Feeling overwhelm, feeling lost

Jul 15

Father, I am not feeling good. I don't look forward to my work tomorrow.
I am feeling afraid, feeling bit overwhelmed. I wish I can just escape from all.
I also don't know whether I am on the right track with Z. I am not in his life.
Writing also not there.
Father, I feel helpless, hopeless.
I also don't feel the enthusiasm for Isha, the way they do.
I feel sad, helpless. I am much happier when I was working 4 days week for old company.
Not sure if now the car is holding me back. Not really, I know I got money to settle the car.
I really want to go but I need to fulfill my responsibility, so 6 months to go.
Father, I don't like feeling helpless. Valuation used to be the barometer for me but now my happiness is the barometer.

Only thing I am not sure if I be happy dropping everything. Am I trying to escape. For the first time in 3 years, I am having a distaste for the job. I guess to me it was a means to an end, but having a boss like E means I always have to keep up and I really don't want to.

Nothing is working for me. Not even Isha can pull me up as volunteering for Isha is just a commitment.

Sad day for Z too. His wife asking for payments via lawyer. Frankly I think this is just a ploy to make sure he stays away from the kids.
But at least, he tot of the counter proposal of taking the kids back.
At least I know now that we don't meet so often because of his financials.