Having tots of dropping new company

Jul 16 Aft

Father, yea I already did have a view to discuss with E. But I didn't act on it yet.

Meanwhile Sl starts to share her view and etc. I admit I was miffed for a moment cos I felt like being judged. I stop her and put in a word or two. The old me would have reacted. The new me see it as SL giving her view and she does it out of support for me. Out of caring.

I told her that by year end, I have to choose either old company or new company as I cannot do both.

1. The Issue
Schizophrenia
Unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.

U can't work ur way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons, or in any way working it out with ur mind. Better follow ur heart.

Soul
Tot of me selecting either old or new company. Whatever it is, I still got half year to go. For now I have to do both, so no point pondering yet.

One part of me sees new company as a great opportunity. But don't think I can handle it. I feel overwhelmed at times and also physically tired
Also, it takes me away from Isha and writing and coffee time.
I tot of prices to pay.
I am not sure if the opportunity can cover my prices.


2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Fighting
A smoldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact the opposite may be worse.

By covering our wounds with armour, we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others, we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need.

It is time to stop fighting.
There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start by forgiving urself; you are worth it.

Soul
Yea, maybe is the issue. I don't like feeling "no good". I don't like feeling loss of "my freedom". I fight long and hard for my 4 days week.
This job is like 7 days week. I lost what I earned. Part of me is angry with myself.

I guess that's why I am 'attacking' E and Z and myself.

E and I have both MARS and Venus connection. So, let's me make use of it. Don't fight him.

3. External influence
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality, u will not be able to find ur individuality.


4. What is needed for resolution
Understanding
U r out of jail, out of the cage; u can open ur wings and the whole sky is urs.
Stop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is urs.
Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.

Soul
Not sure. But I know I need not fight with E.

5. The Understanding
Awareness
Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young.
Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke.