Desire is natural; but I have been suppressing them

Sept 2

Father, my feet are nearly healed. I can stand on one leg a bit now. Next week I can start on sun salutation. This Sunday, I can also do my walk.

This morning I woke up alert half an hour before the alarm at 4 am. I was surprised as it has been nearly 1 week since I woke up early. I tot I would be sleepy and had to drag myself, amazingly I was fresh. It happened yesterday morning too despite having difficulty to sleep on the previous night. Looks like my energy is coming back.

Did have some tots of Z, but not much. Had some tots of him not 'coming' during our meetup. It already start to happen before we break up earlier and now even more so. Or perhaps its me, who has no endurance or it could also be him who has been doing it on his own and also his belief that he cannot allow his bodily's need to was that get him into trouble and he won't allow that to happen.

(Sept 9 - Father, doesn't that sounds like me. I cannot allow my unconscious to drive my life. I am in a controlled mode, just like him. We are different but yet same, both having amour. Different types of amour, no doubt, but its the same)

I admit I had some initial tots that he would 'reject' me cos not able to make him come. But I immediately throw out the tot cos I knew he wanted me. I was also able to think it could be him. For the first time, not taking it personally and not stressing myself out. I am not responsible for him and his happiness. Mmm, and neither is he responsible for me.

Ask and It is Given
The entire Universe exists to inspire the next new desire. And so, if u r trying to avoid ur own desire, u r attempting to move contrary to Universal Forces. And even if u r able to suppress a desire here and there, more desires are continually evolving within u, for u have come forth into this body and into this wonderful contrasting environment with the clear intent of focusing the Energy that creates worlds through the powerfully focused lens of ur perspective. And so, nothing in all of the Universe is more natural than ur continuing desire.


Soul
Mmm, stop judging myself for still wanting him despite his answer. My desire is natural and holding it back only makes me feel bad. Acting on it gives me a feeling of power that I ignore my old habits of negative thinking and proceed despite trepidation.
Suddenly I tot of having dinner with him and he can fetch me home.
Of cos, second tot would be if he reject my invite and I felt bad.
Anyway, I just invite him. From now on, emulate him. It doesn't matter the outcome. I will learn from him. To always act on my desire instead of worrying about the price.
Even if he doesn't say yes, I have emulated him and that's good.

Ask and It is Given
Behind every desire is the desire to feel good.
And so, the standard of success in life is not the things or the money, the standard of success is absolutely the amount of joy u feel.

The basis of life is freedom, and the result of life is expansion - but the purpose of ur life is joy. And that is why the main event has never been the manifestation. It has always been the way u feel in the moment.
U intended to come into the physical realm of contrast to define what is wanted, to connect with the Energy that creates worlds, and to flow it toward ur objects of attention - not because the objects of attention are important, but because the act of flowing Energy is essential to life.

Soul
Here it is; the act of flowing. It is not the manifestation. Exactly. I may feel bit sad if he says no but at least I don't feel suppressed and resentful of my desires.

Mmm, just like I am resentful of people asking me for things, and I had to refuse them, making me feel bad. I judge them for making me feel bad. Its the same as me now judging my desires which I had to say no to.
Father, I just realised that its not I have little desires but I was afraid of having desires, afraid of rejection. So, I have not been asking .. and hence how can I be given. Father, this is what's is meant by not having Faith that I will be given.

Like recently I been thinking of new bed, new car. But I ignored them cos the fear of commitment to pay. Again I cancel my desire by the price I have to pay.

Ask and It is Given
Remember, u r an extension of Source Energy, and when u r allowing ur full connection to ur Source, u feel good, and to the degree that u disallow ur connection, u feel less good.

U r pure, positive Energy. U r love. U expect good things. U respect and love urself. U respect and love others - and u r a natural born appreciator.

Appreciation and self-love are the most important aspects u could ever nurture.

Soul
Wow! Its like I have been going to wrong way. Me, always trying to switch off. No wonder, I am not typical Queen of Diamonds on shopping spree. Perhaps that's why I wanted a rich husband so I can buy the things I wanted. Mmm, I am asking for others to fulfill my desires, which I can fulfill myself. I do have the power to fulfill my desire.

Ask and It is Given
It is not necessary for everyone else (or anyone else) to understand what u r learning here in order for u to live a wonderful experience.
Once u remember who u r, and once u deliberately reach for tots that hold u in vibrational alignment with who u r, ur world will also fall into alignment - and Well-Being will show itself to u in all areas of ur life experience.

Soul
Amen
I was asking for how to have Faith and why I don't have Faith. The answers are all here. It is within me.