Thinking of jumping now instead of 5 months later

Jul 23
Father, I slept early before 10 pm and I slept about 3 hours nap in afternoon. All in all, well rested.
I did suria, the first cycle was not fluid but subsequent was fine. Overall quite effortless. My joints - right elbow and left sole is in bit of pain. I had the traditional medicine today. The RA level must be high. Father, no matter how I cannot ignore the fact that I have RA and I got to retire early.

Diamond Heart - book 3
U will have to give up all the ways u support ur self-realisation with anything u have learned in the past, so that nothing from the past is needed for support. The past can only support self-image. Ur self-realisation will deepen, go to different levels and become more permanent.

The final support that has to go is ur mind. Even after u let go of ur particular teaching or whatever u learned from other sources, u still have ur own insights and ur own experiences. They define ur way of looking at things and of understanding this. These are the final supports that have to go.

Then u can be who u r, self-realised without even having to know it. Self realisation does not become complete and permanent until it doesn't need any external support, not even the support of ur tots. U don't even need to recognise it or even feel it. U r the presence without recognising the presence. Letting go of the teaching and letting go of ur mind are the deepest, subtlest level.

The real way to find ur own support is to live in a way that will support what u know. If u do that, then it is possible for u to regain ur own support. When u can see and understand the truth of the situations in ur life, the truth will be ur support. Finding ur true support means true nature has become ur refuge.

Soul
To me, life would be just doing a part time job to finance myself and family and time to do my practices and do my insights and writings.

Diamond Heart - book 3
For true self realisation, u have to jump. U have to take the risk of jumping when there is no support, when u have no idea of what's going to happen. It feels like jumping into an abyss. U don't know whether u r going to come out of it or not, whether u be better or worse. U have no idea. That is why a deep faith in reality, a basic trust in truth, can be helpful.

Soul
The first jump I did is with Z. The second jump is leaving Isha volunteering. And now I will do the third jump with my career, ending it.

Aug 5
I didn't know the fourth jump was taken by Z for us. He broke it off with me, feeling inferior that he cannot give me the financial security that I need, that he cannot afford me.


Diamond Heart - Book 3
When the support is integrated, u become independent. U do not need the external supports. The lack of mirroring from outside, not being seen correctly and appreciated by others no longer affects u. The most that can happen when u r not seen is that ur inner essential support will arise at such times. Ur self-realisation becomes a permanent attainment, a station.
U r truly ur beingness, regardless of the absence or presence of external feedback. U have support in ur alone space, in the aloneness of ur mind.

Soul
Jumping out of my career, without any support from Z is not that terrifying. As I will still have part time job from old company.
On my new car, not that worried as I can still finance it.

Father, I wonder if I should wait till year end. Why prolong it? What do I hope to gain? I m prolonging cos I hope I still can have a change of mind. I hope new company can still offer me part time. I m prolonging cos I don't know if old company will lasts. But SS already assured me.

Seven of Diamonds
This of the spiritual money cards. When it appears, we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.

Whether it is about money or plans to make money, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realising and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.