Taking the plunge to break free from new company

Jul 24
Father, Z was just trying to comfort me that he is not my husband so I don't have to worry and feel insecure. Actually, he must have felt bad to have said that cos I know he wish for me to feel secure. But he makes himself down so I can feel happy.

He is for keep lah. No need for me to ponder about him.

As for my job, E is just the trigger. J couldn't be and so I need E to push me out. I can decide to do consciously or breakout.

I just replied to SS with E and AE in the loop. I told them revenue is fine but there is a matter of costs.

Father, E is bulldozing everything. He really reminds me of M, except he can really do the stuff. I am leaving firstly the hours and stress. Secondly, I am concerned about him taking charge of P & L and HR. His bulldozing way creates more uncertainties. I have tried to block him but I cannot do so. I admit defeat.

Father, a tot came. My issue; on one hand I m supposed to be Finance Head but I m not given the authority as Business Head is doing the P & L. Cash flow managed by holding company.

Then I m given payroll and commissions but not in charge of HR. Business Head gives direction on HR and legal disputes.

I am also the Commercial person doing pricing, billing and collection. I am the legal person doing contracts.

In addition, I have the Commercial reporting, which should go under Operation Heads.

I am spread too thin, lack of authority but full of responsibility, even the director role.
I just told SS that I want to resign from new company. I was seeking his approval.
Anyway, I will resign by this week. Better resign consciously then wait for a break up.

As for my car, never mind lah. I am a Queen of Diamond. I deserve some luxury.
Father, thanks to E. I am finally taking the bold step.

1. Issue
Breakthrough
Without going through a breakdown consciously, without facing this danger, nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
Meditation is the method which will help u go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert. The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.

All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough". At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.

If u r now feeling that "enough is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.

Soul
Yes, thank God for meditation. It has keep me sane. It has provided me clarity. I need to resign.
Father, no reply from SS. I know he can't cos by doing so he is making a commitment. Who knows, I even lost that old company's job.
Aiyah, I got 3 months notice. I got money, no worries.
I am a big gal.

I have done it before. Quitting without a job. But back then it was an explosion. And I was angry at A. But now I am not angry at E, it is not personal.

Father, I am all alone in this. But I trust U. When I broke free from A, its true I met M, but he was better than A and then I had to leave and join JC and then I went down but I found Sadhguru....and then I left and met E and now again I have to leave...without a safety net.

My mind is busy scrambling for safety net. But there is a part of me that is fine. I know I am fine. I am all alone but I got money and I am fine.

External influence of which
Trust
Don't waste ur life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If u trust, only then u can drop knowledge, only then u can put ur mind aside.

Now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord. And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets, that the Knight of Water demands from us.

Soul
Yea, its my mind causing me dilemma. My emotion and body tells me I got to quit. The rational mind also points out the concern areas. The only reason holding on is the financial security. That's the dilemma.

Hard time. Suffering time.
A tot came. A good time for reflection and for writing.