1st day without Z and my joy is still intact

Aug 4
Father, I finally deleted his bb msg contact. I told him that his coldness towards me is the same as what his ex does to him. I had to delete it because I don't have his determination, I would contact him and would look out for his pix.

I also realised his steadfastness and loyalty once he has given his commitment (which is what I wanted in him) resulted from his determination. And now the same source of strength is used to waive me off with coldness.

Anyway, he didn't call me back. It would be a miracle, and even if he did, it would just be to blast me. Father, I am ok without him but I didn't like the way it ended. Well, maybe its time. I graduated. God knew I couldn't end it myself and so ended it for me. Amen.

A new day finally without him. I love him but I don't want to be sad without him either. I had a good time in the pool. My joy was still intact. And when I meditate, the joy is still there unexpectedly.

I am glad that I didn't react when he asked me to leave him. I even initiated meet-up, shared my deepest tots and dreams which involves him. Alas, I forgot about his steadfastness.