Breakthrough on my perception on Z via ACIM (unconditional love)

Sept 3
Father, I had tots of Z when I was doing practice. But I noticed I can waive it off too when I want to.

Today the pool was crowded because half portion was closed. But I can still swim my normal pace. The trick is don't allow anyone to trigger my pace. I also realised when I am truly at ease, commotion doesn't affect me much.

Evening
I had a productive and happy day. I did one story and complete one profile for current reading and two profile for tools. The time passed quickly and I was not tired at all.

Had a lovely time with family and good food too. Of course, now that its late night and I am in my room, a sudden sadness hits me on Z. He never initiated to call back even though I said I expected it. But there is no regrets in asking. If I asked and there is no response, at least I done my part and there will be no doubts, no what if. That will be my modus.

Anyway, when the wave of sadness hits me, I recognised it for the feeling of being unloved. I immediately gave myself positive tot that his action or non-action is not reflective of my lovability. I am lovable, I am 3S and my partner will be with me.
I silently asked Father for help on how to see beyond this. I know I have to continue with Z but I need help. For now I only see hopelessness and I need a new sight. Then a tot came on the profile I did on ACIM about changed perception. And how it helped me to change my perception on defenselessness. Yea, that will be good. So, I am now reading Manual for teacher. My lifetime lesson is Seven of Hearts - unconditional love.

ACIM - Manual for teachers
Any situation must be to u a chance to teach others what u are and what they are to u. No more than that, but also never less.

Into this hopeless and closed learning situation, which teaches nothing but despair and death, God sends His teachers. And as they teach His lessons of joy and hope, their learning finally becomes complete.

It is the mission of the teachers of God to become perfect here and so they teach perfection over and over, in many, many ways until they have learned it. And then they are seen no more, although their tots remains a source of strength and truth forever.


Soul
Self mastery is knowing I am both human and being. In the rship I am under the human side and I need to swing to being. Father, thanks for the tool. I now need to learn faith in myself and in him and in us. Unlogically, there is a part of me still believe we r meant to be despite all the circumstances and him rejecting my love.

I just realised I wanted to delete the word love and change it to care instead. I don't want to love him cos he doesn't love me. To love someone who doesn't love me is despair, is stupid. Tears drop when I wrote this. Yea, let's me face and feel the pain instead of suppressing it via food. I used to do it with work but now that my work life is so simple, I can no longer use it for cover.

Mmm, after a few drops of tears, I felt better now. I didn't die. I am fine.
I finally see it, my amour protecting me from loving others. The first time I tot I loved A and he didn't love me. But with A, my feelings were not deep and I still be friends cos we never went into it. With Z, I went into it but not him.

My lesson is unconditional love. My first tot is to run away again but I won't. I will stay and learn my lesson.

Manual for teachers
God's teachers is anyone who chooses to be one. He has entered an agreement with God even if he does not yet believe in Him. He has become a bringer of salvation.

Soul
Yeap, I accept my lesson. I am still uncertain but I accept it. And God send me ACIM to work through my lesson. The first time I did it on my own and I broke off. And now I am back, and I am doing it with Him.

Manual for teachers
There is a course for every teacher of God. The form of the course varies greatly. But the content never changes. Its central them is always; "God's Son is guiltless and in his innocence is his salvation.
It does not matter who the teacher was before he heard the Call. He has become a savior by his answering. He has seen someone else as himself.

Soul
In our first date, I was so overwhelmed by his sharing that I said silently to myself that Z need not have to seek for love. I will love him because he is lovable and worthy. He is an unpolished diamond. He need not have to prove himself to be loved.

Of course, later I confessed to Z but I told him I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can stay and love him. It is too much for me. It would be too suffering to love someone who doesn't love me.

And now I am back. Father, looking at what I wrote I about me giving him love and he need not have to prove his worth, its actually me wanting to be loved and need not have to prove my worth.

Suddenly I recalled it was ACIM that helped me through with A. No wonder I don't recall the suffering cos He was with me and I operated from being rather than human. I was for him rather than myself.

Father, thank U. I felt as if I am saved. I can now go on with Z. The reward may not be him but is for my Self. This is what meant by realising that I am both human and being. I now need to cross over to Being. Just like when I was with A, in the end still without A, but I have my expanded self.

Father, I just recalled my 7thunder card for today
Five of Spades.
- When this card appears, something will change that affects the way u live or the things that u do each day.

Yea, I knew that in order to continue with Z, I cannot go on the normal mode. But I didn't know how to change. Alas, I got my answer through ACIM. To hold the rship with Z from a spiritual mode, to bring out the Beingness in me. To give him the unconditional love that I seek for myself.

And this tie back to what is written in ACIM - Manual for teachers which I earlier dismissed cos I didn't see anyone interest as my own;

ACIM - Manual for teachers
A teacher of God is anyone who chooses to be one. His qualifications consist solely in this; somehow, somewhere he has made a deliberate choice in which he did not see his interests as apart from someone else's. Once he has done that, his road is established and his direction is sure. A light has entered the darkness. It may be a single light, but that is enough.

Soul
Amen

Manual for teachers
The purpose of this course might be said to provide u with a means of choosing what u want to learn. U cannot give to someone else, but only to urself and this u learn through teaching.

Soul
I want unconditional love and hence I give unconditional love to him.
Suddenly recalled my Osho card

1. External influence of which u r aware
Thunderbolt
A man and woman leaping from a burning tower, not because they want to, but because they have no choice.

Soul
I had to change, I had no choice since I am back with Z.

2. What to do?
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving -- call it God. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort. There is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be.

Soul
Yea, I relaxed this morning and then I did profile for ACIM in the afternoon. Later in late evening, I got an insight to do ACIM - Manual for teachers.

5. Resolution
Friendliness
U r no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people are engaged in. It is not a loss. It is the birth of a higher, more loving quality born of the fullness of experience. It is the birth of a love that is truly unconditional, without expectations or demands.

Soul
I only started to get this card when I am with Z. In the beginning, I keep on focus on this phrase - "First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen on its own accord".
I interpreted this as now that I am joyful from meditation, my love life will happen on its own or Z will be mine.

I ignored the part about non-marriage; parting without regrets when its time to go and etc, because I can't do it.

Alas, I finally understood the Card. This is a card for Unconditional love. Z is not mine to have. He is just my doorway. He is my student in the course and I am the teacher. I am to give him unconditional love cos that's what I want for myself.

Father, Z is truly my Savior. He is my door to my Self. Each time I open my door with him, I found my Self. No wonder despite everything, he is always in my prayer of thanks.
I was looking out for Isha program but there is none this year. Looks like Z is my spiritual program for this year.

I am now ready to embark on this path of Unconditional Love. I am also ready to go fully with him on next meetup despite the hiccup this weekend. I no longer need my amour, I have jumped and I survived. And now its time to go through another door. I am also not afraid with ending as I know I can do it already. Its the staying and loving him without any outcome that is difficult.

Manual for teachers
He has become a savior by his answering. He has seen someone else as himself. He has therefore found his own salvation and the salvation of the world. In his rebirth is the world reborn.

Soul
This is my pre-birth year and I want to get this right.

Manual for teachers
Certain pupils have been assigned to each of God's teachers, and they will begin to look for him as soon as he has answered. Time waits on his choice, but not on whom he will serve. When he is ready to learn, the opportunities to teach will be provided for him.

Soul
Tell me about it. Late last year, I said I am ready to face love and I got Z. But I couldn't learn the lesson in the first round and we broke off for 2 months. I didn't want to learn. And now I am back with Z. But this time I am ready to teach.

Manual for teachers.
Pupil and teacher seems to come together in the present, finding each other as if they had not met before.
The pupil comes at the right time to the right place. This is inevitable, because he made the right choice in that ancient instant which he now relives. So has the teacher, too made an inevitable choice out of an ancient past.

Soul
This relate to Z being my past life card and him being my Cosmic Lesson in both life and spiritual spread.

Manual for teachers
In the teaching-learning situation, each one learns that giving and receiving are the same.
The demarcations they have drawn between their roles, their minds, their bodies, their needs, their interests, and all the differences they tot separate them from one another, fade and grow dim and disappear.
Those who would learn the same course share one interest and one goal. And thus he who was the learner becomes a teacher of God himself, for he has made the one decision that gave his teacher to him. He has seen in another person, the same interests as his own.

Soul
Amen.