond by withholding the bond u seek. For instance, if u have had problems with enmeshment and co-dependency in a past life, this person may help u learn to bond correctly by refusing to bond with u in any way that would reinforce these unhealthy experiences - a gift that releases u from the karmic pattern of not having appropriate boundaries.
Soul
So true. I wanted bonding and he didn't and we broke off. Then he tot I am fine, he asked for us to start back and this time I can stand on my own.
Best approach
To always begin with "I think it would be good for us to ..." or "We need ... ", u will trigger the best in them and they are likely to be receptive.
Soul
Not sure about this. I can only remember one time, when I said I am responsible for my body and its outcome from our union. He corrected me and said "We are responsible".
Best approach
As u discover that there are things that are important to u that ur partner doesn't value, their influence teaches u to take care of those needs on ur own. In fact, part of having a healthy Soul Mate relationship has to do with getting ur own needs fulfilled rather than expecting ur partner to meet all ur needs all of the time.
Soul
I valued yoga and meditation and he doesn't. So, I need to ensure I take care of it. I am into Isha, he is not so and I just go on my own
As for my writing, he is not interested and I excluded him.
Aiyah..lots of my things he is not keen....Luckily I am independent.
Past life influences
In past, they were responsible for forcing u to become self-reliant in a way that was not healthy for u and deprived u of the experience of being in a bonded, mutually empowering relationship.
This resulted in a psychic surgery that create an exaggeration of self-sufficiency due to ur fear of trusting a bond with another.
The first time u meet this person, u may feel a tremendous desire combined with deep mistrust. But when u see their willingness to share everything with u so freely, u could come overly excited, blindly accept the bond that had been denied u for so long and just begin living ur life with them.
The challenge is to slow down and determine how their values and goals actually fit what is important to u. Then u can make good decisions that can help u build successful results that are mutually satisfying.
Once u have received their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, u can continue building with them - if ur values are compatible or go out on ur own.
Either way u will have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a whole new level of energy, self-confidence, and determination.
Z is my 8th house - gift of soul mate bonding
Me is in Z's 1st house - gift of independence.
This is a unique situation where as a couple they were learning how to be in a committed relationship without losing their individuality - and their personal astrological charts showed that each of them was challenged with learning this lesson. They had subs consciously attracted each other when they were ready, so they both could master it.
As Z accepts my gift and allow me to help him recognise that he can do things on his own, Z's demonstration motivates me to actively begin exploring my independence and pursuing my own talents. In this way, we both empower each other to evolve into the full expression of ur own unique potential.
Father, all the drama in my mind over new division is nothing. Once I decided I don't need E's validation, I calmed down. Now, I realised there is no revert from him after I told him that we cannot cope.
Sept 13 Eve
Cosmic Love
Z is in my 8th house
Soul Mate Relationship - bring an increased awareness of the value and needs of others into ur personality.
When this is a union between mates, the sexual aspect is always blessed with a depth of emotion that makes the relationship a source of well-being on all levels. They are bringing u the gift of understanding that sex can be a pathway to deep emotional bonding and mutual nurturing.
They won't let u get away with old self-defeating behaviours u may have around relationships. They see past any unconscious blocks and will not acknowledge any barriers to joining with u - they just keep moving forward.
T and M.
This person may give u their gift in a backhanded way - ie they may teach u how to bond by withholding the bond u seek. For instance, if u have had problems with enmeshment and co-dependency in a past life, this person may help u learn to bond correctly by refusing to bond with u in any way that would reinforce these unhealthy experiences - a gift that releases u from the karmic pattern of not having appropriate boundaries.
Soul
So true. I wanted bonding and he didn't and we broke off. Then he tot I am fine, he asked for us to start back and this time I can stand on my own.
Best approach
To always begin with "I think it would be good for us to ..." or "We need ... ", u will trigger the best in them and they are likely to be receptive.
Soul
Not sure about this. I can only remember one time, when I said I am responsible for my body and its outcome from our union. He corrected me and said "We are responsible".
Best approach
As u discover that there are things that are important to u that ur partner doesn't value, their influence teaches u to take care of those needs on ur own. In fact, part of having a healthy Soul Mate relationship has to do with getting ur own needs fulfilled rather than expecting ur partner to meet all ur needs all of the time.
Soul
I valued yoga and meditation and he doesn't. So, I need to ensure I take care of it. I am into Isha, he is not so and I just go on my own
As for my writing, he is not interested and I excluded him.
Aiyah..lots of my things he is not keen....Luckily I am independent.
Past life influences
In past, they were responsible for forcing u to become self-reliant in a way that was not healthy for u and deprived u of the experience of being in a bonded, mutually empowering relationship.
This resulted in a psychic surgery that create an exaggeration of self-sufficiency due to ur fear of trusting a bond with another.
The first time u meet this person, u may feel a tremendous desire combined with deep mistrust. But when u see their willingness to share everything with u so freely, u could come overly excited, blindly accept the bond that had been denied u for so long and just begin living ur life with them.
The challenge is to slow down and determine how their values and goals actually fit what is important to u. Then u can make good decisions that can help u build successful results that are mutually satisfying.
Once u have received their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, u can continue building with them - if ur values are compatible or go out on ur own.
Either way u will have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a whole new level of energy, self-confidence, and determination.
Z is my 8th house - gift of soul mate bonding
Me is in Z's 1st house - gift of independence.
This is a unique situation where as a couple they were learning how to be in a committed relationship without losing their individuality - and their personal astrological charts showed that each of them was challenged with learning this lesson. They had subs consciously attracted each other when they were ready, so they both could master it.
As Z accepts my gift and allow me to help him recognise that he can do things on his own, Z's demonstration motivates me to actively begin exploring my independence and pursuing my own talents. In this way, we both empower each other to evolve into the full expression of ur own unique potential.
Monday, September 26, 2011
What I want...and will be given
Sept 13
Z - seeking approval from everyone
Me - seeking validation from specific persons
For Z, seeking approval from everyone is by credential like watch/clothes, car, house, degree, being good husband and father in marriage and etc. His credential was dented by his divorce. As long as he thinks he looks good, he is fine.
For me, I used to seek validation from job, and from partner and sometimes close friends. I am not bothered by general public. Guess that's why I suffered acutely when validation is affected.
Father, the more I read and know Z, I can now see him being my mirror.
On my North Node, I used to wait for my partner to fulfill my dream but it didn't happen. Now I found my partner, I know it can't and besides he should be focusing on his dreams. So, I have to earn my dreams, just like what Natal chart says.
Ask and It is Given
Creative Workshop Process
1. My Body
2. My Home
3. My Relationships
4. My Work
1. My Body
I want my arms to be smaller and toned as it is now out of proportion and I like wearing sleveless tops.
I want my face to look toned because I can then look good on photos.
I want my skin to be silky smooth so my partner and me can feel the pleasure in touching my body.
I want my weight maintained at 53 kg because I will look good in most clothes
I want my joints to be fine so I can walk and run as long as I want to.
My Home
1. I want to have a functional bathroom in my room so that Z and I can take shower in my room.
2. I want a good bed with soft bed sheet so that Z and I can spend lovely time on my bed
3. I want to have a new couch as the current one is too worn out.
4. I want to have a maid so that house is clean up.
5. I want a room to be my meditation room, to hold my books, to do my work.
My Relationships
1. I want my relationship with Z to flourish as we are good for each other.
2. I want my relationship with Z to expand physically and I want us to be known to our friends and family because we can both commit.
3. I want colleagues and boss that I can respect and deliberate.
My Work
1. I want a job that let me grow, allow me to show my strength and self-expression.
2. I want a 4 days job that gives me good pay so I have financial security and do my personal business.
3. I want to have my own business of self discovery. I want my website to flourish as it is helpful to people. It is also helpful to me as an outlet for self-expression and for me to share knowledge and experience.
4. I want to be a speaker as I am charismatic and can influence people to initiate transformation in their life.
5. I want Isha to grow as it is a good platform for spiritual development. It is also helpful to me as a mode of services to keep to my values.
Z - seeking approval from everyone
Me - seeking validation from specific persons
For Z, seeking approval from everyone is by credential like watch/clothes, car, house, degree, being good husband and father in marriage and etc. His credential was dented by his divorce. As long as he thinks he looks good, he is fine.
For me, I used to seek validation from job, and from partner and sometimes close friends. I am not bothered by general public. Guess that's why I suffered acutely when validation is affected.
Father, the more I read and know Z, I can now see him being my mirror.
On my North Node, I used to wait for my partner to fulfill my dream but it didn't happen. Now I found my partner, I know it can't and besides he should be focusing on his dreams. So, I have to earn my dreams, just like what Natal chart says.
Ask and It is Given
Creative Workshop Process
1. My Body
2. My Home
3. My Relationships
4. My Work
1. My Body
I want my arms to be smaller and toned as it is now out of proportion and I like wearing sleveless tops.
I want my face to look toned because I can then look good on photos.
I want my skin to be silky smooth so my partner and me can feel the pleasure in touching my body.
I want my weight maintained at 53 kg because I will look good in most clothes
I want my joints to be fine so I can walk and run as long as I want to.
My Home
1. I want to have a functional bathroom in my room so that Z and I can take shower in my room.
2. I want a good bed with soft bed sheet so that Z and I can spend lovely time on my bed
3. I want to have a new couch as the current one is too worn out.
4. I want to have a maid so that house is clean up.
5. I want a room to be my meditation room, to hold my books, to do my work.
My Relationships
1. I want my relationship with Z to flourish as we are good for each other.
2. I want my relationship with Z to expand physically and I want us to be known to our friends and family because we can both commit.
3. I want colleagues and boss that I can respect and deliberate.
My Work
1. I want a job that let me grow, allow me to show my strength and self-expression.
2. I want a 4 days job that gives me good pay so I have financial security and do my personal business.
3. I want to have my own business of self discovery. I want my website to flourish as it is helpful to people. It is also helpful to me as an outlet for self-expression and for me to share knowledge and experience.
4. I want to be a speaker as I am charismatic and can influence people to initiate transformation in their life.
5. I want Isha to grow as it is a good platform for spiritual development. It is also helpful to me as a mode of services to keep to my values.
North Node in Taurus (2)
Sept 12 Eve
North Node in Taurus.
Soul Mate
When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then they will attract the right life partner.
At times they feel acutely lonely, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright. But as with everything else, they must earn it.
As they work to experience of their own wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction and together they flow to the sea.
They need to be able to maintain their own psychic energy field as a separate entity before they attempt to bond with another.
Establishing boundaries that support their individuality and self-worth is essential in creating the space Taurus Node people need for their relationships and themselves to thrive.
Healthy boundaries promote self respect and respect for others.
They must not let their partner invalidate them. If the partner says something that they are not comfortable with, they can let him know;"I am not comfortable with that." In this way, they make the partner aware of their boundaries, giving the partner an opportunity to accommodate them and come into alignment with what they need. As the relationship evolves, it will become apparent whether or not this person is an appropriate partner.
They need a partner that will empower them in manifesting their dreams. When others empower them, they too make sure the others are taken care of. So, they need to be the ones that are others support!
Soul
I am on the right track. Z is my Moon in life and spiritual spread.
Sept 26
Father, I am not sure as Z is South Node to my Jupiter. He doesn't validate my dreams. Infact, he cannot relate to my path. What he does is reverse psychology. Because I love him and I need to be on my own right/own security but knowing he cannot give me, I create my own path.
North Node in Taurus
They need first to recognise that their energy is enough - they can live off their own energy. As long as they feel incomplete, they will continue to attract people who also have low self-esteem.
And without untamed neediness driving them, they can take their time in discovering whose energy will actually increase them and bring them joy.
Their body must be able to resonate with the other person. They do not want to pursue a romantic relationship that has no lasting substance on physical level.
They are generally highly sexual. They seek the intensity and excitement of sex and the bonding that is possible through sexual connection. They need lots of physical affection: kissing, hand holding, touching, massaging, really tuning in to how the other person hands feel on their skin and how their nervous system respond to the other person, strictly on a bodily level.
They are learning to appreciate the gift of sharing sexual pleasure with their partner, without any other motive. They are learning the value of the simple, natural pleasures of life: food, sex, being comfortable - enjoyment of the physical pleasures that are the gifts of having a human body.
Soul
I am on track :)
North Node in Taurus.
Soul Mate
When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then they will attract the right life partner.
At times they feel acutely lonely, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright. But as with everything else, they must earn it.
As they work to experience of their own wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction and together they flow to the sea.
They need to be able to maintain their own psychic energy field as a separate entity before they attempt to bond with another.
Establishing boundaries that support their individuality and self-worth is essential in creating the space Taurus Node people need for their relationships and themselves to thrive.
Healthy boundaries promote self respect and respect for others.
They must not let their partner invalidate them. If the partner says something that they are not comfortable with, they can let him know;"I am not comfortable with that." In this way, they make the partner aware of their boundaries, giving the partner an opportunity to accommodate them and come into alignment with what they need. As the relationship evolves, it will become apparent whether or not this person is an appropriate partner.
They need a partner that will empower them in manifesting their dreams. When others empower them, they too make sure the others are taken care of. So, they need to be the ones that are others support!
Soul
I am on the right track. Z is my Moon in life and spiritual spread.
Sept 26
Father, I am not sure as Z is South Node to my Jupiter. He doesn't validate my dreams. Infact, he cannot relate to my path. What he does is reverse psychology. Because I love him and I need to be on my own right/own security but knowing he cannot give me, I create my own path.
North Node in Taurus
They need first to recognise that their energy is enough - they can live off their own energy. As long as they feel incomplete, they will continue to attract people who also have low self-esteem.
And without untamed neediness driving them, they can take their time in discovering whose energy will actually increase them and bring them joy.
Their body must be able to resonate with the other person. They do not want to pursue a romantic relationship that has no lasting substance on physical level.
They are generally highly sexual. They seek the intensity and excitement of sex and the bonding that is possible through sexual connection. They need lots of physical affection: kissing, hand holding, touching, massaging, really tuning in to how the other person hands feel on their skin and how their nervous system respond to the other person, strictly on a bodily level.
They are learning to appreciate the gift of sharing sexual pleasure with their partner, without any other motive. They are learning the value of the simple, natural pleasures of life: food, sex, being comfortable - enjoyment of the physical pleasures that are the gifts of having a human body.
Soul
I am on track :)
North Node in Taurus
Sept 12
North node in Taurus
What they really want is to merge with someone else's energy and feel mutual empowerment. They are looking for total, permanent commitment. They want a partner whom they can count on to take care of all their material needs and they will take care of all the partner's emotional needs (vice versa) - a synergistic relationship that is mutually empowering and completely dependable.
They must be discriminating and find someone with similar energy and values. The shared goals must be innately valuable to each of them as individuals.
For this to happen, they must first get in touch with their own values. They must become strong in themselves, aware of what they want, and tune in to what is real and meaningful for them.
Their challenge is to establish their own energy systems and figure out who they are as individuals. As their energy becomes stronger, they will automatically attract mates of similar energy with whom they can form successful partnership.
Soul
I am on the right track.
North Node in Taurus
They excel in professions that are in alignment with what they consider to be truly valuable.
For eg, if they consider massage to be a tool for healing others that could also be profitable for them, then they would be successful in that field.
Soul
Some msg here. I no longer see the value in my job, crisis mgm, solving people problems. I want to create light rather than to solve darkness.
Mmm, I know my website stories and tools are valuable to me and others. I will seriously embark on it.
North node in taurus
Lessons in this lifetime are not easy for these folks. They can experience real extreme in life - ranging from periods of drug, alcohol abuse, to dealing with severe psychological problems, to sitting in boardrooms in corporations, to being on a strict spiritual path.
Their lives run the spectrum from the depths of darkness to the highest place of light.
Soul
That's my life. The only difference is I was addicted to good food. That's the blessing.
North Node in Taurus
Because they have extinguished their own value system, they came into this lifetime with no sense of self-worth apart from the feedback of others. This makes them incredibly vulnerable to adopting the values of those around them.
Although it was correct in the past, in this incarnation it is not set up to work when they focus on empowering their partner with the silent expectation that the partner will take care of them financially or validate them in some other way.
In this lifetime they are learning to build a sense of self esteem directly, by living according to their own value system.
They need to empower others only when it is what they want to do, it fits with their own values and they have no expectation of getting anything in return.
They have a tendency to be distracted by others wants and motives. They need to simplify things: to stop "getting into other people's minds" and just get in touch with themselves. "What do I need here? What do I need in order to feel comfortable with this situation?".
What these folks really want is for their insecurity to be resolved - to know that all their needs will be met.
Soul
That's why I am pursuing the Self Mastery path. I want to feel secure on my own, not to be affected by people, especially my partner since I have already 'removed' the old career.
But of course, now have new career to contend with. Must not fall into same trap.
North Node in Taurus
They are destined to accumulate that which increases their inner sense of abundance.
Their challenge is to slow down long enough to receive the gifts that life offers.
By taking emphasis of specific people as their "source" and by partnering directly with life itself, their insecurities over survival can finally be healed. They will find that life sends the right people - who often show up unexpectedly - to ease their journey as every new need arises.
Soul
I used to take "boss"/job as my source of security. Then it was partner. I also used to take friends.
Alas, I know all is not my Source and I need to find my own. And I found It.
I guess this time, I knew E sees me as a good corporate person and here I am going to disappoint him, lose his validation. But alas, I knew job validation is no longer important. Over here in current company, I will stay and also used spare time to work on my projects and help to promote Isha.
Now my next devt, Z is my Cosmic Lesson to 'challenge' me to another level. God is also nice to gave him my Moon too.
North Node in Taurus
These folks are learning to slow down and carefully build what is important to them - without rushing: a relationship, a business, or manifesting a dream. If they feel uncomfortable, it is a warning that they have missed a necessary step in the building process.
They are learning to trust themselves and to appreciate the peaceful feeling they gain from slow and steady progress accomplished on their own.
Although they need to go slowly to create success, they need also require a certain amount of stimulation to get themselves going. When there is no crisis surrounding their goals, one thing help them is to set time limits.
Once they are committed to a direction, they can use their obsessive energies from past lives to fixate, and then they will get there on schedule no matter what!
Soul
Mmm, I do thrive on crisis. I guess my goals has no crisis. So, good suggestion to start timeline.
North node in Taurus
The first step toward self-acceptance for Taurus North Node people is to acknowledge that there is a needy person inside and to take personal responsibility for filling those needs.
If they try to appear self-sufficient and suppress that needy part, it will come out full-blown to make itself recognised. They have denied and postponed their own needs in so many incarnations that now the needy part is overenergised.
And that is to their advantage, they have earned the right to embrace and encompass that part of themselves.
Soul
Yea, just like 2 of Diamonds, for years I ignore and suppress my needs.
North node in Taurus
What they really want is to merge with someone else's energy and feel mutual empowerment. They are looking for total, permanent commitment. They want a partner whom they can count on to take care of all their material needs and they will take care of all the partner's emotional needs (vice versa) - a synergistic relationship that is mutually empowering and completely dependable.
They must be discriminating and find someone with similar energy and values. The shared goals must be innately valuable to each of them as individuals.
For this to happen, they must first get in touch with their own values. They must become strong in themselves, aware of what they want, and tune in to what is real and meaningful for them.
Their challenge is to establish their own energy systems and figure out who they are as individuals. As their energy becomes stronger, they will automatically attract mates of similar energy with whom they can form successful partnership.
Soul
I am on the right track.
North Node in Taurus
They excel in professions that are in alignment with what they consider to be truly valuable.
For eg, if they consider massage to be a tool for healing others that could also be profitable for them, then they would be successful in that field.
Soul
Some msg here. I no longer see the value in my job, crisis mgm, solving people problems. I want to create light rather than to solve darkness.
Mmm, I know my website stories and tools are valuable to me and others. I will seriously embark on it.
North node in taurus
Lessons in this lifetime are not easy for these folks. They can experience real extreme in life - ranging from periods of drug, alcohol abuse, to dealing with severe psychological problems, to sitting in boardrooms in corporations, to being on a strict spiritual path.
Their lives run the spectrum from the depths of darkness to the highest place of light.
Soul
That's my life. The only difference is I was addicted to good food. That's the blessing.
North Node in Taurus
Because they have extinguished their own value system, they came into this lifetime with no sense of self-worth apart from the feedback of others. This makes them incredibly vulnerable to adopting the values of those around them.
Although it was correct in the past, in this incarnation it is not set up to work when they focus on empowering their partner with the silent expectation that the partner will take care of them financially or validate them in some other way.
In this lifetime they are learning to build a sense of self esteem directly, by living according to their own value system.
They need to empower others only when it is what they want to do, it fits with their own values and they have no expectation of getting anything in return.
They have a tendency to be distracted by others wants and motives. They need to simplify things: to stop "getting into other people's minds" and just get in touch with themselves. "What do I need here? What do I need in order to feel comfortable with this situation?".
What these folks really want is for their insecurity to be resolved - to know that all their needs will be met.
Soul
That's why I am pursuing the Self Mastery path. I want to feel secure on my own, not to be affected by people, especially my partner since I have already 'removed' the old career.
But of course, now have new career to contend with. Must not fall into same trap.
North Node in Taurus
They are destined to accumulate that which increases their inner sense of abundance.
Their challenge is to slow down long enough to receive the gifts that life offers.
By taking emphasis of specific people as their "source" and by partnering directly with life itself, their insecurities over survival can finally be healed. They will find that life sends the right people - who often show up unexpectedly - to ease their journey as every new need arises.
Soul
I used to take "boss"/job as my source of security. Then it was partner. I also used to take friends.
Alas, I know all is not my Source and I need to find my own. And I found It.
I guess this time, I knew E sees me as a good corporate person and here I am going to disappoint him, lose his validation. But alas, I knew job validation is no longer important. Over here in current company, I will stay and also used spare time to work on my projects and help to promote Isha.
Now my next devt, Z is my Cosmic Lesson to 'challenge' me to another level. God is also nice to gave him my Moon too.
North Node in Taurus
These folks are learning to slow down and carefully build what is important to them - without rushing: a relationship, a business, or manifesting a dream. If they feel uncomfortable, it is a warning that they have missed a necessary step in the building process.
They are learning to trust themselves and to appreciate the peaceful feeling they gain from slow and steady progress accomplished on their own.
Although they need to go slowly to create success, they need also require a certain amount of stimulation to get themselves going. When there is no crisis surrounding their goals, one thing help them is to set time limits.
Once they are committed to a direction, they can use their obsessive energies from past lives to fixate, and then they will get there on schedule no matter what!
Soul
Mmm, I do thrive on crisis. I guess my goals has no crisis. So, good suggestion to start timeline.
North node in Taurus
The first step toward self-acceptance for Taurus North Node people is to acknowledge that there is a needy person inside and to take personal responsibility for filling those needs.
If they try to appear self-sufficient and suppress that needy part, it will come out full-blown to make itself recognised. They have denied and postponed their own needs in so many incarnations that now the needy part is overenergised.
And that is to their advantage, they have earned the right to embrace and encompass that part of themselves.
Soul
Yea, just like 2 of Diamonds, for years I ignore and suppress my needs.
Sadhguru - we are the creator of our life
Sept 11
Sadhguru has clearly mention that life does not just happen to us, we are the creator of our life. You have the option to be a speck of dust or to be the source of creation.
Father, I am no longer interested in crisis management. I already handled current company and it has stabilised until current. And now this new division, again crisis. But this time I am no longer willing to be pulled inside. I can handle it but I no longer want to.
Now I realised my confusion. I knew I spoilt my image and I used to seek validation from my job performance. But now I no longer need it. Amen. Now that I know, I am no longer feeling confused or torn.
Joy meant Santhosham in tamil.
Father, I still have an issue in volunteering. Just now when K told me that volunteer cannot go in. I told her that I am not volunteer and want to go to the meditator hall. (To me, all v has a motive, to be near to Sadhguru. Just like every time they would reserve the first few front rows for themselves). Perhaps, that's just my judgement. My thinking is since I don't need to have access to Sadhguru, I don't want to pay the price.
I guess this is Give to Get.
Sept 11 Eve
Father, what an amazing night! The public talk was awesome with the Isha Kriya.
At first when I saw Sadhguru in the exit, I tot I was fine, no 'expression' on my side.
Then I went to the toilet and I found myself singing non-stop. Later when I came out, I saw M and I cry controllably while I hugging him. The feeling of energy was so overwhelming.
Sadhguru has clearly mention that life does not just happen to us, we are the creator of our life. You have the option to be a speck of dust or to be the source of creation.
Father, I am no longer interested in crisis management. I already handled current company and it has stabilised until current. And now this new division, again crisis. But this time I am no longer willing to be pulled inside. I can handle it but I no longer want to.
Now I realised my confusion. I knew I spoilt my image and I used to seek validation from my job performance. But now I no longer need it. Amen. Now that I know, I am no longer feeling confused or torn.
Joy meant Santhosham in tamil.
Father, I still have an issue in volunteering. Just now when K told me that volunteer cannot go in. I told her that I am not volunteer and want to go to the meditator hall. (To me, all v has a motive, to be near to Sadhguru. Just like every time they would reserve the first few front rows for themselves). Perhaps, that's just my judgement. My thinking is since I don't need to have access to Sadhguru, I don't want to pay the price.
I guess this is Give to Get.
Sept 11 Eve
Father, what an amazing night! The public talk was awesome with the Isha Kriya.
At first when I saw Sadhguru in the exit, I tot I was fine, no 'expression' on my side.
Then I went to the toilet and I found myself singing non-stop. Later when I came out, I saw M and I cry controllably while I hugging him. The feeling of energy was so overwhelming.
Great time with Sadhguru
Sept 10
Father, what a great sathsang! I had no expectation since I did samyama programme with him and also a refresher.
When I just start shambavi, I was laughing throughout. Then in the finale, at first I was laughing uncontrollably and then I was crying.
Father, what a great sathsang! I had no expectation since I did samyama programme with him and also a refresher.
When I just start shambavi, I was laughing throughout. Then in the finale, at first I was laughing uncontrollably and then I was crying.
Monday, September 19, 2011
U r the projector; if you don't like what you see, change the lens
Sept 9
Mmm, it has been awhile since I sing and dance during practices. Father, I am back.
Sept 9 Eve
The Passion Test
You have created ur life, and the good news is, if u don't like it, u can change it.
Ur life is created first in ur mind, then in the world.
Soul
Yea, I now knew it is my tots.
The Passion Test
Byron Katie
I realised that when I believed my tots I suffered, but when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer.
We don't suffer because of what happens, we suffer because of our tots about what happens. Reality is neither good nor bad. Only ur tots make it good or bad.
When u question ur tots, u realise they have no basis in reality. Eventually, u come to see that everything outside u is a reflection of ur own thinking. U r the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected image of ur tots.
Soul
Just like previously whenever I couldn't contact Z. I feel bad because I tot its because he doesn't want me, because I was unlovable.
Now that I realised my lovability is determined by me alone. I am not as affected as before, I would say it lessen about 50%. I also realised I take things personally, which I am working on.
The Passion Test
Byron Katie
We take our stressful tots and project them out onto the world. When u investigate ur thinking, u will discover that its not about anyone else. It's all about u. If u have judgements about someone else, then write them down, and turn them around. Be ur own teacher. Do what it is u want them to do.
Soul
Suddenly tot this is similar to ACIM; "teach what u want others to learn".
I used to berate Z for not opening up. I realised now I too didn't open up. I used to berate him for his wall, I realised I too have a wall. His amour only for romantic relationship and mine is full coverage.
The Passion Test
Byron Katie - The Work
As u investigate the tots that make u feel afraid, that makes u feel unworthy, that makes u unlovable, u will discover something new growing in u; trust.
Ur speed on the cosmic highway is directly related to ur ability to trust in the benevolence of the universe.
Soul
I am now changing my belief that Z is unreachable. I told myself he is reachable. I called and he was driving in the highway. We spoke nearly 45 minutes till I was tired and decide to hang up.
I shared with him that I used to see him as a challenge but now I see him as benefits. He wanted to know more and I said I shared next week.
He was upfront about his dire financial strait. I offered to lend him some money to buy his phone but he declined. Father, I want him. First tot was not sure where we heading. Second tot I recalled I am the Sun and he is my Moon. He is excited about me opening up and told me he will go slow. I like that, I felt cherished.
ACIM
Generosity
To the world, generosity means "giving away" in the sense of "giving up". To the teachers of God, it means giving away in order to keep.
The teachers of God does not want anything he cannot give away, because he realises it would be valueless to him by definition.
Patience
Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait, and wait without anxiety. Patience is natural to the teacher of God.
Patience is natural to those who trust. Sure of the ultimate interpretation of all things in time, no outcome already seen or yet to come can cause them fear.
Soul
I need to learn that.
ACIM
9. Faithfulness
The extent of the teacher of God's faithfulness is the measure of his advancement in the curriculum.
Faithfulness is the teacher of God's trust in the Word of God to set all things right; not some but all.
True faithfulness does not deviate. Being consistent, it is wholly honest. Being unswerving, it is full of trust. Being based on fearlessness, it is gentle. Being certain, it is joyous. And being confident, it is tolerant.
Soul
Mmm, tot of the other division. It is becoming too troublesome and erode into our parameters. I need to nip it in the bud.
Of course, part of me tot I don't look good. But I don't care. I am not paid to take care of another division. Our commitment has been back end but now they are taking us front end. So, it is best I just give them one contact person, an Accountant that handles the admin, payroll and accounts.
Of cos, this means I kicked myself out of possible transfer there. But I don't want them and I got a feeling now that E is not a good person to work with. He is pushy. But I am no pushover and I won't let him infringe on territory. He is entitled to one headcount only.
Father, I no longer want to solve problem. I no longer need to feel uself. I just want to be and enjoy my Top 5.
Mmm, it has been awhile since I sing and dance during practices. Father, I am back.
Sept 9 Eve
The Passion Test
You have created ur life, and the good news is, if u don't like it, u can change it.
Ur life is created first in ur mind, then in the world.
Soul
Yea, I now knew it is my tots.
The Passion Test
Byron Katie
I realised that when I believed my tots I suffered, but when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer.
We don't suffer because of what happens, we suffer because of our tots about what happens. Reality is neither good nor bad. Only ur tots make it good or bad.
When u question ur tots, u realise they have no basis in reality. Eventually, u come to see that everything outside u is a reflection of ur own thinking. U r the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected image of ur tots.
Soul
Just like previously whenever I couldn't contact Z. I feel bad because I tot its because he doesn't want me, because I was unlovable.
Now that I realised my lovability is determined by me alone. I am not as affected as before, I would say it lessen about 50%. I also realised I take things personally, which I am working on.
The Passion Test
Byron Katie
We take our stressful tots and project them out onto the world. When u investigate ur thinking, u will discover that its not about anyone else. It's all about u. If u have judgements about someone else, then write them down, and turn them around. Be ur own teacher. Do what it is u want them to do.
Soul
Suddenly tot this is similar to ACIM; "teach what u want others to learn".
I used to berate Z for not opening up. I realised now I too didn't open up. I used to berate him for his wall, I realised I too have a wall. His amour only for romantic relationship and mine is full coverage.
The Passion Test
Byron Katie - The Work
As u investigate the tots that make u feel afraid, that makes u feel unworthy, that makes u unlovable, u will discover something new growing in u; trust.
Ur speed on the cosmic highway is directly related to ur ability to trust in the benevolence of the universe.
Soul
I am now changing my belief that Z is unreachable. I told myself he is reachable. I called and he was driving in the highway. We spoke nearly 45 minutes till I was tired and decide to hang up.
I shared with him that I used to see him as a challenge but now I see him as benefits. He wanted to know more and I said I shared next week.
He was upfront about his dire financial strait. I offered to lend him some money to buy his phone but he declined. Father, I want him. First tot was not sure where we heading. Second tot I recalled I am the Sun and he is my Moon. He is excited about me opening up and told me he will go slow. I like that, I felt cherished.
ACIM
Generosity
To the world, generosity means "giving away" in the sense of "giving up". To the teachers of God, it means giving away in order to keep.
The teachers of God does not want anything he cannot give away, because he realises it would be valueless to him by definition.
Patience
Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait, and wait without anxiety. Patience is natural to the teacher of God.
Patience is natural to those who trust. Sure of the ultimate interpretation of all things in time, no outcome already seen or yet to come can cause them fear.
Soul
I need to learn that.
ACIM
9. Faithfulness
The extent of the teacher of God's faithfulness is the measure of his advancement in the curriculum.
Faithfulness is the teacher of God's trust in the Word of God to set all things right; not some but all.
True faithfulness does not deviate. Being consistent, it is wholly honest. Being unswerving, it is full of trust. Being based on fearlessness, it is gentle. Being certain, it is joyous. And being confident, it is tolerant.
Soul
Mmm, tot of the other division. It is becoming too troublesome and erode into our parameters. I need to nip it in the bud.
Of course, part of me tot I don't look good. But I don't care. I am not paid to take care of another division. Our commitment has been back end but now they are taking us front end. So, it is best I just give them one contact person, an Accountant that handles the admin, payroll and accounts.
Of cos, this means I kicked myself out of possible transfer there. But I don't want them and I got a feeling now that E is not a good person to work with. He is pushy. But I am no pushover and I won't let him infringe on territory. He is entitled to one headcount only.
Father, I no longer want to solve problem. I no longer need to feel uself. I just want to be and enjoy my Top 5.
Z is my Cosmic Lesson and Moon; I got what I wished for in my Vision Book
Sept 8 Eve
Father, I am finally emulating my confidence at work to romantic rship.
I finally realised I got what I want in my partner in Z. He is my soil and he also push me to go beyond my current mode. Just like the korean drama, at first the hero was also a pain in the ass / great challenges to the heroin. Later she grow up to become a good farmer and then when they finally got together as a couple, he commit to support her in her dream to be a fashion designer.
Father, I got what I want. I now just need to visualise more. First tot is that Z can be wealthy as he 'suffer' and I am also proud of him as he is now living within his means.
Seven of Spade in Cosmic
Their main challenge is to learn to trust and keep their faith in spite of circumstances. Their main challenges will come in the areas of work and health.
Ask and It is Given
It is extremely beneficial for u to focus primarily on the way u feel while giving only scant attention to the manifestations as they are unfolding, for whenever u r giving ur primary attention to things as they are, u r hindering the expansion of what is.
All those statistics that are gathered about ur own experiences and about others - are only about how somebody has already flowed Energy. They are not about any hard-and-fast NOW reality.
Soul
Mmm, I found a way to handle my Cosmic Lesson. Focus on the Now, focus on my feelings, focus on my wants and not the price to pay.
Ask and It is Given
The basis of life is freedom and the result of life is expansion; but the purpose of life is joy.
That's why the main event has never been on the manifestation. It has always been the way u feel in the moment.
Soul
I am getting it. This is another insight to handle Cosmic lesson.
Evening
Suddenly tot of him. Try to call but no response. He should be sleeping.
ACIM
God's teachers are wholly gentle. They need the strength of gentleness, for it is in this that the function of salvation becomes easy.
Joy is the inevitable result of gentleness. Gentleness means that fear is now impossible, and what could come to interfere with joy?
The gentle have no pain. They cannot suffer. Why would they not be joyous? They are sure they are beloved and must be safe. God's teachers trust in Him. Joy is their song of thanks.
Soul
Just now I sing and dance after samyama. It has been a long time since I have such experience.
When I tot of Z, a flow of sadness came and I blew it off by feeling the inner joy in me.
ACIM
It is not danger that comes when defenses are laid down. It is safety. It is peace. It is joy. And it is God.
Soul
Yea, when I laid down my defenses with Z, I become more peaceful. There is so much lesser drama in my mind about him. I also become less anxious when I couldn't contact him. I no longer take it personally.
Father, I am finally emulating my confidence at work to romantic rship.
I finally realised I got what I want in my partner in Z. He is my soil and he also push me to go beyond my current mode. Just like the korean drama, at first the hero was also a pain in the ass / great challenges to the heroin. Later she grow up to become a good farmer and then when they finally got together as a couple, he commit to support her in her dream to be a fashion designer.
Father, I got what I want. I now just need to visualise more. First tot is that Z can be wealthy as he 'suffer' and I am also proud of him as he is now living within his means.
Seven of Spade in Cosmic
Their main challenge is to learn to trust and keep their faith in spite of circumstances. Their main challenges will come in the areas of work and health.
Ask and It is Given
It is extremely beneficial for u to focus primarily on the way u feel while giving only scant attention to the manifestations as they are unfolding, for whenever u r giving ur primary attention to things as they are, u r hindering the expansion of what is.
All those statistics that are gathered about ur own experiences and about others - are only about how somebody has already flowed Energy. They are not about any hard-and-fast NOW reality.
Soul
Mmm, I found a way to handle my Cosmic Lesson. Focus on the Now, focus on my feelings, focus on my wants and not the price to pay.
Ask and It is Given
The basis of life is freedom and the result of life is expansion; but the purpose of life is joy.
That's why the main event has never been on the manifestation. It has always been the way u feel in the moment.
Soul
I am getting it. This is another insight to handle Cosmic lesson.
Evening
Suddenly tot of him. Try to call but no response. He should be sleeping.
ACIM
God's teachers are wholly gentle. They need the strength of gentleness, for it is in this that the function of salvation becomes easy.
Joy is the inevitable result of gentleness. Gentleness means that fear is now impossible, and what could come to interfere with joy?
The gentle have no pain. They cannot suffer. Why would they not be joyous? They are sure they are beloved and must be safe. God's teachers trust in Him. Joy is their song of thanks.
Soul
Just now I sing and dance after samyama. It has been a long time since I have such experience.
When I tot of Z, a flow of sadness came and I blew it off by feeling the inner joy in me.
ACIM
It is not danger that comes when defenses are laid down. It is safety. It is peace. It is joy. And it is God.
Soul
Yea, when I laid down my defenses with Z, I become more peaceful. There is so much lesser drama in my mind about him. I also become less anxious when I couldn't contact him. I no longer take it personally.
If u believe ur happiness is dependent on others, u become vulnerable and defense mechanism be activated
Sept 8 Aft
Father, thank U. I am at ease with regards to Z. I now focus on making myself happy. He doesn't have a hold on me. I felt such a huge release. Now need only to work on bit of stress on work.
Osho
Real love comes not trying to solve our neediness by depending on another but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers to us.
Soul
Yea, I just focus on being happy. Then I can share myself without worrying of returns.
Ask and It is Given
If u think ur happiness or well-being is dependent on someone or something else, u will feel vulnerable.
And if ur depending on them and u cannot control them, u don't know where they are, what they feel, then ur vulnerability soars.
Soul
No wonder. Its when I felt so vulnerable, that automatic defense mechanism is activated. We become defensive when we think others affects us. Now I know the phrase, defenselessness is strength. Its because we r strong and not dependent on others and hence need not be defensive. All defenses are against others.
Ask and It is Given
U have to come to remember that it makes no difference whatsoever how anybody is flowing back at u, otherwise u r going to be defensive - and u cannot be defensive and appreciative at the same time.
U r not really looking for appreciation to come to u, u want the feeling of it flowing through u.
Life is not about tomorrow, it is about right now. Life is about how u r currently molding the Energy!
Ask and It is Given
Creation Box process
- write on the box; Whatever is contained in this box - IS!
This process helps to focus ur desire, and so u will consciously amplify Step 1 (Ask) - and now, in ur absence of resistance, things will begin to happen quickly. U r practising the Art of Allowing. And if u r usually a good-feeling person who has not established strong habits of feeling unhappy about not having the things u have put into ur box, u will experience the immediate result of feeling more focused and excited about life, and the things u put in ur Creation Box will begin to manifest in ur experience right away.
Soul
Equivalent to Vision Book. Will add on and review.
I recalled I have written in my Vision Book that I wanted a partner that gave me support, like my soil and help me to grow to my destiny.
Here I got Cosmic Lesson and Moon in Z. My dream has been fulfilled. Amen.
I now need to be specific on what my partner and I be doing together.
Father, for the first time I am seeing what I have and not focusing on lack. I focus on what I m learning to do.
Father, thank U. I am at ease with regards to Z. I now focus on making myself happy. He doesn't have a hold on me. I felt such a huge release. Now need only to work on bit of stress on work.
Osho
Real love comes not trying to solve our neediness by depending on another but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers to us.
Soul
Yea, I just focus on being happy. Then I can share myself without worrying of returns.
Ask and It is Given
If u think ur happiness or well-being is dependent on someone or something else, u will feel vulnerable.
And if ur depending on them and u cannot control them, u don't know where they are, what they feel, then ur vulnerability soars.
Soul
No wonder. Its when I felt so vulnerable, that automatic defense mechanism is activated. We become defensive when we think others affects us. Now I know the phrase, defenselessness is strength. Its because we r strong and not dependent on others and hence need not be defensive. All defenses are against others.
Ask and It is Given
U have to come to remember that it makes no difference whatsoever how anybody is flowing back at u, otherwise u r going to be defensive - and u cannot be defensive and appreciative at the same time.
U r not really looking for appreciation to come to u, u want the feeling of it flowing through u.
Life is not about tomorrow, it is about right now. Life is about how u r currently molding the Energy!
Ask and It is Given
Creation Box process
- write on the box; Whatever is contained in this box - IS!
This process helps to focus ur desire, and so u will consciously amplify Step 1 (Ask) - and now, in ur absence of resistance, things will begin to happen quickly. U r practising the Art of Allowing. And if u r usually a good-feeling person who has not established strong habits of feeling unhappy about not having the things u have put into ur box, u will experience the immediate result of feeling more focused and excited about life, and the things u put in ur Creation Box will begin to manifest in ur experience right away.
Soul
Equivalent to Vision Book. Will add on and review.
I recalled I have written in my Vision Book that I wanted a partner that gave me support, like my soil and help me to grow to my destiny.
Here I got Cosmic Lesson and Moon in Z. My dream has been fulfilled. Amen.
I now need to be specific on what my partner and I be doing together.
Father, for the first time I am seeing what I have and not focusing on lack. I focus on what I m learning to do.
Nothing is more important that me feeling good to manifest my desires
Sept 8
Father, practice was fine. These days I am conscious of my tots and can pull back. Surprisingly little tots of Z. Guess its because I had already decided.
A tot occurred to me. I have been accusing Z of being insensitive when he suggest ways for me to control my feelings and etc. And when he sees my feelings in control, he suggested that we should continue.
Perhaps he tot I don't want long term and when I had feelings, I want to stop because I don't want long term.
He didn't know that I broke it off because I wanted long term. Nope..when we broke of.. Hei, could be. Cos what I asked was just openness, I don't dare to ask long term cos I cannot commit to his children plan. Anyway, just a tot. At least an alternative view. Not sure if this is correct but good to have.
Ask and It is Given
The only thing that matters is that u consciously discover some relief, no matter how slight it is, and that u understand ur relief has come in response to some deliberate effort that u have offered.
For when u r able to find relief, then u have regained creative control of ur own experience, and then u r on ur way to wherever u desire to go.
And with practice, u will improve ur point of attraction on every subject of ur life.
Process
1. Rampage of appreciation
Once u become oriented toward looking for things to appreciate, u will find ur day will be filled with such things. Ur tots and feelings of appreciation will flow from u naturally.
U actually set ur vibrational frequency to one of allowing what u asked for into ur experience. U r in the practice of receiving.
When u r more interested in how u feel than how others feel about u, u do have control of ur experience.
Soul
Exactly. Now I am not as bothered about Z's plan of ending. I am more focused on how I feel when I am with him. I am no longer passive, waiting for him, wondering how he feel and how he will act.
Ask and It is Given
Once u have made a decision that nothing is more important than that u feel good, and u have decided that u r going to consciously look for some things to appreciate today, the object of ur attention has now become the feeling of appreciation that the Law of Attraction will begin working on immediately, so u will start seeing more things to appreciate right away.
Soul
Nowadays, I don't want to be sad. In order to go beyond sadness, I asked for help for alternative tots and shift. It has helped loads.
Father, practice was fine. These days I am conscious of my tots and can pull back. Surprisingly little tots of Z. Guess its because I had already decided.
A tot occurred to me. I have been accusing Z of being insensitive when he suggest ways for me to control my feelings and etc. And when he sees my feelings in control, he suggested that we should continue.
Perhaps he tot I don't want long term and when I had feelings, I want to stop because I don't want long term.
He didn't know that I broke it off because I wanted long term. Nope..when we broke of.. Hei, could be. Cos what I asked was just openness, I don't dare to ask long term cos I cannot commit to his children plan. Anyway, just a tot. At least an alternative view. Not sure if this is correct but good to have.
Ask and It is Given
The only thing that matters is that u consciously discover some relief, no matter how slight it is, and that u understand ur relief has come in response to some deliberate effort that u have offered.
For when u r able to find relief, then u have regained creative control of ur own experience, and then u r on ur way to wherever u desire to go.
And with practice, u will improve ur point of attraction on every subject of ur life.
Process
1. Rampage of appreciation
Once u become oriented toward looking for things to appreciate, u will find ur day will be filled with such things. Ur tots and feelings of appreciation will flow from u naturally.
U actually set ur vibrational frequency to one of allowing what u asked for into ur experience. U r in the practice of receiving.
When u r more interested in how u feel than how others feel about u, u do have control of ur experience.
Soul
Exactly. Now I am not as bothered about Z's plan of ending. I am more focused on how I feel when I am with him. I am no longer passive, waiting for him, wondering how he feel and how he will act.
Ask and It is Given
Once u have made a decision that nothing is more important than that u feel good, and u have decided that u r going to consciously look for some things to appreciate today, the object of ur attention has now become the feeling of appreciation that the Law of Attraction will begin working on immediately, so u will start seeing more things to appreciate right away.
Soul
Nowadays, I don't want to be sad. In order to go beyond sadness, I asked for help for alternative tots and shift. It has helped loads.
Without judgement, everything is helpful
Sept 7 Eve
Mmm, another Seven of Diamond, even double as S is a Leo. Its fine, we r both Jupiter and Saturn to each other. I got an added Cosmic lesson to her. We had a good chat.
ACIM
It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree of reality should be accorded to them.
He must learn to lay all judgement aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstances. Judgement destroys honesty and shatters trust. No teacher of judge and hope to learn. Without judgement all things are equally acceptable.
Mmm, another Seven of Diamond, even double as S is a Leo. Its fine, we r both Jupiter and Saturn to each other. I got an added Cosmic lesson to her. We had a good chat.
ACIM
It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree of reality should be accorded to them.
He must learn to lay all judgement aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstances. Judgement destroys honesty and shatters trust. No teacher of judge and hope to learn. Without judgement all things are equally acceptable.
Ask and It is Given is in line with my path of Self Mastery
Sept 7
Father, thank U for sending Z into my life. Its true it is a challenge, him being my Cosmic but it is for my own growth. And u have also made him my Moon which helps me to continue with him despite the challenges.
I must remember I am the Sun and how this goes depends on me. Alas, the situation is not hopeless and I found my standing.
Father, thanks for recovering my shoulder joints. The pain has lessen so much that I can do suria this morning. These days, I noticed my relax mode is sitting up straight.
Ask and It is Given
When u spend time pondering, remembering or imagining something, a vibration is activated within u.
The more often u revisit the tot, the more familiar the vibration becomes and the easier it is for u to activate it, until eventually it becomes a dominant vibrational pattern within u. And as it plays a larger role in ur vibrational pattern, things that match it begin to show up in ur experience.
Soul
Mmm, I have been focusing on being physically happy with Z. But I also focus on I can't have him and don't know how to handle it.
Now I focus on I am the Sun and I can direct the rship. I focus on learning my Cosmic from him and appreciating the Moon from him.
Ask and It is Given
Ur conscious awareness of the powerful Law of Attraction will give u the feeling of control. Without making the correlation between ur tots and feelings and the manifestations that are occurring, u have no conscious control of what happens in ur experience.
1. Tots
2. Feelings
3. Manifestation.
Deliberate Creation is not about the condition changing and ur finding a better feeling in response to changed condition. Deliberate Creation is about choosing a tot that feels good when u choose it, which then causes the condition to change.
For example, unconditional love is really about wanting so much to remain in connection with ur Source of love that u deliberately choose tots that allow ur connection, NO MATTER what manifestations may be happening nearby.
And when u r able to control ur point of attraction by deliberately choosing better-feeling tots, the conditions that surround u have to change. The Law of Attraction says that they must.
Soul
Amen.
Queen of Spade (Self-Mastery)
We r given to a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Soul
Yea, now that I changed my belief, I can act towards what I want with a positive attitude. I text him and we got a date for next week.
Father, thank U for sending Z into my life. Its true it is a challenge, him being my Cosmic but it is for my own growth. And u have also made him my Moon which helps me to continue with him despite the challenges.
I must remember I am the Sun and how this goes depends on me. Alas, the situation is not hopeless and I found my standing.
Father, thanks for recovering my shoulder joints. The pain has lessen so much that I can do suria this morning. These days, I noticed my relax mode is sitting up straight.
Ask and It is Given
When u spend time pondering, remembering or imagining something, a vibration is activated within u.
The more often u revisit the tot, the more familiar the vibration becomes and the easier it is for u to activate it, until eventually it becomes a dominant vibrational pattern within u. And as it plays a larger role in ur vibrational pattern, things that match it begin to show up in ur experience.
Soul
Mmm, I have been focusing on being physically happy with Z. But I also focus on I can't have him and don't know how to handle it.
Now I focus on I am the Sun and I can direct the rship. I focus on learning my Cosmic from him and appreciating the Moon from him.
Ask and It is Given
Ur conscious awareness of the powerful Law of Attraction will give u the feeling of control. Without making the correlation between ur tots and feelings and the manifestations that are occurring, u have no conscious control of what happens in ur experience.
1. Tots
2. Feelings
3. Manifestation.
Deliberate Creation is not about the condition changing and ur finding a better feeling in response to changed condition. Deliberate Creation is about choosing a tot that feels good when u choose it, which then causes the condition to change.
For example, unconditional love is really about wanting so much to remain in connection with ur Source of love that u deliberately choose tots that allow ur connection, NO MATTER what manifestations may be happening nearby.
And when u r able to control ur point of attraction by deliberately choosing better-feeling tots, the conditions that surround u have to change. The Law of Attraction says that they must.
Soul
Amen.
Queen of Spade (Self-Mastery)
We r given to a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Soul
Yea, now that I changed my belief, I can act towards what I want with a positive attitude. I text him and we got a date for next week.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Breakthrough - finally saw the rewards of Z
Sept 6 Eve
There was still no reply for him after few hours. Of course, towards the end, mind start to generate dramas of rejection and etc. But I didn't accept it cos I know we won't end just like that and he is my moon and would tell me.
So, with that I called him and turn out his phone cannot be used and so he didn't receive my message. Then I start to wonder if he received the message last Friday. He replied to my text. He also said he doesn't know how to write text. Father, I am happy. I am opening up. If he doesn't want to, it is fine. I am learning all I can during my pre-birth year. Mmm, again I am asking myself to stop desiring. I desire him.
Mmm, since he didn't call back like he said he will. My mind is churning. But I don't want to go there. Is true I want him to call but if he doesn't call why should I feel bad. Do I have to interpret him not calling as a reflection of my lovability, as rejection!!
Why don't I think this is part of him doesn't want to open up. And the more he doesn't want , the more lovable I am cos he is afraid of getting attached to me.
Mmm, alternative tots. Just remember not to close up myself whenever I faced obstacles. Otherwise, I forever be stuck. What he does with us, is not my business. What I do with us, is my business.
Yea, I cannot let anyone dictate my well being. Father, let me have the same confidence in rship, as in work.
7thunder
Many times what we get from the most challenging relationships is important knowledge about ourself, specifically knowledge about ourself, specifically knowledge about ourselves that we couldn't have gotten any other way.
Same msg as my this
week Osho tarot card
Issue - The Lovers
When we experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
7thunder
The Sun person is usually the boss or leader of the rship. If the Sun person doesn't have a clear direction or is non-committal about the rship, it will not help to have this great marriage connection, the rship will fail.
Sun-Moon connection works best when the Sun person knows where he or she is going. And it is not always the male in the rship.
Soul
Mmm, I am the Sun to him in both Life and Spiritual. Looks like it is possible that I am the one in charge but I don't know it. Since I open and close and even run off, the rship never shoot off.
Whereas for him, he is stationery, just waiting.
Father, when we are together, he is my Moon. But when we r not together, he is my Cosmic.
So, instead of lamenting about not being together, to remember my Cosmic lesson is under played and appreciate the opportunity, focus on the lesson so I can grow.
The moon connection is what helped me to stay despite the Cosmic. Otherwise, I would have run off long time already.
I am the Sun and I need to lead and at same time I need to learn. Tricky.
Him being my Cosmic - act as teacher. He is paying me back.
Him being my Moon - support me, also paying me back.
Father, for the first time I see a way out.
There was still no reply for him after few hours. Of course, towards the end, mind start to generate dramas of rejection and etc. But I didn't accept it cos I know we won't end just like that and he is my moon and would tell me.
So, with that I called him and turn out his phone cannot be used and so he didn't receive my message. Then I start to wonder if he received the message last Friday. He replied to my text. He also said he doesn't know how to write text. Father, I am happy. I am opening up. If he doesn't want to, it is fine. I am learning all I can during my pre-birth year. Mmm, again I am asking myself to stop desiring. I desire him.
Mmm, since he didn't call back like he said he will. My mind is churning. But I don't want to go there. Is true I want him to call but if he doesn't call why should I feel bad. Do I have to interpret him not calling as a reflection of my lovability, as rejection!!
Why don't I think this is part of him doesn't want to open up. And the more he doesn't want , the more lovable I am cos he is afraid of getting attached to me.
Mmm, alternative tots. Just remember not to close up myself whenever I faced obstacles. Otherwise, I forever be stuck. What he does with us, is not my business. What I do with us, is my business.
Yea, I cannot let anyone dictate my well being. Father, let me have the same confidence in rship, as in work.
7thunder
Many times what we get from the most challenging relationships is important knowledge about ourself, specifically knowledge about ourself, specifically knowledge about ourselves that we couldn't have gotten any other way.
Same msg as my this
week Osho tarot card
Issue - The Lovers
When we experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
7thunder
The Sun person is usually the boss or leader of the rship. If the Sun person doesn't have a clear direction or is non-committal about the rship, it will not help to have this great marriage connection, the rship will fail.
Sun-Moon connection works best when the Sun person knows where he or she is going. And it is not always the male in the rship.
Soul
Mmm, I am the Sun to him in both Life and Spiritual. Looks like it is possible that I am the one in charge but I don't know it. Since I open and close and even run off, the rship never shoot off.
Whereas for him, he is stationery, just waiting.
Father, when we are together, he is my Moon. But when we r not together, he is my Cosmic.
So, instead of lamenting about not being together, to remember my Cosmic lesson is under played and appreciate the opportunity, focus on the lesson so I can grow.
The moon connection is what helped me to stay despite the Cosmic. Otherwise, I would have run off long time already.
I am the Sun and I need to lead and at same time I need to learn. Tricky.
Him being my Cosmic - act as teacher. He is paying me back.
Him being my Moon - support me, also paying me back.
Father, for the first time I see a way out.
Z is my mirror, we are both wearing amour against love
Sept 6 Aft
I am happy my regional boss appreciate me. He gave me some TLC. I also shared with him my grievances.
Also, when E told me their group is getting larger and will be bigger than ours. I told him that I should jump ship and he readily welcome me.
Father, I am lovable and appreciated. As for local boss, she got a big disappointment and was angry at others, so I am spared.
Ask and It is Given
Some people come to think that the feeling of desire is like wanting something that they do not have. So, while they are using words of desire, they are offering a vibration of lack of what they want or about the absence. This is also called a state of resisted desire resulting in a sluggish, unfulfilled feeling.
We understand why some would suggest that if u would release ur desire, u would feel better, because the negative emotion that u r feeling is due to the vibrational difference between ur current vibration and the vibration of ur desire.
But releasing desire is the hard way to go about bringing yourself into alignment, because the entire Universe is poised to help u give birth to yet another new desire.
So, a much easier way to come into alignment with your Source, and therefore to feel better, is to work on releasing your resistance.
Use ur imagination until ur big dream feels so familiar that the manifestation is the next logical step. When ur desire feels so big that it feels unreachable.
Soul
What I want from Z is not future. He is entitled to his goal. What I want is for him to be with me now until we part. I want him to open up and enjoy us.
Suddenly I tot I too am not doing it. I initiate and when I failed, I closed up. Its like a crab. For me, when I open, I open small and close quickly when I didn't get what I want in the timing I wanted.
Suddenly I recalled he said when he open, he open all and that's why he cannot open at all. That's why he cannot allow himself to want me too much.
And when I said I am not as strong as him. I have feelings. He said it is not because he is stronger but because he has been hurt many times.
Ah Ha moment! So, his amour is even thicker than mine. And coupled with his plan for marriage,
So, it is easier for me to be open. I just msg him for next week.
Mmm, why I forgot about all these?! Why I only think of him not loving me cos I am not lovable enough.
Actually I should be happy that he cannot allow himself to open up, to call me, etc cos that's means I am a potential trigger he cannot allow. If I cannot trigger him, he would have no fear at all.
Mmmm, this seems to be a positive way of looking at us. This is a first. What a turnaround. So, instead of me harping on him to release his amour, why don't I use the energy to open mine.
Suddenly tot of ACIM, perception is learning. I must 'teach' what I want him to learn.
Once I msg him, I felt a sense of release. Of cos, m waiting for response. He will revert. He already told me that day he too is eager for our meetup.
I am happy my regional boss appreciate me. He gave me some TLC. I also shared with him my grievances.
Also, when E told me their group is getting larger and will be bigger than ours. I told him that I should jump ship and he readily welcome me.
Father, I am lovable and appreciated. As for local boss, she got a big disappointment and was angry at others, so I am spared.
Ask and It is Given
Some people come to think that the feeling of desire is like wanting something that they do not have. So, while they are using words of desire, they are offering a vibration of lack of what they want or about the absence. This is also called a state of resisted desire resulting in a sluggish, unfulfilled feeling.
We understand why some would suggest that if u would release ur desire, u would feel better, because the negative emotion that u r feeling is due to the vibrational difference between ur current vibration and the vibration of ur desire.
But releasing desire is the hard way to go about bringing yourself into alignment, because the entire Universe is poised to help u give birth to yet another new desire.
So, a much easier way to come into alignment with your Source, and therefore to feel better, is to work on releasing your resistance.
Use ur imagination until ur big dream feels so familiar that the manifestation is the next logical step. When ur desire feels so big that it feels unreachable.
Soul
What I want from Z is not future. He is entitled to his goal. What I want is for him to be with me now until we part. I want him to open up and enjoy us.
Suddenly I tot I too am not doing it. I initiate and when I failed, I closed up. Its like a crab. For me, when I open, I open small and close quickly when I didn't get what I want in the timing I wanted.
Suddenly I recalled he said when he open, he open all and that's why he cannot open at all. That's why he cannot allow himself to want me too much.
And when I said I am not as strong as him. I have feelings. He said it is not because he is stronger but because he has been hurt many times.
Ah Ha moment! So, his amour is even thicker than mine. And coupled with his plan for marriage,
So, it is easier for me to be open. I just msg him for next week.
Mmm, why I forgot about all these?! Why I only think of him not loving me cos I am not lovable enough.
Actually I should be happy that he cannot allow himself to open up, to call me, etc cos that's means I am a potential trigger he cannot allow. If I cannot trigger him, he would have no fear at all.
Mmmm, this seems to be a positive way of looking at us. This is a first. What a turnaround. So, instead of me harping on him to release his amour, why don't I use the energy to open mine.
Suddenly tot of ACIM, perception is learning. I must 'teach' what I want him to learn.
Once I msg him, I felt a sense of release. Of cos, m waiting for response. He will revert. He already told me that day he too is eager for our meetup.
Universal love - comes firstly from unconditional love for your partner
Sept 6
Father, my shoulder hurts terribly. I woke up before alarm and tot whether I should sleep back cos don't want to do yoga. Then I recalled my pain lessen when I did yoga. So, I did very slowly. Pain has lessen by half and I could lift it up, albeit with some pain.
Father, thanks for the reminder. For awhile, I have been wondering about my practice and tot if I should cut it down. Alas, my body still needs it and definitely my mind. Today there were tots running on boss and Z but I was able distance myself and switch tots. These days, I am also replacing tots.
Father, thanks for telling me to take ACIM. It really right for me now and I can resonate with it.
My joints pain also help to put things into perspective. My job is not my Top 5 and I need not worry about it. Just enjoy my period. As for boss, just enjoy my lunch alone cos I was getting bit tired of pampering up to her taste. But we will be back together. All in all, I am still glad I said no to her.
(Sept 15 - we were back together the following day. She came and I just wiped clean the past.)
1. The Issue
The lover
Sexuality is not love, but has the potential to grow into love. Sex is the seed, love is the flower and compassion is the fragrance.
When ur love is not just a desire for the other, when ur love is not only a need, when ur love is sharing, when ur love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when ur love is not asking for something in return - to give for the sheer joy of giving, then add meditation to it, and the pure fragrance of compassion is released.
When we experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
This love is based on freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Soul
I got Nine of Heart in my 39 to 51 period. Z is the door.
2. Internal influence
Postponement
Never postpone for the tomorrow. And who knows? Tomorrow may come or may not come. If u have to decide, u have to decide right now.
The one and only results of postponing things is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and 'stuck-ness' today.
The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that r preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u ever waited so long.
Soul
Yea, I will tell him today.
3. External influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify urself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of act, a beauty. But that is possible only if the master in u is awake.
There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of ur own destiny.
Soul
I know.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Inner Voice
Inner Voice is able to accept both the dark and the light. There is clarity when one transcend all dualities.
There are times when there are too many voices seems to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.
5. Resolution
The Dream.
We come alone into this world, we go alone.
All activities is because we r afraid of our aloneness.
Nobody, whether ur current mate, or some dreamed of partner in the future, has any obligation to deliver ur happiness on a platter - nor could they even if they wanted to.
Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers towards us.
Soul
Amen.
Father, my shoulder hurts terribly. I woke up before alarm and tot whether I should sleep back cos don't want to do yoga. Then I recalled my pain lessen when I did yoga. So, I did very slowly. Pain has lessen by half and I could lift it up, albeit with some pain.
Father, thanks for the reminder. For awhile, I have been wondering about my practice and tot if I should cut it down. Alas, my body still needs it and definitely my mind. Today there were tots running on boss and Z but I was able distance myself and switch tots. These days, I am also replacing tots.
Father, thanks for telling me to take ACIM. It really right for me now and I can resonate with it.
My joints pain also help to put things into perspective. My job is not my Top 5 and I need not worry about it. Just enjoy my period. As for boss, just enjoy my lunch alone cos I was getting bit tired of pampering up to her taste. But we will be back together. All in all, I am still glad I said no to her.
(Sept 15 - we were back together the following day. She came and I just wiped clean the past.)
1. The Issue
The lover
Sexuality is not love, but has the potential to grow into love. Sex is the seed, love is the flower and compassion is the fragrance.
When ur love is not just a desire for the other, when ur love is not only a need, when ur love is sharing, when ur love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when ur love is not asking for something in return - to give for the sheer joy of giving, then add meditation to it, and the pure fragrance of compassion is released.
When we experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
This love is based on freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Soul
I got Nine of Heart in my 39 to 51 period. Z is the door.
2. Internal influence
Postponement
Never postpone for the tomorrow. And who knows? Tomorrow may come or may not come. If u have to decide, u have to decide right now.
The one and only results of postponing things is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and 'stuck-ness' today.
The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that r preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u ever waited so long.
Soul
Yea, I will tell him today.
3. External influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify urself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of act, a beauty. But that is possible only if the master in u is awake.
There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of ur own destiny.
Soul
I know.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Inner Voice
Inner Voice is able to accept both the dark and the light. There is clarity when one transcend all dualities.
There are times when there are too many voices seems to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.
5. Resolution
The Dream.
We come alone into this world, we go alone.
All activities is because we r afraid of our aloneness.
Nobody, whether ur current mate, or some dreamed of partner in the future, has any obligation to deliver ur happiness on a platter - nor could they even if they wanted to.
Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers towards us.
Soul
Amen.
Relationship with Z - settling down mode
Sept 5 Aft
Father, I admit I didn't do it correctly with the reply mail. I should have called her. I still have difficulty in saying no.
Also, this is an improvement. Not sure she has improved that her scolding is less 'angry' or I have improved and not so affected.
Father, job is ending. I told V that there is no push factor but looks like there is no stay factor per se. I am not keen with them anymore.
I have Nine of Diamonds as Pluto in my Ruling and I also have Nine of Diamonds as Displacement in my Birth.
Father, the part I enjoyed was the long lunches and 4 days week. But I am not happy here. These days M keep on saying I look shitty.
Mmm, instead of going down. This is a prelude to ending. New and better things are coming.
Father, not easy facing both. A change in job and facing Z. Even now I want to msg him but my tot is on rejection. Let me have a positive tot.
(Sept 16 - these are tots of revenge. Anyway, we are back together, after a major scolding when she got back from holiday.)
Sept 5 Eve
Father, today I am feeling down. Everything seem hopeless. My writing is not going anywhere, my joints still in pain, my skin is getting dry, my boss on rampage and no hope with Z.
I am looking forward to sathsang with Sadhguru. I need a burst of his energy to get me on track.
ACIM
The advanced teachers of God have the following characteristics:
1. Trust
Perception is the result of learning. Infact, perception is learning, because cause and effect are never separated.
The teachers of God have trust in the world, because they have learned it is not governed by the laws the world made up. It is governed by a power that is in them but not of them.
What is it that induces them to make the shift?
Development of trust.
1. Period of undoing
2. Period of sorting out
3. Period of relinquishment - period where the teachers of God feels called upon to sacrifice his own best interests on behalf of truth. Through this, he learns that where he anticipated grief, he finds a happy lightheartedness instead; where he tot something were asked of him, he find a gift bestowed on him.
4. Period of settling down - a quiet time in which the teacher of God rests a while in reasonable peace.
Soul
I have faced all these. But there are so many doors to venture. With Z, I am now on settling down mode
Father, I admit I didn't do it correctly with the reply mail. I should have called her. I still have difficulty in saying no.
Also, this is an improvement. Not sure she has improved that her scolding is less 'angry' or I have improved and not so affected.
Father, job is ending. I told V that there is no push factor but looks like there is no stay factor per se. I am not keen with them anymore.
I have Nine of Diamonds as Pluto in my Ruling and I also have Nine of Diamonds as Displacement in my Birth.
Father, the part I enjoyed was the long lunches and 4 days week. But I am not happy here. These days M keep on saying I look shitty.
Mmm, instead of going down. This is a prelude to ending. New and better things are coming.
Father, not easy facing both. A change in job and facing Z. Even now I want to msg him but my tot is on rejection. Let me have a positive tot.
(Sept 16 - these are tots of revenge. Anyway, we are back together, after a major scolding when she got back from holiday.)
Sept 5 Eve
Father, today I am feeling down. Everything seem hopeless. My writing is not going anywhere, my joints still in pain, my skin is getting dry, my boss on rampage and no hope with Z.
I am looking forward to sathsang with Sadhguru. I need a burst of his energy to get me on track.
ACIM
The advanced teachers of God have the following characteristics:
1. Trust
Perception is the result of learning. Infact, perception is learning, because cause and effect are never separated.
The teachers of God have trust in the world, because they have learned it is not governed by the laws the world made up. It is governed by a power that is in them but not of them.
What is it that induces them to make the shift?
Development of trust.
1. Period of undoing
2. Period of sorting out
3. Period of relinquishment - period where the teachers of God feels called upon to sacrifice his own best interests on behalf of truth. Through this, he learns that where he anticipated grief, he finds a happy lightheartedness instead; where he tot something were asked of him, he find a gift bestowed on him.
4. Period of settling down - a quiet time in which the teacher of God rests a while in reasonable peace.
Soul
I have faced all these. But there are so many doors to venture. With Z, I am now on settling down mode
Cosmic Lesson - removal of my amour to give unconditional love
Sept 5
Father, suria was effortless despite one week of no practice and with my elbow joints swelling. Practice was fine too.
Woke up recalling that Z was my Moon in both Spiritual and Life Spread and he is also my Cosmic in both Spiritual and Life Spread. No wonder he is the one that I am dismantling my amour for. I remembered that I used to ask how to dismantle my control mechanism and now I get a chance to do so. It won't be easy. Tot of Z, he said I must frame my mind and think it is easy, then it be easy.
(Sept 14 - All the drama of how to proceed. We are fine and I just focus on current. Surprisingly the neediness is gone. I recently read Cosmic Love, he is my Soul Mate, his role is to teach me in bonding, to include my partner in my life.)
Ask and It is given
The feeling of a pure desire feels good. But unfortunately many people think that the uncomfortable feeling of wanting something they do not expect to experience is what the feeling of desire is; they no longer recognise the feeling of desire as that fresh, eager, feeling of expectancy that they knew when they were younger. The feeling of pure desire is always delicious, as it represents the vibrations that are stretched out before u into ur unseen future, preparing the way for the Law of Attraction to match things on ur behalf.
Soul
When it comes to food and writings, I experience it. When it comes to rship, I normally experience desire as a lack and hence it doesn't feel good and I try to nip it before it extrapolate.
Father, I seldom let my desire arise. Z is the first desire I have that I cannot nip.
Ask and It is Given
The seeming lack of control of ur life experience is mostly because u do not realise in which direction u r headed. Without a conscious realisation of ur own emotion, and what they mean, u often move away from where u really want to be.
Soul
I used to be unaware of my feeling as amour protect it. But now I am aware.
Ask and It is Given
Until u decide that u r going to guide urself by the way u feel, u can make no steady progress toward ur own desires.
The key to regaining ur wonderful feeling of personal empowerment and control is to decide, right now, no matter how good or how bad u r feeling, that u r going to do ur best to make the best of it. Reach for the best-feeling tot that u have access to right now, and as u do that again and again, in a short period of time u will find urself in a very good feeling place.
How u feel and the feeling of relief that u discover as u reach for better-feeling tots - is ur only true measurement of what u r attracting into ur experience.
Soul
I am trying to do that.
Father, I only desire that Z release his hold on his plan and see how great we are together. He is so tight fisted and doesn't allow me to come in at all. He doesn't even allow himself to call me. Suddenly I tot he too is wearing an amour like me.
No wonder our rship is also Pluto connection cos both also wearing amour. When S told me she put aside her things to be with her boss. I told her that I don't and neither does Z. That's why most time we had difficulty in planning our meetup.
Suddenly a tot came while reading my Osho - giving myself to him.
My 7thunder card
4 of Diamonds
When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly.
Soul
I know the first step in dismantling the amour is to give myself to him.
Father, suria was effortless despite one week of no practice and with my elbow joints swelling. Practice was fine too.
Woke up recalling that Z was my Moon in both Spiritual and Life Spread and he is also my Cosmic in both Spiritual and Life Spread. No wonder he is the one that I am dismantling my amour for. I remembered that I used to ask how to dismantle my control mechanism and now I get a chance to do so. It won't be easy. Tot of Z, he said I must frame my mind and think it is easy, then it be easy.
(Sept 14 - All the drama of how to proceed. We are fine and I just focus on current. Surprisingly the neediness is gone. I recently read Cosmic Love, he is my Soul Mate, his role is to teach me in bonding, to include my partner in my life.)
Ask and It is given
The feeling of a pure desire feels good. But unfortunately many people think that the uncomfortable feeling of wanting something they do not expect to experience is what the feeling of desire is; they no longer recognise the feeling of desire as that fresh, eager, feeling of expectancy that they knew when they were younger. The feeling of pure desire is always delicious, as it represents the vibrations that are stretched out before u into ur unseen future, preparing the way for the Law of Attraction to match things on ur behalf.
Soul
When it comes to food and writings, I experience it. When it comes to rship, I normally experience desire as a lack and hence it doesn't feel good and I try to nip it before it extrapolate.
Father, I seldom let my desire arise. Z is the first desire I have that I cannot nip.
Ask and It is Given
The seeming lack of control of ur life experience is mostly because u do not realise in which direction u r headed. Without a conscious realisation of ur own emotion, and what they mean, u often move away from where u really want to be.
Soul
I used to be unaware of my feeling as amour protect it. But now I am aware.
Ask and It is Given
Until u decide that u r going to guide urself by the way u feel, u can make no steady progress toward ur own desires.
The key to regaining ur wonderful feeling of personal empowerment and control is to decide, right now, no matter how good or how bad u r feeling, that u r going to do ur best to make the best of it. Reach for the best-feeling tot that u have access to right now, and as u do that again and again, in a short period of time u will find urself in a very good feeling place.
How u feel and the feeling of relief that u discover as u reach for better-feeling tots - is ur only true measurement of what u r attracting into ur experience.
Soul
I am trying to do that.
Father, I only desire that Z release his hold on his plan and see how great we are together. He is so tight fisted and doesn't allow me to come in at all. He doesn't even allow himself to call me. Suddenly I tot he too is wearing an amour like me.
No wonder our rship is also Pluto connection cos both also wearing amour. When S told me she put aside her things to be with her boss. I told her that I don't and neither does Z. That's why most time we had difficulty in planning our meetup.
Suddenly a tot came while reading my Osho - giving myself to him.
My 7thunder card
4 of Diamonds
When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly.
Soul
I know the first step in dismantling the amour is to give myself to him.
7thunders - 2011/2012 (pre-birth year)
Sept 4
Father, had a session with Sl and we had a good one. I used to feel drained after a session with her. But now I am fine. Guess I have accepted her.
7thunder
Challenge years
Any Seven in Saturn, Pluto, Long range or Displacements.
Seven cards always present us with a challenge and a way out of it. Unlike the Nine, which portends an ending that cannot be reversed, the situations indicated by a Seven have a resolution within our reach. However, the resolution always comes from inside of us, not from trying to change or manipulate the circumstances outside of us.
A Seven will cause events to occur that are nearly impossible to avoid.
Soul
Yea. And I am glad I have ACIM with me. Talking to S also helps to clarify. I tot her I believed that love need not involved 'sacrifice', whereas for her love always involved 'sacrifice'. We are at both ends and we need to learn from each other.
Mmm, was reading about age 45 whereby we be presented with many of the same kinds of experiences that molded our character earlier in life. But now we r more conscious, more mature and much more able to translate these experiences into a positive meaning into our life. We can elevate our characters by choosing to take a higher path as each of these experiences present themselves to us for re-evaluation. If we handle this age 45 year with care, we can use it to alter the course of the rest of our life.
I am committed to do all the soul searching I required in pre-birth age 44. My lifetime challenge is romantic relationship and I have been fearing it. Now I will go through my fears with Z and see how real were they.
Also instead of thinking why Z chose me to make me suffer, I can see it as Z wants me so much he cannot help himself.
Ruling Card
Displacement - Ace of Heart
Search for something inside of our self. It is the card of 'soul searching' and often introspection. It is the search for self-identity or for those things that help us to love who we are unconditionally.
In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we are seeking within. This is why the Ace of Hearts can represent a new rship beginning.
Soul
I tot I had a rship with Z previously. Actually I had none cos I didn't put myself in it. I also used him as a tool and outlet for physical expression. Then I realised I had feeling for him and I jumped ship.
And now I had another round. I wanted him so much few weeks ago and now I only tot of the price to pay and my wanting beginning to wane. But I am persevering cos I knew there is something here. True enough, I went back to him and this time I want to start afresh, doing what I have to do for my Self and for Him.
Ace of Hearts in Displacement
Our rship always reflect how we love ourselves, so expect some new experiences in this area. U will probably need more time to urself this year to sort out ur feelings and inner drives and motivations. Self-expression can play a key role in allowing u to find the answers u seek from inside.
Soul Since I cannot love him unconditionally, I too cannot love myself unconditionally.
Aiyah, just watched the show and tot I deserved to be cherished like that. Tot of Z about his lack and wanted to dismiss him and find another. Then a tot came, a change of mind again. Nope, he does cherished me in his own way, just not the way I expect.
Just saw that my Environment is 2 of Diamonds, which is S. And I just told her that we need to learn from each other. I will be needing her help on Z and I will call her whenever I needed guidance on unconditional love. So, she is my support.
Long Range - Ten of Spades
Year of hard work.
Soul
Yea, its a tough one with Z.
Pluto - Nine of Diamond
Letting go of what I valued but has now outlived its purpose.
Soul
Letting go of my amour and being defenseless and begin to love unconditionally.
Ruling Card
Result - Ten of Diamonds
As a result of overcoming ur Pluto of Nine of Diamonds, u achieve considerable 'prosperity' as u expand ur values to include the needs of those around u, ur community or country.
Soul
What I want is Self Mastery and first step is having unconditional love for myself.
Birth Card
Displacement - Nine of Diamonds
This is an important graduation year in terms of ur work or values.
Something important in ur value system has reached the end of its usefulness for u. It could be ur present line of work or simply ur entire way of looking at life and the things that are important to u.
Diamond tend to look at everything in their life in term of how much it is worth to them to have it in their life.
Something is ending and it is up to u whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause of celebration as u graduate from this level to move on to the next.
How u handle this ending will determine ur level of happiness this year.
The best attitude is one of giving up and letting go, knowing u r not losing anything that is actually good for u anymore. As a matter of fact, this year is the preparation for a new life just about to begin. This new life will be one that is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprise for u. So, embrace the endings that occur this year with joy. U have come a long way to get where u r, and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
This is my pre-birth year and I want to get it right for next birth year.
What I am losing is self-preservation, is my life long control mode, my amour.
I am ready with ACIM.
My work is Self Mastery and I have to complete the program with Z using ACIM.
Father, had a session with Sl and we had a good one. I used to feel drained after a session with her. But now I am fine. Guess I have accepted her.
7thunder
Challenge years
Any Seven in Saturn, Pluto, Long range or Displacements.
Seven cards always present us with a challenge and a way out of it. Unlike the Nine, which portends an ending that cannot be reversed, the situations indicated by a Seven have a resolution within our reach. However, the resolution always comes from inside of us, not from trying to change or manipulate the circumstances outside of us.
A Seven will cause events to occur that are nearly impossible to avoid.
Soul
Yea. And I am glad I have ACIM with me. Talking to S also helps to clarify. I tot her I believed that love need not involved 'sacrifice', whereas for her love always involved 'sacrifice'. We are at both ends and we need to learn from each other.
Mmm, was reading about age 45 whereby we be presented with many of the same kinds of experiences that molded our character earlier in life. But now we r more conscious, more mature and much more able to translate these experiences into a positive meaning into our life. We can elevate our characters by choosing to take a higher path as each of these experiences present themselves to us for re-evaluation. If we handle this age 45 year with care, we can use it to alter the course of the rest of our life.
I am committed to do all the soul searching I required in pre-birth age 44. My lifetime challenge is romantic relationship and I have been fearing it. Now I will go through my fears with Z and see how real were they.
Also instead of thinking why Z chose me to make me suffer, I can see it as Z wants me so much he cannot help himself.
Ruling Card
Displacement - Ace of Heart
Search for something inside of our self. It is the card of 'soul searching' and often introspection. It is the search for self-identity or for those things that help us to love who we are unconditionally.
In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we are seeking within. This is why the Ace of Hearts can represent a new rship beginning.
Soul
I tot I had a rship with Z previously. Actually I had none cos I didn't put myself in it. I also used him as a tool and outlet for physical expression. Then I realised I had feeling for him and I jumped ship.
And now I had another round. I wanted him so much few weeks ago and now I only tot of the price to pay and my wanting beginning to wane. But I am persevering cos I knew there is something here. True enough, I went back to him and this time I want to start afresh, doing what I have to do for my Self and for Him.
Ace of Hearts in Displacement
Our rship always reflect how we love ourselves, so expect some new experiences in this area. U will probably need more time to urself this year to sort out ur feelings and inner drives and motivations. Self-expression can play a key role in allowing u to find the answers u seek from inside.
Soul Since I cannot love him unconditionally, I too cannot love myself unconditionally.
Aiyah, just watched the show and tot I deserved to be cherished like that. Tot of Z about his lack and wanted to dismiss him and find another. Then a tot came, a change of mind again. Nope, he does cherished me in his own way, just not the way I expect.
Just saw that my Environment is 2 of Diamonds, which is S. And I just told her that we need to learn from each other. I will be needing her help on Z and I will call her whenever I needed guidance on unconditional love. So, she is my support.
Long Range - Ten of Spades
Year of hard work.
Soul
Yea, its a tough one with Z.
Pluto - Nine of Diamond
Letting go of what I valued but has now outlived its purpose.
Soul
Letting go of my amour and being defenseless and begin to love unconditionally.
Ruling Card
Result - Ten of Diamonds
As a result of overcoming ur Pluto of Nine of Diamonds, u achieve considerable 'prosperity' as u expand ur values to include the needs of those around u, ur community or country.
Soul
What I want is Self Mastery and first step is having unconditional love for myself.
Birth Card
Displacement - Nine of Diamonds
This is an important graduation year in terms of ur work or values.
Something important in ur value system has reached the end of its usefulness for u. It could be ur present line of work or simply ur entire way of looking at life and the things that are important to u.
Diamond tend to look at everything in their life in term of how much it is worth to them to have it in their life.
Something is ending and it is up to u whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause of celebration as u graduate from this level to move on to the next.
How u handle this ending will determine ur level of happiness this year.
The best attitude is one of giving up and letting go, knowing u r not losing anything that is actually good for u anymore. As a matter of fact, this year is the preparation for a new life just about to begin. This new life will be one that is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprise for u. So, embrace the endings that occur this year with joy. U have come a long way to get where u r, and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
This is my pre-birth year and I want to get it right for next birth year.
What I am losing is self-preservation, is my life long control mode, my amour.
I am ready with ACIM.
My work is Self Mastery and I have to complete the program with Z using ACIM.
Breakthrough on my perception on Z via ACIM (unconditional love)
Sept 3
Father, I had tots of Z when I was doing practice. But I noticed I can waive it off too when I want to.
Today the pool was crowded because half portion was closed. But I can still swim my normal pace. The trick is don't allow anyone to trigger my pace. I also realised when I am truly at ease, commotion doesn't affect me much.
Evening
I had a productive and happy day. I did one story and complete one profile for current reading and two profile for tools. The time passed quickly and I was not tired at all.
Had a lovely time with family and good food too. Of course, now that its late night and I am in my room, a sudden sadness hits me on Z. He never initiated to call back even though I said I expected it. But there is no regrets in asking. If I asked and there is no response, at least I done my part and there will be no doubts, no what if. That will be my modus.
Anyway, when the wave of sadness hits me, I recognised it for the feeling of being unloved. I immediately gave myself positive tot that his action or non-action is not reflective of my lovability. I am lovable, I am 3S and my partner will be with me.
I silently asked Father for help on how to see beyond this. I know I have to continue with Z but I need help. For now I only see hopelessness and I need a new sight. Then a tot came on the profile I did on ACIM about changed perception. And how it helped me to change my perception on defenselessness. Yea, that will be good. So, I am now reading Manual for teacher. My lifetime lesson is Seven of Hearts - unconditional love.
ACIM - Manual for teachers
Any situation must be to u a chance to teach others what u are and what they are to u. No more than that, but also never less.
Into this hopeless and closed learning situation, which teaches nothing but despair and death, God sends His teachers. And as they teach His lessons of joy and hope, their learning finally becomes complete.
It is the mission of the teachers of God to become perfect here and so they teach perfection over and over, in many, many ways until they have learned it. And then they are seen no more, although their tots remains a source of strength and truth forever.
Soul
Self mastery is knowing I am both human and being. In the rship I am under the human side and I need to swing to being. Father, thanks for the tool. I now need to learn faith in myself and in him and in us. Unlogically, there is a part of me still believe we r meant to be despite all the circumstances and him rejecting my love.
I just realised I wanted to delete the word love and change it to care instead. I don't want to love him cos he doesn't love me. To love someone who doesn't love me is despair, is stupid. Tears drop when I wrote this. Yea, let's me face and feel the pain instead of suppressing it via food. I used to do it with work but now that my work life is so simple, I can no longer use it for cover.
Mmm, after a few drops of tears, I felt better now. I didn't die. I am fine.
I finally see it, my amour protecting me from loving others. The first time I tot I loved A and he didn't love me. But with A, my feelings were not deep and I still be friends cos we never went into it. With Z, I went into it but not him.
My lesson is unconditional love. My first tot is to run away again but I won't. I will stay and learn my lesson.
Manual for teachers
God's teachers is anyone who chooses to be one. He has entered an agreement with God even if he does not yet believe in Him. He has become a bringer of salvation.
Soul
Yeap, I accept my lesson. I am still uncertain but I accept it. And God send me ACIM to work through my lesson. The first time I did it on my own and I broke off. And now I am back, and I am doing it with Him.
Manual for teachers
There is a course for every teacher of God. The form of the course varies greatly. But the content never changes. Its central them is always; "God's Son is guiltless and in his innocence is his salvation.
It does not matter who the teacher was before he heard the Call. He has become a savior by his answering. He has seen someone else as himself.
Soul
In our first date, I was so overwhelmed by his sharing that I said silently to myself that Z need not have to seek for love. I will love him because he is lovable and worthy. He is an unpolished diamond. He need not have to prove himself to be loved.
Of course, later I confessed to Z but I told him I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can stay and love him. It is too much for me. It would be too suffering to love someone who doesn't love me.
And now I am back. Father, looking at what I wrote I about me giving him love and he need not have to prove his worth, its actually me wanting to be loved and need not have to prove my worth.
Suddenly I recalled it was ACIM that helped me through with A. No wonder I don't recall the suffering cos He was with me and I operated from being rather than human. I was for him rather than myself.
Father, thank U. I felt as if I am saved. I can now go on with Z. The reward may not be him but is for my Self. This is what meant by realising that I am both human and being. I now need to cross over to Being. Just like when I was with A, in the end still without A, but I have my expanded self.
Father, I just recalled my 7thunder card for today
Five of Spades.
- When this card appears, something will change that affects the way u live or the things that u do each day.
Yea, I knew that in order to continue with Z, I cannot go on the normal mode. But I didn't know how to change. Alas, I got my answer through ACIM. To hold the rship with Z from a spiritual mode, to bring out the Beingness in me. To give him the unconditional love that I seek for myself.
And this tie back to what is written in ACIM - Manual for teachers which I earlier dismissed cos I didn't see anyone interest as my own;
ACIM - Manual for teachers
A teacher of God is anyone who chooses to be one. His qualifications consist solely in this; somehow, somewhere he has made a deliberate choice in which he did not see his interests as apart from someone else's. Once he has done that, his road is established and his direction is sure. A light has entered the darkness. It may be a single light, but that is enough.
Soul
Amen
Manual for teachers
The purpose of this course might be said to provide u with a means of choosing what u want to learn. U cannot give to someone else, but only to urself and this u learn through teaching.
Soul
I want unconditional love and hence I give unconditional love to him.
Suddenly recalled my Osho card
1. External influence of which u r aware
Thunderbolt
A man and woman leaping from a burning tower, not because they want to, but because they have no choice.
Soul
I had to change, I had no choice since I am back with Z.
2. What to do?
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving -- call it God. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort. There is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be.
Soul
Yea, I relaxed this morning and then I did profile for ACIM in the afternoon. Later in late evening, I got an insight to do ACIM - Manual for teachers.
5. Resolution
Friendliness
U r no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people are engaged in. It is not a loss. It is the birth of a higher, more loving quality born of the fullness of experience. It is the birth of a love that is truly unconditional, without expectations or demands.
Soul
I only started to get this card when I am with Z. In the beginning, I keep on focus on this phrase - "First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen on its own accord".
I interpreted this as now that I am joyful from meditation, my love life will happen on its own or Z will be mine.
I ignored the part about non-marriage; parting without regrets when its time to go and etc, because I can't do it.
Alas, I finally understood the Card. This is a card for Unconditional love. Z is not mine to have. He is just my doorway. He is my student in the course and I am the teacher. I am to give him unconditional love cos that's what I want for myself.
Father, Z is truly my Savior. He is my door to my Self. Each time I open my door with him, I found my Self. No wonder despite everything, he is always in my prayer of thanks.
I was looking out for Isha program but there is none this year. Looks like Z is my spiritual program for this year.
I am now ready to embark on this path of Unconditional Love. I am also ready to go fully with him on next meetup despite the hiccup this weekend. I no longer need my amour, I have jumped and I survived. And now its time to go through another door. I am also not afraid with ending as I know I can do it already. Its the staying and loving him without any outcome that is difficult.
Manual for teachers
He has become a savior by his answering. He has seen someone else as himself. He has therefore found his own salvation and the salvation of the world. In his rebirth is the world reborn.
Soul
This is my pre-birth year and I want to get this right.
Manual for teachers
Certain pupils have been assigned to each of God's teachers, and they will begin to look for him as soon as he has answered. Time waits on his choice, but not on whom he will serve. When he is ready to learn, the opportunities to teach will be provided for him.
Soul
Tell me about it. Late last year, I said I am ready to face love and I got Z. But I couldn't learn the lesson in the first round and we broke off for 2 months. I didn't want to learn. And now I am back with Z. But this time I am ready to teach.
Manual for teachers.
Pupil and teacher seems to come together in the present, finding each other as if they had not met before.
The pupil comes at the right time to the right place. This is inevitable, because he made the right choice in that ancient instant which he now relives. So has the teacher, too made an inevitable choice out of an ancient past.
Soul
This relate to Z being my past life card and him being my Cosmic Lesson in both life and spiritual spread.
Manual for teachers
In the teaching-learning situation, each one learns that giving and receiving are the same.
The demarcations they have drawn between their roles, their minds, their bodies, their needs, their interests, and all the differences they tot separate them from one another, fade and grow dim and disappear.
Those who would learn the same course share one interest and one goal. And thus he who was the learner becomes a teacher of God himself, for he has made the one decision that gave his teacher to him. He has seen in another person, the same interests as his own.
Soul
Amen.
Father, I had tots of Z when I was doing practice. But I noticed I can waive it off too when I want to.
Today the pool was crowded because half portion was closed. But I can still swim my normal pace. The trick is don't allow anyone to trigger my pace. I also realised when I am truly at ease, commotion doesn't affect me much.
Evening
I had a productive and happy day. I did one story and complete one profile for current reading and two profile for tools. The time passed quickly and I was not tired at all.
Had a lovely time with family and good food too. Of course, now that its late night and I am in my room, a sudden sadness hits me on Z. He never initiated to call back even though I said I expected it. But there is no regrets in asking. If I asked and there is no response, at least I done my part and there will be no doubts, no what if. That will be my modus.
Anyway, when the wave of sadness hits me, I recognised it for the feeling of being unloved. I immediately gave myself positive tot that his action or non-action is not reflective of my lovability. I am lovable, I am 3S and my partner will be with me.
I silently asked Father for help on how to see beyond this. I know I have to continue with Z but I need help. For now I only see hopelessness and I need a new sight. Then a tot came on the profile I did on ACIM about changed perception. And how it helped me to change my perception on defenselessness. Yea, that will be good. So, I am now reading Manual for teacher. My lifetime lesson is Seven of Hearts - unconditional love.
ACIM - Manual for teachers
Any situation must be to u a chance to teach others what u are and what they are to u. No more than that, but also never less.
Into this hopeless and closed learning situation, which teaches nothing but despair and death, God sends His teachers. And as they teach His lessons of joy and hope, their learning finally becomes complete.
It is the mission of the teachers of God to become perfect here and so they teach perfection over and over, in many, many ways until they have learned it. And then they are seen no more, although their tots remains a source of strength and truth forever.
Soul
Self mastery is knowing I am both human and being. In the rship I am under the human side and I need to swing to being. Father, thanks for the tool. I now need to learn faith in myself and in him and in us. Unlogically, there is a part of me still believe we r meant to be despite all the circumstances and him rejecting my love.
I just realised I wanted to delete the word love and change it to care instead. I don't want to love him cos he doesn't love me. To love someone who doesn't love me is despair, is stupid. Tears drop when I wrote this. Yea, let's me face and feel the pain instead of suppressing it via food. I used to do it with work but now that my work life is so simple, I can no longer use it for cover.
Mmm, after a few drops of tears, I felt better now. I didn't die. I am fine.
I finally see it, my amour protecting me from loving others. The first time I tot I loved A and he didn't love me. But with A, my feelings were not deep and I still be friends cos we never went into it. With Z, I went into it but not him.
My lesson is unconditional love. My first tot is to run away again but I won't. I will stay and learn my lesson.
Manual for teachers
God's teachers is anyone who chooses to be one. He has entered an agreement with God even if he does not yet believe in Him. He has become a bringer of salvation.
Soul
Yeap, I accept my lesson. I am still uncertain but I accept it. And God send me ACIM to work through my lesson. The first time I did it on my own and I broke off. And now I am back, and I am doing it with Him.
Manual for teachers
There is a course for every teacher of God. The form of the course varies greatly. But the content never changes. Its central them is always; "God's Son is guiltless and in his innocence is his salvation.
It does not matter who the teacher was before he heard the Call. He has become a savior by his answering. He has seen someone else as himself.
Soul
In our first date, I was so overwhelmed by his sharing that I said silently to myself that Z need not have to seek for love. I will love him because he is lovable and worthy. He is an unpolished diamond. He need not have to prove himself to be loved.
Of course, later I confessed to Z but I told him I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can stay and love him. It is too much for me. It would be too suffering to love someone who doesn't love me.
And now I am back. Father, looking at what I wrote I about me giving him love and he need not have to prove his worth, its actually me wanting to be loved and need not have to prove my worth.
Suddenly I recalled it was ACIM that helped me through with A. No wonder I don't recall the suffering cos He was with me and I operated from being rather than human. I was for him rather than myself.
Father, thank U. I felt as if I am saved. I can now go on with Z. The reward may not be him but is for my Self. This is what meant by realising that I am both human and being. I now need to cross over to Being. Just like when I was with A, in the end still without A, but I have my expanded self.
Father, I just recalled my 7thunder card for today
Five of Spades.
- When this card appears, something will change that affects the way u live or the things that u do each day.
Yea, I knew that in order to continue with Z, I cannot go on the normal mode. But I didn't know how to change. Alas, I got my answer through ACIM. To hold the rship with Z from a spiritual mode, to bring out the Beingness in me. To give him the unconditional love that I seek for myself.
And this tie back to what is written in ACIM - Manual for teachers which I earlier dismissed cos I didn't see anyone interest as my own;
ACIM - Manual for teachers
A teacher of God is anyone who chooses to be one. His qualifications consist solely in this; somehow, somewhere he has made a deliberate choice in which he did not see his interests as apart from someone else's. Once he has done that, his road is established and his direction is sure. A light has entered the darkness. It may be a single light, but that is enough.
Soul
Amen
Manual for teachers
The purpose of this course might be said to provide u with a means of choosing what u want to learn. U cannot give to someone else, but only to urself and this u learn through teaching.
Soul
I want unconditional love and hence I give unconditional love to him.
Suddenly recalled my Osho card
1. External influence of which u r aware
Thunderbolt
A man and woman leaping from a burning tower, not because they want to, but because they have no choice.
Soul
I had to change, I had no choice since I am back with Z.
2. What to do?
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving -- call it God. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort. There is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be.
Soul
Yea, I relaxed this morning and then I did profile for ACIM in the afternoon. Later in late evening, I got an insight to do ACIM - Manual for teachers.
5. Resolution
Friendliness
U r no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people are engaged in. It is not a loss. It is the birth of a higher, more loving quality born of the fullness of experience. It is the birth of a love that is truly unconditional, without expectations or demands.
Soul
I only started to get this card when I am with Z. In the beginning, I keep on focus on this phrase - "First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen on its own accord".
I interpreted this as now that I am joyful from meditation, my love life will happen on its own or Z will be mine.
I ignored the part about non-marriage; parting without regrets when its time to go and etc, because I can't do it.
Alas, I finally understood the Card. This is a card for Unconditional love. Z is not mine to have. He is just my doorway. He is my student in the course and I am the teacher. I am to give him unconditional love cos that's what I want for myself.
Father, Z is truly my Savior. He is my door to my Self. Each time I open my door with him, I found my Self. No wonder despite everything, he is always in my prayer of thanks.
I was looking out for Isha program but there is none this year. Looks like Z is my spiritual program for this year.
I am now ready to embark on this path of Unconditional Love. I am also ready to go fully with him on next meetup despite the hiccup this weekend. I no longer need my amour, I have jumped and I survived. And now its time to go through another door. I am also not afraid with ending as I know I can do it already. Its the staying and loving him without any outcome that is difficult.
Manual for teachers
He has become a savior by his answering. He has seen someone else as himself. He has therefore found his own salvation and the salvation of the world. In his rebirth is the world reborn.
Soul
This is my pre-birth year and I want to get this right.
Manual for teachers
Certain pupils have been assigned to each of God's teachers, and they will begin to look for him as soon as he has answered. Time waits on his choice, but not on whom he will serve. When he is ready to learn, the opportunities to teach will be provided for him.
Soul
Tell me about it. Late last year, I said I am ready to face love and I got Z. But I couldn't learn the lesson in the first round and we broke off for 2 months. I didn't want to learn. And now I am back with Z. But this time I am ready to teach.
Manual for teachers.
Pupil and teacher seems to come together in the present, finding each other as if they had not met before.
The pupil comes at the right time to the right place. This is inevitable, because he made the right choice in that ancient instant which he now relives. So has the teacher, too made an inevitable choice out of an ancient past.
Soul
This relate to Z being my past life card and him being my Cosmic Lesson in both life and spiritual spread.
Manual for teachers
In the teaching-learning situation, each one learns that giving and receiving are the same.
The demarcations they have drawn between their roles, their minds, their bodies, their needs, their interests, and all the differences they tot separate them from one another, fade and grow dim and disappear.
Those who would learn the same course share one interest and one goal. And thus he who was the learner becomes a teacher of God himself, for he has made the one decision that gave his teacher to him. He has seen in another person, the same interests as his own.
Soul
Amen.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Cosmic Lesson - Z showed me my path to power; he forced me go within and come out strong!
Sept 2 Eve (Z is my door)
Late afternoon
It is now nearly evening and still no response. My mind is working overtime that Z is rejecting me. Then a tot came, this is similar to the gal who tot her lover abandon her at the airport after their trip.
I won't go there. Father, let me be strong to face the pain. I am not listening to my old stories anymore. I already received the cake by initiating and calling for invite. It is ok. Focus on the positive instead of the missing icing.
I also remember the man of Tao, is whole, there is no one to wound. Let me remember that even if he doesn't want to meet up, he is only protecting his own wound and not trying to wound me. Let me not take this personally and remind myself I am 3S, smart, spiritual and sensual woman. Amen
Evening
It is now 3 hours later and I am going home. Just now I felt sad and got bit of tears brimming my eyes. But I told myself to be strong and don't close up. Just face and feel the pain. Moments later the pain pass away.
I will meet him next week and like usual, he will pretend nothing happen
Not sure if this will last but I am fine. Also had a tot that why seek love? If he cannot give, just drop. Mmmm. I am 3S.
Night
He finally replied a K to my text. First tot was to call him. Then I stop and text him. Just wanted to tell him its ok. But I just let go and told him I expect a call or response.
The old me wouldn't dare to. The new me is not bothered. We been through much and if I cannot express my feeling, then it be suppressed and turn into resentment.
Main thing is go with the flow. I don't think he will call cos he would said he doesn't want to be scolded. But at least I said my piece.
Just watched an inspiring real movie about an autistic lady. She faces her challenges head on. Every time she sees the challenges like doors that lead to another world. The other world is what led her to ignore her fear and moved straight on.
Suddenly tot of Z being my door. Going with Z is like going thru doors that opens up to another world. It is scary when I approach the doors. But once I open the doors, generally what I feared never happen and instead I get another world.
This is exactly what the autism gal describe.
Father, thank U for everything. For the first time I am fine with no follow thru from him. I don't take it personally like before. Father, I am committed to opening all the doors with Z. I will focus on the rewards instead of Z or even the price to pay. Z is not the target but the door is. Now I truly understand the meaning of Cosmic Lesson.
(Sept 9 - I found out later that his phone is spoilt and not receiving messenger anymore. So, he didn't get my message. All the drama for nothing. And my text also didn't mention about my earlier msg. He did replied to my text.)
Cosmic Lesson
Z is playing an instrumental role in helping you find your path to power.
It is not an easy connection, it could be one of the most powerful and important rships of ur life. Taken with the proper attitude, it could provide the catalyst for finding your life's work and purpose on a more universal life.
Late afternoon
It is now nearly evening and still no response. My mind is working overtime that Z is rejecting me. Then a tot came, this is similar to the gal who tot her lover abandon her at the airport after their trip.
I won't go there. Father, let me be strong to face the pain. I am not listening to my old stories anymore. I already received the cake by initiating and calling for invite. It is ok. Focus on the positive instead of the missing icing.
I also remember the man of Tao, is whole, there is no one to wound. Let me remember that even if he doesn't want to meet up, he is only protecting his own wound and not trying to wound me. Let me not take this personally and remind myself I am 3S, smart, spiritual and sensual woman. Amen
Evening
It is now 3 hours later and I am going home. Just now I felt sad and got bit of tears brimming my eyes. But I told myself to be strong and don't close up. Just face and feel the pain. Moments later the pain pass away.
I will meet him next week and like usual, he will pretend nothing happen
Not sure if this will last but I am fine. Also had a tot that why seek love? If he cannot give, just drop. Mmmm. I am 3S.
Night
He finally replied a K to my text. First tot was to call him. Then I stop and text him. Just wanted to tell him its ok. But I just let go and told him I expect a call or response.
The old me wouldn't dare to. The new me is not bothered. We been through much and if I cannot express my feeling, then it be suppressed and turn into resentment.
Main thing is go with the flow. I don't think he will call cos he would said he doesn't want to be scolded. But at least I said my piece.
Just watched an inspiring real movie about an autistic lady. She faces her challenges head on. Every time she sees the challenges like doors that lead to another world. The other world is what led her to ignore her fear and moved straight on.
Suddenly tot of Z being my door. Going with Z is like going thru doors that opens up to another world. It is scary when I approach the doors. But once I open the doors, generally what I feared never happen and instead I get another world.
This is exactly what the autism gal describe.
Father, thank U for everything. For the first time I am fine with no follow thru from him. I don't take it personally like before. Father, I am committed to opening all the doors with Z. I will focus on the rewards instead of Z or even the price to pay. Z is not the target but the door is. Now I truly understand the meaning of Cosmic Lesson.
(Sept 9 - I found out later that his phone is spoilt and not receiving messenger anymore. So, he didn't get my message. All the drama for nothing. And my text also didn't mention about my earlier msg. He did replied to my text.)
Cosmic Lesson
Z is playing an instrumental role in helping you find your path to power.
It is not an easy connection, it could be one of the most powerful and important rships of ur life. Taken with the proper attitude, it could provide the catalyst for finding your life's work and purpose on a more universal life.
I am wearing an amour; my control mode
Sept 2 Aft
Father, there was no response from him. This time I call him and when I couldn't get him, I text him.
This is a first time for me. The old me would have stopped at the msg.
Anyway, now that he told me he see msg last and emails first. Father, I am still curious about going after what u want without worrying about price. I also realised the price that I was talking is actually the feeling of hurt, loss of pride and etc, is not even actual price that involves money.
For the first time I understand what the amour means. I have been wearing an amour for many years without knowing. In recent weeks, I have been receiving the Fighting Osho card and alas I understood. I did tot of boss wearing the amour but not me.
Father, I am slowly but surely realising that this Cosmic Lesson rship with Z is not end game benefit, it is the process benefit. Whenever I proceed ahead, I got my rewards in terms of self realisation.
I already received my reward by initiating the invite, by acting on my desire without worrying about the price. So, if we don't meet up, I have lost nothing nor pay any price and infact got my cake. If we meet up, I would get the icing on the cake.
I also have Pluto with him. In my case, I don't control him but I control myself and the lesson is not to control and hold back myself due to fear of price to pay. Amen.
1. Issue
Fighting
The figure in this card is completely covered in armor. If u look closely, u can see a shadowy movie that plays in this man's mind - two figures fighting for a castle.
An explosive temper or smouldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armor, we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others, we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need.
If this description fits u, its time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start by forgiving urself; you are worth it!
Soul
For the first time I acknowledge its me.
In my case, I wear the armor and won't allow anyone to come near. If no one is allowed to come near, no one can trigger the pain in me. Then I don't have to face the pain also.
Looks like its now time to remove the armor and let people into my life. Of cos Z is a difficult case and the outcome unsure but the rewards is in the process. So, I will continue regardless of the circumstances. I know I be fine. I know I can leave him when the time comes.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Turning in.
If u stop running after desire, it is again running, in a subtle way. U r still desiring -- maybe now it is desirelessness that u desire.
U r already here, there is no point in going. When going stops, journeying disappears; when desire is no more clouding ur mind, u r in. This is called turning in.
To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. It is what meditation is all about. Indulge in simple freedom of Turning In whenever u can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in u.
Soul
I was stopping the desire.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Thunderbolt
A man and woman leaping from a burning tower, not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness.
Soul
Father, I jumped on Wed when I call him and I jumped again today.
Before I jumped, I tot of the price to pay but now there is truly no payment, and only reward.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own.
Soul
Yea, even my car is in garage. Again, I cannot move.
Father has arranged for me the Cosmic Lesson.
5. Resolution.
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful.
It is a love without expectation, without demands.
Soul
I am facing my Seven of Hearts.
Father, there was no response from him. This time I call him and when I couldn't get him, I text him.
This is a first time for me. The old me would have stopped at the msg.
Anyway, now that he told me he see msg last and emails first. Father, I am still curious about going after what u want without worrying about price. I also realised the price that I was talking is actually the feeling of hurt, loss of pride and etc, is not even actual price that involves money.
For the first time I understand what the amour means. I have been wearing an amour for many years without knowing. In recent weeks, I have been receiving the Fighting Osho card and alas I understood. I did tot of boss wearing the amour but not me.
Father, I am slowly but surely realising that this Cosmic Lesson rship with Z is not end game benefit, it is the process benefit. Whenever I proceed ahead, I got my rewards in terms of self realisation.
I already received my reward by initiating the invite, by acting on my desire without worrying about the price. So, if we don't meet up, I have lost nothing nor pay any price and infact got my cake. If we meet up, I would get the icing on the cake.
I also have Pluto with him. In my case, I don't control him but I control myself and the lesson is not to control and hold back myself due to fear of price to pay. Amen.
1. Issue
Fighting
The figure in this card is completely covered in armor. If u look closely, u can see a shadowy movie that plays in this man's mind - two figures fighting for a castle.
An explosive temper or smouldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armor, we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others, we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need.
If this description fits u, its time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start by forgiving urself; you are worth it!
Soul
For the first time I acknowledge its me.
In my case, I wear the armor and won't allow anyone to come near. If no one is allowed to come near, no one can trigger the pain in me. Then I don't have to face the pain also.
Looks like its now time to remove the armor and let people into my life. Of cos Z is a difficult case and the outcome unsure but the rewards is in the process. So, I will continue regardless of the circumstances. I know I be fine. I know I can leave him when the time comes.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Turning in.
If u stop running after desire, it is again running, in a subtle way. U r still desiring -- maybe now it is desirelessness that u desire.
U r already here, there is no point in going. When going stops, journeying disappears; when desire is no more clouding ur mind, u r in. This is called turning in.
To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. It is what meditation is all about. Indulge in simple freedom of Turning In whenever u can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in u.
Soul
I was stopping the desire.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Thunderbolt
A man and woman leaping from a burning tower, not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness.
Soul
Father, I jumped on Wed when I call him and I jumped again today.
Before I jumped, I tot of the price to pay but now there is truly no payment, and only reward.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own.
Soul
Yea, even my car is in garage. Again, I cannot move.
Father has arranged for me the Cosmic Lesson.
5. Resolution.
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful.
It is a love without expectation, without demands.
Soul
I am facing my Seven of Hearts.
Desire is natural; but I have been suppressing them
Sept 2
Father, my feet are nearly healed. I can stand on one leg a bit now. Next week I can start on sun salutation. This Sunday, I can also do my walk.
This morning I woke up alert half an hour before the alarm at 4 am. I was surprised as it has been nearly 1 week since I woke up early. I tot I would be sleepy and had to drag myself, amazingly I was fresh. It happened yesterday morning too despite having difficulty to sleep on the previous night. Looks like my energy is coming back.
Did have some tots of Z, but not much. Had some tots of him not 'coming' during our meetup. It already start to happen before we break up earlier and now even more so. Or perhaps its me, who has no endurance or it could also be him who has been doing it on his own and also his belief that he cannot allow his bodily's need to was that get him into trouble and he won't allow that to happen.
(Sept 9 - Father, doesn't that sounds like me. I cannot allow my unconscious to drive my life. I am in a controlled mode, just like him. We are different but yet same, both having amour. Different types of amour, no doubt, but its the same)
I admit I had some initial tots that he would 'reject' me cos not able to make him come. But I immediately throw out the tot cos I knew he wanted me. I was also able to think it could be him. For the first time, not taking it personally and not stressing myself out. I am not responsible for him and his happiness. Mmm, and neither is he responsible for me.
Ask and It is Given
The entire Universe exists to inspire the next new desire. And so, if u r trying to avoid ur own desire, u r attempting to move contrary to Universal Forces. And even if u r able to suppress a desire here and there, more desires are continually evolving within u, for u have come forth into this body and into this wonderful contrasting environment with the clear intent of focusing the Energy that creates worlds through the powerfully focused lens of ur perspective. And so, nothing in all of the Universe is more natural than ur continuing desire.
Soul
Mmm, stop judging myself for still wanting him despite his answer. My desire is natural and holding it back only makes me feel bad. Acting on it gives me a feeling of power that I ignore my old habits of negative thinking and proceed despite trepidation.
Suddenly I tot of having dinner with him and he can fetch me home.
Of cos, second tot would be if he reject my invite and I felt bad.
Anyway, I just invite him. From now on, emulate him. It doesn't matter the outcome. I will learn from him. To always act on my desire instead of worrying about the price.
Even if he doesn't say yes, I have emulated him and that's good.
Ask and It is Given
Behind every desire is the desire to feel good.
And so, the standard of success in life is not the things or the money, the standard of success is absolutely the amount of joy u feel.
The basis of life is freedom, and the result of life is expansion - but the purpose of ur life is joy. And that is why the main event has never been the manifestation. It has always been the way u feel in the moment.
U intended to come into the physical realm of contrast to define what is wanted, to connect with the Energy that creates worlds, and to flow it toward ur objects of attention - not because the objects of attention are important, but because the act of flowing Energy is essential to life.
Soul
Here it is; the act of flowing. It is not the manifestation. Exactly. I may feel bit sad if he says no but at least I don't feel suppressed and resentful of my desires.
Mmm, just like I am resentful of people asking me for things, and I had to refuse them, making me feel bad. I judge them for making me feel bad. Its the same as me now judging my desires which I had to say no to.
Father, I just realised that its not I have little desires but I was afraid of having desires, afraid of rejection. So, I have not been asking .. and hence how can I be given. Father, this is what's is meant by not having Faith that I will be given.
Like recently I been thinking of new bed, new car. But I ignored them cos the fear of commitment to pay. Again I cancel my desire by the price I have to pay.
Ask and It is Given
Remember, u r an extension of Source Energy, and when u r allowing ur full connection to ur Source, u feel good, and to the degree that u disallow ur connection, u feel less good.
U r pure, positive Energy. U r love. U expect good things. U respect and love urself. U respect and love others - and u r a natural born appreciator.
Appreciation and self-love are the most important aspects u could ever nurture.
Soul
Wow! Its like I have been going to wrong way. Me, always trying to switch off. No wonder, I am not typical Queen of Diamonds on shopping spree. Perhaps that's why I wanted a rich husband so I can buy the things I wanted. Mmm, I am asking for others to fulfill my desires, which I can fulfill myself. I do have the power to fulfill my desire.
Ask and It is Given
It is not necessary for everyone else (or anyone else) to understand what u r learning here in order for u to live a wonderful experience.
Once u remember who u r, and once u deliberately reach for tots that hold u in vibrational alignment with who u r, ur world will also fall into alignment - and Well-Being will show itself to u in all areas of ur life experience.
Soul
Amen
I was asking for how to have Faith and why I don't have Faith. The answers are all here. It is within me.
Father, my feet are nearly healed. I can stand on one leg a bit now. Next week I can start on sun salutation. This Sunday, I can also do my walk.
This morning I woke up alert half an hour before the alarm at 4 am. I was surprised as it has been nearly 1 week since I woke up early. I tot I would be sleepy and had to drag myself, amazingly I was fresh. It happened yesterday morning too despite having difficulty to sleep on the previous night. Looks like my energy is coming back.
Did have some tots of Z, but not much. Had some tots of him not 'coming' during our meetup. It already start to happen before we break up earlier and now even more so. Or perhaps its me, who has no endurance or it could also be him who has been doing it on his own and also his belief that he cannot allow his bodily's need to was that get him into trouble and he won't allow that to happen.
(Sept 9 - Father, doesn't that sounds like me. I cannot allow my unconscious to drive my life. I am in a controlled mode, just like him. We are different but yet same, both having amour. Different types of amour, no doubt, but its the same)
I admit I had some initial tots that he would 'reject' me cos not able to make him come. But I immediately throw out the tot cos I knew he wanted me. I was also able to think it could be him. For the first time, not taking it personally and not stressing myself out. I am not responsible for him and his happiness. Mmm, and neither is he responsible for me.
Ask and It is Given
The entire Universe exists to inspire the next new desire. And so, if u r trying to avoid ur own desire, u r attempting to move contrary to Universal Forces. And even if u r able to suppress a desire here and there, more desires are continually evolving within u, for u have come forth into this body and into this wonderful contrasting environment with the clear intent of focusing the Energy that creates worlds through the powerfully focused lens of ur perspective. And so, nothing in all of the Universe is more natural than ur continuing desire.
Soul
Mmm, stop judging myself for still wanting him despite his answer. My desire is natural and holding it back only makes me feel bad. Acting on it gives me a feeling of power that I ignore my old habits of negative thinking and proceed despite trepidation.
Suddenly I tot of having dinner with him and he can fetch me home.
Of cos, second tot would be if he reject my invite and I felt bad.
Anyway, I just invite him. From now on, emulate him. It doesn't matter the outcome. I will learn from him. To always act on my desire instead of worrying about the price.
Even if he doesn't say yes, I have emulated him and that's good.
Ask and It is Given
Behind every desire is the desire to feel good.
And so, the standard of success in life is not the things or the money, the standard of success is absolutely the amount of joy u feel.
The basis of life is freedom, and the result of life is expansion - but the purpose of ur life is joy. And that is why the main event has never been the manifestation. It has always been the way u feel in the moment.
U intended to come into the physical realm of contrast to define what is wanted, to connect with the Energy that creates worlds, and to flow it toward ur objects of attention - not because the objects of attention are important, but because the act of flowing Energy is essential to life.
Soul
Here it is; the act of flowing. It is not the manifestation. Exactly. I may feel bit sad if he says no but at least I don't feel suppressed and resentful of my desires.
Mmm, just like I am resentful of people asking me for things, and I had to refuse them, making me feel bad. I judge them for making me feel bad. Its the same as me now judging my desires which I had to say no to.
Father, I just realised that its not I have little desires but I was afraid of having desires, afraid of rejection. So, I have not been asking .. and hence how can I be given. Father, this is what's is meant by not having Faith that I will be given.
Like recently I been thinking of new bed, new car. But I ignored them cos the fear of commitment to pay. Again I cancel my desire by the price I have to pay.
Ask and It is Given
Remember, u r an extension of Source Energy, and when u r allowing ur full connection to ur Source, u feel good, and to the degree that u disallow ur connection, u feel less good.
U r pure, positive Energy. U r love. U expect good things. U respect and love urself. U respect and love others - and u r a natural born appreciator.
Appreciation and self-love are the most important aspects u could ever nurture.
Soul
Wow! Its like I have been going to wrong way. Me, always trying to switch off. No wonder, I am not typical Queen of Diamonds on shopping spree. Perhaps that's why I wanted a rich husband so I can buy the things I wanted. Mmm, I am asking for others to fulfill my desires, which I can fulfill myself. I do have the power to fulfill my desire.
Ask and It is Given
It is not necessary for everyone else (or anyone else) to understand what u r learning here in order for u to live a wonderful experience.
Once u remember who u r, and once u deliberately reach for tots that hold u in vibrational alignment with who u r, ur world will also fall into alignment - and Well-Being will show itself to u in all areas of ur life experience.
Soul
Amen
I was asking for how to have Faith and why I don't have Faith. The answers are all here. It is within me.
Uncertainty is natural to life
Sept 1
Embrace Life by Rabbi Irwin
The heroes don't scale down their dreams to the size of their fears. They are the masters of dance between uncertainty and certainty.
When we realise that uncertainty is our natural human state, life becomes even more awesome.
Soul
I am handling it. Just a change of mind set.
Embrace Life by Rabbi Irwin
The heroes don't scale down their dreams to the size of their fears. They are the masters of dance between uncertainty and certainty.
When we realise that uncertainty is our natural human state, life becomes even more awesome.
Soul
I am handling it. Just a change of mind set.
My tots are on price to pay, not on what I want
Aug 31
Father, did my practice. Was good considering that my feet hurts. I forgot about them when I did too much walking last weekend.
Father, Seven of Spades is a challenge.
I am not sure of how to handle the uncertainty. What I have known is to get rid of it? Previously, my option was to end the rship which I did.
But now I don't have the luxury as I agreed to initiate it back. And I cannot even call ours a relationship so I cannot break it off per se.
Mmm, this is even trickier than previously.
I know there is a sense of anger rising within me. Perhaps its anger at myself for continuing with something I cannot handle. But I need to learn this cos this is my biggest hurdle. I jumped ship the last round and now got back in. Don't judge myself harshly. Or who knows I am doing it because I want him.
If I call and there is no response, the feeling will worsen. If I don't call, the internal fight continues.
What a dilemma? Mmm, again its the price I tot of, not what I want. What I want is to talk to him but I worried about the price to pay if I cannot get to talk to him.
I called him and he is glad I called.
Father, from now on think of what I want instead of price to pay.
I am glad I did my weekly Osho
1. Issue
Fighting
Fighting inside my amour. Using my amour to prevent myself from getting hurt.
Soul
I knew the fight was within. I knew its because I don't want to be hurt. So, I went for it.
2. Internal influence
Turning in
Detached myself from the drama in my mind.
3. External influence.
Falling down
4. What the understanding?
Stress
5. Resolution
Friendliness.
The Passion Test
When u begin choosing in favour of ur passions, ur life will begin to transform in ways u can't predict.
Second aligning ur life to ur passions is a process. There are still challenges to face.
Yet when u r living ur passions and giving ATTENTION to the GOOD in ur life, those challenges are so much easier to deal with.
The key is to get out of ur own way.
There are only three things that can prevent u from living a passionate life. They are;
1. False ideas
2. False concepts
3. False beliefs
False ideas, concepts and beliefs are things that you've come to believe are true that simply didn't match reality, eventhough u may think they do.
Soul
Here I was just asking God that I need a guidance on how to have faith. I have chosen Z to be in my life now. But how to keep going on in spite no change.
What I learned from Cosmic Lesson
1. To focus on what I want instead of price to pay so I can follow my Top 5.
2. To remember to have predominant Tots is what I will attract. So, to be aware of mt tots and to shift from "prices" to "wants".
The Passion Test
Lust arises from a sense of lack. It is driven by an overpowering need to fill something that is missing inside or to dull a pain too great to feel.
When we lust after something, we r trying to fill a void.
Feelings of pain are Nature's Guidance System, trying to tell us to stop, make a change, take care of ourselves, nurture ourselves. But when u ignore the signal and instead try to stop it by dulling the pain through alcohol, drugs, food, sex or whatever, u keep moving down the line toward increasing misery and suffering.
Soul
I knew for me, food and sex with Z is in the same line. When I cannot have Z, my hunger for food increased. When I have food, my hunger for Z decreased. Even this trip, I had tots of him but I dulled it with food.
The Passion Test
Ur passions, on the other hand, are the most significant loves in ur life. They arise deep within the heart. It connects u with the most profound part of ur own nature.
When u r aligned with ur passions, u will feel expanded, open, turned on. Passion takes us up the line toward increasing joy and fulfillment.
Soul
What make me come back to Z. Irrespective of no change, he has always puts my need before him. I felt cherished when I am with him. He is fine when I break out into laughter of joy when I am excited. He encouraged me to do my practices, eventhough he cannot do.
He doesn't do or say the lovey things that most men does, but he shows his care to me. And he is always supportive of my ventures. He is also fine when I am vulnerable.
Father, I think only of good things. Sure he has not good things, but he gave me what I need now.
(Sept 9 - He is my Moon in Life and Spiritual)
What's my belief with Z?
1. I am not valuable enough for him to change his plan
2. He is focused on his wants and doesn't mind paying the price of giving me up.
3. I am not sure if I can live up to his wants even if we r together. I may compromise to one child and I would be a fine mother but I don't want to be a home maker, which is what he wants. Net net, I am not sure if I want his plan.
Recently mom can sees that I don't do housework and leave for others to do. She said I am lucky to have others who want to do for me. I rebutted that I do loads in office, so in house I don't do. I guess for me giving in office is easier than giving at home. But the thing is my home is more important than my work. Or it is true that I am a just a lazy bum like what Z said.
Father, did my practice. Was good considering that my feet hurts. I forgot about them when I did too much walking last weekend.
Father, Seven of Spades is a challenge.
I am not sure of how to handle the uncertainty. What I have known is to get rid of it? Previously, my option was to end the rship which I did.
But now I don't have the luxury as I agreed to initiate it back. And I cannot even call ours a relationship so I cannot break it off per se.
Mmm, this is even trickier than previously.
I know there is a sense of anger rising within me. Perhaps its anger at myself for continuing with something I cannot handle. But I need to learn this cos this is my biggest hurdle. I jumped ship the last round and now got back in. Don't judge myself harshly. Or who knows I am doing it because I want him.
If I call and there is no response, the feeling will worsen. If I don't call, the internal fight continues.
What a dilemma? Mmm, again its the price I tot of, not what I want. What I want is to talk to him but I worried about the price to pay if I cannot get to talk to him.
I called him and he is glad I called.
Father, from now on think of what I want instead of price to pay.
I am glad I did my weekly Osho
1. Issue
Fighting
Fighting inside my amour. Using my amour to prevent myself from getting hurt.
Soul
I knew the fight was within. I knew its because I don't want to be hurt. So, I went for it.
2. Internal influence
Turning in
Detached myself from the drama in my mind.
3. External influence.
Falling down
4. What the understanding?
Stress
5. Resolution
Friendliness.
The Passion Test
When u begin choosing in favour of ur passions, ur life will begin to transform in ways u can't predict.
Second aligning ur life to ur passions is a process. There are still challenges to face.
Yet when u r living ur passions and giving ATTENTION to the GOOD in ur life, those challenges are so much easier to deal with.
The key is to get out of ur own way.
There are only three things that can prevent u from living a passionate life. They are;
1. False ideas
2. False concepts
3. False beliefs
False ideas, concepts and beliefs are things that you've come to believe are true that simply didn't match reality, eventhough u may think they do.
Soul
Here I was just asking God that I need a guidance on how to have faith. I have chosen Z to be in my life now. But how to keep going on in spite no change.
What I learned from Cosmic Lesson
1. To focus on what I want instead of price to pay so I can follow my Top 5.
2. To remember to have predominant Tots is what I will attract. So, to be aware of mt tots and to shift from "prices" to "wants".
The Passion Test
Lust arises from a sense of lack. It is driven by an overpowering need to fill something that is missing inside or to dull a pain too great to feel.
When we lust after something, we r trying to fill a void.
Feelings of pain are Nature's Guidance System, trying to tell us to stop, make a change, take care of ourselves, nurture ourselves. But when u ignore the signal and instead try to stop it by dulling the pain through alcohol, drugs, food, sex or whatever, u keep moving down the line toward increasing misery and suffering.
Soul
I knew for me, food and sex with Z is in the same line. When I cannot have Z, my hunger for food increased. When I have food, my hunger for Z decreased. Even this trip, I had tots of him but I dulled it with food.
The Passion Test
Ur passions, on the other hand, are the most significant loves in ur life. They arise deep within the heart. It connects u with the most profound part of ur own nature.
When u r aligned with ur passions, u will feel expanded, open, turned on. Passion takes us up the line toward increasing joy and fulfillment.
Soul
What make me come back to Z. Irrespective of no change, he has always puts my need before him. I felt cherished when I am with him. He is fine when I break out into laughter of joy when I am excited. He encouraged me to do my practices, eventhough he cannot do.
He doesn't do or say the lovey things that most men does, but he shows his care to me. And he is always supportive of my ventures. He is also fine when I am vulnerable.
Father, I think only of good things. Sure he has not good things, but he gave me what I need now.
(Sept 9 - He is my Moon in Life and Spiritual)
What's my belief with Z?
1. I am not valuable enough for him to change his plan
2. He is focused on his wants and doesn't mind paying the price of giving me up.
3. I am not sure if I can live up to his wants even if we r together. I may compromise to one child and I would be a fine mother but I don't want to be a home maker, which is what he wants. Net net, I am not sure if I want his plan.
Recently mom can sees that I don't do housework and leave for others to do. She said I am lucky to have others who want to do for me. I rebutted that I do loads in office, so in house I don't do. I guess for me giving in office is easier than giving at home. But the thing is my home is more important than my work. Or it is true that I am a just a lazy bum like what Z said.
All dramas in my mind is not real
Aug 30
Father, had some tots of Z. I want to have him. But I would say the tots are not anxious like previously.
I wonder if we were to get together again.
How to continue something that I am not sure of.
I am feeling uncertain but not anxious. I am not sure how I should feel. Its like a bit hanging. I am neither happy nor sad, just neutral.
Nevermind let it be, let it flow. If nothing is flowing with Z, just let it be. I need
(Sept 9)
We have just set our next date...and there is no anxiousness...Again, things is never what we feared)
Father, had some tots of Z. I want to have him. But I would say the tots are not anxious like previously.
I wonder if we were to get together again.
How to continue something that I am not sure of.
I am feeling uncertain but not anxious. I am not sure how I should feel. Its like a bit hanging. I am neither happy nor sad, just neutral.
Nevermind let it be, let it flow. If nothing is flowing with Z, just let it be. I need
(Sept 9)
We have just set our next date...and there is no anxiousness...Again, things is never what we feared)
All our dramas in our mind is not real
Aug 29
Father, just read this excerpt from Rabbi;
Continuing and maintaining that newness and passion, we must reveal more and more of ourselves and unveil more and more of the other person. We must feel vulnerable and exposed in order to keep love alive.
Soul
This time I did reveal that he is in my Top 5 and hence I continued.
He also revealed that he was excited that we got back together.
Despite the 2 months break, our get together was explosive and yet comfortable. We enjoyed things that we never did before.
And here I wonder how it will be, how can we pick up, whether it be awkward or I lose face and etc. But none of those things happen and in fact we deepen it.
Father, just read this excerpt from Rabbi;
Continuing and maintaining that newness and passion, we must reveal more and more of ourselves and unveil more and more of the other person. We must feel vulnerable and exposed in order to keep love alive.
Soul
This time I did reveal that he is in my Top 5 and hence I continued.
He also revealed that he was excited that we got back together.
Despite the 2 months break, our get together was explosive and yet comfortable. We enjoyed things that we never did before.
And here I wonder how it will be, how can we pick up, whether it be awkward or I lose face and etc. But none of those things happen and in fact we deepen it.
My tots are predominantly on what I dont want...so I got it :(
Aug 27 Eve
Father, I am slowly getting the hang of it. Doing the reading for SL, I also touch up on mine. Just like her boss is her Cosmic, Z is my Cosmic. For her, the Cosmic is in Ruling Card and for me is in Birth Card.
Father, like C said I should be happy I am meeting Cosmic cos that means I did overcome the Pluto card. And I am glad I am meeting my Cosmic for Birth. Instead of perceiving Z is the one for me, I now see him as the doorway that I need to cross over in my dream of Self Mastery.
These cards are really helpful and I am keen to know more. I did another 3 hours today.
No reply from Z but I am just bit disappointed cos part of me still hope. But there is no anxiousness like in old days.
What a paradox, when I realised I had to go back to him, I tot I be doomed and I lost my self preservation, my pride and etc. And here it is still intact and infact my Self is stronger. Suddenly a tot came, Defenselessness is strength.
The Passion Test
When u stay open, u may discover that all sorts of interesting possibilities appear in ur life. Our suggestion is to be open, to listen, to test out new possibilities for urself and then use those tools and that knowledge which resonate with ur own experience of life.
Fear is the opposite of faith. Fear is something u recognise for what it is.
U can't have fear and faith at the same time in ur mind, because faith is simply a state of mind.
Fear can help u recognise reality and that's a service and a good thing.
BUT when u r ready to move, then u don't take counsel from fear, u let it go. Its like, okay, I'm going to overcome that. I believe I can do this.
Whatever u want to accomplish, having a sense of destiny is the starting point.
Soul
Yea, I am learning faith.
Father, now I know why I have 3 of Diamonds as 1st karma and 5 Heart in Mercury and 3 Clubs in Venus.
I sincerely don't know what I truly want. While I know clearly what I don't want - not to be hurt or rejected by Z, I don't know clearly if I truly want Z. I admit part of me still have reservation if we can pull it off even if we r together.
Perhaps that's why I am not getting the rship that I want.
This means my tots are predominantly on what I don't want and the price I have to pay. My tots are not about what I want.
For now, I want Z physically and also I don't want to be attached to him. I want to recognise him as just my doorway.
Father, I am slowly getting the hang of it. Doing the reading for SL, I also touch up on mine. Just like her boss is her Cosmic, Z is my Cosmic. For her, the Cosmic is in Ruling Card and for me is in Birth Card.
Father, like C said I should be happy I am meeting Cosmic cos that means I did overcome the Pluto card. And I am glad I am meeting my Cosmic for Birth. Instead of perceiving Z is the one for me, I now see him as the doorway that I need to cross over in my dream of Self Mastery.
These cards are really helpful and I am keen to know more. I did another 3 hours today.
No reply from Z but I am just bit disappointed cos part of me still hope. But there is no anxiousness like in old days.
What a paradox, when I realised I had to go back to him, I tot I be doomed and I lost my self preservation, my pride and etc. And here it is still intact and infact my Self is stronger. Suddenly a tot came, Defenselessness is strength.
The Passion Test
When u stay open, u may discover that all sorts of interesting possibilities appear in ur life. Our suggestion is to be open, to listen, to test out new possibilities for urself and then use those tools and that knowledge which resonate with ur own experience of life.
Fear is the opposite of faith. Fear is something u recognise for what it is.
U can't have fear and faith at the same time in ur mind, because faith is simply a state of mind.
Fear can help u recognise reality and that's a service and a good thing.
BUT when u r ready to move, then u don't take counsel from fear, u let it go. Its like, okay, I'm going to overcome that. I believe I can do this.
Whatever u want to accomplish, having a sense of destiny is the starting point.
Soul
Yea, I am learning faith.
Father, now I know why I have 3 of Diamonds as 1st karma and 5 Heart in Mercury and 3 Clubs in Venus.
I sincerely don't know what I truly want. While I know clearly what I don't want - not to be hurt or rejected by Z, I don't know clearly if I truly want Z. I admit part of me still have reservation if we can pull it off even if we r together.
Perhaps that's why I am not getting the rship that I want.
This means my tots are predominantly on what I don't want and the price I have to pay. My tots are not about what I want.
For now, I want Z physically and also I don't want to be attached to him. I want to recognise him as just my doorway.
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